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Not only did he cheat on you, and likely not the first time, but he also probably supported human sex trafficking and forced prostitution
I look a lot like my mom, and neither of us is beautiful. She always treated me as an accessory as a child and competition throughout my teen years. I can't separate my experience from the OP's post enough to not see what she could have done to get this response.
Some possibilities:
1) Your coworkers are lying and he is a great guy. 2) Your coworkers aren't lying, and that means your boyfriend, although hasn't lied has also not been transparent. 3) There is some truth in what your coworkers are saying and some truth in what you feel with this guy i.e., he was sleeping around but he is now loyal to you.
If it is 1, you shouldn't worry. But I hardly imagine that your coworkers would indulge in a gossip that would outrightly discredit a guy that much.
If it is 2, I would advise you to cut everything. But your prerogative as it depends on what is important to you in relationships.
If it is 3, you can either leave or test the waters so that you know he is truly loyal to you.
I mean honestly, these are all some probabilities. You should actually straight up ask him. It really depends on what he is saying.
Laugh about someone continuously lying to you and trying to trick you?
She didn’t walk away, she asked him and he didn’t say anything so she went to take a shower. He was ready to talk after that so they talked and she told him she need time. None of that is immature.
And it doesn’t matter how popular step porn has gotten, it doesn’t make her uptight to be repulsed by incest play. Plenty of people are, and they’re entitled to that. She’s perfectly entitled to any sort of reaction when she was unwillingly included in something like that. He apologized and said he didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t change that it happened like that and it’s perfectly reasonable for her to need time and space.
Same, this would be my dream surprise. It honestly sounded like the gf was trying to find things to be mad about.
Adding! U can also read my other posts on my profile if u really wanna see how much worse his mom can get ??
Do this and then break up with him for a partner who will respect your boundaries.
You don't want boobs as big as hers, unless you want back pain. Big boobs does not automatically make someone more or less attractive than someone else. If that is you, you're more attractive imo. Your sister's face shape and features don't exactly entice me, and neither do her F cup boobs.
I can understand feeling jealous of her fame, but you don't want that either. It might feel good for a little bit but then your mundane tasks like doing errands become miserable because people won't leave you alone. They'll want photos all the time and your signature, and some people ask for signatures in weird places so they can get it tattooed.
And, in the long run, your job is more important than hers. You're teaching kids skills they will use their entire lives. Your sister is just a model, her entire career is based off of her being “nice to look at.” Your parents should be proud of you, you do something so much more meaningful as your profession. That's their fault for not being able to see it.
Sibling jealousy is also super normal, just keep that in mind. I'm sometimes jealous of my 9 year old sister, she's so smart and gifted, and gets everything she wants because our parents have money but didn't when I was younger. I'm 22, still online at home, have never had a job, don't have my diploma, or my license. All I do is stay at home, play video games, and be depressed every night, fighting a ridiculous list of mental illnesses, while my sister thrives. We all have different issues and that's okay.
Overall, I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You should start to try and see your worth because in the long run, you are worth a lot more than her.
You know, assuming you aren't actually a troll ??♀️
Ignoring everything else… have you taken steps to find a new therapist? You didn’t like the one recommended to you but have you looked for a new one? Because you likely have a lot to work through.
You may also come to find in a few years you are able to stomach the idea of coparenting with this person and then want to be in your kids life. (Without wanting to harm yourself).
I wouldn’t write off that as a possibility and would aim towards working towards it. Leaving the child is hard but may be the right thing for now. But if you can get yourself to a place where you can be in the kids life that’s probably the best outcome for both of you
I'm not going to get on the “you're not allowed to have opposite sex friends” bandwagon, but what is clear is that your boyfriend isn't communicating openly with you, and hasn't for years. Whether it's fixable or not, I don't know, but you certainly shouldn't be engaged when you guys aren't communicating in the way that a married couple would.
You should have known all of this about Nat years ago. It should not have been news.
Zzzzzz. Next
Brilliant comment and spot on.
Definitely wait until after she's fully recovered from the anesthesia. Don't stress her out right before the surgery, and you won't get a good reaction out of her before the anesthesia wears off.
I would give her the benefit of the doubt, OP. If she did intentionally exclude you, this is her chance to make it right. If she excludes you after for any reason, then she’s a bitch, and you don’t want to associate with people like that.
Do not get the procedure op.
It’s clear your not 100% sure if you truly want kids or not- and your so young that’s totally fine you can easily change your mind! You are doing your part with condoms. She can either accept it or y’all break up. It’s very telling that your not sure you want to marry her. That’s totally fine but also tells me as an outsider that y’all probably won’t end up being married- that and her reaction.
Honestly your both to young to be doing any procedures like that imo.. but to each their own. I definitely wouldn’t recommend it.
Keep with condoms and spermicidal lube!
This makes me feel better. Honestly didn’t know there were decent guys out there that were cool with single moms. Btw happy for you and your mama?
Men need to start demanding what is their right to demand and don’t be ashamed of it
We're starting to get a little red pill-y aren't we? Men have a lot of rights. A paternity test isn't one of them.
My petty ass would respond “yes” and no show.
Eh…I dunno. I kinda think you should confront it. The shaving is a red flag. It's not proof of cheating, but I think it's enough to have a serious conversation about. Last thing you want to do, whether it happened or not, is stew in paranoia and resentment. You deserve better than that.
Others have said maybe you can check previous social media or online communication methods. I think this warrants that. If it's all innocent, truly, then you need marriage counselling regardless, but it seems way too suspect to avoid, and you obviously don't deserve to be cheated on. So you deserve to know.
My mom always told me “if you don’t like the way his dad treats his mom, but he doesn’t see a problem with it, walk away” I think this easily applies to sisters, mothers, daughters, etc. I would never date a guy who idolizes his father despite his father being convicted of abusing his baby sister.
OP you see a problem with his father’s behavior and treatment of his sister (so did a jury but anyway); your boyfriend sees nothing wrong with it and makes excuse after excuse for his father. His father is his example of how to treat women and family and in some form or fashion, he will follow suit.
Walk away.
You're almost 30. Keep the baby
My abusive ex spread horrendous lies and just pure psychopathic bullshit about me to his next girlfriend. For a very very long time, she believed him and thought I was a monster. Then one day he started hitting her. Took about two years of constant violence and abuse for her to contact me. She ended up getting out. What I learned from this is that abusers will ALWAYS have excuses (this guy was severely traumatised, not an excuse to beat up your gfs), they are brilliant manipulators that will portray a fake image of themselves for x amount of time, and they always get worse with time and with relationships. It only escalates. Even if he had told you, I would have advised you to leave. Look into statistics of domestic violence and partner homicides. This is a very serious matter.
If it’s me I’m just living my own life and not asking and not worrying about it. Do you really want to know if they’re hooking up? Gross.. no haha.
Why does this account keep getting suspended?
At risk of sounding like an oversimplified lecture: You two could really benefit from some therapy. Potentially there could just be communication and expectations of compromise that just needs to be clarified.
Once you two look at the big picture here you will maybe clearly see if you're compatible or not.
Yeah by that logic my wife sometimes even enjoys to watch me cheating on her with Geralt of Rivia
Youre helping so fucking much thank you so much. One last question, do you think if I showed him the replies to this post (as its anonymous strangers and wont affect him in that sense), it would give what Im saying some more credibility? Or is that a terrible idea that will just cause another anrgument? I fear he will feel offended or defeatist. I just want him to see. So we can fix it. Or try. But, i have no credibility or any hope of getting through by myself
I’m very straight forward and would have asked in the bathroom to see the phone, but what is done is done. I would state his reaction speaks volumes and his need to show his phone without prompt additionally shows there is guilt. I never ignore my gut. Never
What the bible teaches and what the church teaches rarely line up exactly
Not really Reddit savvy but it looks like there’s 6 comments on here but when I go to look only 2 show up is there a glitch on my end or something? I really appreciate anyone who has commented so far but like I said it looks like 3 aren’t showing up or got deleted. :/
He pushed you out of the room after getting home from work to you asleep so he could jerk off. He could have a) jerked off someplace else, or b) been honest about why he was trying to get you to leave the room.
I’m sorry you’re getting attacked in the comments. Yes, masturbation is normal and healthy and everyone has a right to do it whenever they want to in or out of a relationship, but he acted went about it rudely and secretively, so it’s understandable that you would feel frustrated and uncomfortable. It’s weird to feel like your partner is sneaking around you to masturbate when it’s not a big deal and it doesn’t need to be sneaky. I’ve known a LOT of men to hide their masturbatory habits because they don’t want their partners to know the frequency and duration of when they jerk off, because it’s embarrassing, especially when they’re choosing porn over sex with a partner frequently.
Well, you've tried everything. You have kept your dignity and behaved like a rational person through all this mess. Now you have to move on. I'm glad you have your brother! Maybe one day the rest of the family will calm down and he can get through to them. But you shouldn't sit around and wait for that.
No. You don't.
Is she a danger to herself? Does she need to be in in-patient care?
Mandated reporters do so because they have to. And they state that up front.
If she truly can't function, and won't agree to any help, you must accept that you can't save her. You have to protect yourself.
You can let her know that she is loved and you are there when she wants to get help, but that you need your space to be happy.
It sounds like you slept with the other person before you and your current GF became an actual item, which is ok.
What might not be ok is the half truth you told her when she asked. That may come back and bite you in the ass.
Reddit math says you can date all the way down to 24 so just hanging out? You are totally good.
Not necessarily. Disagreement with partner is the most intimate type of conflict and usually hits closest to home. I am usually not a cryer, but I sometimes burst into tears arguing with my parents, which I find very frustrating.
You're dumb as fuck lmaooo
ive no clue, maybe just an insight on what people think that led to this?
Ugh! Even if he apologises, it’s too late. Dump him. You never have to see any of these people ever again. Jerks the lot of them! Also, 4 beers!? Who the heck gets drunk from 4 beers!!!
Sounds like your marriage is over. See a lawyer.
She does not respect you. No matter what type of person you think she is she has no respect for you or your relationship.
This is going to sound harsh but I am speaking to you as a friend. GROW A SPINE.
Maybe tell her that you’d like to take her out for a nice dinner when you all get back as a thank you.
And there’s no reason you can’t go have a nice meal by yourself at the restaurant you want to try and meet up with everyone after.
I (44F) travel all over for work and love to treat myself to a nice meal. I’ve met a lot of cool people that way all over the world.
The way back is a divorce, start heading that way you’ve opened a door and threw away the lock. Time to start over sorry hun
Listen to me here.. I have a child with a ex so I can possibly relate to how he’s handling this..
After my ex (with the child) whenever I would go on dates, especially the first couple of times I would be overwhelmed with anxiety about how the other party would handle it and believe me it’s a difficult point to get off your chest but after a few dates I noticed that women aren’t usually too bothered which kind of takes away a bit of the pressure to mention it straight away.
At least he’s mentioned it to you, he’s clearly not trying to hide it.
Give him the benefit of the doubt or if it’s bothering you just ask him openly why he didn’t mention it when he was talking about his nephews etc. I’m sure he’ll be fine to answer, just don’t give him a hard time about it.
Talk to your brother about it. He will give some perspective and deserves to know what he might face.
Check in with SIL when you can.
I would be hesitant to divorce until you are confident to have more than 50/50 custody.
Right, someone reading this thread randomly reported me as suicidal. No one is that stupid. Please seek the therapy you so clearly need and I really hope there isn't someone who actually needs that service who isn't able to get it because one of them is talking to me.
You know I see trump supporters, misogyny, racism and all kinds of bad people on this site. But what you have done is the only thing that could actually harm someone.
You seem like you are having a bad life, but honestly it sounds like you might deserve it.
There was a similar situation on the sub a little while ago and everyone was saying that you don't need to share your past and I just couldn't wrap my head around it.
People are allowed to not want to be with someone who doesn't align with their values, limits and boundaries without being labelled as anti sex work. By not telling someone something so fundamental about yourself you're manipulating them into loving you.
That goes for things like STD's, sex work, major disabilities, sexualities, gender etc – anything that could have an impact on the other person's life needs to be disclosed before you waste both your times.
There's alot more that happened in that very short description of our relationship. They slept together multiple times including after we were exclusive. It's so hard to keep it concise because of the many details ? I didn't want to ramble
Going through your partners phone is the easiest way to gaslight them or pick a fight. If you think something is wrong you are going to spiral. If you don’t find something right away you will keep digging until you find something that looks “suspicious.”
Unfortunately taxis and Ubers aren’t always available outside of metropolitan cities in a lot of the US
It’s so early on to be doing that though , like you’re still in the honeymoon bit
What gap? re read it
I know it's a probably a no. But why won't he just say that?
Negative for wanting people to realize they deserve better? OP’s boyfriend is giving clear signs he doesn’t want kids. She deserves to be with someone who does.
I was in a flustered mood writing it.
He is my best friend who asked me out 3 years ago and I said no bc I had never done anything with a guy before. We remained close and eventually I trusted him enough to have my first kiss with him
Fast forward 2 years aka 2 months ago I loose my v card to him. I gained enough trust to do that and he treated me good and did things to make me feel comfortable. Then he went back to school which is 8 hours away and treated us like we were in a relationship
Three weeks ago he told me to basically move on from everything we did and to just get over it. It was a horrible 3 weeks and I cried and tried to understand why he was doing it and I didn’t get any explanation that made logical sense
Not to mention lovebombing is part of an abusive relationship.
She’s probably already slept with someone else and wants to ease the guilt by telling you to do it too
Narcissist
Her marriage is not normal. You are right. She made a huge mistake. I honestly wouldn't tell her unless she asks. She will lash out at you.
What you can do is ask to change the subject to something more positive.
A little Maddy? Or a little Cassie?
He said anniversaries aren’t important to him not that YOU aren’t important to him. Tell him anniversaries ARE important to you and what you expect next time.
When what should have been bargaining at compromise gets into a tense stalemate, with each of you just firing your talking points at the other, I suggest that there first be a break in talks. Luckily you have this break.
Next I suggest you say to him: “Let's not quarrel.” Propose to him that each of you find someone you trust, preferably older, to negotiate on your behalf, perhaps with the help of someone with financial expertise. Let them haggle, work something out, and present it to you both, while you resume life in peace. If their plan isn't satisfying, you can always ask them if they can do a second round of talks.
God bless you as a husband! This is the correct (and very generous) response!!!
NC is commonly used for no contact too
Honey, no. No she didn’t. She’s a sadistic witch (with apologies to witches) and deserves no part in your life. She said those words as part of a temper tantrum because she didn’t get her own way. She really is a disgusting human being who deserves nothing but contempt. Even her kids’ own dad couldn’t stand her, that’s probably why he left her. I find that mildly amusing.
Grieve your BF, take time to heal, be kind to yourself and leave that dumpster fire of a woman in your past where she belongs. Sending you loads of love and hugs.
I dunno, I do this to my husband, but he doesn't complain. I'm just not that into texting. It has nothing to do with my feelings. And often I'd dead exhausted on work trips since I have to be “on,” so I fall asleep before we talk.
Not telling you to let it go, by any means, but giving your another perspective. Don't take it as a sign he doesn't care.
Trickle Truthed
Get a lawyer. And an accountant.
You can’t reason with your husband because he believes he’s right and you’re wrong. The beginning of the relationship sounds a bit like love bombing and now that there’s is a ring on your finger you should just fall in line and do as he says. He’s getting angry at any sign of your independence because it takes away his power over you so he feels the need to punish you.
He’s very awkward with that stuff. I tell him if I was someone else he would be more into sex. I know what he likes and I’m completely the opposite of what he really likes
People should understand satire. Posting racist gifs in order ridicule people who hold such opinions have been a common gag since the romans.
OP you don’t need everyone to like you, hang with people who appreciate your humor, ignore the rest.
What would have happened if she didn't think he was ugly?
Nope, didn't say that and I was in fact crystal clear about that.
This is what they all told u?
I understand it’s coming from a place of insecurity. I fully admit to being a chronic over thinker. That’s why I want to get over it, because I understand it’s probably not fair to put the onus on him to change his preferences. We’ve talked a lot recently about what gets us in the mood etc and he said he doesn’t have a type, he likes all women (and he played Calvin Harris “The Girls” to assert his point). But I guess the specific way of dress puts him in the mood? Kind of mild fetish? I don’t mind that I’m just trying to understand.
I appreciate the comments, I need to hear it when I’m being A Dick (I don’t want to be). That’s why I haven’t brought it up, nor have I been passive aggressive or anything in the meantime. I love him a lot and don’t want to fuck things up!
Time for you to go kiss another girl.
I think you might have misunderstood my question. I wasn't asking why you're in this situation. I was asking why you seem to think, judging by your feelings of fear and guilt, that you aren't allowed to change it. That being a good person means sacrificing your own happiness for his.
So real love starts when mushy love ends. When the “stale” period starts you’ve got a big consideration to figure out . Do you break up with her and move on to the next one? Or do you double-down on your current relationship, work at tilling the soil, shake up your routine, take a trip together and try to communicate each others needs on a deeper level? You must know that if this new girl were to become your new GF, then that too would eventually become “stale.” I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and we get along great, but our relationship has definitely changed over this period and is not as fresh and exciting as it once was. However, he is my oxygen and I could NOT (at least theoretically) online on this planet without him. If you don’t feel this way about your GF, then it might , in fact, be time to reassess. Bear in mind, new girl might just be a catalyst for this change. It would not be appropriate to break up with one to start up with another.
I don't think this comment is getting enough attention. This was my gut reaction, as well. In 5 years, he never voiced his aversion to marriage? Nah, it's because he only has an aversion to marrying OP. She deserves better.
I think the primary issue here is that he doesn't see himself as having a problem that needs to be helped. I know I would be pretty irritated if my partner expected me to answer quiz questions or explain why I think I'm reliable.
Sweetheart, your antiquated and misogynistic opinion means nothing to me.
Have a blessed day ?
Man what a perfect reply this is. Good luck OP
Look for a sane SO.
Well, I have been blackout drunk many times in my life, and I have never accidentally had sex with someone. I’m so sorry this is happening, especially right before a holiday. The best and only thing to do, really, is wait for the storm to pass and take care of yourself in the meantime. Try not to stress about deciding whether to talk to your Mom or not. Just let a few days pass and then pick things up when you aren’t feeling as overwhelmed. Best of luck
“Leaving her without any income”
Lmao she’s an adult and should act as such.
How do we know that their “friendship” isn't the reason he stopped seeing her professionally? Maybe something was happening and they said this can't happen IF I'm your psychologist…so I'll stop being your psychologist.
I never intended to “steal” his friend. And yes, while I don't want to hurt him more than I already would be, his emotions are his own. I don't think I'm a terrible person to have feelings for his friend. I think what would be terrible is unnecessarily hurting him right now, which is why I even posted asking for advice in the first place!
I guess the OP has somehow made you angry by saying that she doesn't have an intellectual connection with her boyfriend, your reaction tells us more about you than her, she's pretty even handed.
Besides being obnoxious, it was an incredibly controlling power move.
That’s still happening.
I would anticipate emotional brinksmanship next.
I agree, I’m hoping I can find the words to explain this kindly.
Same. It doesn’t get better. That young, he should definitely not fall for sunk cost fallacy. I’d end it, but that’s just me.
For the duration of this relationship, I have covered 80-90% of the expenses
She told me that she wanted to split the equity for the property 50/50 and would only reimburse me back for half of the difference I contribute outside the “loan” from my parents. When I asked how that made sense because I would technically be paying the full down payment upfront, I was told it does not make sense for her to split the inheritance portion since I “haven't earned it”.
I think you're missing a very blantant red flag here. You've been covering almost all of the expenses for your entire relationship, and now she's trying to manipulate you into a deal that is very one sided in who it benefits, her.
She called you selfish because she knew it would hurt your feelings and she hoped that you'd “give in” to what she wanted to avoid seeming selfish.
My advice would be to NOT put her name on the title and complete the purchase before marriage so that it's a pre-marital asset. It really sounds like she wants to take advantage of you.
You did nothing wrong. If she opened the door, you need to walk through it.
My guess is u don’t know much about his past, he prolly got trust issues.
So if she tells you that and you trust her, are you ok with her actually sleeping with sting or are you thinking it would be said as a joke?
Your partner is a child. I dated someone who went through the same procedure – could never even think of saying anything as such. Seriously, leave him and make sure to tell his mother what the exact reason.