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It's not the same thing. You can't remember it happening – that means you did not consent. Yes he was drunk but he made an active decision that he now feels bad about.
He is wrong for bringing it up as something you did wrong when the truth is you were taken advantage of.
If you are unable to trust him anymore you should end it, the trust is not going to magically come back and he violated it.
Well propose that you will find more time to have quality time with her, and ask ger to do the same. Organise regular “dates” together, without your child present. It doesn't even necessarily means going somewhere, but you need to make specific plan to reserve time to do something together with her.
Tell her you will cut time you dpend on other things to spend more time with her, but she also needs to be willing to reduce her work hours for that (only if she is working too much, how much does she work?). Your relationship needs to be priority for both of you, and she needs to agree on that, or improvement is not possible.