Yes, i do agree it’s a bit narrow minded but it’s just how I feel, i know other people can think the differently and that ok too. I was somewhat uncomfortable knowing that she had 3 before me but i made it work and i got over it supper quick but knowing about one more just kicked me in the butt.
People with ASP say that eventhough they don't feel love, they can want to spend their life with someone because they love their company above anyone else's.
They only feel emotions in regards to their ego.
It is manageable to have a relationship with a sociopath, but you should get a diagnostic and talk about tht part of things
If he can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to but doesn’t want to do a mmf then he’s just being misogynistic imo. Do not have a 3 some with this man,
If he can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to but doesn’t want to do a mmf then he’s just being misogynistic imo. Do not have a 3 some with this man,
I’ve been empathetic about this situation for over a year, and it really sucks to not feel physically attracted to your partner the majority of the time, shallow or not
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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some others seemed to think it was a long time thing of her not being able to publish her novel in the past and trying to do the show to have an outlet for her poem, but she just could've read it without the show pretense because she was the bride, but she didn't want that
I'm sorry to hear about your breakup and the difficulties you're facing as a result of it. It can be very challenging to navigate a breakup when you are still living together, especially if you are trying to respect your partner's request for space while also taking care of yourself. Here are a few things you might consider as you navigate this situation:
Communicate with your ex-partner about your needs: It's important to be clear with your ex-partner about what you need in order to feel comfortable and supported during this time. You may want to consider having a conversation about boundaries and how you can both respect each other's need for space while still living in close proximity.
Seek support from friends and loved ones: It's natural to feel overwhelmed and confused after a breakup, and it's important to have a supportive network of friends and loved ones to turn to for comfort and guidance. You may find it helpful to confide in someone you trust about your feelings and get their perspective on the situation.
Take care of yourself: It's important to prioritize your own well-being during this time. This might involve finding ways to manage your emotions, such as through journaling, exercise, or other self-care practices. It's also a good idea to make sure you have a healthy support system in place, whether that's through friends, family, or a therapist.
Consider seeking professional help: If you are struggling to cope with the breakup or are finding it difficult to communicate with your ex-partner, it may be helpful to seek the support of a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate this difficult situation and work through your feelings.
I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself the time and space you need to heal.
If that's how you truly feel about her then keep it moving. She did you a favor by no longer speaking to you.
Although I think you could've gone about telling him a different way…like possibly waiting until he approached you first about it instead of seeking him out, I still think he should've known before he proposed or married your sister and the cheating thing became an issue after marriage and 2.5 kids later.
Yeah you’re probably right. I’ve always struggled with the concept of saying no and not providing responses.
We also have a trip across the country (in the other direction) planned to visit my parents because that’s where they on-line. Except that’s because my parents paid for our flights (they always do) and have somewhere for us to stay. I just know that when they see we’re on that trip they’re going to comment because they don’t know we didn’t pay for it.
Here's an alternative solution . you don't need to be in therapy for a relationship that is basically mentally affecting you it's this negative ways, if you break up and get out of that relationship.
Or in this case it's not even a situation where you need to give him a heads up that you're breaking up and leaving him. this is a very good case where you just leave and get out of there.
You move forward on his terms….by putting up with whatever he says and does, without him actually considering your feelings or him trying to build trust. I’m being serious, the relationship continues as is, with him doing whatever he wants. He doesn’t respect you. When you decide you’ve had enough, and realize you deserve better, then you’ll be ready to hear and accept folks saying that the relationship is over and not worth your time or effort.
Tldr: you’re a horrible parent and your wife is trying to give your son slack in order not to belittle his 10 year old ego and brain. Get some friends and play with them instead, your obvious lack of self awareness and lack of empathy towards your sons base of self evaluation is so apparent any 1st year psychology student would draw the same conclusion.
Yeah, so that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying I don’t think people should be excused for disgusting behavior, such as the boyfriend in OPs post, because they’ve had sexual trauma.
Well even though it’s implied I think it’s time to manage that expectation. He’s almost thirties so I’m sure he’s aware that women have periods. I’d find a casual way to inform him of this. Just as long as you convey to him that you want to see him and you’re sexually interested in him but it’s not gonna happen because Aunt Flo is visiting I think you’re all good
She's 20. Let her spread her legs to everyone and date around. It's good to have experience before getting into a serious relationship so she's experienced enough to see all the red and yellow flags in a guy.
I'm not replying directly to you, but rather addressing this whole ridic comment thread that has devolved into a discussion about consent vs assumption. So don't take this as a personal indictment. Moving on…
Of course there should be consent. If we were talking about a toy, or some foreign object, and not a finger, we'd be having a conversation about sexual assault. Playfulness is great, but have the decency to put forward the idea verbally and gain consent before actually just putting a finger in their ass.
Here's how it went down for me (CIS M): I was dating a woman and the sex was fantastic. I got the notion that she was down for some type of anal, and so asked her if she'd ever used a toy in her backdoor. She said she'd thought about it and wondered how it would feel. I asked if she wanted to find out right then and there and she did. And she quite liked it.
Weeks later we're into the same thing and she asks ME if I've ever tried the same thing (using a toy to self stimulate). I certainly had, but was bashful and only admitted I'd considered it in the past. She asked if I wanted to find out what it was like, so I said yes. Done deal, finger in the ass during sex. Fucking loved it.
Point being, it doesn't have to be an awkward thing. For any gender. But it does have to be a mutually consensual thing, and that consent has to be clearly established beforehand. Sometimes it's a question with an answer, sometimes it's a request with a response, but in any case its communication.
Everyone is allowed to have any boundary they want. And of course the other part is allowed to leave the relationship at any moment. Its called freedom and has to go both ways.
I wont allow that boundary on any of my relationships, I wont give my private passwords, nor share my location etc etc I find all those things quite toxic BUT nowadays seems the new norm. Ok then, I'd rather be single ( Im not but if that case pops up, ill sign out of the relationship instantly ).
Yeah pal, that's a mega red flag. If she's only doing innocent things on there then there's no reason why you can't follow. She's certainly hiding something from you and doesn't want to get caught up. At least that's automatically where my mind went. But still, huge red flags.
Why do people do this in response. There is no slightly off its “Clearly you have no clue”. No I do have a clue because I am an engineer and I'm just telling you what I have observed. If I'm guilty of anything it's fixating on the number 21 and focusing on software engineering. My two best friends are mechanical engineers and they graduated at 25 and 26 because we all worked full time throughout. So I know what I have seen personally and I looked on-line to see if I was in the ballpark. The average age of college grad is 26 and the average starting age of engineer is 23. Also half of graduates don't have a job lined up at graduation but that is across the board maybe engineering is a better prospect because it's a high demand job. So saying I clearly have no idea is inaccurate but I may be guilty of anecdotel evidence and looking at too broad statistics instead of focusing purely on the realm of engineering. We can disagree that's okay no need to get hyperbolic.
I know I cannot let a stranger decide for my relationship, as I mentioned I just wanted to know a different opinion, taking into consideration the fact that his side of the story the judger cannot know.
Anyways, as far as the problem is concerned, the thing is: the type of commitment he gives me was fine in the beginning, because we were just dating. I wasn't expecting anything more that that. But now that we are together, I do expect (but most importantly need) a different kind of committment.
We talked about it when we decided to become a couple and that's why I expected it to happen. I feel like I am meeting my obligations, what he asked from me when we made things serious, but he hasn't and doesn't seem willing to.
I don't want to force him, because I feel like if he has no pleasure to then he shouldn't.
16 is insanely young.
16 year olds do not make good decisions.
They’re terrible at looking to the future and delaying gratification.
You can know something is wrong and still not have the tools to make the right decision.
Is he a doomsday prepper?
Unless you're actually fucking his asshole. Then, who knows, maybe a good pegging will straighten out his brain.
Yes, i do agree it’s a bit narrow minded but it’s just how I feel, i know other people can think the differently and that ok too. I was somewhat uncomfortable knowing that she had 3 before me but i made it work and i got over it supper quick but knowing about one more just kicked me in the butt.
It does sound lile ASP.
People with ASP say that eventhough they don't feel love, they can want to spend their life with someone because they love their company above anyone else's.
They only feel emotions in regards to their ego.
It is manageable to have a relationship with a sociopath, but you should get a diagnostic and talk about tht part of things
Yes. she posts about him all the time on her instagram. If I didn't have proof of that, I wouldn't have made this post in the first place.
Can she sleep with and date who she wants with out you or society saying she’s doing something wrong?
Meybe they should stay together to keep a couple cheaters away from everyone else
They happen all the time, it's more a matter of whether you have enough money.
So you started dating when you were 17 and he was 27? Yikes.
If he can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to but doesn’t want to do a mmf then he’s just being misogynistic imo. Do not have a 3 some with this man,
If he can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to but doesn’t want to do a mmf then he’s just being misogynistic imo. Do not have a 3 some with this man,
Yeah….and isn't it interesting that “loving” two girls
neatly makes it almost impossible to commit to either one.
How about that…..?
I’ve been empathetic about this situation for over a year, and it really sucks to not feel physically attracted to your partner the majority of the time, shallow or not
Hello /u/AnythingNegative30,
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Get your kids in with a therapist. Abandonment issues can fuck with their head the rest of their lives.
some others seemed to think it was a long time thing of her not being able to publish her novel in the past and trying to do the show to have an outlet for her poem, but she just could've read it without the show pretense because she was the bride, but she didn't want that
I'm sorry to hear about your breakup and the difficulties you're facing as a result of it. It can be very challenging to navigate a breakup when you are still living together, especially if you are trying to respect your partner's request for space while also taking care of yourself. Here are a few things you might consider as you navigate this situation:
Communicate with your ex-partner about your needs: It's important to be clear with your ex-partner about what you need in order to feel comfortable and supported during this time. You may want to consider having a conversation about boundaries and how you can both respect each other's need for space while still living in close proximity.
Seek support from friends and loved ones: It's natural to feel overwhelmed and confused after a breakup, and it's important to have a supportive network of friends and loved ones to turn to for comfort and guidance. You may find it helpful to confide in someone you trust about your feelings and get their perspective on the situation.
Take care of yourself: It's important to prioritize your own well-being during this time. This might involve finding ways to manage your emotions, such as through journaling, exercise, or other self-care practices. It's also a good idea to make sure you have a healthy support system in place, whether that's through friends, family, or a therapist.
Consider seeking professional help: If you are struggling to cope with the breakup or are finding it difficult to communicate with your ex-partner, it may be helpful to seek the support of a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide you with the tools and support you need to navigate this difficult situation and work through your feelings.
I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself the time and space you need to heal.
If that's how you truly feel about her then keep it moving. She did you a favor by no longer speaking to you.
Although I think you could've gone about telling him a different way…like possibly waiting until he approached you first about it instead of seeking him out, I still think he should've known before he proposed or married your sister and the cheating thing became an issue after marriage and 2.5 kids later.
You should not be going after a 20 year old.
Yeah you’re probably right. I’ve always struggled with the concept of saying no and not providing responses.
We also have a trip across the country (in the other direction) planned to visit my parents because that’s where they on-line. Except that’s because my parents paid for our flights (they always do) and have somewhere for us to stay. I just know that when they see we’re on that trip they’re going to comment because they don’t know we didn’t pay for it.
Here's an alternative solution . you don't need to be in therapy for a relationship that is basically mentally affecting you it's this negative ways, if you break up and get out of that relationship.
Or in this case it's not even a situation where you need to give him a heads up that you're breaking up and leaving him. this is a very good case where you just leave and get out of there.
Girl, nope. Let this man go! This is the second time you caught him.
Your relationship is dead. Act accordingly.
You move forward on his terms….by putting up with whatever he says and does, without him actually considering your feelings or him trying to build trust. I’m being serious, the relationship continues as is, with him doing whatever he wants. He doesn’t respect you. When you decide you’ve had enough, and realize you deserve better, then you’ll be ready to hear and accept folks saying that the relationship is over and not worth your time or effort.
Tldr: you’re a horrible parent and your wife is trying to give your son slack in order not to belittle his 10 year old ego and brain. Get some friends and play with them instead, your obvious lack of self awareness and lack of empathy towards your sons base of self evaluation is so apparent any 1st year psychology student would draw the same conclusion.
Yeah, so that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying I don’t think people should be excused for disgusting behavior, such as the boyfriend in OPs post, because they’ve had sexual trauma.
Some day you’ll have a serious partner who won’t want you around your best friend’s sister, are you okay with that? Will It affect your friendship.
Ehh it's a bit of an issue
Well even though it’s implied I think it’s time to manage that expectation. He’s almost thirties so I’m sure he’s aware that women have periods. I’d find a casual way to inform him of this. Just as long as you convey to him that you want to see him and you’re sexually interested in him but it’s not gonna happen because Aunt Flo is visiting I think you’re all good
She's 20. Let her spread her legs to everyone and date around. It's good to have experience before getting into a serious relationship so she's experienced enough to see all the red and yellow flags in a guy.
I'm not replying directly to you, but rather addressing this whole ridic comment thread that has devolved into a discussion about consent vs assumption. So don't take this as a personal indictment. Moving on…
Of course there should be consent. If we were talking about a toy, or some foreign object, and not a finger, we'd be having a conversation about sexual assault. Playfulness is great, but have the decency to put forward the idea verbally and gain consent before actually just putting a finger in their ass.
Here's how it went down for me (CIS M): I was dating a woman and the sex was fantastic. I got the notion that she was down for some type of anal, and so asked her if she'd ever used a toy in her backdoor. She said she'd thought about it and wondered how it would feel. I asked if she wanted to find out right then and there and she did. And she quite liked it.
Weeks later we're into the same thing and she asks ME if I've ever tried the same thing (using a toy to self stimulate). I certainly had, but was bashful and only admitted I'd considered it in the past. She asked if I wanted to find out what it was like, so I said yes. Done deal, finger in the ass during sex. Fucking loved it.
Point being, it doesn't have to be an awkward thing. For any gender. But it does have to be a mutually consensual thing, and that consent has to be clearly established beforehand. Sometimes it's a question with an answer, sometimes it's a request with a response, but in any case its communication.
Everyone is allowed to have any boundary they want. And of course the other part is allowed to leave the relationship at any moment. Its called freedom and has to go both ways.
I wont allow that boundary on any of my relationships, I wont give my private passwords, nor share my location etc etc I find all those things quite toxic BUT nowadays seems the new norm. Ok then, I'd rather be single ( Im not but if that case pops up, ill sign out of the relationship instantly ).
Why? This isn't about his gf being trans. It's about his gf lying and manipulating him. 4 months of sex without disclosure, that's not consent.
Fair enough, just saying malice wasn't a motivator here I guess
Yeah pal, that's a mega red flag. If she's only doing innocent things on there then there's no reason why you can't follow. She's certainly hiding something from you and doesn't want to get caught up. At least that's automatically where my mind went. But still, huge red flags.
Why do people do this in response. There is no slightly off its “Clearly you have no clue”. No I do have a clue because I am an engineer and I'm just telling you what I have observed. If I'm guilty of anything it's fixating on the number 21 and focusing on software engineering. My two best friends are mechanical engineers and they graduated at 25 and 26 because we all worked full time throughout. So I know what I have seen personally and I looked on-line to see if I was in the ballpark. The average age of college grad is 26 and the average starting age of engineer is 23. Also half of graduates don't have a job lined up at graduation but that is across the board maybe engineering is a better prospect because it's a high demand job. So saying I clearly have no idea is inaccurate but I may be guilty of anecdotel evidence and looking at too broad statistics instead of focusing purely on the realm of engineering. We can disagree that's okay no need to get hyperbolic.
I know I cannot let a stranger decide for my relationship, as I mentioned I just wanted to know a different opinion, taking into consideration the fact that his side of the story the judger cannot know.
Anyways, as far as the problem is concerned, the thing is: the type of commitment he gives me was fine in the beginning, because we were just dating. I wasn't expecting anything more that that. But now that we are together, I do expect (but most importantly need) a different kind of committment.
We talked about it when we decided to become a couple and that's why I expected it to happen. I feel like I am meeting my obligations, what he asked from me when we made things serious, but he hasn't and doesn't seem willing to.
I don't want to force him, because I feel like if he has no pleasure to then he shouldn't.
Thanks anyways for your input.
This is basically what most others are saying though.