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This… I was definitely feeling this vibe from the post. Looks like he used to see problems in her including no sex and was resentful and wanted to have fun.
Now that fun is out of his system, he misses her while she actually is moved on. Classic example of men misjudging their partners when they're together and not realizing their true value unless they “fuck” around.
OP leave the poor girl alone and stop trying to change her mind. You may promise that you're changed or whatever but when she gets comfortable again with you, you'll demand the same things with her again like sex and stuff.
I feel like she finds living without you better than when she was with you. Have a chat with your inner self and move on. Don't make the same mistakes you made with her. Idk how much you used to help her around the house physically or emotionally but it was little to none then she will definitely not be coming back.
Again learn from this and don't repeat the same mistakes and move on and LEAVE her ALONE!!!
I also feel like I’ve also failed to some capacity
You absolutely did fail. Not in 'not providing for her', but by being so totally fucking obsessed with being 'the provider' that you would rather ruin her evening and sit there like a flipping muppet rather than accept money from your partner.
There's much more to being a partner than being an ATM. I mean, you talk about being a leader and how 'all you have is your pride' but the reality is that this isn't something to be proud of – its stubbornness and desperation and your ego preventing you from allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your partner. I mean, this:
that thought always pops up in my head, so loud that I couldn’t ignore it even if I wanted to
Is not strength – its a clarion call for therapy. Like, yesterday.