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Yes. It will only get worse for her and better for him. It's not worth it to you OP. It can even get dangerous at some point.
Ruuuuuuun!!!
100%, because I don't wanna be the home wrecker, but like right now, it seems obvious we both like each other and I see her all the time. It's naked to see her so much and just play it down.
Updateme!
I mean, OP seems sure it’s accidental and unintended. Perhaps you know better than she does though.
The holes you people have mentally filled in for your own entertainment and desire for a villain in every story, is literally laughable.
Thanks for proving my point. I say, you are filling in holes with your imagination and you accuse me, what? Not inventing a wild enough story in my head? How dare I only read what’s in front of me and not asking thoughts and motives to people without appropriate knowledge of them.
You’re simple.
This has nothing to do with you or your actions – it is a unstable person getting caught and acting violently. I pray that you file a police report on him and never go near him again. Also please block him on all platforms and get a restraining order. IDK how he could change like that but it appears he was keeping an anger monster hidden and that he was selfish and self centered. Sorry for all that has happened but you are strong enough to get past this and you never could have lived a normal life with someone like that.
Yes this. She doesn’t like receiving oral. Ask her what she does like.
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Sounds like “you know the drill.” Cycle won't end unless you put and end to it. Either going to have to learn to on-line with it the way it is, or stop the cycle and move on.
Elinor didn’t know she was having an affair with a married man, and the husband told them both he would tell his wife. Their responsibility isn’t to her, his (the husbands) is.
You need to forget about the friendship AND your marriage. You need to block them and get a divorce and move on. Your husband is a lying cheating snake that you keep forgiving, your friend is a lying snake to hide that information from you for this long, and Elinor is a snake too for taking what your husband said at face value and lying to your face from there.
I’m so sorry. It is so wrong. ?
100% you made the right decision.
You can still connect with people in ways that are not romantic or sexually charged. Humans crave connection, even if it’s something as simple as liking the same band or ketchup vs ranch with your fries.
My point is that your post seems needlessly sexually charged. Sometimes people just want to get a little dressed up and go out with their friends to have a good time. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
You can still connect with people in ways that are not romantic or sexually charged. Humans crave connection, even if it’s something as simple as liking the same band or ketchup vs ranch with your fries.
My point is that your post seems needlessly sexually charged. Sometimes people just want to get a little dressed up and go out with their friends to have a good time. And there is nothing wrong with that.
Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
or even a book! you can read to a 3 month old ANY book, really, at this age, and they'll just love it for the words, rhythm, etc.
I think you are looking at it the wrong way, he sent you a video of the set more then likely so you didn't feel like he was in awe of other women and that you could at least for a bit feel like you was with him in some way. Having women in ? and whatnot is part of many music videos…I'm sure your husband doesn't find them more attractive, if so he wouldn't faithfully come home to you….your reality is that your husband has many attractive women around, yet he only has eyes for you.
Yes, OP you need some time out to clear your head and think about this.
This isn’t about him apologising to her or you talking to her about it now.
This is about you accepting that this sense of betrayal is okay to have in this situation and what you want to do going forward.
Nope, wednesday she send sth like “sleeptight, i really liked our date ?”. After that i havent received one like that
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Thats more an excepcional to the rule than anything. It won't stop him phisically from doing whatever he wants to do, but it's a layer of protection.
This comment. Too real. Well said.
Then my statement stands. You have unrealistic expectations of her to put in effort that you yourself are unwilling to put in because you weren’t in the mood. Yet you expected her to be.
Right now it sounds like you have a crush on the idea of her. I’ve been there. Spend a few days playing with her and getting a better idea of her before you go full lovesick puppy.
What game do y’all play together?
I appreciate the response. I should clarify that I am in a serious relationship. Honestly the thought of either telling my girlfriend that my ex wants to meet for coffee, or not telling her and just going for the meet, both sound awful and exhausting
Not really they both can carry the gene.
I see a lot of comments here about how she wouldn't have told you that she was positive if she was cheating. I disagree with that advice. As this was her first STD test, she is probably not too knowledgeable about STDs, and did not think how this would look like cheating. Plus people do weird shit all the time. Don't base your trust in illogical behavior.
The rates of transmission for chlamydia are very high. It is unlikely that you never caught it from your partner. But it is not unheard of. Keep in mind, as with a lot of things, we never fully know WHY some people catch diseases and others don't. Usually that reason has something to do with the genetics of the person NOT catching a disease. You might fall into the 1% of people who did not catch chlamydia from their partner, not because you beat the odds every time, but because there was something about YOU that made you less susceptible.
Regardless, the rates of false negatives for chlamydia are high enough that I would not feel comfortable just assuming she cheated. I would, however, feel comfortable being suspicious and more careful. Fair or not, you have to protect yourself. I just don't think you ARE protecting yourself to automatically break up with someone when there are still odds she did nothing wrong.
I don’t see why her engaging in casual sex negates her reasoning for breaking up. Someone can not be up for a committed relationship, but still be totally happy having casual sex.
I understand you’re hurt by what you found out. But my guy…you kinda did that to yourself. You read her diary and hurt your own feelings in the process.
You should block her number and focus on yourself. It’s okay to be hurt over this breakup. It’s okay to feel a little jerked around, or like she’s using you for sex. I don’t think it was cool of her to call you for a hookup so soon after dumping you, that can send mixed messages. Just cut her out and focus on healing.
Honey, she likes you lol. If you're interested ask her out, if not then I would gently make it clear you only like her as a friend.
Honestly, honestly. Fuck the both of you. First off, fuck y’all for going to FUCKING PETLAND to buy a golden doodle. Second, fuck your wife for being an entitled asshole and treating an innocent animal THAT SHE BEGGED FOR FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS like shit. And lastly, fuck you for letting this absolute train wreck go on for months, pretending like talking to your wife multiple times will change her behavior whilst you KNOW that puppy is living a miserable life. If you see how terribly she treats the puppy while you call/FaceTime, imagine the torment that poor dog has to endure relying on that thing to provide for it. Fuck me, I hate everything about this post.
Call it off
I think you really need to pick and choose your battles, if it's okay for him to follow girls that he is friends with and has hooked up with before why does it matter that he follows girls that he has only hooked up with before and doesn't talk to?
I would imagine he would have a better chance hooking up with girls he's still friends with and maintains a relationship with. No?
You don't have to accept anything you don't want to, it just seems like such a minor detail to constantly argue about especially if you're going to allow him to follow girls he has hooked up with before and is still friends with.
Seems controlling.
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She's not trying to sleep. We put the kids to bed, I try to initiate as soon as they are down. She wants to do it like at 8 while they are awake
would you really feel better if he searched out jerk off material that looked just like you. that would freak me out. what he looks at on-line has nothing to do with you.
Yes, there is. But the thin about a bad day is you wise up hours later or the day after.
The fact that he's still doubling down and isn't saying to you “Oh, shit, I acted like a total tool at your parents house. I made a horrible first impression and I'm so terribly sorry” means that he thinks he's in the right.
He thinks that throwing food on the floor like a toddler, demeaning your mom's efforts, and disrespecting the people hosting him for Christmas was an okay thing to do, and you can tell because he's saying your mom should apologize when he's the one who did all those things.
Lying and tip toeing around her feelings will only creative long term problems down the road. You can say that you were disappointed in the effort.
i feel like a lot of commentators here are coming at OP for no real reason?
it sounds to me like you guys might be sexually incompatible. she doesn't get sexual pleasure from attention to her breasts, which is fine. playing with breasts gives you a lot of sexual pleasure, which is fine. you guys can't change each other. you guys either need to learn to change up your foreplay/sex routine so that you're both pleased, or maybe just break up. sex is extremely important, at least for me. and not being totally sexually pleasured would be a problem for me.
as somebody with breasts, i don't always sexualize them, but when i'm, you know, HAVING SEX lmao, they ARE sexual. just like how when i'm wearing clothes, i don't always feel like a force of horny nature, but when my partner and i are in the mood and playing around, my whole body is a sexual wonderland – face, breasts, mouth, tummy, thighs, ass, whatever. calves. shoulders. everything becomes very naughty and pleasurable! of course when i'm running to the grocery store or cleaning my house, i don't “sexualize” those parts lmao. you get it.
i know breasts are not a tool for male pleasure. but i do not at all see that as what you're trying to say and feel confused at how serious and defensive a lot of comments are.
You could have honestly just caught her at a very busy time and the making plans and then rescheduling is her attempt at trying to find time and life just keeps happening. I'd give her at least one more chance for jan. If she reachedules again just be polite and tell her if her life slows down enough to fit you in then to let you know and then move on and look for something else
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compassion without competence is harm. what you’re doing is unethical. you need to leave this vulnerable person alone and reevaluate your ethical standards
I’ve since made a large spreadsheet detailing and comparing all the expenses and bills between the two places factoring in daycare and it is going to cost us over 60% more to on-line where he wants. We literally cannot afford to move there, and if we did we wouldn’t be able to save at all. If we needed to move again we wouldn’t be able to save up the expenses to do it so I would essentially be trapped there.
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“I feel like she could be great for me if she was on anxiety meds”
Bro, thats a pretty fucked up thing to say. If she isn't your type, just accept that and be done with it.
Don't date someone for their potential or focus on changing them. It will be a bad time for both of you. Let her go, and don't say anything to hurt her self-esteem on your way out.
“I feel like she could be great for me if she was on anxiety meds”
Bro, thats a pretty fucked up thing to say. If she isn't your type, just accept that and be done with it.
Don't date someone for their potential or focus on changing them. It will be a bad time for both of you. Let her go, and don't say anything to hurt her self-esteem on your way out.
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No his not a controlling person. I think his just scared that there wont be anyone to be there for out son if something happens and tbf so am i bit his the type of person who goes through the worst scenario in his head and worries about it.
Do you need another reason?
You are crazy: If You have to prove constantly that you're not cheating, that should be enough to leave. A relationship should be based on trust. I would sit her down, and explain to her that this is becoming a problem. If she disagrees, or tries to throw the blame your way, it's divorce time. A relationship should be an improvement over being single. Where's the improvement here? Do you want to come home and talk with her again, have a good meal and some quality time? Or are you dreading opening the front door because you know what will happen?
It is your life, you only on-line it once, so online it with someone you want to on-line it with.
You’re being purposefully obtuse. We have one side of the story, sure. We can’t know that OP isn’t just lying about it, but then again we can’t know it’s not fake in it’s entirety. But this half assed “could have been” is so pointless. Realistically, it was not intended as a harmless comment. Especially if she took his comment as an attack. I don’t usually just randomly bring up peoples bodies as a harmless out of nowhere comment, like “yeah fatties generally think that.” If I did, I’d be an asshole.
OK, I can't be the only one who thought something else when I read the title.
Ask him why he wants to specifically go there when all of the options near you are available?
If you click on my profile, he responded to a question I asked:
You said she consented in the beginning? Are you insinuating that she withdrew consent during?
Him: yes, that is what I am inferring.
Hey dude.
My mom is like that, so I moved out at the first chance I had when I was financially stable to do so. Do the same, your mother will not change. It's for the best.
Is it like, a customary greeting kiss that's culturally appropriate where you are from?
I kiss all my old my aunts as a greeting and all the people posting here that this is sexual really gross me out.
I hope to god they don't kiss their kids if they think all kissing is sexual in nature.
You definitely made the wrong decision. Moving in with someone way too fast like this will doom even a relationship that could have been good, or it will trap you in something that was never going to be good and now you’ve got the same problem trying to untangle money, leases, furniture, belongings, etc. Stop doing this to yourself.
This would have been a point for you to move mountains to on-line independently, for every reason. For if you really wanted this relationship to work out, and for in case it didn’t.
I just think that on top of him giving me her clothes and using the same nickname it's all strange.
Not sure what the question is here, honestly. He left you crying after you found out you were infertile, so he could play video games.
That’s not a love language issue, that’s just a person who doesn’t give a shit about you.
You deserve better.
Fucked About ✅
Found Out ✅
Thank you for your honesty. It’s a naked pill to swallow, but your comment really does just echo my own thoughts.
Allow you? There is no such thing as him allowing or not allowing you anything. He doesn't own you.
Nobody–but especially not kids–ever enjoys something that they are bad at and never get to succeed in. If your kid plays you in chess and always gets trounced, he will never get the love for a game. My favorite series is about volleyball and when some kids show up and are marveled by spiking, the instructor lowers the net saying “the joy from doing should be first and foremost.” You should absolutely push your child to be better but they will never want to improve if they never get the satisfying moments.
This is so beautifully written…with so much emotions…I can feel your pain and the happiness you shared with him before he cheated. At first I wanted to say leave him right now but had to read your post again and really think about it. He doesn't sound like a serial cheater. He sounds like a broken man that made an awful mistake. Everyone deserves a second chance…but just one more. I think you both can benefit from couples therapy and therapy by yourselves. Also he needs to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. With therapy and communication, you can rebuild what's broken.
She'll figure it out and tell you if you don't say anything.
Please let the poor girl get her tattoo in peace.
Not everything is black and white. They sleep in the same bed so there level of intimacy is pretty well established. The guy made a move to see if she wanted sex. Not all consent is verbal in established relationships. This was not sexual assault in any way any form or any court. If she speaks to him and sets a boundary then he forceful breaks that boundary then you might have a point. She showed him by removing her hand and rolling over she wasn’t interested. He then respected that and went to sleep.
Stop trying to turn normal situations into assault. That only benefits real predators in the long run. I will say it again. Trying to initiate sex with a partner is not sexual assault. Grow up.
Yes, people who have problems often can't help others with their problems. Clearly discussing “issues” is a one-away street for him (where he gets to talk and the other party has to listen). This just isn't an equitable relationship and it never will be until he gets the professional treatment he needs for his own stuff. You're probably expecting the impossible here.
You have lots of time to think about this – and perhaps it will all be moot if she gets an abortion, but if she keeps the baby, you may find that you want to have a relationship with the child and that’s ok. I would urge you to do so. The child is innocent and will be your child (do get a paternity test). Is your girlfriend a terrible person? Yes, but that is a separate issue. Good luck.
Does your husband suck as much as it sounds like he does? –> Unfortunately he does at times
And if he wants people entertained he can do the entertaining. –> yep thats what I thought
P.S. Is your username based on Miss Finster from 'Recess'. I love that show
-You haven't heard from him in 18 years -The contact you have now had he's being flirty -Hes conviently co-parenting and living with his ex rather than still together
If it looks like chicken and smell like chicken it probably tastes like cheating bastard
Yeah, if you treat other people the way you want to be treated most things fall into place. Rules for thee but not for me. No thank you.
Plenty of engineers get a job straight out if college. I’ve worked with engineering interns who didn’t even have their degrees yet. Being an ME at 23 is totally doable.
Let's not forget doing a line of coke off of sone guys dick too! Lolol. I can't believe anyone believed that story even the first time around.
Thanks!
Bring it up
I’ve just googled it and it is legal in the UK so they would have no reason to contact me about thag
Four years? Really?
I on-line in my mother's basement and I have no friends. But theoretically I would tread lightly and say something about how it's been a while and you miss her. Keeping in mind that you don't want to come across as a “nice guy”. Best of luck over and out?
“Hey, man, shit happens.”
Yeah if you guys have been talking for moths and she isn't willing to move forward walk my man, stop wasting your time. “Hey so I don't think we should talk anymore. You ghost me and act flaky when ever I try and advance or even talk about our relationship. I am not into playing games. feel free to reach out to me when you actually want to be in a relationship.”
Stop feeding the attention vampire.
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You have to go by your husbands wishes.
Yes 100% ego, he wants to be the “dominant/better” part of the couple but your self-improvement journey is ruining this. He sees you as better than him and that bothers him.
what does DB mean? I don’t know I think if you want to try you could go to couples counseling but personally I would leave
Wow so many red flags. Run. She's still with her husband or hoping to R.
I dislike clickbait title soo much… And I guess it is nearly wasted time to tell you what you already know
There are other things.. go look at my other posts..
r/richpeopleproblems
You are in a dangerous situation. Never see him again, and get a restraining order. Tell your friends about it. Stay safe.
sometimes i don’t even want to think about it like i truly can’t break up but i know as time goes by it will get harder to do it 🙁
Yes she even says she's over him and they arent on the best of terms just friendly enough for the kids
I see what you're talking about. Please note that twisting words is unnecessary. It's a matter of fact that when we were shirtless and she asked me to stop, I did so. Generally speaking we were super comfortable with each other and were always great and direct at communicating anything. I respected her and still do. I didn't realize she wanted me to stop last week because it wasn't clear in the moment.
Yeah.. like if i got some weird messages id tell my husband IMMEDIATELY because that shit would make me feel awkward and dirty!
I wouldn't delete it! Also I'm sorry but OPs comment at the wedding made me burst out laughing that shit is cold and I'm honestly here for it.
This relationship is weird. They don't need to be friends just civil. I wouldn't know how to behave around a woman that came onto my husband or a family member of his that tried it with me. Alcohol isn't an excuse. She could've texted any friend of hers by specifically her husband's cousin. Nah fam.
Lol that's a load of nonsense.
Most women know. Let's assume she didn't know, maybe she's very naive. But she's dating you, and you said this to her, and she “just forgot”. I am sceptical, if my partner expressed concern about any male friend of mine, I would remember, because it would be a concern.
So she either pretend 'forgot', or she actually dismissed a relationship concern when you addressed it. Neither sit2is great here tbh.
You’re sitting on such a large rod that you just insulted the only person here that was trying to defend you ? jfc, get a grip.
Please tell me you’re staying broken up! You deserve better she’s just using you!
I had a migraine that lasted 3 months that domino’d into a whole mess of health issues. I had to advocate for myself I can’t tell you how many doctors brushed me off. Like dude a consistently having my heart rate increase 20 bpm while I am sleeping is not normal even if the heart rate remains in “normal range.” Lots of doctors just need to get through their patients. It also takes MONTHS to see a specialist. Realize they can’t help and start again. I think it was the 5th doctor I saw who actually had a hunch of what was wrong, but he wouldn’t be able to treat me for it. If need to go see other doctors.
Finally a post where the woman has some self respect. Don’t let him walk all over u. U did the right thing
She's still grinding on you and trying to initiate sex after you told her no multiple times, that's assault sorry
I think ultimately it doesn't really matter.
The person hurt you. They are committed (ironically) to infidelity. Essentially it's a person who is too cowardly to end a relationship, or doesn't care about other people's happiness and security, or is quite simply too immature to understand the gravity of cheating and how it can fundamentally damage people.
It's the type of person who will lie to you because they don't think you are intelligent enough to recognize the lie, to get personal pleasure. And then to do that, repeatedly. In my opinion it's something an animal would do rather than a human being.
That being said, sure, it sounds like enabling. But that just indicates that these are bad people. I mean that in the sense that you shouldn't care what they think about anything.
Essentially you hit the reason why, personally, I won't be friends with people who cheat. I don't associate with people who would betray another human being so intimately for such meaningless personal gain. It's indicative of a serious lack of empathy and human character.
Wishing you luck in the future.