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All the things you said you want to do with her to show her how much you love her. How about showing her with your words? All that other stuff, she won't care for. It's only excuses for you not taking accountability and getting therapy. Also, breaks are not good and usually are just a way to soften the blow, plus it's the holidays. Work on yourself, and don't let your outbursts affect another relationship.
He is a really big one!
yes! i told him i would love to plan a trip with him when i come back to make up for lost time together!
Are you serious? “Accidentally raising a kid that is not related to you”? You mean being betrayed and deceived by someone for 18 years? You can love the kid and still be shattered. You have a serious empathy problem
get her a therapist and move out. Then get yourself a therapist..no need to fake your death, get plastic surgery and a new set of documentation, then move to South Chile and become a llama herder.