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Just seriously consider if you want to make a life with someone who truly believes he is smarter than you simply because he has a penis and you don't. Do you want to make a life with him, possibly have daughters with him?
So?
Yes, I think you should end this abusive relationship. The moment someone threatens a helpless animal with violence, my empathy for them becomes extremely limited.
Unravel your shared finances and prepare to flee this bad relationship toward greener pastures.
Are you someone that's difficult to buy gifts for? Like in the past we're you disappointed, or don't like cheaper items?
Could be a crib in the same room. OP said she senses movement, I’m assuming that’s movement in the same bed, not just someone in the room. Put a crib or bassinet next to the bed. Easier to get and keep the kid asleep.
If he did legitimately take care of you I don't see why you can't do the same for him.
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My current partner is 6 years older than me (36F, 42M) and this feels like a decent age gap with us being in very similar stages of life. This has been the most rewarding relationship I’ve ever experienced because he really challenged me to open up and be vulnerable when I used to be very closed off and edited; to have nude conversation that I would avoid or get defensive about in the past; and to really take ownership of myself and what I want out of life when I used to sort of jump around.
Right before I met him I very briefly dated a guy who was 59, so a solid 25 years older than me at the time. So much of that relationship was about pleasing and placating each other. He wanted to keep me happy so I would stay and be a sort of trophy girlfriend. I constantly wanted his approval and validation. It felt like we were close and in love, but we never really opened up to each other. I didn’t want him to see the ugly parts of my life (a failed business, debt, and low self esteem) because I worried he would think I was a gold digger or taking advantage of him. He closed off the very hot stuff in his life like his recent divorce because he didn’t want to admit he was kind of rebounding with me and enjoyed the ego boost. Our entire relationship was topical and rooted in mutual insecurity that kind of trauma-bonded us to each other. It wasn’t real even though we both got things out of it, and there was no way it was going to last.
Ultimately, he let me go and started dating a woman that was more age appropriate for him. I spend a few months hurt and lonely feeling like I wasn’t good enough to make him love me. It was around this time that I met my now-partner who started as a close friend and encouraged me to open up about my feelings of inadequacy and insecurity without judgement. He just listened. The more vulnerable I was with him, the safer I felt and eventually those feelings grew into love. I feel so much more like myself and real where in the past, I batted down aspects of who I was to try to appear like I was this person who deserved love and respect.
I’m glad for the contrast between the two situations because I’m sure I would have gone on into other relationships with the same walls and insecurities that my current partner helped me see and break down. But most importantly, it helped me realize that my prior relationship wasn’t real and wasn’t going to last. While the age gap itself wasn’t necessarily the problem, it became the easiest excuse for us to stay closed off from each other thinking the other person couldn’t handle the reality of the situation due to different maturity levels and expectations of the relationship. And since it’s something we couldn’t change, we avoided a lot of personal growth under the guise of acceptance of that. We would have stagnated — me being the perpetually insecure woman in her mid-30s, him being the twice divorced older guy trying to feel relevant, both trying to please each other instead of doing what was right for us individually.
I’m not saying your relationship is the same, but you have to take a step back and look at it objectively. Are you growing together or are you enabling each other to stay stuck? Practical issues aside like him entering his senior years while you are still growing up, what is your relationship actually rooted in?
They simply told him to block her and report her.
Presumably they were telling him to report her for revenge porn.
OP i hate to break it to you but do you seriously think she would have left you for him on the basis if just an emotional affair. She slept with him before she left. She is just telling you she didn’t because it doesn’t sound as bad.
“Most attracted to” does not equal “will prefer as a partner,” though.
I’m with you on there. Doesn’t make sense and I have a weird gut feeling. I’m just giving her time at the moment, but honestly, whatever her answer, something is off and not sure if I can trust her anymore. As for 6 years ago, I think it was more of an impulse decision and we were young so I give her the benefit of doubt during then.
I’d delete them myself and then if he notices what can he say? Obviously complain about his privacy, but you’ve got just as much right or more to be upset that he’s viewing them. Especially if he notices right away and pulls them out of delete folder. Also, you would be doing her a huge favor.
STOP should work
To date a grown up man she needs to become a grown up woman, not a little girl parroting her parents words. I’m not saying she should stay with this particular dude but she is never going to have a healthy relationship while she expects them to date all three of them.
That sounds like a good plan, I'd certainly like to try that. I'm not afraid to be patient if it's something she wants I'm just scared of what happens if it isn't. At least, not really.
And if the culprit is stupid enough to complain about you having it, you can ask them why they needed to get into your room when you were sleeping.
Probably cost less in the middle of the week…
Why would you say anything? You aren’t in a relationship and you don’t want to be. It would be long distance which you don’t want. She sounds like a good friend. Leave it exactly where it is.
I have been that ex. I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 6 years we’d been together all through college and uni, but he went away for two weeks and we barely spoke or bothered to see each other when he got back. I still cried, and was upset but knew that it just wasn’t what I wanted. Just my experience.
I think everyone is focusing on the party too much, op has Tried talking about having shitty roommates and her boyfriend constantly shuts her down to not “rock the boat” Imagine how stressed she'd be living with shitty people and then being told to suck it up by her own boyfriend.
To be honest I'd be more concerned about your boyfriend possibly prioritizing them than your feeling
But I do agree u need to grow up about how you acted- though I don't entirely blame you for the buildup
Setting clear expectations and boundaries is not blackmail. Leaving a relationship that is not making you happy isn’t abuse or the result or blackmail. Should she just tell him she’s leaving without giving him a chance to remedy the situation if he wants? Blackmail specifically relates to demanding a benefit in exchange for not doing something damaging. But she’s already dissatisfied and wants to leave. So she’s not threatening that. It’s already how she feels. All she would be doing is giving one last chance to see if it can be repaired.
I think it’s be more reasonable for him to pay her parents. It makes no sense for the gf to get the money and then ask him to watch her eat a meal while he has a snack.
I just personally believe she does read them to get turned on sometimes. Especially if she mentioned that she enjoys some of the scenes.
UpdateMe!
So she doesn't want you to be uncomfortable when people around you make bigoted comments, well that isn't how life works.
What happens is that you don't put yourself around people who are bigots and oh dear how sad that includes her as well. She is choosing to be around bigots herself, that isn't a great look for her.
She isn't adult enough to accept you for you and understand that means defending yourself or her defending you then she isn't right for you.
It’s pretty common for men to be excluded from baby showers. Most of the ones I’ve attended were all women. Maybe none of the men in the family were invited and FIL only brought it up in a like, “your mom’s at the baby shower” kinda way.
Wow, that’s crazy and actually makes a tonnn of sense. On my way to TikTok now to see what you’re taking about!
She did, and this is how you reacted.
Cut the dramatic person out of your life and stop with yours. Seek therapy.
I know. I'm beginning to have my suspicions about this post.
How would you feel if she went our with her girlfriends, got blackout drunk and got lapdances (and who knows what else – YOU said you can't remember) from one of the male strippers there?
I have know this situation. I had time to analyze it.
she had a black and white point of view about cheating. if you cheat , that is because you want to cheat. she never fully understand that it is an emotional phenomena where logic as very few to do.
she saw at first glance when it begin in your case, before you, and probably before something start at all. but she never consider SHE could be in the same path. it was just pleasant. And one day you asks her if she is cheating. Of Course no ! she thinks. but then you are factual and you point the features that she have herself pointed to you in the past. it is a cognitive dissonance. she cannot believe she is able to cheat but the clues are there and you stopped her before she did misconduct.
As I said, i have know that situation. I had to spit my venom on her friend who give her advise on alimony and open relationship. I hit her nude, for her to understand that if she mess with my familial relations i can mess with her familial relations. my partner received from her all the fear and contempt and sadness and anger and mistrust that she dodged from me.
she talked to her shrink and her friends. I don't know what she heard . probably YTA. but her behavior changed brutally from there. she is now really close and attentive to me. and she see far less her colleague.
i mean this is a similar reaction my mom gives me when i invite da bois over for night stay at my house suddenly, from suddenly i mean i go out with em for dinner at 10 and we just decide it there itself in a span of 15 mins, and i force the decision onto my mom and she has no choice but to accept it lol, but tbh we dont drink smoke or do drugs, we da obedient bunch(we are all 18), i just wanted to tell this because i like to type stuff
That was a dumb thing for her to say to him. She should have said simply told him thanks for saying that and left it at that. Is this guy is going to be dogging her every time he is out.
Often I don’t hear about it until I see photos live. I’ve even seen her days before something she’s organised and she hasn’t mentioned it at all.
Oh gosh leave him
Look, bear in mind you may change your mind on a few years once the child is a bit older and all of this fades into a sleep deprived haze.
It's also likely that she'll stop being so mental about it once the hormones/sleep deprivation goes away.
That said you need to talk through this to avoid having it spiral. It's also advisable that she gets evaluated for PND given how emotionally she reacted to thus just in case (hormonal driven depression in particular can express itself in this kind of hyper dramatic perception). Try couples counselling to facilitate the conversation and ask her to see her doctor about just getting checked for PND.
I literally would not marrry him. You're 20, please ask yourself if you truly thinking this is what you want love to look like for the rest of your life.
Why would you even want to stay with this loser? Girl, move on and it’s time to grow up a little. Never beg a man to stay with you.
Not to mention someone that insecure will sell out your secrets for a toothpick.
Cares more about his friends opinion than the truth, reality, or op.
What is she gonna have to do when she meets them? Stuff her bra?
Why would you repeat this train wreck for 6 years bro , get outta there !
you're not going to go to fucking jail
She stated that her boyfriend told her that so it’s not her words.
I wish I could say you didn't, but you opened a box you can't simply seal back up. Usually, the person who suggests it doesn't realize how much they hurt the open person. Your husband very well sounds like he is going ahead in spite. Maybe he's just a POS who coerced you to allow a one-sided open relationship. Either way, there is no going back. You can only move forward. Whatever that means should be on you, but having a professional offer advice and/or assistance would immensely prove useful.
being a mother has been very much her identity over the past few years.
She has been a mother for 6 years, ever since your first was born. Another child will not change that.
Is she in therapy? If she isn't, she needs to be. Also, sinking her whole personality into being a mother isn't really a good idea. She should have hobbies, and a sense of self-worth without defining herself as JUST a mother.
She needs therapy and a job, teaching would be a wonderful way to share her knowledge.
Oh but her relationship is different because he’s changed and treats her so much better than all those other girls… ??♀️
She asks she’s planning to leave, but I’m positive he’s going to get her back. Like I said, she’s an easy target.. it’s just sad
You should definitely break up with her. She lied to your face for 5 years. That would make me question everything. Just break it off and head to therapy to help control your anger and find a more trustworthy partner
Look at all these people trying to shame this man by saying he’s a manchild, cheating, etc. he was just dealing with some things he was ashamed of and didn’t know how to communicate to his wife. Sometimes things can be nude on a guy and he just needs his wife to be understanding and supportive. Im so glad you were able to resolve it and work it out together.
?????
Then you go and get at least some insight on your decision making.
I would so tell my friend off for trying to bully my gf and ask him, what has gotten into him?
And tell him, that verification has shown, that the other people of the group where ok with your gf.
And if HIS gf is so direly lacking social vehavior and politeness he is very much welcome to leave HER at home.
As obviously SHE is the root cause of all that drama.
See how he likes it. Maybe he will stop.
Oh, and I would also tell him, that to ask others to bully a third party and split people apart is a major red flag.
And if he doesn't get his foot down NOW he will end up as an isolated doormat. She will ridden him of every single person SHE doesn't like.
She is miserable & she is taking it out on you.
Get help ASAP.
Only you can answer that question. You know him better than us. The only advice I can give you is trust your woman intuition. Don't move across the country for something you are uncertain. You have your support system here.
If he wants to move so bad, try LDR for a month or two. He may want to move back to stay with you.
Not everyone feels the need to be in constant contact. He trusts that if he doesn't hear from you, everything is fine.
that’s a long time! definitely offer to go with her and get checked yourself too. although I highly doubt that it’s anything on your end, it might take some pressure off emotionally if you’re getting checked too