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Even deeper… what if op sent nudes to his gay BFF MALE friend? EVERYONE on here would say for op's girl to dump him quick as she can…. Same difference, and the double standard on here is blazing obvious…..
This all exactly happened to my mother, she thought everything was good and happy till she found out he had been cheating since before they married. Before this she was forced to stop working like yourself for “the kids”, they moved far from family and friends, she wasnt allowed to go to school to learn english or befriend the neighbors, she wasnt allowed to drive except to tje grocery store or other needed stores. Then the violence started when she confronted him about his cheating. Though she never knew she had a way out as she didnt understand U.S law and rights. Run away, file anything you can to stop and keep him as far away from you as possible. Some people are able to hide behind a mask for years on end without letting it slip till something goes wrong on their end. Its been 22 years and she still hasnt found a way out.
With solid communication it could work. But it could lead to you feeling not enough for her as well. Especially if your gf finds that her friend can do some things better than you for example. Could still be rather painful and lead to a re-evaluation of the relationship.
Taking the condom off during sex nonconsentually is a form of rape. And coercion is SA especially when someone is intoxicated. I would say you need to stay away for sure he assaulted you. You are worth more ❤️ please take time to build your own strength to grow and know you are deserving of someone who would never even dream of pushing your boundaries! Stay safe out there!
I feel like you're looking at affairs as only sexual in nature but to me this sounds very much like an emotional affair. He's frequently texting someone of the opposite gender and connecting emotionally in a way a monogamous married man should not. It made you uncomfortable. That's the end of the story. He needs to know how you feel, which I'm sure is slightly betrayed but to you this feels like an emotional affair and you are completely uncomfortable with it, you'd prefer he not speak to her and you need reassurance that he won't be secretive like that in the future.
Please listen to me. I and a ldr where he did the same shit and I found put after 2 years he also cheated multiple times. This will ruin you. You need to leave. I still have not healed from the body issues I got and I honestly would consider it trauma. My fiancé now heard my concern and had me unfollow them for him so he wouldn't have to look at very hot women he followed before getting with me
I’m mean I’m jewish and don’t support kanye because he says antisemitic things… like ofc i’m not going to support the guy. But why am i brainwashed and radical for having respect?
He’s an ass. Cats are way better. You made the right choice
I am attached though 🙁
It most definitely is. I'm leaving a lot out about how this makes me feel too, I'm severely depressed only due to the fact that I have no friends.
At the end of the day all you can be is you and if that’s not what you’re both into move on to someone who you mesh with, I know it feels bad now but there’s always the next one, until you find the right one
Oh man 🙁 sounds like textbook codependency to me, please take time to heal yourself
No it's not! He just cares about you.
It's a bad idea if you're looking for a relationship. If not and you're certain you're not gonna hurt your own feelings, go for it.
The condom situation… You mean you two both deciding to risk having regular unprotected sex? I wonder what happened at the psychologist…
Please leave I know it’s very hot trust me I do and it doesn’t get better and the longer you stay the harder it is to leave take the puppy and go
Just send it
Getting married and buying a house is exciting…she's looking to move forward and you are still stuck . Try going on many mini dates with her to get out of the rut. You both need to compromise. One day you do something sporty and next day something she likes to do. Your problems don't seem too big to me just seems like it's boring. Change it up a bit…do something fun and exciting.
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Throwing this out there, I think you should talk to a divorce lawyer sooner rather than later.
Understand the implications of separation, especially since you’re doing more housework, will probably do more if not all of the childcare, etc. And then discuss what evidence you need to bring to ensure that what you should be receiving actually gets to you.
Best case scenario, once it means money out of pocket, husband becomes a decent partner and stops acting like a dick to you. Worst case scenario, you’re protected if it comes to divorce.
I'm very sorry this happened to you and to your partner. I was wondering if maybe you were drugged and don't know it. maybe you had a bad reaction to the alcohol for some reason. I do think it's a good idea to go to therapy to talk through it and to talk to your partner about what happened. this is super sad and scary and I know you must feel awful. I didn't take your edits as excuses but reading the final edit it seems like some people may have. your edits made a lot of sense to me and clarified a lot so thank you.
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Believe people when they tell you who they are.
My ex never wanted kids or marriage, and despite my optimistic view, her stance never changed.
5 years we spent together, happily. But it was time to get off the pot, our goals weren't aligned from the beginning.
Did the two of you establish firm plans for Christmas before you left? As in – I'm back on x date, on Christmas Eve we will have a dinner and open 1 present, on Christmas day we will go to our church at 9 AM etc?
I'm getting the sense that nothing was planned and he decided to do things with his family while you expected him to wait for you to come back and to spend Christmas together and make plans then.
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Why do you want to salvage a relationship with someone who makes you feel so bad?
Please leave him in the past. He is not worth your time.
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Your partner is the one who needs to communicate with them or not. You should also not be required to go if you don’t want to. They can go on their own.
As far as passive aggressive digs I handle in one of two ways I ask “what do you mean by that?” And make them explain exactly what it is. You do that a few times to a passive aggressive person and they usually learn to keep their mouth shut, at least to your face.
The other thing I do is just out right tell them “I now that isn’t what you wanted to hear but it’s not up for discussion.”
I strongly believe that the related person is the one who deals with their family. Your partner can tell them that it is upsetting to you both when they get upset when you can’t do what they ask. Or they can just be the one to tell them no.
Does it matter?
He is married aka not available. Find another man
Good man. Next.
Your reactions reinforce the theory tbh.
You seem defensive and not at all self-aware.
Lol that's not why you're not invited girl this is delusional. I'd go NC with you too
OP, cut yourself some slack. My personal opinion is he was being shady about the party, and was starting, at the very least, an emotional affair. And yes, you cried and got upset and didn't talk to him, well guess what, I'm a screamer. So, you probably handle things way better then me at your age. Just reading post and replies, I like you. Hold your head high. You will survive this, I promise. Just keep doing this how you're doing it, but I warn you. Stay off his social media. You need to move forward and this will only rip you apart. Make new friends and a new life. Good luck OP.
BITE method?
My wife definitely hasn't addressed her own trauma. I want to encourage her to do that – I am not sure if during pregnancy is the best time for that, but am hoping her morning sickness will subside soon so we can at least talk about it.
My mom really is fantastic and she deserves an amazing life from here (including having a warm and loving relationship with her grandchild).
I am not. I only talked to him to tell him I found out and I don’t talk to him anymore. I wanted to confront him.
Hangry?
If you do, glove up. You don't want to catch something that can't be cured w penicillin.
Jfc I feel like I'm flashing into to the future and seeing my very newly ex fiancé.
He also struggle from mental health issues that probably contributed to the type of behavior that leads to cheating.
I also struggle with mental health. I never cheated or left him. Mental health is zero excuse to be a shitty partner.
Take the time to get help but leave her the fuck alone so she can heal from the mental health issues I'm certain you've given her.
Stop wasting ur time.
i get that you wanted to do something nice but the thing about love languages is that's how you want to be loved, which may be different from your partner. even if you're close with her boss and she's taken time off in the past for less, it doesn't mean that she felt comfortable doing it at this moment in time. i would say suck it up, apologise for springing it on her while acknowledging the shit time she's having with work, and next time take your cues from her about what she might think is romantic and relaxing.
Yep, there are women, but as far as I know, they are all his the girlfriends of his friends
Thankyou so much ??
Thankyou so much ??
You are seriously questioning a child might be lying about someone coming over to the house? No wonder your relationship is toxic you must let a lot of shit slide.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’ll leave you with this again (but feel free to PM me if you’d like); big relationship steps don’t fix relationships. Moving in with her is about living together. Sharing a domicile and responsibilities. It has nothing to do with her health choices.
Suggesting you work out together would be a step impacting her health. Suggesting you both eat better together would be a step impacting her health. Living together is her eating the same way she is now but under the same roof. The change needs to happen first.
How about this for comparison:
My parent's have called me by the names of all three of my siblings (2 sisters, one brother). They have called each of them by the other three as well. Each time, they were flustered… but should I forgive them? (That's a joke, they kept trying names until they got it right, we laughed as they tried).
This was a slip of the tongue and you have held it for 3 years? Wow, I feel for him. He needs to forgive you for your resentment… after you ask for that forgiveness.
And you’re right. The outcome is absolutely not the same. Your part will be done in an instant, and at best she will spend 9 months of her life dealing with an uncomplicated pregnancy. At worst she dies. Not very equal is it?
Yes! Your husband does not love you!
The answer is objectively yes after the first two sentences. It doesn’t matter if you have red flags. It doesn’t justify everything else.
That’s not to say you shouldn’t take action to work on yourself, as you absolutely should. But you 100% need to leave now no matter what. Good luck and stay safe.
She can't tell you how to feel. I would honestly tell her “that you don't need to go back in time, because you're single again now”.
I apologize for not being clear enough; early on meaning when you start talking to someone.
I’ll elaborate on that because people often assume something else.
I’m here saying that discussing what you’re looking for should happen up front, as in “I ultimately want a relationship” or “I’m looking for a hookup.” People then learn if they’re wasting their time or not.
It’s not making a commitment; it’s obtaining important information. OP is now two months in knowing he wants a relationship. He told the guy the deal. The guy responded that he wasn’t looking for that.
So we’re now two months in and OP is acting surprised. He’s saying he’s confused “now.” When I said where was this two months ago it was because it was the same situation then.
Open relationship doesn’t mean fuck whoever you want whenever you want. We communicate with each other to make sure the situation is one we both feel comfortable and good about before we sleep with someone else.
So happy to hear you two had a great time!! Now what?
Feels like it would come pretty close. She invited somebody back into her life that she insisted she had cut contact with. And is continually trying to break up the marriage. Seems pretty fucking serious man
If I were in your position, OP, I would reconsider the relationship. To me, your partner sounds ungrateful and like she is complaining for no reason. Three years isn't long at all to sacrifice for financial security, considering that you still contributed to the expenses and she is only 39 – she hardly wasted her best years “sacrificing.” She had the option to leave and not marry you, but she didn't take it: it is unfair to complain about her own choice to stay, not to mention she now gets to reap the benefits of your work. If she hates you so much for what you have done, if she feels so intimately betrayed and discarded and like her feelings do not matter, why isn't she divorcing you?
There aren't magic words that will make reinforcing boundaries suddenly work better. If your boyfriend isn't listening to you telling him, “No, don't do that,” there's no way to dress it up that will make him listen.
I feel like she could be the floozy server who flirts and hangs on everyone at work. Either she’s self conscious or projecting.
I want someone who doesn't cheat on me?
My assumption is that BF likes OP, or she really saw her BF's true colors and was disgusted.
Depends on where they are, what the income of each person is, if there was a pre or post nuptial agreement etc.
And of course if OP can feed her guilt into giving him an uncontested divorce, then the courts don’t play a part.
So I think there is a gross misunderstanding of boundaries here. No need to get into it because they say just completely non existent. None. Not even close. He was caught lying, op heard him say he was going to be there then said oh no I have work. The drive there was unnecessary other than to prove what you already know. It would probably have been best to go in and break up right then.
What is there to feel sick over? He overreacted and apologized. Move on.
exactly. im gonna have a fun ass time with my toys until he realizes how big of a pos he was being. we should not reward people that capitalize off their privilege
He has helped me buy a rug (I don't have a car) and he helped me move some furniture. He let's me do his eyebrows and cuticles. He's also a good listener and doesn't seem bothered at all when I ask him a bunch of questions or vent or whatever. He is just a good person to have around when I need stuff. If I asked him to come and help me clean he would help. He has offered but I like to do things my way. I realize it might seem like it's unfair. But I actually insisted on cleaning his apartment because I wanted it to be cleaned my way. Most of the things I've done for him I did because I wanted, not because he asked.
Seriously? Don't come here asking for help for such an obvious problem. You know what to do.
Omg I know what to do!! I have/had a big problem myself (39m). After I shower, I use these cotton pad things for removing make up and I pour some rubbing alcohol on it. I then kind of scrub my underarms. I also am doing this in the morning when I wake up. The alcohol kills the bacteria which is what causes the stink
Rubbing alcohol also works on jock itch and athletes foot!
I don’t think anyone could give a better answer than yours.
The edit
It’s the truth if they are treating me like Al bundy