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You really went off on a comment you didn’t comprehend.
There’s nothing wrong with breaking up with her because she no longer identifies as the gender you’re attracted to. That would never make you a bad ally, in fact, it would make you an even better one. It would be much more transphobic to stay in the relationship while continuing to view yourself as straight, as that implies that you don’t see her as her actual gender.
I am a lesbian and while I don’t date, if I did and the woman I was dating told me they were now a trans man I would end the relationship. I have actually been in situations where I crushed on a friend and then lost that attraction because they came out as trans. It happens. I’m just not attracted to men, and from the sounds of things neither are you.
I know that dealing with loss must be very difficult but I’ve tried asking him if I should wait
How long have you been waiting already? He's experienced loss and you're asking him if you should move on?
I’m really sorry this happened to you. I can appreciate you probably have a whole bunch of mixed emotions going on and although I understand it will be nude for him to hear and you are sensitive to that, please don’t let this feeling overpower what he did or how that made you feel. At the end of the day he still did something very wrong and he and you both need to acknowledge that so stay tough and stick to your guns.
Also moving forward make sure to clearly define what consent is and what consent isn’t so there will be no confusion moving forward and this never happens again.
I wish you the best of luck with this and with your healing but remember that you do come first so if there is any problems moving forward to not ignore them. There is a chance you may still feel the same after your talk and find it naked to move on with the relationship knowing what he did, which is ok too but it is important to honour those feelings and know when to walk away.
This is what I was thinking. I’ve never had to share with anyone from work, of any gender. We always had our own rooms.
Can you go to therapy? That’s a good first step to breaking the bond. Specifically a therapist who specializes in trauma bonding if you can find one, but therapy in general will help.
If not, it takes will power and the determination to say you’ve had enough. You are worth more than this. You deserve better. You can be enough on your own.
He has given a “2-month” deadline. That he will be with me in the next 2 months. I feel objectified and disgusting. I am thinking of requesting NOC this semester for “internships”.
That there is some John Wick level of sheer fucking will.
Hi! 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to discuss this, you made a lot of valid points here and I’ve also thought about them in hindsight.
To answer your question, I do have his number. Whatsapp is tied to cellular numbers so we know each other’s contacts, but we use the app more as it’s more convenient and easier to track.
Yes, I definitely agree with you on the video call thing. I will ask him to make time for a VC so we can talk properly.
This connection has been transformative for me, he helped me overcome my self loathing. He gave me that assurance na I was more than enough and that I have nothing to worry about. So, I will do my best to make it work or atleast see it through should it not go my way. 🙂
Yeah that’s not normal, at all. I have never kissed even my best friends I’ve know 99% of my life. Cheating can be cheating no matter the gender & your boundaries are yours to have. People don’t have to agree, remember that, but you absolutely don’t have to be okay with this. I’m sorry that’s weird as heck though.
I would probably say 100+
What type of things does he like of hers?
It's wild that 2 of her friend didn't like that she interfered in other people's relationships after their friends made a fake sex video to frame their friend as a cheater.
People will do the bendiest of mental gymnastics
What you're describing is a relationship where you've got to know each other and it's not a good fit, so it's time to end it. Your emotional needs are NOT being met because you are with someone that you don't have an emotional connection to. It's ok to call it. Most relationships aren't lasting, recognizing that earlier would probably reduce the divorce rate significantly. People seem so reluctant to end “wrong” relationships and just stay together and get married then wonder why. It's fine, she's not for you. Someone else might be.
What you're describing is a relationship where you've got to know each other and it's not a good fit, so it's time to end it. Your emotional needs are NOT being met because you are with someone that you don't have an emotional connection to. It's ok to call it. Most relationships aren't lasting, recognizing that earlier would probably reduce the divorce rate significantly. People seem so reluctant to end “wrong” relationships and just stay together and get married then wonder why. It's fine, she's not for you. Someone else might be.
This seems like one of the easiest decisions you could make.
I went back on what I'd said to him about waiting. I can't excuse my decision, because it was a split second decision and I was thinking of myself
Breaking a promise was what she did wrong in the first place, but yeah bf is acting unreasonable.
All the more reason to do the accounting, right now, and find out where both of them stand. Like I said, this is a potentially healthy move. Once they really understand who is making the money and where it's going, they can start to work on their shared financial responsibilities as a team, and not as rivals.
I’m guessing just incomparable body chemistry. It’s a thing. Don’t waste your energy on this one. Not worth it.
he goes to therapy once every two weeks, in a few weeks he'll be doing EMDR. The only thing I can really help him with is to get his car fixed by helping pay a deductible. I just feel so helpless.
Yeahh he has “type 1 manic anger”, as he put it. that's good (well not good, but you hopefully know what i mean) to hear he's not exactly losing interest in me
Is repeatedly accusing someone of cheating abuse? I’d never thought of it that way. Every time I ask her about her ex she turns it on me so that makes sense that it’s abuse
Yes constant access. We really looked into the “why” of the meowing and it apparently it falls under the attention banner (the cat gets plenty of that).
We never had these issues until the previous flatmate started “enabling” the behavior.
How can we here on reddit tell you what's wrong with you, we don't even know you.
He’s emotionally damaging you know with this party thing, isn’t he? Normal people don’t barge into other people’s apartments in the middle of the night, nor do they trash their apartments. He’s the one who’s wronged you and yet you are the one who is bad mouthed and not invited? Fuck that.
“he's so mature” is literally the same line the older prev dudes use when grooming young girls. You aren't different.
Lie. Just pretend you broke up and go no contact as soon as you don't need his money. Find a nice christian lesbian girl in the meantime and ask her home for tea .
People who cheat, or would, also don't admit to it typically. Even to themselves.
Oh noes. Sounds like this is probably the last in a long line of fuckups.
Definitely do NOT buy a house with someone who makes $80k a year but can't afford a vacation without going into debt.
If things are going to change, he has to WANT to become more financially responsible. If you really want to see if that will happen, stop lending him any money and tell him he needs to speak to a financial advisor to make a budget and stick to it.
Honestly though, this is a man in his mid-thirties who treats his girlfriend like a very lenient bank. Sounds like he doesn't have any savings either. I tend to counsel folks to date people for who they are, not who they hope they could be someday with a lot of work.
I should be clearer, we online in the city , family on-line just outside in an area I believe most wouldn’t actually chose to move to. I’m trying be polite how I put it ha.
Also they are assumptions but it doesn’t mean they won’t be true ?
I wouldn't say Farewell.
I agree wholeheartedly and I wasn’t offering it as an excuse
I've been in this situation before, including my latest ex. It's absolutely exhausting when every visit to the parents has to be at least 6 hours. And they never seem to understand how much emotional labor that is- if anything they expect to be thanked at the end.
Time with your family? Once every 6 months they'll join you and socialize for 20 minutes and act like it was the biggest favor in the world. The cognitive dissonance is incredible. “It really takes it out of me to speak to your mom for 15 minutes. Anyway we'll be at my parent's all day saturday and sunday”.
I don't really have much advice, but from experience- after you break up with her, the amount of time you get back is AMAZING. It's like shedding a 40 hour / week unpaid job. Suddenly you have time for hobbies! Relaxation! Time with your friends!
Good luck sir.
I'm just getting ready to advise the 3rd kid this old man starts dating in a few months from now.
This OP thinks she can play him, while he is already playing her.
Young lady, please don’t be so naive. If he really respected your feelings, he would never put himself in the circumstances you are describing. When someone loves another person, they respect each other’s wishes to the best of their ability. Look at yourself, you’re making excuses for his behavior because he was drunk.
Well he’s probably not into you. Idk I am horrible with names, but if I’m interested in someone, whether as a friend or a romantic partner, I remember their names.
His gf is fucking insecure and stupid, they all are tbh u should report everything.
Yeah he’s in that rn bro. Take a look at those messages I bet he’s beeeeeen in them guts.