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Yikes… yeah I can understand now….
So hereās the thing now it sounds like youāre assuming. Do you already have a list of things that you definitely want to do while youāre there? Do they? Perhaps before all of you set off on spending tons of money you try and create a travel plan. Also, I spent a huge part of my 20s backpacking so not sure if thatās how you all roll but often once you get there you meet people who have gone somewhere and then plans change because what they did sounds cooler than what you planned. I try to balance between at least knowing loosely where Iāll lay my head at night and being open to spontaneous adventure. And with such a large group and so much time thereās no reason you canāt make individual plans and then plan to meet up again somewhere. Sounds like you all need an evening where you pull out your bucket lists and work out some details together. Everyone should be able to contribute to such a big experience, that should be okay.
Forcing? Seriously. Come on now ?
Always irks me when people use language to change context. At no point was I forcing anything.
I was quietly trying to hide it. Still bad but I was not forcing it on her at any point.
Did she use the word boring? If so, did she use it facetiously?
You're old for a first relationship. Do you find that you're not super interested in other people?
On one hand, it sounds like she is telling you that she's used to a lot of drama. Lots of highs and lows may be exciting but it's also chaotic and unstable. I'm trying to suss out whether or not she was sharing something that is a good thing and stated it in a negative way or if she is genuinely craving chaos and decided to say something mean.
yeah those are just words, said in thousands of relationships around the world every day. you said it herself she made it very clear that nothing was going to happen when she had the chance to make something happen between the two of you.
best of luck, hope everything works out for you
Itās totally normal
Sadly, this was almost two years ago, when my depression and anxiety got me to a very dark place. I remember thinking “I need to find a new group of friends” but then the pandemic hit and they were the only people who kept talking to me.
I feel like itās a problem if you are actively trying but havenāt ever been in a relationship. Focus on improving yourself and leaving yourself open for opportunities.
on youtube.
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At first I thought āduh leaveā then I read the ages and Iām like āWHY ARE WE EVEN HERE?!ā Sir, buck up and meet people your age.
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Talk radio can be a poison.
I don't prefer either party, but I see people around me at my job and such that are so wrapped up in that stuff. They always seem angry and half the stuff they say are direct quotes they hear. Half the stuff they say they couldn't explain on their best day, just rhetoric they ehard and passed on as their own opinion. Even my own brother is that way now. It's like people get brainwashed and you can't even have a casual conversation anymore. It's always “someone's fault” for everything that happens. You order a big mac and it's missing the sauce… it's fault for not teaching these workers to be responsible and have values.
Your best bet is to just move on. Sounds like he doesn't want to talk anymore anyways. Next time a friend tries to push politics on you, just say You don't have a preference of party. You also prefer to not hear about politics in general.
Loyalty is earned, she didn't earn it, that's it. People aren't upset for the reasons they told you, they're upset because now the situation is awkward and inconvenient for them. You “rocked the boat” and they don't like that
You might start investigating as this will surely start poisoning your relationship, like it or not. It is the 1st time they are meeting up or the 1st time you found out about it?
Are you the type to nip out the possibility of something happening or wait to see if there is any cheating going on?
Are you just assuming my sexuality after SJWing op? Common if youāre tilted itās cool. You keep talking about subject change when all youāve done is change the subject. And personally attacking me when I havenāt said anything negative about you
If you donāt know how to have a debate/conversation we can take it slow.
He āmightā be gay. Most straight men donāt go on extended vacations with a single gay man. If heās gay thatās cool but Atleast OP should find out sooner rather than later
Go to your county courthouse, now. There is likely a victims advocate there 24/7, who will help you file an ex parte, a temporary restraining order. That's won't keep you safe, but it can help.
Call your local domestic violence shelter. Ideally, they can get you in now, but it could take a few days. In the meantime, find someplace else to stay. You may need to have whoever you're staying with come pick you up, because it's possible he's tracking your car. If you can stay with someone obscure or unusual (not your parents or BFF) that's usually better because he's less likely to guess where you've gone or know how to find it.
I know it feels like throwing away 10 years, but that's the wrong way to look at it. The right way to look at it is that leaving now, right now, is buying you the next 40 years of your life. If he shoots you, and it is entirely possible he will, those 10 years are gone, and so is your whole future. So forget the past, the present and the future are all that matters now.
OP should totally run this one past his GF.
Regardless of its actual efficacy, it sounds like a good idea on its own merits.
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why are some comments not showing up for me
Time and place.
I hear you. Heās going through things. I will say that he wasnāt close to his grandmother, and didnāt liked her.
It is a bit selfish of me to want sex maybe. Thatās something I need to work on.
He fucked up
Maybe because not everyone is bitter and toxic. The time and energy to go plot against someone is not worth it for something that's only on the level of a relationship. It is not like they killed your family, sabotaged your career/life, or make you lose everything. If it is just a relationship not working out or having some arguments, then you really think a lot of people care that much? If anything it just sounds like something you think than what most people think. It just sounds like you don't think like most people rather than most people thinking like you.
she told me right after that she doesn't want to speak to him because he annoys her
You cannot say that isn't what's happening when it's laid out.
She can also find him annoying and not want to talk to him, but more likely sheās saying stronger things like that to her friend bc she literally just went through a breakup with him and thatās what friends say to each other.
I don't see how that demotes anything I said. Cause wouldn't that further prove that she does or doesn't actually find him annoying but is still holding her friend only accountable for a conclusion they both seemingly came to?
So he self diagnosed himself as Bipolar? Iām finding that very questionable and his inability to control himself. There are resources available, if in the US, he needs to call 211 to be connected to those resources
Oh good. Sounds like you broke up with her, good going!
Dude you had every reason not to want to interact with your dad.He made his bed and there some things that canāt be forgiven.
I donāt know whatās your girlfriend problem but she is a really shity person.
Donāt do it.
No I think you should get paid big $$ to be in a research study
Thank you, I think Iāll leave it alone altogether.
How many people do you personally know with Autism?
I agree. They both handled this really well.. But It's not just guys that need sex or have a sex drive, although testosterone causes sex drive to go up. I'm a woman and have suffered, literally suffered, for years because men would have a lot of sex in the beginning and then as soon as I assured them I wasn't going to cheat they stopped having sex. It's just as bad to be the person who isn't interested and feel pawed at and annoyed. So matching the other person is important.
I think what he did was probably for the best. Iāve been in his situation before. It just canāt really work. At least from the perspective of someone with a high sex drive, and wants to monogamous. Itās tough.
Also this idea of ābeing playfulā just sounds like he wants to minimize the issue and not take it seriously as opposed to actual support and addressing the issue.
Like girl what ru doin get out of there
14
Except he'd rather break up than not have sex until she's comfortable with him again. Clearly, he didn't care about her comfort, just his need. If that's not a bedroom attitude towards her, i dunno what is.
Sure, they can always break up. But just the fact that his needs overweight his partner's comfort, he's immature to be in a relation. How is her having a few partners before him even matter to the story of her being uncomfortable wuth him in the bedroom?
Houses can be sold and businesses can be liquidated (or whatever else), take him for what he is worth and move on because there are things you want that he isnāt willing to give you which is honesty, love and monogamy. Move on.
Did you try asking her why she's stopped brushing her teeth or expressing concern for her health, or did you just jump straight to insulting and criticizing? If you can't bring up an issue without involving personal attacks, you need to work on your communication skills.
Awe! Iām so glad to help.
Yeah itās hard because at first itās like someone hears it and puts it all on your shoulders. I did the same thing, went to the gym weāre talking 2.5-3 hours a day, new haircuts, new clothes, religiously looked up sex tricks like my life depended on it. I mean I tried literally everything.
But when you talk about your man not wanting you, people usually say āmaybe youāre notā¦ā or āheās cheatingā when this usually happens in long term relationships because 1. Gay, or 2. Erectile distinction issues being a huge blow to the ego.
Then you feel like the villain for being brushed off, and you feel like youāre not good enough and the internet gives you beauty advice blah blah blah.
Point is, heās spending an hour and a half in the bathroom alone after work.
Itās not you. I promise. Itās not you. An hour and a half in the bathroom after work? Who even realistically has time for that?
No, youāre not boring. A loving woman will do any amount of freaky shit to keep her husband interested if she really wants his attention. And I mean everything.
If itās not working, itās not you. Because if it was you, then he would be upset about not getting sex for whatever reason rather than keeping sex from you.
Think about it, every woman has that one chick friend who is upset her man told her sheās getting fat and heās not attracted to her anymore. THAT is what you hear when itās you.
But hiding it? Being sneaky? Hour and a half in the bathroom?
The ex I told you about had a habit of 2-3 am, on the computer, and if I went to the kitchen for a glass of water suddenly heās locking his computer and turning off the monitor.
Thatās when itās not you. Heās not meeting up with anyone or he would be out with coworkers every Friday for an hour and a half and not in the bathroom.
So if nothing works then you need to talk to him about opening your relationship or discuss if it can be fixed for real, or leaving. Itās not your fault. It is ok.
We grow and Evolve each and every day. If you truly like him, talk to him. Let him know how that conversation left you feeling uneasy and explain why and just communicate. If he is steadfast and feels like he did almost a decade ago, then I would probably personally just move on.
Is there a chance that your boyfriend doesn't love his family and so I want to keep you apart from them? Perhaps he feels that he has an obligation to continue to interact with his family when they invite him or talk to him, but in reality he doesn't want to interact with them.
Why the fuck are you even still with this guy? Once they continued to insult and exclude you and HE NEVER STOOD UP FOR YOU and insisted they pull their collective heads out of their asses, you should have headed for the relationship exit. Find yourself a place to online ASAP and get out. Donāt say a word about it, just make the arrangements and leave one day while heās out. You are wasting your time with this guy, if you stay with him, every special occasion, birthday of his, holiday, will be you alone in an apartment while he goes and parties with the fam.
Seems very self-centered. He doesn't have friends to cook for?
I know. Sleeping together is just so intimate to me, would be weird to take it away.
It's not the sound that wakes me up, it's the motion if feel. Anyway, thank you, I guess there's no choice.
ā¦Continued:
Another important aspect I must mention: after my first year of college, there was a shift in dynamics. I did not have as much work and I was able to be a better gf. We started spending quality time together and work related issues faded. What remained however were the other insecurities. My boyfriend still couldnāt fully digest when I would party or go out or hang out with friends. Not that he would object every single time but every now and then there would be a tantrum. And hence whenever I did not wish to deal with these I would hide or lie. Certainly this is unacceptable behaviour in a relationship, but clearly, I had developed a habit. I do not think I hid anything too bad though, before any of you start thinking that I cheated or something. The biggest lie I told was that I went on a day trip with friends that I never told him about. Other than this a couple lunches with friends or hiding how much I drank would be my lies. Not trying to be defensive here, just explaining the extent of lies. My boyfriend always knew my friends, always knew when Iām out at night etc. If I may take the liberty to put it this way, none of these lies were meant to disrespect our relationship, in my head I was only protecting my peace because I wanted to have fun and enjoy my freedom. Of course this doesnāt justify what I have done and I feel like a terrible person. There is no excuse for this and I should have done better.
Please advise on what I should do and how I should tell the truth and apologise to my boyfriend.
Ps. We are otherwise perfectly happy together and have our plans in place now that Iām back at home. Things are a lot less complicated when we are face to face and our old peace returns. So I donāt wish to break up, I just want to close this chapter of our lives and move on peacefully and more importantly with an honest resolution of the past.
Could really use some advice!!
There are a lot of things that come with recognition and fame that your average non-famous people donāt always have to think about. Fans can be rabid, sometimes stating that someone is in a relationship can direct a lot of negative and overwhelming attention towards the non-famous partner, put an undo amount of attention and speculation on a private relationship that should be meaningful between the two people privately and not content fodder for obsessed fans.
Tell him you are a little bit insecure about the attention he receives and ask him to reassure you, but understand that he may also be trying to protect you from an aspect of his career that can be genuinely invasive and potentially very negative if he is too open about his private life.
That occurs to me often
can you see how the way you treat your proposal could make him feel like you don't value proposing to him? If you have to explain after the fact that the thing you did was a proposal, you did not propose.