Not a lot you can do about her guy friends, but guaranteed at least one of them is waiting to make his move. And for sure don’t introduce her to your guy friends, because they’ll be even worse. Not all guys are this shitty to each other, but it only takes one.
All you can do is not give her a reason to rush off to one of them. If she does it anyway, that’s on her. I noticed as I got older that the women I dated had fewer and fewer guy friends, I think because they had figured it out by then.
OP didn't feel comfortable swinging. She tried it anyway for her husband and made something that normally wouldn't work for her, work. If having even a small emotional connection with someone is her only way of pleasing her husband's swinging preference that she complied to, I don't see her as in the wrong. The husband is just pissed he couldn't have it exactly as he wanted it because OP is her own person and can't be exactly what he wants her to be. She can't separate sex the way he is requiring her to. I feel stressed for you OP. You tried something you didn't want to and your husband is still unsatisfied. He shouldn't have kept pushing for something you didn't want to do in the first place.
Either decide to try to be a couple again and do the nude work to make the relationship work . So that means real conversations about working on your relationship as a possible couple again, couples therapy, reading self help books etc and learn how to “fight” properly when you two have a disagreement (fighting fair). Which means you don't resort to name calling, trying to one up each other or thinking a disagreement means one of you have to “win” the disagreement. If you defeat your partner in an argument that breeds resentment and contempt. You need to learn to “attack” the issue not each other, always stay on the issue your discussing not past problems, stay calm.
If that can't be done then learn to just coparent together without allowing yourselves to continue being fwb.
They are actually fairly accurate. The only issue is that an iPhone needs to be close enough to it, but in a crowded parking lot I’m sure it would be fine. Especially since the car doesn’t move after you park it so your phone will know where it is.
I have one on my dogs collar as well, once she got out (crazy husky energy) when I was bringing in groceries. My husband saw her run past our car and hopped back in to follow her. I called him and followed her on my phone till he caught up to her and she jumped in the car. You also can put them in a small child’s shoe. I did this with my son just in case when we go out of town. I had taken light up shoes and lifted the sole and was able to fit it in there and glue it back together. It worked very well.
This is your body. Don’t be afraid. Get even. He’s a piece of shit. Stand up for yourself. Tell his mom. Tell the Dean of his school. Tell his boss. Shit tell his fucking best friends.
Deleting pictures of your ex is breakup 101. Any boy that can’t respect that will never be a man.
If he’s playing around, and those are playful, lovey dovey comments, then it’s not a big deal. But you can ask him to stop if you want. That’s fine.
If he’s mildly serious, that is he misses you, but he’s happy enough and living nice. That’s also fine, and you can just ask him to dial it back a bit (telling him it comes across as needy a little, at that frequency).
If, however, he’s pining away after just a couple days apart, barely leaving the house, etc. That’s a problem.
I was like this. I get it. You brighten up his day/world/life enough that when you aren’t around, nothing is as great for him. Food tastes worse, beautiful scenic vistas look bland, flowers smell bad. Whatever.
It’s ok to miss one’s partner. It’s not ok to let that partnership consume oneself so much that one pines away when the partner is briefly absent. That’s what he’s doing.
And that brings us to you. It’s annoying as shit because it sounds like he relies on you to be happy. That places a massive burden on your shoulders. Now you’re responsible for both his happiness and you’re own? That’s a crap deal. And it makes him seem weak to you (subconsciously), which makes it annoying to be “stuck” with him.
Neediness isn’t nude, except perhaps to people who are also needy. You’re finding this out.
He needs to get a handle on himself. You can’t do that for him, but you can nudge him in the right direction. Be gentle or be forceful, it’s hard to tell which will help more. I’d start with gentle first.
introverts lose energy when socializing. doesn't mean they're not sociable, it just means they need to be alone after to recharge. extroverts however gain more energy when with people.
I don’t expect him to take a full month off, but he genuinely isn’t taking time off because the doesn’t want to, multiple of his co workers took 2 weeks off for Christmas, he hasn’t taken any time off since he started working there over a year ago, even holidays, it sucks that he won’t take any time off to spend time with me, and he’ll be starting uni this year too so he’ll be even more hesitant on taking ANY time off, he’s not good at balancing his time and our relationship suffers because of it.
speak to my sister on a regular basis and had noticed my sister distancing herself from me once my cousin moved in
This is the worst part of the entire story. Why would your sister not give you the benefit of the doubt?
As far as your cousin, all you have to do is be polite and civil at family gatherings. Screen her calls, don't reply immediately to her texts, and when you do, be brief and don't ask questions that encourage continuing the conversation. Say you're pretty busy these days so haven't been doing too much socially but will let her know if that changes.
Simple. Figure out what you want. Figure out what he wants. If they are two separate things and neither of you wants to compromise then move on.
I mean, you're young enough that marriage and children aren't necessarily a must any time soon. However, do you also want to waste more years on a relationship that's not going anywhere? Only you can decide what's best for you. You cannot decide that this man has to meet your needs. But, you don't have to accept less than you want either.
I guess I’m a bit upset because of a few things that happened in the past. I dated someone for 2 years that I loved very much and wanted to marry, but unfortunately things happened and our relationship ended. Then I serial dated for a while. I had a FWB whom I really liked but didn’t want to commit to being in a relationship. I took some time off of dating. Then I went back into it, knowing I was ready for a real relationship, and met my current partner.
Something I found out later was that when he met me, he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was the one who made the moves first, who first asked him out. Maybe I should have seen this coming.
Marriage to me has always been an eventual goal of dating.
I’m sorry. I’m crying now. I can’t finish this comment.
He's being unreasonable and frankly irresponsible for even suggesting you quit your job. Plus add on the absolute misogyny of expecting you to quit but not being willing to quit himself when YOU make more money. It feels like a trap to me, why does he want you to be financially reliant on him and trapped at home with a baby?? Why is he against you keeping your job? We are not in the 1950's anymore, women can be both a mother and have a career, don't allow any person to hold you back and keep you down.
The fact that he is mad about you wanting to keep your job is a huge red flag and he needs to talk to a therapist if he can't get over himself. This is a HIM problem, it's not on you to solve it. But for the love of God, do NOT have a child with this man until this is resolved. It would be better to regret never having children than to allow yourself to be trapped and unable to support yourself if you needed.
Just tell them you accept their apology and trust it won't happen again. If it does you take action because you're not a walkover
Not a lot you can do about her guy friends, but guaranteed at least one of them is waiting to make his move. And for sure don’t introduce her to your guy friends, because they’ll be even worse. Not all guys are this shitty to each other, but it only takes one.
All you can do is not give her a reason to rush off to one of them. If she does it anyway, that’s on her. I noticed as I got older that the women I dated had fewer and fewer guy friends, I think because they had figured it out by then.
Oh she's got an issue with saying no all right
OP didn't feel comfortable swinging. She tried it anyway for her husband and made something that normally wouldn't work for her, work. If having even a small emotional connection with someone is her only way of pleasing her husband's swinging preference that she complied to, I don't see her as in the wrong. The husband is just pissed he couldn't have it exactly as he wanted it because OP is her own person and can't be exactly what he wants her to be. She can't separate sex the way he is requiring her to. I feel stressed for you OP. You tried something you didn't want to and your husband is still unsatisfied. He shouldn't have kept pushing for something you didn't want to do in the first place.
Either decide to try to be a couple again and do the nude work to make the relationship work . So that means real conversations about working on your relationship as a possible couple again, couples therapy, reading self help books etc and learn how to “fight” properly when you two have a disagreement (fighting fair). Which means you don't resort to name calling, trying to one up each other or thinking a disagreement means one of you have to “win” the disagreement. If you defeat your partner in an argument that breeds resentment and contempt. You need to learn to “attack” the issue not each other, always stay on the issue your discussing not past problems, stay calm.
If that can't be done then learn to just coparent together without allowing yourselves to continue being fwb.
If size is such a “big” deal to her why not approach the subject prior to being intimate.
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They are actually fairly accurate. The only issue is that an iPhone needs to be close enough to it, but in a crowded parking lot I’m sure it would be fine. Especially since the car doesn’t move after you park it so your phone will know where it is.
I have one on my dogs collar as well, once she got out (crazy husky energy) when I was bringing in groceries. My husband saw her run past our car and hopped back in to follow her. I called him and followed her on my phone till he caught up to her and she jumped in the car. You also can put them in a small child’s shoe. I did this with my son just in case when we go out of town. I had taken light up shoes and lifted the sole and was able to fit it in there and glue it back together. It worked very well.
This is your body. Don’t be afraid. Get even. He’s a piece of shit. Stand up for yourself. Tell his mom. Tell the Dean of his school. Tell his boss. Shit tell his fucking best friends.
Deleting pictures of your ex is breakup 101. Any boy that can’t respect that will never be a man.
You’re not terrible for getting annoyed.
If he’s playing around, and those are playful, lovey dovey comments, then it’s not a big deal. But you can ask him to stop if you want. That’s fine.
If he’s mildly serious, that is he misses you, but he’s happy enough and living nice. That’s also fine, and you can just ask him to dial it back a bit (telling him it comes across as needy a little, at that frequency).
If, however, he’s pining away after just a couple days apart, barely leaving the house, etc. That’s a problem.
I was like this. I get it. You brighten up his day/world/life enough that when you aren’t around, nothing is as great for him. Food tastes worse, beautiful scenic vistas look bland, flowers smell bad. Whatever.
It’s ok to miss one’s partner. It’s not ok to let that partnership consume oneself so much that one pines away when the partner is briefly absent. That’s what he’s doing.
And that brings us to you. It’s annoying as shit because it sounds like he relies on you to be happy. That places a massive burden on your shoulders. Now you’re responsible for both his happiness and you’re own? That’s a crap deal. And it makes him seem weak to you (subconsciously), which makes it annoying to be “stuck” with him.
Neediness isn’t nude, except perhaps to people who are also needy. You’re finding this out.
He needs to get a handle on himself. You can’t do that for him, but you can nudge him in the right direction. Be gentle or be forceful, it’s hard to tell which will help more. I’d start with gentle first.
Imo
Do. Not. Leave your own home.
introverts lose energy when socializing. doesn't mean they're not sociable, it just means they need to be alone after to recharge. extroverts however gain more energy when with people.
I don’t expect him to take a full month off, but he genuinely isn’t taking time off because the doesn’t want to, multiple of his co workers took 2 weeks off for Christmas, he hasn’t taken any time off since he started working there over a year ago, even holidays, it sucks that he won’t take any time off to spend time with me, and he’ll be starting uni this year too so he’ll be even more hesitant on taking ANY time off, he’s not good at balancing his time and our relationship suffers because of it.
But THAT wrong DOES make leaving the relationship right
Yes.
speak to my sister on a regular basis and had noticed my sister distancing herself from me once my cousin moved in
This is the worst part of the entire story. Why would your sister not give you the benefit of the doubt?
As far as your cousin, all you have to do is be polite and civil at family gatherings. Screen her calls, don't reply immediately to her texts, and when you do, be brief and don't ask questions that encourage continuing the conversation. Say you're pretty busy these days so haven't been doing too much socially but will let her know if that changes.
he's just not that into you, probably. Have you even asked him why he doesn't invite you to anything?
Simple. Figure out what you want. Figure out what he wants. If they are two separate things and neither of you wants to compromise then move on.
I mean, you're young enough that marriage and children aren't necessarily a must any time soon. However, do you also want to waste more years on a relationship that's not going anywhere? Only you can decide what's best for you. You cannot decide that this man has to meet your needs. But, you don't have to accept less than you want either.
I guess I’m a bit upset because of a few things that happened in the past. I dated someone for 2 years that I loved very much and wanted to marry, but unfortunately things happened and our relationship ended. Then I serial dated for a while. I had a FWB whom I really liked but didn’t want to commit to being in a relationship. I took some time off of dating. Then I went back into it, knowing I was ready for a real relationship, and met my current partner.
Something I found out later was that when he met me, he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was the one who made the moves first, who first asked him out. Maybe I should have seen this coming.
Marriage to me has always been an eventual goal of dating.
I’m sorry. I’m crying now. I can’t finish this comment.
He's being unreasonable and frankly irresponsible for even suggesting you quit your job. Plus add on the absolute misogyny of expecting you to quit but not being willing to quit himself when YOU make more money. It feels like a trap to me, why does he want you to be financially reliant on him and trapped at home with a baby?? Why is he against you keeping your job? We are not in the 1950's anymore, women can be both a mother and have a career, don't allow any person to hold you back and keep you down.
The fact that he is mad about you wanting to keep your job is a huge red flag and he needs to talk to a therapist if he can't get over himself. This is a HIM problem, it's not on you to solve it. But for the love of God, do NOT have a child with this man until this is resolved. It would be better to regret never having children than to allow yourself to be trapped and unable to support yourself if you needed.
WTF? Kick that bitch out! Out!