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Ya I would love to have a direct conversation on the eggshells thing with her.
I strongly believe she feels like she's “on eggshells” because she doesn't know where my boundaries are. I've asked how to engage with her in a way which isn't off-putting. I like the “I feel upset over this thing, can we work on figuring out something” method.
I think her only experience with conflict resolution is a right/wrong approach. So any signs of conflict (how I feel or asking to talk) is instant eggshells/stress for her because she needs to defend herself or be “wrong” and give me what I want.
I don't think she understands that for the most part, I don't want to manage her life or control her. I want to talk with her so we can each understand each other's boundaries better and provide each other support. If she just “shuts me out” though then she will never know my boundaries.
Creating a cycle…