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Regarding your update, why does that even matter. The behavior is the behavior regardless of motive. If you want this type of behavior in your life, then allow it. If you don’t, you don’t. Your wife showed you who she is. Believe her.
I likely have the complete opposite political and social views of your family, but I agree with them that this a red flag. Your bf is saying he'll only marry you if the only thing he needs to do is show up. And you're taking this as a massive victory, which is just so sad. My husband told me when we were dating that he was never all that interested in getting married, but when he found out it was important to me he was all in. I was also the main breadwinner at the time, so I naturally paid for a good chunk of it. But that doesn't mean he didn't contribute all he could financially, and we planned it together as a team because that is what a marriage is. My husband cried twice at our wedding, he was so happy to marry me. Don't settle for someone who marries you only if you make it easy for him.
Everyone is focusing on “benefit” and “equity,” but also recognize that a house purchase is a huge financial liability, and it’s a complicated thing to walk away from.
Do you believe that you shouldn’t have to contribute toward your own housing? It would be incredibly unfair to just on-line for free.
You should definitely discuss clear terms with your boyfriend before considering moving in with him. If you do move in with him (into a house he owns), you should pay rent to him. You would not be responsible for the mortgage, just rent. Whether he puts the money received for rent toward the mortgage doesn’t really matter. You would also not be responsible for home repairs, etc.
Work together to negotiate what fair rent would be. If he wants more than you think is fair, don’t move in with him. Likewise, he shouldn’t let you move in if he would feel taken advantage of.
And don’t buy property together if you’re not married.