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168 thoughts on “Ana online sex chats for YOU!”
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She had a ring on every finger so i couldnt tell cuz they all matched in color ??
How do you gather the strength?
Write down the progression time line.
When did it start, how was it, when did it start getting worse, what is the times looking like?
Are the good times getting shorter and the crap getting longer.
None of this is really anything to do with you, it is all internal to his own insecurity. And you know this needs help but he won't address it, so there is nothing you can do.
Well, nothing you can do to fix him, he has to fix himself. So what you can do is look at you. You have already decided that you cannot keep sacrificing yourself and your dignity.
You know it will continue to get more reactive, more controlling, more abusive.
So where and what is your line in the sand?
You are not helping him by staying, you are not helping yourself by staying. Pain is a natural consequence of his behaviour, he is in pain already by constantly obsessing over things he has no control over. So realistically you are causing him pain by staying.
It has only been 4 months and he has shown you who he is and that his dual personality has polar opposite areas. Much like abusers, they are charming and nice and wonderful until they are not and the other side is appallingly awful, but since they approached you as Mr Nice guy you keep wondering when that one who you think of as the real him will come back. But the real him is both sides, or often the real side is the abuser with a carefully constucted mask to hid the anxiety and insecurity or they would never be able to be in society at all.
So look deeply into yourself and ask yourself why you are willing to put up with Mr Nasty for Mr Nice. That answer may also give you the strength to say enough is enough.
I've been abstinent for two years and haven't even thought of being in a relationship for about the same time. I've literally never thought about anyone like this before.
He is not just smelly: he is a smelly, lazy, disrespectful asshole. Please break up with him before you become a cautionary tale.
“Work on ourselves” is just a cop out for wanting to break up. It’s over dude. Let her go. Burn the album. Block her on everything.
Oh boy, we used to do even worse when we were younger and experimenting with all sorts of things. I also had a few happy drunk party hook ups before I met him so between the ages 16-20, did I get raped? Or was I raping them?
In the words of Sir Arnold Bax 'Try everything once, except incest and folk-dancing.' Go for it.
She never had to fake orgasms, she’s pretty direct about it. Sometimes she’s satisfied without reaching it, and she states it if it’s not the case. But still, I have this feeling of not being enough somehow.
I wish I could call her out, today we all sat and talked with the suggestion we’d each say one thing that we needed to share, she wanted more than that, all of her remarks were aimed at me. That I’m grumpy before work and grumpy after work and it’s affecting her so she has to stay in bed in the morning!
Yeah… I used to get jealous when my boyfriend went to lunch with his female colleagues. Until i got some goddamn confidence and realized: they are his colleagues. Doesn’t matter if they have boobs or not, he’s not gonna f them on a work lunch. He still goes to lunch with them, my attitude towards it changed. Now I’m happy that he treats his colleagues equally. Sometimes it’s not what your partner does, it’s your own insecurities. Of course you can have a conversation about it with your partner for them to support you getting more confident but you can’t forbid your partner from normal behavior until you get the confidence.
Do you on-line in Virginia? Does he work for the “Department of State”
Honestly man, I'd leave, you may love her and that sucks, but you are already showing signs of dissatisfaction and whether you know it or not, resentment. If you two do have sex, it'll go on for a bit, and it'll be good but I assure you there is like an 85 percent chance it'll degrade into a sexless marriage, back to square one but now with a legal tie to the situation. You are still very young, you have a long life ahead of you on a planet with many other women, so find one who will be compatible with you, because I promise, this isn't it.
There are only two possibilities:
Either she was raped and therefore the only reasonable thing to do is to go to de police.
Or she just cheated on you and is making that up to get away with it.
And the good thing is there's an easy way to find out which one is it. You simply support her and reinforce the importance that she takes it to the police, If she go to the police she was raped if she doesn't she cheated on you.
I'm glad I made the choice I made and I feel this big sense of relief that just means I did what was best for my own peace and happiness. Gave my 110% to love unconditionally and didn't get anything in return. I had been so patient and understanding as ever but still no effort was made on her part then at a later point in our relationship I decided that it's been long enough, that I tried so very hot, and this was it. I realized my own self worth and value that she didn't see in me and no longer will she deserve my time, attention and efforts.
“No More Mr Nice Guy” by Robert A Glover
“Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie
She didn't want to communicate in person and wanted to text only
While she was going on dates with someone else.
so I typed out everything I wanted to say to her and ended it and I'm glad I did what I did. I was not going to let myself be treated like a dog ever again by another woman.
Fear of withdrawal or fear of disengagement
Refuse to view yourself as some kind of sad, unappreciated, downtrodden martyr for some kind of tragic lost cause.
she'll always be here whenever and if I'm ever going to be ready again.
Your ex is a manipulator. She's not for real. Sorry but I call horseshit. She doesn't actually mean any of that crap. She just hopes she csn keep you on back burner just in case.
This can be tricky because the feeling of never-ending drudgery doesn't set in for a few months. One day of Daddy time does not equal the 24/7 life of many SAHP's.
A better challenge would be for him to manage all of the tasks she does before he starts work and after his work day ends to see how depressing it can get. Adults need mental stimulation….which many get from their job.
OP – Please stop demeaning what your wife does or doesn't do and have an actual caring conversation with her. Is she ok? Does she miss work, or maybe just some time away from kiddos, guilt free. TALK to this woman you love instead of letting your assumptions fester into a big pile of bitterness.
Therapy and maybe meds could help you (I use both), but the violence is concerning. He needs to leave you. You will do it again.
Aren't you starting to go through the stages of grief? It starts with denial, then comes anger, bargaining, depression and at last acceptance. Give yourself time.
This is what I was going to say. Find that asshole inside of you and set him free. Be a dick to her at all times and drive her out. Insult and bully her every chance you get and make it your goal to bring her self esteem to its lowest level. Be the worst roommate ever. Blast music she hates every minute you’re there, be a disgusting pig in the kitchen and bathroom. Clean nothing. Have a buddy or two stay overnight every night, including a female friend now and then in your room with the door shut. Have the female friend act the part of “more than a friend.” Don’t let up on any of it.
Your girlfriend has unrealistic expectations. You will never please her because of this. You’ve also been dating long enough for her to be able to trust you, and her saying you “betrayed” her for something so trivial means she doesn’t. I’m not saying you gave her a reason, because based off of her unrealistic expectations i don’t think you’ll be able to gain it.
I’d let this one go because you’ll spend your life miserable and bending over backwards for someone that you can’t please.
I don’t know if this is randomly selected from one person or happens to all the messages that he has, I only looked at his messages to her
Seriously op sounds 16
Damn this was a fun thread to read on the toilet
She sucks for how she shamed your penis.
But you suck for how you choose to describe her too.
Too bad you guys can’t work something out because you seem perfect for each other.
Hahahaha. This is gold. You're having casual sex and now you're pissed at your best mate for having a one night stand with your fwb. That's the issue with no strings attached sex.
There dating
And here I am paying for infertility treatment… yet people this blind are repopulating. The world is a cruel cruel place.
Your mom is correct. You need to get snipped and take your head out of your rear (or a multitude of vaginas I guess, more literally). There is NO way you’re in every life of every child you donated sperm to. Throwing money at children while their moms raise them day to day is unfair. Having children when you know you’re sick is unfair. This is all fuelled by ego and narcissism. The therapy comment is proof.
You’re the smartest man in the world, spreading his seed so how could anyone else know better than you. /s
Let????? Oh hell no. Obviously the wife is in the wrong here but nobody needs to give anybody permission to have friends of the opposite sex
We as men should, but rarely ever are.
Just one of the many privileges we have is no one gives a shit about how we feel
Are your parent's cousins?
This is so sad. I don’t know what advice to give you because you have given him all the power.
Wow. You married an immature self-centered child. I have no words. I am so sorry.
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One can be a lesbian and biromantic/heteroromantic.
For me, she didn't lie that much. Op always knew his wife was LL and she didn't cheat.
The only lie is that she has additionally a sexual attraction towards woman but she never acted on it in a cheating way.
She was there for him when he was at his lowest.
They can stay married and find their way to a new agreement for their sexual life (sex outside of marriage) .
Yo, I'm that level of petty. If he feels the need to think about someone else while doing it “with you” that's sad enough, but if he asks for you to pretend to “be them” that's a whole different level of wtf. Ask for him to pretend to be someone else and see if it's returned, if he agrees, tell him you don't feel comfortable that he wants to see “different people” while having sex.
Yo, I'm that level of petty. If he feels the need to think about someone else while doing it “with you” that's sad enough, but if he asks for you to pretend to “be them” that's a whole different level of wtf. Ask for him to pretend to be someone else and see if it's returned, if he agrees, tell him you don't feel comfortable that he wants to see “different people” while having sex.
That’s the issue. I don’t know anyone with that faith so I’m seeking guidance. Like what’s normal and what’s not.
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Tell me who your friends are, and I know who you are. Birds of a feather and all that. If her friends are downright awful people, she has to be awful, too – even if she managed to hide it from you thus far.
Point me to any party that took 1 hour. Please.
This is 100% conjecture, so take it with a grain of salt.
If your ex determined who your bf was, and then took it upon himself to start trouble (perhaps incriminating photos from your previous relationship, just as an example), then your bf's behavior is not unreasonable.
Obviously talking it over like adults is preferable, but if this sub (or experience with humans in general) is any indication, this doesn't always play out as it should.
I'd try to determine what was said between the two, if anything. Could even ask the ex, and gauge off his reaction.
I agree with you as well. It seems kinda toxic tbh
I don't mind name-calling. She's a low-down bottom-feeding trashbag ho.
Talk to whomever you want. Date who you want. I really don't care. But when a 24-years old woman asks if it is a good idea to enter in a relationship with someone double her age I will always advice against that. Dating someone who misses 20 years of your life experience will always be an imbalanced relationship.
“He's not a bad guy, just did the top predictor that he'll eventually murder me and our kid. Totally normal great guy!”
Exactly what do you have planned to say at your daughter's funeral if he kills her? Ready to tell everyone that you saw the signs and didn't think your daughter was worth saving?
The age gap is unsettling but my honest opinion would be to get an education. You could even take on-line courses and still be home if the child needs you. Best of both worlds. This will also set you up for a better earning potential later and more financial freedom, which seems much needed.
Block her and move away from the drama.
Nope do not make yourself hurt by going back cut her off completely don’t let her have any access in messaging you
Ok thanks for the advice, will be focusing on my breathing and let myself feel my feelings.
Starting some therapy this week, so hopefully will have some ways to vent/ cope!
I feel that. Thanks again for the advice, much appreciated!
Totally agree. There's a few people around that just come here to various subs, spout some stupid fucking idea and then are all shocked Pikachu face when no one validates said stupid idea
If he cheated on her he'll cheat on you. Cut all contact.
Move on, bro. Just move on.
Four bed rooms. My room. My sons room and the girls room. Where would a baby go?
imo it's not a huge age gap, it's just that you are 20.
My mother in law is 9 years younger than father in law. But she was 31 and he was 40. They have been married for 50 years.
Like everyone else has said at 20 you are not in the same stage of life. Don't throw away being young and enjoying life for marriage and babies unless that's something you really want.
You shouldn’t reach out to her. Her actions are awful, but at the end of the day, your bf chose to have an affair and is the AH that cheated. You reaching out on his behalf to express his disinterest instead of him looks like you being insecure and doesn’t really make it seem like he’s disinterested.
Yeah, sure. Nothing sexier than getting it on with a dirty backpacker on an uncomfortable bed in front of dozen people. It doesn’t get better than this.
I’ve actually never gone clubbing but I assumed it was always done as at least a pair, possibly a group, solo clubbing did not occur to me. But, that being said I still don’t understand how just going out by yourself is cheating?
When you decide to get married without first building the kind of extended family platform you expect to have as a couple then it's something you have to try to do retroactively. You may have to tell her that your family is important to you and that you can't be in a marriage where she never interacts with them. Definitely don't buy joint real estate until you've sorted this out.
One day she heard me while on the phone with him and went crazy. She definitely knows about me.
You’re 23 and have a whole life ahead of you; don’t waste any of it on someone who doesn’t add to it. Love is not enough.
Please don't have children with this man. Please.
He has known her since you guys were children….?
So you have to ask why this friend is treated differently than all the other friends? Is the content of the messages and conversations different?
Ask her. Tell her that you couldnt help but notice that she doesnt open his messages until you are not there. If she asks, you can tell her that “No” it wasnt an issue until it was happening so often that you noticed over time that there was a pattern and now, Yes, it is an issue.
No, I just never thought this was him. And, I’m always questioning whether I have high expectations or not. I like seeing the best in people I suppose.
It’s inappropriate to tell a 13 year old, like why does her whole family know? That’s odd.
Her friends 100% know. All girlfriends share that information with each other.
Family? That’s a new one. Super odd. I wouldn’t bat an eye if it were all of her friends. But Man.
You are young, she is young. You can chop it up to a stupid mistake after you get proper reasoning from her but you are so young. Decide how you feel is appropriate for you to be treated a know your self worth. If you feel like you are worth more than that, break up with her.
No sorry I’m busy manipulating my boyfriend!
I'm just glad the violence is never an answer gang isn't out on this one. Dad gave the bro what he deserved, hopefully he successfully fights the charges
Unfortunately it's the truth. We have carpet in our bedroom and he knows I hate the poop smell and he stepped in poop and wiped it on our bedroom carpet floor. We spent 5k on a chain link fence for the dog to go outside in the yard and the first Day the dog rips under the chain link and attacks the the neighbors dog and we have to pay for there vet visit and be in fear of being sued. I just don't know what to do anymore
Oh man. Weaponising kids. Not something you want to do. Not saying you are, but there's a lot of opportunities for this to go very wrong. And in a way your husband already is.
Op, I fully understand 2 kids being enough and being more than just the 'job' of mom. Not everyone is or needs to be cut out for big families or the SAHP life.
Very hot question and without judgment: do you think if you kept the baby instead of adopting you would be able to love the baby as much as your other two kids? Or do you think you'll grow resentful of it and treat it like the stereotypical red-headed stepchild?
If you and husband do go to therapy, might be one of the questions asked, or something you might want to bring up.
The baby is an innocent bystander in this. Very hot as it is, if you feel like you're not able to love it equally, best go through with the adoption.
Situations like this break marriages. Especially when I read husband may have tampered with the condoms for a reverse baby trap.
Just in case: get your financial and legal ducks in order. Get the important paperwork for you and the kids copied and keep the originals in a safe place.
This is all kinds of fubar. Hope you and your other 2 kids navigate this as healthily and easily as possible. Good luck and good vibes.
I was abused sexually by a man your husbands age when I was 13.
So…are you sure he wasn't grooming her at 14? are you sure he never had an excuse to give her a ride to a match and stop for a “bite” to eat? There are a LOT of ways a man could pick up a sexualized relationship with a 14 year old girl–but not have sex and not have adults notice it.
I am living proof.
You're not freaked lot because he moved on. You're freaked out by the specter of what his current paramour suggests is possible. That he groomed a teenager to be his partner and he's lying about it like perpetrators do.
Please talk to your daughter carefully about how your husband talks about relationships to her. He is going to prepare her to be biddable and submissive because those are what men who like young women like. Please consider therapy for all of your kids and discuss the situation with the therapist. Your kids needs to hear from other adults that what their dad is doing is unusual and that it's a really bad idea to get into a relationship with a former authority figure while they are young.
And no, the kids should absolutely NOT be taught to be secretive at this age–that's the first thing predators will want them to do. It raises the risk that they will be targeted for grooming when sexual predators realize they think they should hide this information. Fight your husband on this. His reaction may be the difference between age gap relationship and uncovering a history of sexual abuse.
People defending porn here like it is like breathing
Sadly it is not just about my family… the other reason is because I have to restart my career if I immigrate (getting all the exams and internships done)… I don’t want to wait for another 5 years so I want to start my career as soon as possible >< And it is so heartbreaking for both of us to break up… we have been through everything throughout the past 5 years, and he is my first love ?
Breakup, she isn't a good partner!
I think you suck it up and power through. I kind of agree with another commenter, that you spent a lot of time writing about how you don't like the things the do. I get it, I'm about your age and I'm not one for getting wasted.
But, for example. You say that you attempted to make conversation, and they seemed interested for a minute or two then moved on. I mean… yeah, that's pretty normal for a party with someone who is basically a stranger. They're clearly group partiers, not “sit down, make eye contact, and discuss philosophy” partiers.
Give it a few visits. Continue to make an effort. And recognize that you think of yourself being a certain way socially because you hang out with your own group of friends. This is an alien situation for you.
If possible, maybe try to arrange to do a thing. Go somewhere, go to a beer festival, take a hike if that's a thing people are into. A party like this will pivot heavily on inside jokes and nostalgia, which make it very hot to bring someone new in. See if you can create new memories with these people, and connections will be forged much faster.
Finally, again if possible, try to have dinner or something with a couple of the friends only. Get to know certain people better rather than trying to get to know a whole group at once.
Never ever post yourself very hot on-line unless you plan to never have a career or date anyone normal.
That's the reality of the situation. When it comes to procreation, one has to wait until the other is ready. Both people need to be onboard.
He seems to have been okay with waiting until now, so he should be able to acknowledge that this pregnancy is unplanned therefore it shouldn't alter their plans. They obviously have a few serious discussions ahead of them.
The average age of first birth in my country is 30 years of age – she is three years off that at present and she could feel much more ready at that stage. If he doesn't want to wait for that then that's his prerogative, he's free to go find someone else to father his children.
I was just curious.
I agree with their assessment. They're showing all the signs for the colloquial description of a narcissist.
There are medical terms and there are colloquial descriptions. Just because you don't understand that doesn't mean it isn't so.
Um…. Dont poke a sleeping giant?
Therapy.
Also, you need to not project past relationships on present partners. My ex of 5 years cheated on me constantly, gaslit me, abused me in any way you can think of. I still get some anxiety and panic attacks 2 year later, but my current partner hasn't done anything to make me doubt him, so I do my best not to project my own trauma on him. Therapy helped with this.
Also one thing you need to remember, your partner cheating on you in the past, present or the future is NOT a reflection of you in any way, but them. Do not beat yourself up for what happened in the past. Try to develop a trusting relationship.
You need to work on yourself because from what you described I can tell you that no matter what your gf does will never be enough for you. It's not on her as much right now (because from what you wrote I don't feel like she's given you any reason to doubt her) as it's on you to fix your trust issues. Maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship right now at all. Fix your mindset first or you will end up in the same spot again and again.
That's what I was thinking!
He wants her to dump him.
As a Muslim with family members who have married outside the religion, it’s a long process and eventually he will have to fight for you and make a decision. If he’s financially dependent he can’t do that yet.
A 19-year-old can make dumb choices if she wants to.
No idea if it's a basic incompatibility or not. You say she had “noticeable” PPD? PPD symptoms aren't “manipulation”Did it's literally a serious mental disorder) Did she never get treated for that? Symptoms of PPD can continue for YEARS. It really does sound like you need to get her medical help. Do you have any family or friends that can help you convince her to see a doctor.
Yup, it increases the risk of a domestic homicide by 700%. And that includes any restriction on blood or oxygen flow to the brain, however brief.
The whole wedding will be congratulations towards us and then her, and the entire focus of everyone will shift to her immediately after the wedding
OP….. life happens. People get pregnant, people have kids, people have accidents, people get promotions, people die. You can't control life, and the world doesn't center around you.
Just relax and talk to people about some of the concerns. How does your sis feel about being a bridesmaid still? Start making plans with your parents, sis etc. now so you're prepared for any scenario.
The whole wedding will be congratulations towards us and then her, and the entire focus of everyone will shift to her immediately after the wedding.
Even if your sister wasn't pregnant…. do you really think most people will continue focusing on you and your partner's wedding/marriage after? Even with your sister's kid, you will still get asked about how married life is, you will get asked about your honeymoon etc.
This was my lone of thought hubby thought it was her and is now back peddling now that he knows it's him.
She’s only going to have sex with you if she’s feeling attracted to you. Stop bugging her about it, you wanna bang, take her out on a romantic date! Grab some food and drinks, go play mini golf, take her to see the movie she wanted to see. Hang out and have fun, court her like you did in the beginning. She’s not a bag of bones you just get to fuck, you have to continue to turn her on
I would say thats normal during a break, but it seems like she threw it in your face to hurt you, over something pretty trivial. I would probably be looking for a new gf but thats me.
I am a married woman. I watch porn sometimes. And I'm not completely sure, but I think my husband does too. Sometimes one of us is in the mood and the other is not. I am completely okay with him getting himself off. And he is okay with me doing the same and porn can help with that. I do see how this can be a big no no for people. But the way I see it, watching porn can be a solution for couples with different libidos for example. You are completely within your right to set this boundary with your partner, but I do believe that you may have to satisfy him more often if you do… Or find another solution together.
I am too embarrassed to talk about it with my friends. Plus I think it would hurt our friendship to even slightly accuse them of such a thing. It is a mix of both though. I have multiple groups of friends. My best friend “X” is the one she seems closest to though. We have been close for over 7 years now. They often go out with “Y” and “Z” too, but there’s been multiple times where it was just her and “X” hanging out one on one. I appreciate your advice about talking to a professional, I think it would help, but at the same time… Idk, I feel like im stuck in my ways I’d never wanting to fully let my guard down.
Same I was 14 going on 15 talking to a 23 year old guy and I thought I was so cool. Yikes on bikes.
I mean, lots of people keep extras of sugar, ketchup, very hot sauce type packets on hand—I always have because I’m cheap. The soda thing is whatever, drink separate sodas. The pet hair, sure, kinda weird but not freak-out weird. It’s sort of common. Buuut, it sounds like it’s just not working out for you two.
It’s a legal question. By operation of law, the child may be the only heir to the estate and his birth can affect any preexisting estate plan. OP’s family needs a lawyer.
Those behaviours don't come out of nowhere either. People model their behaviour as adults when they're children.
They're not separate – I'm not arguing what you're saying is wrong, I'm saying that here's WHY people like that exist in the first place.
Whoa…he love bombed you and now you are seeing the real him. And it’s ugly. You have a future of being a complete prisoner physically and financially if you stay with this AH. If it’s not too late; get an abortion so you aren’t tied to him in any way for the rest of your life. RUN!
I did, almost 3 to 4 times now, She said she'll do better, but it's always the same in a way.
Dude dump her dumbass. You put your life at risk defending hers and your own. She’s says she’s not sure if she can see you again? Don’t see her again.
Because what he wants is space, he doesn’t want you to comfort him right now. You’re trying to do what YOU think he needs, you don’t seem to listen to what HE needs.
Also are people not freshening up for sex as a cutesy?? I’ve always done this in my 7 years of being sexually active
Maybe she feels secretly feels it is unfair that you work part time and she works full time?
That’s incredibly disgusting. Ew. Ew. Ew. You should leave. Single is better than dealing with people like this. Actual ghost him.
If it takes years then it takes years..that is for a man committed to atone for his sins to his wife and family…which you OBVIOUSLY are not. Just move on man, take that step and file for divorce. You made the mistake, you should own it.
I agree the texts are very inappropriate however she said that's how he was before she met me. However, I'm not sure if it's any different now but I wanted to provide context on their relationship.
So her, a 49 year old woman is listening to her parents and doing what they tell her? Sorry but I cannot comprehend why you’d want to be with a middle aged woman that does what mummy and daddy say ?.
And I hate to be the one to tell you but the sex ban, that’s her blackmailing you into getting a job. She is literally saying “no marriage until you get a job and no sex until we are married”. Translation: o sex until my parents tell me I should.
Why are you wasting your life on this manipulative family?
They don't see me drinking or smoking. But they know we're not happy. They see us arguing.
Anyone who takes this seriously and believes that somehow youd get mud on your shirt during a massage is a rube.
If they still choose to invite him, then don’t go. You let your stance be known so they pretty much can’t be surprised if you don’t show up.
Yes, you're being gaslighted. You had plans with her at 8:30. You had every right to be either annoyed or concerned that you're not getting a response at 10PM.
Also, are you for real? Lack of intimacy + lack of inhibition when drunk? I think her “ex” thinks that they are still in an “on again off again” relationship.
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Throwaway account for reasons. This post cannot be used without prior consent from the OP.
TL;DR: My (29m) close friend and love interest (28f) had an affair with her boss (50m), and is now angry with my reaction to everything.
I’m going to preface this by saying that we were not in a romantic relationship at any point in our friendship. A bit of backstory – we became friends around 8 years ago, when we started working together, and were casual friends for around 3 years. Around 5 years ago, she left the job, because of reasons, and her boyfriend at the time broke up with her. She confided in me about her situation and feelings, and since then, we had been growing closer.
Around 2 years ago, she had gotten Covid, and has been ill ever since, At the time, she had been dating someone else, who ghosted her, and that took toll a severe toll on her mental health, which led to additional physical health problems. Once again, she had confided to me about all her issues, and I helped her to get through the breakup and did some other inconsequential things for her, like sending her her favorite sweets/chocolates when she was having bad days, etc.
A few months after the breakup, I realized that I had started developing more romantic feelings for her, and confessed to her about it. We had discussed it, and, as she had just come out of a messy breakup, she said that she was not ready to date again, so we agreed to remain friends and see where it may lead in the future. Unfortunately, I still held out hope for us to be more than “just friends”, and continued doting on, and spoiling her whenever I got the chance (i.e., randomly sending her flowers, buying things for her that she needed but could not necessarily afford, etc.). She did say a few times that she doesn’t like that I do/buy all this stuff for her, but she doesn’t do/buy anything for me, which I stated that I don’t mind as I don’t like when people feel obligated to do or buy things for me. During this whole time, we still continued to chat daily, and talk over the phone almost weekly (we lived in different cities, so visiting her was a once in a while thing).
This past Thursday, at around 1 am, she messaged me saying that she did something terrible, and now is not sure how to deal with the consequences, as it will mess up everything around her. At the time, she did not want to say what happened, but I could tell that she wanted to talk about it, so I continued to try and calm her down. At around 2am, she calls me and tells me that she has to tell me what happened, regardless of any promise she made to anyone else, as it is killing her inside.
She then goes on to tell me the worst news I’ve ever received – that she’s been sleeping with her (50m) boss. She then goes on to tell me that this has been going on since mid-December, and now, she made the mistake of sending a picture of them together at a restaurant to his phone in the middle of the night, and his wife saw it and has been calling and swearing her. She goes on to say that just before 2 am, he sent her a voice note calling her a bitch for breaking up his marriage and that he doesn’t want anything to do with her going forward, which is when she decided to call and tell me everything.
The second she mentioned his name, my entire world shattered, and I was just numb. I talked her through it for another 3 hours, until I had to leave for work, and continued to check up on her throughout the day. Throughout the day, however, everything started getting to me, and in the evening, I had decided that enough was enough and that I needed to talk to her. I called her around 8pm, and basically told her off for the fact that she basically used me as an emotional punching bag.
I had asked her several times, why, throughout the 3 months that she was with him, and however long before that when she realized that she had feeling for him, did she not once think to tell me about it, so that I could remove myself from the situation. All she could say was that she did not once think about telling me, or how it would affect me when I eventually found out. I then accused her of not caring about me and lying to me, and basically forced more information out from her.
She eventually admitted that she had actually slept with him for the first time at the beginning of December (and my overthinking and analyzing leads me to believe that it was on my birthday). She did not tell anyone as he is married and has a son (25m) who’s almost her age, and that he made her promise that she would keep it a secret until he leaves his wife.
I then warned her that, if he could do this and ask her to hide it, he probably definitely did it before, as his wife did accuse him of cheating before. She still continued to defend him and say that he is this genuine caring man who she’s in love with, and she doesn’t know what she’s going to do or how she’s going to continue living without him. We ended the call as friends, with me saying I would need more time to process everything and her accepting that.
On Friday afternoon, I messaged her saying that I have a question, but she did not want to answer any questions. I then went on to basically lash out again and state that she does not, and did not care about me enough to even give me a warning that she had feeling for someone else, or let me down slowly in some way. I told her that she completely broke me, and that because of this, I can not trust or believe anything, or look at anything the same ever again. She then lashed out at me saying that it was one secret that she kept from me, and what she does in her personal on-line she doesn’t have to tell me, and she didn’t tell me because she herself didn’t know what was happening.
I was still angry and gave her the option to message me if she wanted to continue being friends, with the knowledge that I won’t be able to trust anything she says again. She messaged me the next morning (Saturday), but because I was having other issues at home, I basically was blunt with her. On Sunday she posted several pictures to the essence of not wanting anyone to do anything for her if they’re going to throw it back in her face, and I messaged her to ask if it was about me (I did mention on Thursday evening when we spoke that I regret doing everything I did from December because her boss is probably laughing at me, which she said was not the case and that he was jealous of me).
She did confirm that it was about me, which I then went on to remind her that I never once asked for anything in return, and that the only reason I brought it up was because I felt like I was being made a fool of. We began arguing again, and I basically told her (again) to decide if she wants to keep me as a friend or break up our friendship completely. She did not message me on Monday, however, she did post a story on Instagram where she was at a coffee place, and on the table was 2 cups.
I replied to that story on Tuesday and accused her of lying to me again and still continuing the affair, even with everything that happened. She then called me and swore me for accusing her, stating that her parents took her out because they could see she was depressed (which I feel is lies because she hasn’t spoken to her father in almost 6 months, and she doesn’t like her mother – basically, she’s living in a toxic household). She then goes on to tell me that I’m always reading too much into everything and that I have no right to question where she is/was or who she’s with, and that I have no right to react as I am because we were not, and did not ever date. She then went on to tell me that, because of my reaction, she will never tell me anything anymore, if we do remain friends, and basically told me that I’m the reason our friendship is broken now.
I really don’t want to lose her as a friend, but at the same time, I don’t think I can forgive or forget what she did.
I want to know, am I the bad guy for reacting the way I did (essentially, in her words, acting as if I was her boyfriend and she cheated on me), or overacting? Should I try and rebuild this friendship? And if we can’t, how do I move on from someone I’ve loved for so long?
Well done, and all the best for your work in your therapy.
is this sarcasm? ha
Maybe his d!@k just tastes gross. ? My boyfriend's tastes… Fresh, for lack of a better descriptor. But we shower before oral. I gather from YOUR perspective, though, that this would make very little difference as to your dislike of giving bjs because of the sore jaw and gag-reflex issues. It sounds like you guys might just be sexually incompatible. He doesn't seem to respect that this isn't an enjoyable activity for you.
We were young and stupid I guess is the simple answer. He was very much of the mindset back then that everything could wait til tomorrow… tomorrow never came. We fell behind with our rent and I couldn’t cope with the stress of everything any more so we split and me and the kids moved out. I guess it was the shock he needed to get a bit more organised, grow up and be more financially minded. Nothing like that has happened ever since.
Let’s stop pretending she wants a threesome. She wants a twosome just with her husband’s consent. And her husband is being trickle truthed, because she knows he doesn’t want this
You decline the interview and a month to a couple years later your gf breaks up with you. You will forever be mad at past you for doing this to yourself. She already sounds like she is one foot out the door.
More like “lol look at this”
More like “lol look at this”
Do…you realize there are other things at a club besides dick? You know, music, booze…
This sounds very misogynistic, I cant tell if this is a troll or not. Not all women act the same lol, maybe they just don’t like your personality
3 weeks is not a long time, but then again.. the first thing I do when seriously considering a relationship is to ask if they are still in contact with any exes. If they are then i ask them if they would be willing to cut contact with the ex if we become official. I don't want to be controlling, but i also know that i just do NOT want the headache that comes with exes. I want them gone if I'm a relationship, simple as that. But again that's something i do just before or on the day where we discuss other boundaries so it's not something I'm forcing on a partner down the road
That’s reaching. Let her say the exact words. Even better, say them to her bf. It may or may not be the issue
This is why you don’t shit where you eat. Bring this to HR.
Did I miss something in OP’s post…???
He doesn't post himself much, but he does post memes and other stuff on social media.
No.
If you want to see the new girl, then end the relationship with your current gf first.
It's understandable. If she had been alone and been somewhat cornered by guys, I could understand her giving it out of fear because there are some creepy, crazy guys out there, but that's not the case.
She and her friend chose to take these guys up on their offer of a free drink in exchange for their/her number(s).
To me, that's not cool.
What would her reaction be if you were in a similar situation?
Thank you. After all the wonderful messages I got on here, and speaking with my partner and some friends, I ended up writing back to Dad, basically saying “I love you, I love the relationship you and Alex have. I like Alex's family, but family isn't a word I'm ready to use yet.”
You one them quiggle male dudes ain’t y
If you were exclusive then you shouldn't have invited another woman to sleep at your place regardless ?♂️.
We’ll that could be why. I don’t think I can say that you asking is going to be good, but it wouldn’t be wrong if you to ask.
That’s what I was about to comment. Do you really stay with, and maybe marry a person who you constantly have to worry will go back to her ex?
Do you REALLY want a relationship which‘s survival is directly linked to another guy’s relationship status?
By telling him you no longer want to on-line with him and his rude guests. There are better men with better families.
See that’s the thing, I haven’t had a friend as close as her in a long time so I didn’t really know what the boundaries were, not to mention that she was in a relationship so I had no reason to assume she was being anything more than friendly. I couldn’t really tell if what was happening was normal or not. And idk, maybe it is a coincidence but I know for sure she didn’t hang out around girls in high school and before because of how she was treated (she didn’t have many friends in general anyways, she was like the only non-white girl in a very white school). And no, you raise a good point that I’d probably not be fine with her doing those things while in a relationship, but I think that this also has a lot to do with her boyfriend. He would notice these things and literally do nothing to stop them. I think he could’ve made it clear that he was uncomfortable with the way she acted at times early on, yet he chose not to. The reason I say that I didn’t do anything was because I was never the one to escalate things, rather I never stopped her from doing anything because I assumed she was just being friendly (she was in a relationship and I had no reason to assume she was doing anything more, and as I mentioned it was very hot for me to tell what the boundaries were).
True, I was told I was being a hypochondriac for nearly three years and that it was just anxiety/depression. Had two endoscopic, two colonscopies, and saw quit a few doctors. When I was about ready to give up, it was a podiatrist of all things that figured out what was going on. I had a massive internal staph infection. Stuff gets missed all the time, especially in women.
It’s basically her testing you to see what she could get away with.
That’d be a terrible thing to say. Then your partner will stop sharing their thoughts with you if your reaction is always so self-absorbed. « You feel bad? Well you telling me turns me off so shut up » is basically it.
He needs to see a therapist, not blame his insecurities on your hobbies, interests, and abilities. That can become, if isn’t already, straight up abuse.
I’m confused. Are you saying having 8k in savings makes them poor? Well fuck you better not look at half of the people in the US.
So you consider yourself to be Christian but you’re also considering marrying somebody who is into witchcraft?
That is the most pathetic excuse ever. What really happened is he chose someone else and that didn't work out and now he's trying to slide into your dms. Block him
true! i'm just a petty fucker and think it would teach him a lesson when he goes to unblock her to find himself blocked the next time he pulls this stunt.
It is your version of this incident, but let's go with that.
You have been in a bad spot, and took out on her which is obviously terrible. As for the push, she was blocking the door, essentially keeping you in place by force. I don't think pushing her aside should be the problem here.
In general, people with traumas can sometimes have episodes like that, especially when source of their trauma comes to visit.
While your behaviour should be worked on, she should also be there to support you when you are down. She can't do this, as she has problems of her own.
It is what it us. I think you should accept current state of affairs as it is.
Your boyfriend needs to be an EX
What he is doing is bullying you into giving consent to something painful that you don’t want to do.
Coherence consent is NOT a consent and any man who pressures a parented into sexual acts they don’t want to do. Is a rapist they just found a loop hole, leave him tell him he can date a women who wants to do that but you won’t be bullied into consenting to something you DONT a want to do.
You now have an ex partner…
Lmaoooo this sounds miserable. Not “what are you going to do for my birthday? I hate surprises.” He sounds like a walking dillhole.
Not any subreddit here?
More like antisocial media. That's why we all like it here so much.
Ask her if she'd be into wearing an outfit for you in bed and chat a bit about making it fun for both of you. P.S. I'm picturing a cute lingerie outfit and some fun accessories under a puffer but can see the appeal of a full bundle too lol
You just have some maturing to do. I was married really young, 19 and divorced by 21… even though I was not the one who had an affair, neither one of us were really ready for anything serious. You have to wake up every single day and CHOOSE to love your partner even if you are feeling unhappy or bored. When you can do that, you'll be golden!
You saw her having PPD and still kept having kids? WHY?
You need to stand up to her and tell her this behavior is unacceptable. Stop cowering and just rip off the bandaid. Force therapy
What kind of details you are looking for ?
He is making you scared. How is this a good relationship?
Sounds like you’ve embarked on yet another abusive relationship and are just beginning to work that out.
Think carefully whether you want to be in therapy for the rest of your life because this immature prick can’t control his anger like an adult should, or if you would be better off without him so you can lead a normal, fear-free life.
It would not, and sooner or later, you will start having constant fights about it. In my books, any contact with an EX is a big NO NO. They did stuff before, the gate is open, anything between them might happen. Tell her it's either you or him. Period. Let's see how much she loves and respects your wishes.
Issues as in insecurity, sexual abuse, trauma? Because I have looked into videos, read self help books, even took notes, but I feel that I read or learn something, then apply it, then get myself in a hole again. I know I sound crazy and it seems like not a big deal and I constantly tell myself it’s okay you’re fine, should I just keep telling myself that and just deal with it or does my confidence need to be higher to not care if he does or doesn’t or do I need to really invest in a therapist and heal my inner trauma honestly I’m not sure but I’m willing to take and apply any advice I can get because this is effecting me and my every day life
I’m afraid of that you’re might be right. I had a similar experience with a past relationship where I also asked my partner to change their behavior without success. I find it very hot to leave a relationship unless a obvious boundary like cheating has been crossed. I need to try to make it work. If I don’t I’m probably going to run back as soon as my partner starts crying or something.. i need to be 100% sure it isn’t going to work out
Hopefully a good counselor can help your husband be a faithful man toward his wife and wife only.
he changed his passwords about 5 months ago and i didn’t really think anything of it
Sounds like a good trick. Wow u might be the most understanding sister in history. Id be pissed. At that age u should know not to do that imo. Also, 7 yrs is still a big age gap at those ages. At that age, my rule was no more than 4. Honestly, ur sister should face consequences, if shes always babied, she wont learn. I wouldve already blown up at both of them & it mightve ruined relationship with my sister forever & for sure break it off with him by telling him to get fucked!
At the moment he allow himself to be close and share personal things with another woman he open the door to the worst! That is not ok and I can garantee you she will make a try but when he will realize it will be too late!!
Now. Why waste either of yours time.
Integrity is doing the right thing regardless of anyone is watching.
Hidden camera or a camera right in front shouldn’t matter when in a business or even public setting.
I honestly think you’re right…I don’t necessarily think it’s even the fact I want to talk to other people. You’re responses have been helpful!
Omg….its unreal on how you make excuses for her. Drinking isn't an excuse for a choice she made, not a mistake, but a choice. She didn't even make a month before she cheated on him. If sticking your tongue down someone else's throat is only a little percentage of your relationship, what is getting get railed by someone else? Does it make it to 5 or 10% . Yeesh.
You actually do have it. You can compare his earlier texting to his new pattern.
And since you don’t like the new pattern, you have to make a choice. And always choose you.
If he unentangles himself, then you can decide how to move forward. But right now, he isn’t someone who communicates with you the way you desire.
This is not advice about what to do about your boyfriend (his reaction, as I'm sure you're aware) sucks, and I would suggest working through this with him regardless of what happens. I'd be pissed about his reaction if it were me.
However, I'm here to say after trying a WHOLE MESS of crappy birth control methods and having many different kinds of issues on them, I found one that I love. I had all kinds of issues with mood and weight gain on the various pills that I took, as well as the nuvaring and they were awful.
I went without for years then decided I was going to try a copper IUD. When I went to talk to my gynecologist about it, she actually suggested a hormonal IUD. I was very skeptical because of how much I struggled on other hormonal birth controls. She told me that unlike other hormonal birth control methods (which are systemic), the hormones in a hormonal IUD are local, and therefore don't have the same side effects. (disclaimer: This is my recollection of a conversation like 7 years ago, not medical advice :D). In any case, after the conversation I decided to give it a go, and OH MY GOD was it the best life decision I ever made. I never have to think about birth control (it lasts 5 years), and in addition, my periods have almost completely disappeared. I used to have AWFUL periods, and now I barely feel anything and basically only spot. It's absolutely the best. I would encourage you to talk to your provider about it if you are open to it.
He can’t pay his rent and is making hollow threats of litigation against numerous women. This guy is a loser dirtbag. I have got to ask, what was the attraction? Is he a stereotypical bad boy? No offence, but you seem a little naive and I am worried about your safety. Do not let him stay with you!
Didn’t you just make a post the other day saying that you invited her to New York , but then met a girl that you didn’t want to cheat on, and didn’t know what to do? What happened to the other girl?