No it’s not. Or at least there is no way you, or anyone else could know that’s the case with the information provided. The holes you people have mentally filled in for your own entertainment and desire for a villain in every story, is literally laughable.
You have done the right thing. I understand you are affraid of loosing youre only freind. Have you thought about youre enabling behavior? Every time he talks to another girl you should make youre boundries known by telling him your feelings. If he still acting deucy, then leave him alone. If he talks about other girls, tell him he is a shitty person, talk about his girlfreind, how he will break her heart and he should just break up with her. As it is now with him feeding you info, youre enabling him.
The problem is you may not be the only one able to access this, we all use software on our phones, however we don’t always know what information they have access to and so if your phone falls victim to an an exploitation attack, and your data containing such photos is extracted and placed on-line. Then the issue arises, so really by placing a blanket law in which it is illegal for both you holding your hot data or having someone’s hard data, this overall inhibits the problem from arising as much as possible. Although, it will become more interesting subject when someone will develop an Porn artificial intelligence that will be able to recreate such disturbing photos, yet at the same time those possibly children it will be fictional, however in the end no kind of images is acceptable.
Thank you for saying my feelings are valid. I do think he makes hurtful jokes because he does come from an entire family who makes rude jokes/ invalidates people. Not like that’s an excuse for him but I don’t think he truly has malicious intent always. He struggles to think before he speaks and immediately regrets certain things he says, the concerning thing to me is that these thoughts would even cross his mind to blurt out. It’s causing me to become resentful which I don’t like, but words hurt. And I very much so dwell on words, especially that of my loved ones.
I just got out of a relationship w serial cheater, I took him back several times and he never changed. He may have put up a front initially but that’s just to appear like he’s serious to win me over. Leave while you can, these people do not change. Think about it, it’s no ONE girl. It’s many. They can’t control themselves and they will only tear your self s esteem to shreds.
The fuck is wrong with you, lad? Have some self respect. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
The person you love doesn't exist- you love the idea of this girl how she was 4-5 years ago. The reality is that, for whatever bullshittery she tries to justify, she cheated, and she is not the person you imagined her to be. It's almost like a death; the death of who you thought her to be, and you are going through all the mourning process, but she's still around.
She's dead-ass right: she doesn't deserve you. Have some love for yourself, and let her deal with the consequences of cheating.
Sounds like she wanted to enjoy the party with someone else but that fell through so you were the backup (that’s why she let you know last minute). Honestly it could even be that not only were you the backup but you were only invited to make the other person jealous.
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I understand your concern over her weight gain, but I think the bigger issues is the amount of alcohol she’d need to consume to gain that much in that amount of time. Seems if you are going to address something, her alcohol consumption would be it. Maybe an intervention is needed, although with therapy and a support group. I hope she can overcome her drinking issue.
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If you don't want to go on birthcontrol then don't.
Honestly I think it's irresponsible to not have some type of birthcontrol measure (condoms, pills, IUD, etc). Maybe he needs to get properly sized condoms?
Also, if you're not exclusive then always have condoms. When you go exclusive then STI checks. Only after that rawdog it, and only if there's another form of birthcontrol. And if you don't want a different one then stick with condoms.
People may disagree but I think if it happened more organically it’d be fine. Like not while she’s working maybe idk, it just feels off a little. I wouldn’t like it if my partner did that
Of course they take into account the length of relationship and who contributed what to the asset pool but the point is that keeping it in a separate bank account is zero protection. It still forms part of the total assets of that person.
Don't push. If this guy wants to include you in his life he will. I don't mean sit around and wait for him to include you but rather, open your eyes to how much effort he puts into your relationship. He might not be that into you and too immature to just tell you with his words but his actions will yell it from the rooftops.
Can confirm, I'm in my 40's and feel like I won the Olympics when I make my wife orgasm. I read up everything I can to up my game and always switch things up. The second reason for doing all this is that, in my experience, she doesn't care if you last 5 minutes or 1 minute if she has orgasmed first.
When you look good, you feel good and confident. She feels she needs that extra boost in the workplace. When in the workplace, it’s important to have a certain level of professionalism in how you take care of yourself.
Based on the suspicious timing of the panic attack, the repeated incidents and how they are often timed to wreck your fiance's plans and your fiance's eagerness to drop everything to cater to his needy brother and his fits of attention, I think you need to step aside and let your fiance bond with his one true love, his brother. Their marriage won't be legal because incest, but I'm sure you can manage a few words.
When they complain, tell them they can pick what type of person they are, the lowest form of scum, a cheater, or the next to lowest, someone who jokes about cheating on their partner.
Either way you deserve someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
OP, abusers know how to manipulate the other person, how to make it look like it was not intentional.
Do you really think someone who just admitted to be a manipulator that FOR YEARS has been hiding that he stalked you on social media for years, followed you and wanted to sexually abuse you, and that changed himself into what he knew/taught you'd want in a man to ensure you'll fall as soon as you meet him* just happened to be so lucky as an abuser that you two would ORGANICALLY and mutually drift away from your social circles, when that's like the most important step for an abuser to gain control over the victim? How lucky of him. He got one of the hardest thing to do as abuser done naturally without his intervention! /s
He did it all. He found ways to monopolize your time (for instance, being so freaking perfect for you and sharing so many hobbies that you could do almost everything you did with other people before JUST WITH HIM!), he used his love as an excuse, always wanting to see you, to spend time with you… He'd say that he wanted to spend all day with you, not because he didn't want you to be with your friends, of course, but because it was soo cool to be with you all the time!
That's what manipulators (and you know by this own confession he is) do.
*all of that shows not only his really unhealthy obsession but that he just doesn't see you as a person but as something to possess and he couldn't bear the idea of not possessing you, btw. If he couldn't have gotten you to fall for him, he'd have used physical violence because you had no right not to like him.
Why not just ask her when her next day off is and go then? Telling you she’s overwhelmed at work? Then you decide to take her away from work for half a day? Not your decision to make. Not her boss’s decision to make.sounds like she was worried about getting stuff done at work, and then you decide to pull her away from that, and expect her to be happy about it.
Sounds, too, that you don’t understand her. She gets overwhelmed easily. You need to talk to her about what she needs from you when she’s overwhelmed and then give that to her, not what you decide she needs.
I love how you're completely glossing over just how bad it was with your ex. How incredibly upset she was and your greatest defense is well I had good intentions and she just needed to suck it up and stop having a bad time. You should have cancelled the whole thing but nope control had to be maintained.
She did find someone and she is trying to cheat openly so you did the right thing leaving her. You need someone who actually cares for you and isn't trying to cheat on you.
You're early enough to get a the chemical abortion pills. They're not everywhere but if can get to a clinic that offers it, I recommend it. I commented earlier that if you need help covering costs for whatever reason to go this route, I can help you some. No one deserves to go through this.
Honestly, I had an abortion without telling my partner at the time, and he was shocked and relieved that I had the courage to make the decision/endure the procedure alone. I sent him an invoice which he was happy to pay. Eight years later, neither of us have kids, nor do we want them. It was a life saving decision.
OP, all you can really do is get out of this living arrangement ASAP. Your sister and her partner had their troubles even before you got there and there's nothing you can do to fix their relationship. If this means you and your boyfriend have to on-line apart for a while that's okay, it's part of the drama of a big move and might ultimately make you both appreciate it more when you get your own place. Support your sister by telling her that you'll always have her back but at the same time it's not your place to get involved in her relationship.
“Why are you booing her she's right” lol. Imagine letting your wife go to some new country all by herself with a guide of the opposite sex you don't know anything about…yeah no. That's not controlling, that's rational. If you went with her before, or she was going with her friends, I'd understand. She's not, she's going with a bunch of strangers and this guy she follows… either she's extremely naive (possible and you need to let her understand the risks) or he's going to guide her… straight to his bed!
It's not drama if someone politely declines. If the person who is organized the flowers and gift for the boss wants to make it happen, they can use their own money to cover it fully.
Your daughter will be with a mother that loves her and has self respect. You are teaching that girl to be a strong woman. You keep that up! You are worth it.
Do not go back to that lying loser. He could give you a disease.
Give the screenshots to a lawyer and get support for your daughter.
Then judge him for who he is now, shaming you for mentioning a personal boundary about openly “liking” thirst traps and then getting angry with you when u have a casual chat with a male friend.
All those reactions are manipulative. He should respect how u feel and if he's going to think about the attractiveness of other women, he can do it in silence when you're together
Yes, also OP she's manipulating you. I wouldn't be surprised if she will try to sleep with you then play the pregnancy card. Hopefully she's not that unhinged but secure all possible blind spots.
Reach out to places or organizations that can approach her to treat or even admit herself if she's truly suffering from severe mental illness.
I have children and the idea of a parent doing that to a child is repulsive. This wasn’t a joke. This is creepy and perverted behavior.
The thing is, you’re an adult now.
It’s a red flag that your dad is doing this stuff. It’s a HUGE red flag that you don’t recognize how perverted this is. The fact that you were lamenting that your girlfriend wouldn’t want future children around a pervert is a red flag because YOU shouldn’t want your own children around a pervert. A normal reaction would be to distance yourself from your dad immediately. That you’re not doing that makes it look like you’re an active participant in your dad’s perversion. You’re condoning it by continuing the relationship with your dad.
This is the type of thing that you can’t unknown.
Don’t be surprised if your girlfriend breaks up with you. That’s the only way she can affirmatively say that she is not willing to be a part of yours and your father’s perversion. Because if you engage in this stuff as an adult, you’re not the victim anymore, you’re an active participant and you’re on your way to being just sad perverted as your dad.
I'll give you an upvote. Not because I agree with you (I don't). But because conversations benefit more from diverse, contrary, nuanced views than mob mentality.
That said, I don't think that she's making too much of it. Women are taught from a young age that much of our value is tied to our appearance (why do you think the makeup industry exists? Or the hours of getting ready to leave the house?) Our culture makes it very clear that our bodies are our currency.
Compound this with the general shame about vulvas. The amount of fear and trust that goes into showing a body part we've been taught to be ashamed of (“cross your legs!”). And the person who we most want to like it doesn't say it's beautiful… But like a stack of pancakes. Especially at OP's age, where showing people her vulva (after years of it being taboo) is still a very new thing. She's going to vividly remember that moment for decades, and never be confident that her private parts aren't embarrassing.
OP is entitled to her feelings. And your lack of empathy shows a lack of understanding about the female experience.
That said, I agree this sub is often too reactionary. And trying to break up what might be an otherwise great relationship over one bad joke is a bit much. I assume the bf wasn't trying to be cruel. Throughout our lifetimes we all make jokes that land poorly, and say things that don't reflect our real feelings. I say dumb stuff all the time. And because his intentions weren't bad, and he likewise doesn't understand the female experience, he's genuinely confused about why she's so upset. I'd explain the reasons I'm hurt, but cut him a little slack for his shitty apology. He's just a bit of a moron.
I also agree that OP will find life much easier if she doesn't get quite so upset about these types of things. She's entitled to her feelings – but life is full of people (often accidentally) saying things that hurt our feelings. Learning to let these barbs go, rather than dwelling on them, is better for long-term mental health.
I kinda wanna help, Coz i feel if i don't she might see me in a different light..You know how girls be but at the same time i don't want it to be a situation where i question if she loves me for me and not money. I also feel like its her businness & not something thrifty, so kinda wanna be supportive.. So idk if i should give her half of the money coz giving her all might create that thought in her head of a POSSIBLE Next time and moreso it's my first time ever gonna be sending her money in the r/ship
Another thing she made mention of which i found wierd was that as her a boyfriend and her pouring her mind out to me about her business & everything, i should be able to help her out with a good amount of money and not a small amount coz i made mention of helping her with little to start off and her response thereafter was screaming dissapointmet.. It's just too much on me damn!!!
Good. Please don't get cold feet and back down. This is absolutely no way to on-line. Just as everyone does you have worth as an individual and you should spend your time with people who see it.
It’s a lost cause with porn addiction. He is using your body to get off and completely disconnected from you. He is only attracted to the women he watches. He didn’t deny that he doesn’t find you attractive he just laughed it off on top of rejecting you and going straight to porn. He doesn’t see it as a problem and has no intention of fixing it. Stop trying to be intimate with him. You’re just wasting your time and getting your feelings hurt. Let him keep injuring himself from jerking off. He’ll be completely useless then. Work on your exit plan. This isn’t a battle you can win.
I can’t help but feel of the genders were reversed the entire comment section would be up in arms about him shaming you for touching yourself and trying to limit when you can or can’t do so. They’d be calling your partner a manipulative abuser and that you should “run”.
Honestly, no it’s not ok that she essentially has made you feel bad for a week for this. It’s fine to feel weird right away because, yeah, it’s awkward. But she should be able to get her shit together and work through this with you, without it taking a billion years. She literally just saw your hand around your dick, the man she has sex with, not you murdering a cat.
And I’m not going to assume it’s the porn like every person here when she hasn’t said it is. She said it’s you touching yourself that made her feel weird, and she can’t seem to deal with this in a healthy way where she isn’t also making you feel bad about yourself. That’s not okay.
Damn, this kinda made me tear up. You did this one year in. I started talking about this at least 2-3 years ago. I guess I waited a little longer because I expected him to do organically. One year in for me is too soon for marriage personally. When I’ve asked him about marriage and kids, he says yes. But I get the run around in the sense that I don’t get a fucking timeline. But, what’s a time line worth to me now? I’m 33. At this point; I just feel like his last resort. Like “oh well, here she is, I might as well just ask for marriage”.
Plot twist. I asked him right now. I asked if he sees marriage. He says yes. I asked what his timeline was, he said 35. Regarding kids, he says since his dad passed (January 2021) it’s harder for him because his dad has met his brothers children and thinking of kids now is painful for him. I get it, but it’s not really fair for me. He says we also don’t have money. I’m perplexed, and I’m thinking he’s speaking for himself. Turns out he wants a wedding. I don’t care for a wedding. Now this turned into me applying pressure to him to get his act together and get a real job. All his words. Now I feel like IAMTA.
First of all, if she has two factor turned on, she’ll get a notification the moment you sign in. But also, you know this would be a huge violation of trust.
If you feel you can’t trust her… then that’s all there is to it. Maybe it’s time you two have a heart to heart.
No Hand! No hand at all!
No it’s not. Or at least there is no way you, or anyone else could know that’s the case with the information provided. The holes you people have mentally filled in for your own entertainment and desire for a villain in every story, is literally laughable.
Eat away.
Thanks for the advice though
Yeah Fuck brad sorry & your mom too.
????
Yes, this! I've been with my husband for 8 years, and every year we agree on a budget to spend so that we spend the same amount on one another.
You have done the right thing. I understand you are affraid of loosing youre only freind. Have you thought about youre enabling behavior? Every time he talks to another girl you should make youre boundries known by telling him your feelings. If he still acting deucy, then leave him alone. If he talks about other girls, tell him he is a shitty person, talk about his girlfreind, how he will break her heart and he should just break up with her. As it is now with him feeding you info, youre enabling him.
bUt ShE’S sO mAtUrE fOr HeR aGe
You're being more rude for leading him on and not being direct.
The problem is you may not be the only one able to access this, we all use software on our phones, however we don’t always know what information they have access to and so if your phone falls victim to an an exploitation attack, and your data containing such photos is extracted and placed on-line. Then the issue arises, so really by placing a blanket law in which it is illegal for both you holding your hot data or having someone’s hard data, this overall inhibits the problem from arising as much as possible. Although, it will become more interesting subject when someone will develop an Porn artificial intelligence that will be able to recreate such disturbing photos, yet at the same time those possibly children it will be fictional, however in the end no kind of images is acceptable.
Thank you for saying my feelings are valid. I do think he makes hurtful jokes because he does come from an entire family who makes rude jokes/ invalidates people. Not like that’s an excuse for him but I don’t think he truly has malicious intent always. He struggles to think before he speaks and immediately regrets certain things he says, the concerning thing to me is that these thoughts would even cross his mind to blurt out. It’s causing me to become resentful which I don’t like, but words hurt. And I very much so dwell on words, especially that of my loved ones.
Oh no, he's angry.
Your boyfriend's friends are lying dick-measuring misogynists and it sounds like he's a lot like the crowd he runs with. Good luck.
I just got out of a relationship w serial cheater, I took him back several times and he never changed. He may have put up a front initially but that’s just to appear like he’s serious to win me over. Leave while you can, these people do not change. Think about it, it’s no ONE girl. It’s many. They can’t control themselves and they will only tear your self s esteem to shreds.
The fuck is wrong with you, lad? Have some self respect. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
The person you love doesn't exist- you love the idea of this girl how she was 4-5 years ago. The reality is that, for whatever bullshittery she tries to justify, she cheated, and she is not the person you imagined her to be. It's almost like a death; the death of who you thought her to be, and you are going through all the mourning process, but she's still around.
She's dead-ass right: she doesn't deserve you. Have some love for yourself, and let her deal with the consequences of cheating.
Sounds like she wanted to enjoy the party with someone else but that fell through so you were the backup (that’s why she let you know last minute). Honestly it could even be that not only were you the backup but you were only invited to make the other person jealous.
i am going to look for more about that, it caught my attention. thank you!
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I understand your concern over her weight gain, but I think the bigger issues is the amount of alcohol she’d need to consume to gain that much in that amount of time. Seems if you are going to address something, her alcohol consumption would be it. Maybe an intervention is needed, although with therapy and a support group. I hope she can overcome her drinking issue.
He knows I love him , why would I prefer a toy over him? Just thought it would be fun for us both
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If you don't want to go on birthcontrol then don't.
Honestly I think it's irresponsible to not have some type of birthcontrol measure (condoms, pills, IUD, etc). Maybe he needs to get properly sized condoms?
Also, if you're not exclusive then always have condoms. When you go exclusive then STI checks. Only after that rawdog it, and only if there's another form of birthcontrol. And if you don't want a different one then stick with condoms.
Looking through his comment history, he was 100% planning on ditching her for a guy's night with people he's known for 3 weeks.
Early in your pregnancy then. I know what I’d do about that.
Sounds like it should have been done a long time ago. Neither of you bring out the best in the other.
People may disagree but I think if it happened more organically it’d be fine. Like not while she’s working maybe idk, it just feels off a little. I wouldn’t like it if my partner did that
Of course they take into account the length of relationship and who contributed what to the asset pool but the point is that keeping it in a separate bank account is zero protection. It still forms part of the total assets of that person.
Don't push. If this guy wants to include you in his life he will. I don't mean sit around and wait for him to include you but rather, open your eyes to how much effort he puts into your relationship. He might not be that into you and too immature to just tell you with his words but his actions will yell it from the rooftops.
The missing missing reasons.
Yes
Can confirm, I'm in my 40's and feel like I won the Olympics when I make my wife orgasm. I read up everything I can to up my game and always switch things up. The second reason for doing all this is that, in my experience, she doesn't care if you last 5 minutes or 1 minute if she has orgasmed first.
When you look good, you feel good and confident. She feels she needs that extra boost in the workplace. When in the workplace, it’s important to have a certain level of professionalism in how you take care of yourself.
So how do I get him to change?
Based on the suspicious timing of the panic attack, the repeated incidents and how they are often timed to wreck your fiance's plans and your fiance's eagerness to drop everything to cater to his needy brother and his fits of attention, I think you need to step aside and let your fiance bond with his one true love, his brother. Their marriage won't be legal because incest, but I'm sure you can manage a few words.
I wouldn’t be sure it was a joke.
So leave them.
When they complain, tell them they can pick what type of person they are, the lowest form of scum, a cheater, or the next to lowest, someone who jokes about cheating on their partner.
Either way you deserve someone who will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
Bro it's just being safe
This got 3 upvotes wow
OP, abusers know how to manipulate the other person, how to make it look like it was not intentional.
Do you really think someone who just admitted to be a manipulator that FOR YEARS has been hiding that he stalked you on social media for years, followed you and wanted to sexually abuse you, and that changed himself into what he knew/taught you'd want in a man to ensure you'll fall as soon as you meet him* just happened to be so lucky as an abuser that you two would ORGANICALLY and mutually drift away from your social circles, when that's like the most important step for an abuser to gain control over the victim? How lucky of him. He got one of the hardest thing to do as abuser done naturally without his intervention! /s
He did it all. He found ways to monopolize your time (for instance, being so freaking perfect for you and sharing so many hobbies that you could do almost everything you did with other people before JUST WITH HIM!), he used his love as an excuse, always wanting to see you, to spend time with you… He'd say that he wanted to spend all day with you, not because he didn't want you to be with your friends, of course, but because it was soo cool to be with you all the time!
That's what manipulators (and you know by this own confession he is) do.
*all of that shows not only his really unhealthy obsession but that he just doesn't see you as a person but as something to possess and he couldn't bear the idea of not possessing you, btw. If he couldn't have gotten you to fall for him, he'd have used physical violence because you had no right not to like him.
So THAT'S how Krabby Patties are made!
Why not just ask her when her next day off is and go then? Telling you she’s overwhelmed at work? Then you decide to take her away from work for half a day? Not your decision to make. Not her boss’s decision to make.sounds like she was worried about getting stuff done at work, and then you decide to pull her away from that, and expect her to be happy about it.
Sounds, too, that you don’t understand her. She gets overwhelmed easily. You need to talk to her about what she needs from you when she’s overwhelmed and then give that to her, not what you decide she needs.
I love how you're completely glossing over just how bad it was with your ex. How incredibly upset she was and your greatest defense is well I had good intentions and she just needed to suck it up and stop having a bad time. You should have cancelled the whole thing but nope control had to be maintained.
She did find someone and she is trying to cheat openly so you did the right thing leaving her. You need someone who actually cares for you and isn't trying to cheat on you.
You're early enough to get a the chemical abortion pills. They're not everywhere but if can get to a clinic that offers it, I recommend it. I commented earlier that if you need help covering costs for whatever reason to go this route, I can help you some. No one deserves to go through this.
Honestly, I had an abortion without telling my partner at the time, and he was shocked and relieved that I had the courage to make the decision/endure the procedure alone. I sent him an invoice which he was happy to pay. Eight years later, neither of us have kids, nor do we want them. It was a life saving decision.
OP, all you can really do is get out of this living arrangement ASAP. Your sister and her partner had their troubles even before you got there and there's nothing you can do to fix their relationship. If this means you and your boyfriend have to on-line apart for a while that's okay, it's part of the drama of a big move and might ultimately make you both appreciate it more when you get your own place. Support your sister by telling her that you'll always have her back but at the same time it's not your place to get involved in her relationship.
“Why are you booing her she's right” lol. Imagine letting your wife go to some new country all by herself with a guide of the opposite sex you don't know anything about…yeah no. That's not controlling, that's rational. If you went with her before, or she was going with her friends, I'd understand. She's not, she's going with a bunch of strangers and this guy she follows… either she's extremely naive (possible and you need to let her understand the risks) or he's going to guide her… straight to his bed!
She’s having as much sex as she wants. If it’s not enough for you, this relationship won’t work.
Sometimes shaving it down a few times can help it appear to be thicker. Maybe he just needs to try a new approach to growing it out.
I know you're right. I just have so much faith that we can fall in love again..
You said no and stop. He didn't. He doesn't respect your boundaries. Have a serious talk with him and rethink your relationship with this man
It's not drama if someone politely declines. If the person who is organized the flowers and gift for the boss wants to make it happen, they can use their own money to cover it fully.
Your daughter will be with a mother that loves her and has self respect. You are teaching that girl to be a strong woman. You keep that up! You are worth it.
Do not go back to that lying loser. He could give you a disease.
Give the screenshots to a lawyer and get support for your daughter.
Then judge him for who he is now, shaming you for mentioning a personal boundary about openly “liking” thirst traps and then getting angry with you when u have a casual chat with a male friend.
All those reactions are manipulative. He should respect how u feel and if he's going to think about the attractiveness of other women, he can do it in silence when you're together
If you didn’t care about the intelligence it wouldn’t be causing problems
Yes, also OP she's manipulating you. I wouldn't be surprised if she will try to sleep with you then play the pregnancy card. Hopefully she's not that unhinged but secure all possible blind spots.
Reach out to places or organizations that can approach her to treat or even admit herself if she's truly suffering from severe mental illness.
I have children and the idea of a parent doing that to a child is repulsive. This wasn’t a joke. This is creepy and perverted behavior.
The thing is, you’re an adult now.
It’s a red flag that your dad is doing this stuff. It’s a HUGE red flag that you don’t recognize how perverted this is. The fact that you were lamenting that your girlfriend wouldn’t want future children around a pervert is a red flag because YOU shouldn’t want your own children around a pervert. A normal reaction would be to distance yourself from your dad immediately. That you’re not doing that makes it look like you’re an active participant in your dad’s perversion. You’re condoning it by continuing the relationship with your dad.
This is the type of thing that you can’t unknown.
Don’t be surprised if your girlfriend breaks up with you. That’s the only way she can affirmatively say that she is not willing to be a part of yours and your father’s perversion. Because if you engage in this stuff as an adult, you’re not the victim anymore, you’re an active participant and you’re on your way to being just sad perverted as your dad.
Do you have other family or friends you can stay with?
I'll give you an upvote. Not because I agree with you (I don't). But because conversations benefit more from diverse, contrary, nuanced views than mob mentality.
That said, I don't think that she's making too much of it. Women are taught from a young age that much of our value is tied to our appearance (why do you think the makeup industry exists? Or the hours of getting ready to leave the house?) Our culture makes it very clear that our bodies are our currency.
Compound this with the general shame about vulvas. The amount of fear and trust that goes into showing a body part we've been taught to be ashamed of (“cross your legs!”). And the person who we most want to like it doesn't say it's beautiful… But like a stack of pancakes. Especially at OP's age, where showing people her vulva (after years of it being taboo) is still a very new thing. She's going to vividly remember that moment for decades, and never be confident that her private parts aren't embarrassing.
OP is entitled to her feelings. And your lack of empathy shows a lack of understanding about the female experience.
That said, I agree this sub is often too reactionary. And trying to break up what might be an otherwise great relationship over one bad joke is a bit much. I assume the bf wasn't trying to be cruel. Throughout our lifetimes we all make jokes that land poorly, and say things that don't reflect our real feelings. I say dumb stuff all the time. And because his intentions weren't bad, and he likewise doesn't understand the female experience, he's genuinely confused about why she's so upset. I'd explain the reasons I'm hurt, but cut him a little slack for his shitty apology. He's just a bit of a moron.
I also agree that OP will find life much easier if she doesn't get quite so upset about these types of things. She's entitled to her feelings – but life is full of people (often accidentally) saying things that hurt our feelings. Learning to let these barbs go, rather than dwelling on them, is better for long-term mental health.
If you can't even explain to yourself why you have an issue with something so mundane, maybe it's time to get a therapist and analyze this with them.
I kinda wanna help, Coz i feel if i don't she might see me in a different light..You know how girls be but at the same time i don't want it to be a situation where i question if she loves me for me and not money. I also feel like its her businness & not something thrifty, so kinda wanna be supportive.. So idk if i should give her half of the money coz giving her all might create that thought in her head of a POSSIBLE Next time and moreso it's my first time ever gonna be sending her money in the r/ship
Another thing she made mention of which i found wierd was that as her a boyfriend and her pouring her mind out to me about her business & everything, i should be able to help her out with a good amount of money and not a small amount coz i made mention of helping her with little to start off and her response thereafter was screaming dissapointmet.. It's just too much on me damn!!!
Advice on what to do next doesn’t necessarily need to address what she’s done wrong in the past.
Good. Please don't get cold feet and back down. This is absolutely no way to on-line. Just as everyone does you have worth as an individual and you should spend your time with people who see it.
Well, this is a hazard of arranged marriages. You can divorce, or learn to on-line with it.
Perhaps she would allow you to sleep with other people. Or you could cheat on your wife.
Not sure what other options there are here.
It’s ok to put yourself first when you’ve given him the last 10 years.
Wouldn’t help his own mom? Yea I would ditch him for that alone. No need of any other red flags ?
It’s a lost cause with porn addiction. He is using your body to get off and completely disconnected from you. He is only attracted to the women he watches. He didn’t deny that he doesn’t find you attractive he just laughed it off on top of rejecting you and going straight to porn. He doesn’t see it as a problem and has no intention of fixing it. Stop trying to be intimate with him. You’re just wasting your time and getting your feelings hurt. Let him keep injuring himself from jerking off. He’ll be completely useless then. Work on your exit plan. This isn’t a battle you can win.
I don’t think you know what accident means.
I can’t help but feel of the genders were reversed the entire comment section would be up in arms about him shaming you for touching yourself and trying to limit when you can or can’t do so. They’d be calling your partner a manipulative abuser and that you should “run”.
Honestly, no it’s not ok that she essentially has made you feel bad for a week for this. It’s fine to feel weird right away because, yeah, it’s awkward. But she should be able to get her shit together and work through this with you, without it taking a billion years. She literally just saw your hand around your dick, the man she has sex with, not you murdering a cat.
And I’m not going to assume it’s the porn like every person here when she hasn’t said it is. She said it’s you touching yourself that made her feel weird, and she can’t seem to deal with this in a healthy way where she isn’t also making you feel bad about yourself. That’s not okay.
Just dump your SO for not caring about how a friend treats you.
The friend probably just wants your SO. I know you may be thinking you're giving in, but who cares? You're not in a caring relationship.
And keeps calling it another “obnoxious” crime
Damn, this kinda made me tear up. You did this one year in. I started talking about this at least 2-3 years ago. I guess I waited a little longer because I expected him to do organically. One year in for me is too soon for marriage personally. When I’ve asked him about marriage and kids, he says yes. But I get the run around in the sense that I don’t get a fucking timeline. But, what’s a time line worth to me now? I’m 33. At this point; I just feel like his last resort. Like “oh well, here she is, I might as well just ask for marriage”.
Plot twist. I asked him right now. I asked if he sees marriage. He says yes. I asked what his timeline was, he said 35. Regarding kids, he says since his dad passed (January 2021) it’s harder for him because his dad has met his brothers children and thinking of kids now is painful for him. I get it, but it’s not really fair for me. He says we also don’t have money. I’m perplexed, and I’m thinking he’s speaking for himself. Turns out he wants a wedding. I don’t care for a wedding. Now this turned into me applying pressure to him to get his act together and get a real job. All his words. Now I feel like IAMTA.
Do you do anything together besides play video games
Don’t do it. For a number of reasons.
First of all, if she has two factor turned on, she’ll get a notification the moment you sign in. But also, you know this would be a huge violation of trust.
If you feel you can’t trust her… then that’s all there is to it. Maybe it’s time you two have a heart to heart.