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Not letting someone sleep is a common abuse tactic. If it turns out it’s not a medical condition and sleeping in separate beds turns into a fight, maybe be cautious
Being in a relationship won’t automatically fix your problems be weary of that.
well if she truly loves you and is willing to wait, it might just so happen that her visa expires and she has to go back. then you’re broken up – is that what you want? while i get your point about waiting and wanting to think about it, your gf doesnt seem to have that luxury. seems like you two have different ideas about marriage, for her it’s clearly not that big of a deal
What the fuck is this motherfucking obsession with body count?? Who the fuck cares bro? You have the relationship to find out how you are treated by your current partner and that should be that. I was a singer for a progressive rock band before I met my wife and if my body count was ever a factor for her, that would've been a red flag for me. What matters is your body count after the start of your relationship. We have even talked about our exes and you know what, IT WAS NOT EVER AN ISSUE in the 7 years we've been married. We're still together by the way. So fuck your boyfriend. There are other more decent people out there.
Ok? Again she would’ve never done this to you if you WERE LOYAL. You cheated first, you fucked up first and she was mad and hurt and wanted to hurt you back. Like be for real right now, you cheated for 10 MONTHS straight. You had 2 relationships and now that she cheated back you are mad? That’s also hypocritical. She has every right to be annoyed that you still stuck on that she moved on and now you should too. I hope you know that you are the bigger asshole here
You can’t give someone AIDS ? that’s spreading misinformation that is damaging to people living with HIV
Don’t look for answers , drop them both.
I highly recommend having several discussions ahead of time about the expectations about your lifestyles and your expectations for your household unit. Talk about your financial habits (how you spend money? Do you only shop on sale or only buy name brand products?). What kinds of cleaning and home hygiene habits are important to you? Understanding if you would be compatible as housemates ahead of time or what you may need to compromise or troubleshoot together will reduce conflict in the future.
Create a Google doc that holds your household agreements. Write down everything. How you plan to budget? Who does what chores? Who pays the bills and when? How entangled or not your finances are, etc. Everyone agrees to it, and dates it.
This agreement should be flexible and can be renegotiated as needed, but changes should be agreed on by both members of the household, and then dated. It can be as many or as few points as you like, and can be used as a tool for communication. If something isn’t working, be flexibility together to adjusting the agreement. You’re a team, and with a little organization you’ll build good habits and open communication together.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you both lots of happiness!
LOL his name isnt actually Caleb ? he’s truly a really good guy and a good friend to my brother and i. but yes i SO SO regret ever hooking up with him. i was just drunk and in my rebellious “nothing matters, fuck everything” single phase. but as it turns out, things DO matter and stupid actions have consequences
Run. Run far, run fast. Whatever it takes, just get out of this relationship. It’s very rarely “just once”. I’d bet a huge chunk of money that this will escalate and not have a good outcome.
Wow. WOW.
She can't just stop seeing them? She “can't”?? Buddy she can do whatever she wants. If she doesn't want to be around your family then she doesn't have to be.
It's really sick you're forcing her to be around them.
What is wrong with you? Do you like seeing her in emotional distress? Bc that's what's going on right now. She's in distress and you and your family are the problem.
“Idc about her being uncomfortable. She doesn't have a choice in this. Either she sees my family or I'm dumping her.” You are just the WORST.
I hope she dumps you.
If the genders were reversed this would be a total witch hunt lol
Nope. Don’t do it. You’re still young. She was older and ‘wiser’ and more life experience. Of course it’ll be different with a woman your own age. But you need to go have your own life experience. Let the past stay in the past.
Not much advice on your current situation, but…
The reason why my GF is upset about it is I used to masturbate to her (ex-crush) when I had a crush on her. Idk if it's reasonable to be upset about it since I did it in the past when I was single. I did tell her i used to masturbate to multiple girls when i was single before and she was super upset about it (I feel like an idiot now for being honest about it).
Do not talk about this kind of shit with future partners. It's unnecessary and leads to, well… this entire situation you're currently in. There's zero reason to bring up your past unless there's STDs, kids, or infidelity involved.
She is transfixed on only remembering the “Good Things” about this ex and not all of the garbage he put her thru. This happens a lot and can even be elevated to become a “Fantasy” as it appears she has done with this ex. Sadly, you can't do much about it, especially without showing you read her journal. Things usually crash and burn when people allow “Fantasies” to become reality. It may also mean the end of your marriage as well if it ever gets that far.
Basically, all you can do at this point is to live your best life with her. Make sure you do all the things a “Good Husband” should do to and for his wife and if she starts to “drift away” nip it in the bud immediately and find out what the problem is. Re-evaluating where your relationship is at this time might be a good thing to do as well plus possibly setting up some visits to a marriage counselor.
I probably would keep an eye out as to where this Ex is living and what he is doing as well since you don't want him to pop into the picture as that will make your life and relationship very difficult. Then again, depending on the situation with your marriage at this point, you may or may not want to invest any additional time and effort into it as you might not be happy with how things are right now, and perhaps neither is she. You have learned about some information you shouldn't have but that you cannot ignore.
I would also stay away from her journal unless she gives you a serious reason (disappearing for hours a day or night with no legit reason) or her permission to read it.
Since you have read it, you should be cautious but don't obsess over it. Not obsessing over it is going to be the really hard part but maybe that is karma's way of teaching you not to read someone else's journal.
He views you as incompetent. He will treat you this way in the future during milestones because he sees you as an idiot who cannot manage their own life.
What an ass.
How do you know your husband hasn’t thought about sleeping with others or even done it?
You’re right I’ll probably talk to him about it soon
Yes, ask him one more time. If he denies it again, tell him what you saw. He’s gaslighting you and those are not good signs.
then ruining the relationship/causing trouble for such a minor white lie.
If the relationship will be ruined, it’s because of his lie. He’s not yet over his ex. He should be the one blocking her, not him looking at her SM and messaging her.
I do feel like if they do this though, they should communicate like a healthy adult and tell them ahead of time like “Hey I am really upset with you right now so I won't be cooking for you tonight, I am letting you know now so that you can sort something out when you're hungry as I will not be providing anything for you.”
This is going to be mildly melodramatic and kind of mean.
But.. is he not making you look like a fool? Just because Ryan Gosling is attractive doesn't mean I comment “wow hottie” on his posts. Why do I not do that? Because that's just a loserish thing to do. Excluding him dating you, that's a loserish thing to do. It's embarrassing for him, for you, and honestly for me, to hear about it.
i thought the same.
or it was important for her to complete something at work that day.
ask why specifically she’s upset about the day
It's hard to believe that this kind of story is real. No Way.
OP, I hope you are feeling better now and that one day you will find a good person who is more sensitive, understanding, and caring and who understands the basics of human relationships.
He should let you rest, go to the shop, make dinner, and bring you warm soup to the bed instead of a cutting board. JEEZ.
And this made a post
Damn this generation is lost
HE IS A LEECH. He is trying to manipulate you. Stand your ground. Thank your lucky stars he finally left. Block him and move on.
A straight “you think I’m cold and evil? Your dog killed my kitten. MY KITTEN. And you are acting like a victim. The only victims here are me and that dead cat. You clearly have no control over yourself or your emotions. You can move out with the dogs and be single or you can get rid of the dog and do therapy with me.”
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
We got a new place together about 4 weeks ago. About 6 months ago I rescued 4 kittens I found next to their dead mom at my work. I moved them with me and I wanted to keep 2 of them and give the other 2 away. Her dog killed one of the kittens over the weekend. I took all the remaining kittens and gave them to an animal shelter to protect them because my girlfriend doesn't want to get rid of any of her dogs. She is mad at me for not keeping the kittens. I don't trust her dog around the kittens and they are better off not around this dog. I don't trust the dog and since she won't get rid of the dog I got rid of the cats. She is so furious that we didn't keep the kittens that she is sleeping in a different room. She keeps talking about the future of our relationship is in jeopardy now. She has to really think about what I've done. She just cuts me off whenever I try to talk about it and cries that she will never see the kittens again. I called the animal shelter and told them not to let her adopt them back.
All she talks about is how cold and evil I am. How horrible of a person I am and how I have no heart. I argued that I could say the same about her for not caring about the one kitten that died because she doesn't have control over her dog.
I really don't know what to say. Do I just ride out the rest of my lease and move out? I really don't know what to do in this situation.
This was unnecessarily metaphoric of me and I apologize. To speak plainly: Yes I think you should leave her knowing that since this has happened once it will surely happen again. If you reconcile it's practically guaranteed to happen again. Sorry if any of this is not what you were hoping to hear, and I wish you all the best.
You deserve better than to settle for someone who's using you for your money. She already has one foot out the door if she's worried about the time after y'all's relationship ends… Can't you see she's thinking about it and getting it in your mind to do so?
I highly recommend you find someone your own age and let her grow up. It sounds like she's been relying on everyone the entire time.
From the article: “According to authors of the study, “an underlying cause of death is defined as a disease or injury that initiates a series of events leading directly to death.” Investigators reported crude death rates per 100,000 individuals.
The crude death rate from COVID-19 among CYP was 1 per 100,000. This rate was 4.3 per 100,000 in infants aged under 1 year, 0.6 per 100,000 in children aged 1 to 4 years, 0.4 per 100,000 in children aged 5 to 9 years, 0.5 per 100,000 in children aged 10 to 14 years, and 1.8 per 100,000 in adolescents aged 15 to 19 years.
Leading causes of death among CYP in 2019 were perinatal conditions at 12.7 per 100,000, unintentional injuries at 9.1 per 100,000, congenital malformations or deformations at 6.5 per 100,000, assault at 3.4 per 100,000, suicide at 3.4 per 100,000, malignant neoplasms at 2.1 per 100,000, heart diseases at 1.1 per 100,000, and influenza and pneumonia at 0.6 per 100,000. In this ranking, COVID-19 is ranked as the eighth leading cause of death.”
No i just did it once. Not multiple times!!!
If that is the way she feels than the answer is pretty obvious
Tell him that his vagueness is causing you anxiousness and that you would feel better connected hearing about the time he spends with his new friends. It helps you get to know them for when you meet them later. You could also say his lack of information is breaking your trust and in order for you to trust him, you need him to be transparent. He is still in a relationship – being long distance doesn't absolve him of those commitments to you.
My friend's husband is on the spectrum, so is her brother. Two out of four kids are also (one is level 2 at least). I've been close with her family since I was a child and have learned a lot from her.
In my own experience, not related to her, I've know at least four or five people where it was known they were on the spectrum. They were all kind people who showed it in varying ways, despite some jarring moments at first.
In one person, her empathy was off the charts and it got her into a few unfortunate situations.
I am also confused. He stopped talking and the only reason I wasn't talking to him was bc I thought he needed space and then he comes out with that. Also don't understand how a girl knowing that the guy has a “wife” and kid still thinks it's right for her to start flirting with him
Question though – why do you go to concerts and such if you've got credit card debt. That's going to be like 20%+ interest.
You really shouldn't be doing anything like that until it's paid off.
Who the fuck makes a joint bank account with someone they’re not married to? Especially at your age.
I do not understand couples who need access to each other’s phones. I already grew up with authoritarian parents, I don’t need more of that. Seems like a precursor to more controlling behavior.
Being married is a bit more than being in a relationship.
I have been rude to maybe 2 people who have not given any advice other than saying you deserve it or good riddance. Not trying to get anyone's support, I know I messed up and made it clear that I was in the wrong. Don't know what support you are talking about when I myself have agreed to the screw up. I would not really call people telling me I deserve it to be advice. Advice is supposed to be constructive with possible solutions or things to work on, not name calling. You are an idiot, is this statement any kind of advice to you? Not calling you an idiot just giving you an example of the posts I was rude to
Does your husbands ex come from money?
I ask because the family court system is tough. My biological father fought for custody of my sister and I when we were 7 and 10 respectively, and he had not been around for most of our lives. He played extremely dirty and brought a lot of false abuse allegations against my mom. My mom almost lost custody of the both of us, but poured every last dime she had into the best lawyer around in our area. My mom did not have a lot of money at the time.
If this woman is a bad enough person to make stuff up to try to get what she wants, like my bio dad was, be prepared for a fight. My mom takes extremely good records so that was in her favor, but you need to start doing the same. Every interaction with her needs to be documented and through a lawyer. Get the best one you can afford. As the daughters bio mom, she does have rights, so you need to prove to the court she’s an unfit mother. And also, I hope she’s not rich. Good lawyers can make all the difference unfortunately.
I have an IUD and it's been great for me personally. It hurt a lot going on, I didn't want to move for a whole day. But ever since it's been smooth sailing!
Nerd.
Why won’t it say long? Sounds like the opposite. You are in an arranged marriage. The goal of being married was more important than the result of happiness.
It sounds to me like she cheated too. If she broke your trust, that should already be enough to consider breaking up regardless of whether it’s labeled cheating. Don’t let her minimize your feelings about the situation.
I understand taking time with his kids, I don’t want to rush into that by any means. I guess I would just like to at least be able to meet his parents, his brother that he’s very close with. I’m starting to feel like I’m left out of a huge part of his life
“I felt seen”
Wtf dude listen to this man. She needed another man to “feel seen”. You ain’t enough and you never will be. Next time it’ll be a dude closer to her age that’s really charming, and now she knows to make sure you don’t know a damn thing about it. Until she leaves you for him of course.
You’ve gotta move on man. I know you won’t; but she’s admitted to lying right to your face to do what she wants, and completely manipulated you. She has no morals, and she knows that better dudes will come along. All you’ve done is given her a blueprint for what to avoid next time it happens.
You're just as naive as she is, OP.
She actively lied to you and then only fessed up when you put her in the spot. She knew what she was doing was wrong, she knew he was flirting with her and she went along with it anyway.
Now that she knows you'll stay, she will take it further and cheat. And the best part? She won't even try to hide it because she knows you're a doormat.
Good luck, OP. Hopefully all of us saying this same thing are wrong. But likely not.
Koof…
Honey, the internet is a real place. It doesn’t make sense for anyone to be THAT uneducated to where at 25 years of age he thinks that you being too wet is causing you to be loose. Even if he didn’t mean any harm you and Him need a basic understanding that you feeling “loose” is based on sexual arousal and him “touching” himself.
Had the exact same thing happen to me when I was 16. Only had sex 4-6 times and the guy told me I was too “loose” he frequently watched porn and stimulated himself giving him “death grip”.
It’s not you- it’s 100% him and you do not need to jump through insane hoops try and change someone thing you can’t control
Yes, I cringe at the same thing. I have an incredibly hard time making my own decisions. I’m always afraid of making the wrong one.
Your BF is abusing you and now trying to milk you for cash. He has zero respect for you and isn't going to marry you. He's feeding you excuses, so you stay quiet. Dump that trash can.
This getting too political to me. I was trying to spread a positive message about feminism. The men won today. Big oil won today. You did that.
Its okay girl. Dont juat breakup cuz he looked up his ex. If you do then you are clearing his ex’s way to gey back into his life and by what I can assume is that your bf wants YOU. So be his support and help him out. For porn, its addictive its not easy to stop watching it. He did watch porn before meeting u right? So he just cant magically stop watching it but if he says He will stop it and you actually see him putting in effort before and after this fight then he is the one.
What he said is absolutely unacceptable. Sounds like you are a wise mama and know exactly what you’re doing.
It may have been mentioned –
But what's NOT normal is him calling his mother (although she helped your cause) to tattle on his wife. You're married. You work things out yourselves. You don't go running to parents.
Your baby was being held, soothed, was safe, and you were as calm as you could be. Your husband's immediate instinct was not to help you, but to insult you and tattle on you.
Babies cry. Sometimes, there is just no soothing them, and you do the very best you can to get through that moment.
I'm sorry your husband was an ass.
As a big sis I cannot IMAGINE causing that kind of emotional harm to my siblings. Its like….in our blood to protect them. Don't get it.
Your man sounds AWESOME! Tell him an unknown internet woman thinks he ROCKS…as a man, as a partner, as a parent!