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I totally understand how you feel and your feelings are valid. I think I would feel the same way. But there’s another part of me that feels differently. I’m not a person that is good with words. I can see myself doing this because I want my speech to be special and sometimes I’m not good at expressing myself on my own. Maybe he did this because of that reason
You are Lucky.
These are major negotiation issues if you have any idea of perpetuating
an authentic Bond and you are facing them down early.
You need good communication skills and very directed conversations with your
SO regarding each others plans and goals, with particular attention to
timelines and outcomes. Negotiation, Compromize and Accomodation
are the Building Blocks of the Bond. The mortar between the blocks is
made up of equal parts of Trust, Respect and Acceptance. FWIW.
I think you should both take the love language quiz to see how you show and feel love differently. This will be great for you.
Lots of good advice in here already.
It takes time, if you build it in a vacuum with no stress and he treats you great. Roll with it, give it time. It will come. You’re also young so no pressure too. Enjoy what’s good now.
I agree it was a mistake
Is he 15?
Why are you with him, despite having this wrong cool outdoor type view of him?
In the past being exclusive was a given. With that in mind, just ask her when it feels like you want to be.
It's BS. And probably trolling.
Why are stealing her ideas? That is just disrespectful.???
You're doing nothing wrong.
Your brother made his bed this is the consequences of his actions.
He doesn't get to abandon one child and want same treatment. I feel bad for the affair baby he is most definitely innocent in all this but it's his father's fault for neglecting one. He's a shitty human..
I agree with you to buy him a gift even though you don't want to he is still innocent but it doesn't have to be the same value as the ones you get the other kids you don't even know this kid just that he's your brothers son.
But if your niece knows who her dad is and knows about it give a little heads up and just ensure her that you are there for her bc guaranteed he will most likely 1. Try and introduce himself and make himself feel relevant or 2. Treat her like shit or ignore her.
It’s me that’s the problem.
My advice is to seek professional help for your sex addiction. You're recognizing the problem. Time to start solving it.
It’s sad how lonely you can feel with another person. It’s just me and my dog now and I’m happy. You can be too, don’t let another person keep making you feel small and lonely.
This comes down to how badly you want the sex, as well as how badly you want kids, because in the end you would have to probably get a surrogate or adopt because she can't have children of her own. If you love her, don't let the genital part get in the way, if she goes through or has already gone through the full transition, then there is no real issue here other than not being able to conceive children. Love is love.
Personally I take this drug for my needs and have for the past two years. Before I took it my anxiety was completely out of control. I would have constant shaking, tightness in my chest, and I felt so low. I just wanted to feel level again. When I first took the medicine it gave me headaches and random muscle twitching. But as I continued the medicine eventually I evened out. I don’t feel the pressure anymore and it’s like a weight was just gone. But it took a long time to get there and I’m still working on my anxiety. It just takes time and therapy to work on this.
I can relate I come from the same background and honestly I don’t know why religious people shame sex. Instead they should just teach hey this particular thing is sinful and sex itself is not. Idk just so people could understand not to fear their own bodies or desires. But she’ll start to panic and I think you should just comfort her and let her explore and be comfortable with her own body and desires. She is a total sheep when it comes to sex bc sex is the wolf that’s come to take her good church girl image lol idk why we think that way but we do
I’m so exhausted of men like you. Y’all never learn. You keep getting older but your girlfriends stay the same age.
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It's okay to feel the way you feel and your emotions are valid.
It also sounds like she may have some religious trauma… Which isn't exactly uncommon for people in the LGBT+.
The fact that she spent a third of her life hiding who she is, being forced to have sex with a man, just makes me disgusted with myself.
This, this is your perspective but maybe just maybe that isn't her perspective.
If your wife had said, “babe, I don't want to have sex.” Would you have immediately backed off? If the answer to that is yes, then it was her choice.
Further more op, sometimes people's sexual orientation doesn't align with their romantic orientation.
I think for both your sakes you both should consider talking to each other and going to counseling.
Going out every Saturday is like their weekly date. Does he still have time for you? Do you go out every week too?
Put your foot down. You meet her or he stops talking to her.
Their relationship is not like female-female friendship. He’s gaslighting you. Don’t be afraid to put boundaries in your relationship. If he chooses her over you and the boundaries you set, then you know how important she is to him. If it comes down to chose between your sanity and self-respect over your love to him, always go for the former. Love yourself, don’t let others including your husband disrespect you, even if that may result to separation.
Your one of many darling
I probably would be too, but I also would want my friends to point out things I could be doing to be healthier. I think it’s more about a person’s intentions and not the question Itself.
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I do feel guilty about not spending the whole evening with her but I genuinely thought the important part was the staying up til midnight part. But yeah, the insults left a very bitter taste in my mouth.
Staying optimistic in life goes a long way towards building happiness. After even my worst breakups, I’ve always looked forward to the idea of new adventures with someone else.
You’re operating under the classic assumption that childfree women will change their mind later down the line.
The guy entered the relationship being told that she didn’t ever want kids. Doesn’t matter the reason. If he went into it with the patronising assumption that she would change her mind in future, that’s his problem.
Would OP feel differently if he has completed top and bottom surgery?
This is such a good example of a person getting mad at their own expectations.
His insecurity can explain why
You broke it, you bought it. You’re childhood is now over. As of now, things are no longer all about you. Time to buckle up, buttercup.
Post is Fake af , Check ops comments on other posts
Noo dont worry I was not planning to. I already told him it wouldn’t work. Yes the age gap is a fair point. I feel like because of it she doesn’t really know what she wants. She also told me she has never been in a relationship before. I’m not necessarily looking for one tbh, but I felt she would be relationship material. Anyway I’ll just leave her be and go my own way.
For the love of god, leave this dreadful relationship.
You deserve so much better than being an atm for an entitled ungrateful brat. It's time to get rid of her.
You do not want to be in a relationship where you have to pretend to be something you are not.
this seems like you want to Fuck him and are creating a lot of fake drama in your head lol
I don't want to report him and get him in trouble? GET HIM IN TROUBLE FOR WHAT SAYING YOU CAN READ HIS MIND
HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS SOUNDS SO DANGEROUS .
Like you are thinking about potentially ruining this man's career because you have feelings for him and think you are catching him staring at you? probably just making sure you are doing your job since you are a fucking student and doesn't want you messing up the patients charts.
seriously you sound crazy week help
She cheated on me…. I knew I was right….
now she’s grieving that he’s moved on, while she’s supposedly in love with someone else.
Shes not upset that he moved on. literally dozens of comments with relevant examples, of what she's actually feeling, which has nothing to do with him finding a new woman, but everything to do with her self worth.
She’s perfectly entitled to do it, and he’s entitled to find it hurtful and take a break from waiting.
he has not, even once, communicated with her that he's hurt. He has also, not once in the last 2 weeks, even checked in with her to see how she is feeling. He can feel what he feels, but he should also, literally just talk to her to figure out how she's feeling and explain how he is feeling. except he refuses to do that. “she asked for space” isnt really a good reason to let that also continue for 2 weeks. it's a relationship, not a corporate email chain. you should check in on your partner when they are going through nude times.
It also doesn't work until you're 21, lol.
Good.
I would wait and see if she is awkward. If she is might want to say that she is nice and it was just a friendly invite for coffee. No pressure.
Because I had the empty bottle in my hand one day
Well I guess that depends on your goal in dating someone, but presumably you’re doing it to see if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Whatever that looks like to you.
So you date, hang out, spend time together, do activities, move in, etc, with the idea of seeing if this is a person whom you want to continue sharing your life with. During that process you learn about the other person and determine if they are still compatible with that goal.
You're not bad for wanting to end a relationship you don't want to be in. There doesn't have to be anything “wrong” to end a relationship. If it doesn't feel right for you, or it's simply not what you want, that's totally ok.
Unfortunately break ups are always difficult and you can never control how someone is going to feel it react to a break up.
Just be as honest and respectful as you can. Part of that is making sure you break up face to face. I'd suggest depending on your situation, do it at her home, or suggest going for a walk, that's not too far from her home.
Just say mostly what you said here, there is nothing wrong with the relationship, with her, but you simply don't feel this is what you want right now…
Neither of you are going to feel good about it.
Another thing I would recommend, which people don't often add when talking about break ups. I'd highly recommend cutting all contact, as nude as it is, it ultimately makes it easier for both of you to move on. Staying in each other's lives can often give false hope.
Her roommate is my coworker so I asked her how she is and she told me that my gf has not eaten anything since morning and is just crying.
Man please don't tell us you're gonna let this slide all because she's on a hunger strike. If you did what she did, she would not take you back, and you would've ended your night in the back of a police car after getting your ass beat.
Pretty much, like I've increased how often I shaved because I know my partner prefers me clean shaven over me looking scruffy.
Like, it's not a big deal so I really don't get why some people get so offended that their partners have preferences over our styles. As long as it's nothing major and not time consuming, why not make your partner happy?
I’m not saying you SHOULD…. But you could remind her that grand babies get to visit supportive family. If she’s cussing out daddy then any babies that come along won’t visit.
Oh for sure, she deffo should. She deserves better than some insecure child
Fair enough. Now we know she’s out of line. However your continued argument did not have this basis and was completely pointless.
Do you science?
I know. It’s not fair of me
Then definitely don’t do it. The level of cringe is off the charts for having your best friend buy your engagement ring because your actual fiancé to be can’t afford it. Even if you’re not in love with that friend and you intend it to be an act of familial love: it will cast a shadow over their relationship until he actually buys a ring or pays you back. It’s like you’re trying to be a third wheel or sister wife in their wedding, or that’s the view some folks in your life will have.
You dont. Just try to avoid him or concentrate in his bad side.
he makes me feel really bad about it. meanwhile he has spent at least 6k on his CC for stuff he really wanted.
You really should look into the term “financial abuse”, and talk to a financial advisor on your own. Do NOT give all your money to your bf.
As an MUA, his sister asked me if I could do her makeup on the day, and I obviously didn’t say no. I even had an assistant on board to help me with her mom’s and friends’ makeup looks. And I obviously didn’t charge for the makeup at all
Please take this lesson to heart: as a professional makeup artist, you should NEVER agree to do people's events without being paid. You will end up being taken advantage of over and over.
The card case? Let it go. Besides, Michael Kors? Meh. You can buy that stuff everywhere. It isn't exclusive. If they could have afforded the 'real' thing, they could have afforded to just pay you.
Honestly this doesn't sounds liker a relationship that is going to last. 5 months in should still be the honeymoon phase.
I understand. I've been with a lot of bad texter guys and noe I've became one myself lol. You should really think if that's a communication issue with your bf(do you feel you are satisfied with the level of communication you and you bf have?) or it's mostly you feeling annoyed because your friends are on the phone and you're not? I tell you what sometimes I enjoy not being on the phone while others are, it gives me the time and space to enjoy and understand what's going on around me
Feel bad for this young woman.
I really do.
Good education pays off. My company hires only IVY league graduates. Their career skyrockets in a few years…
I just a hired a young girl for my team. $120k straight out of college. In 5 years, she will be a director with a $200k salary and bonus…
It's pretty obvious that he's not over her and that's not a good look for your relationship.
However what did you expect when you asked him if he would have been with the ex if she hadn't cheated on him ?
My rule of thumb, Op? When “loaning” money to family or friends?
Think of it this way, Would I loan them this money if I will never get it back?
If you can take the hit of $50k that you will never, ever, EVER, get back and be okay with it? Go for it, I guess.
The $$$ ball is in your court. (Or they now have your $50k ball.)
Seconded. Classic abusive controlling behaviour – a punch in the morning and flowers and chocolates in the evening.
Thank you man, I’m planning to cut off contact since this was the second time and I think more dangerous than last.
I get that he may be tired from work, but that doesn't excuse the video games all night and no attention for his family. He needs to grow up. I've offered to get a job but he wants me Here with the kids.
Probably not though, plastic surgery has a look to it that a lot of people don’t find attractive. He clearly loves the way you look now and is dreading the future
Honestly, she may not even be conscious of it. A lot of people who do stuff like this are acting out feelings and insecurities that they're not even aware of.
Technically yes but also no? But he knows it’s my plan. I can’t go to school abroad because of financial reasons which he knows. We’ve talked about moving cities which I would be able and interested, but I wouldn’t be able to move countries
That is a grossly selfish, tone deaf and insensitive ask. Is he always stupid or just when it comes to waving his dick in his recovering wife's face? I hate to say it but you may have dodged a bullet. I can imagine him asking for a bj while you're in labor.
Seriously? We were both married to abusive exes prior. We are both on the same page whether or not you agree with our view.
I’m ok with him being married to his wife but she’s clearly trying to ruin this friendship
If it’s only with you, he’s just being manipulative. If it was a genuine problem he couldn’t just turn it off around everyone else.
Why are we ignoring the fact that OP likely knew she was like this and has waiting thislong to truly feel bothered about it.
Don't continue to date people or marry someone without seeing their habits unfold.
My sister is like this. Her husband recognized it early on and decided it was something he could live with.
OP doesn't understand people don't change
(responded to the wrong comment)
It's been resolved
Thank you I understand.
Like me having resentment or her having resentment? She tried to make things better before and I wouldn’t be better, after our last fight ( and post on here ) i am doing my best to be better, but now it’s not the case with her. More or less focusing on herself
Send him back to his parents. He’s clearly not a responsible adult and needs to be looked after by them until he’s mature enough to fend for himself.
I would hope that the past three years of our relationship gives him some assurance
Kind of feels like you're a retaliatory manager who is overly involved in the personal lives of your coworkers, and are in a messy relationship with one of them.
Not only is the power dynamic concerning, is concerning because you can control and impact their lives professionally.
Your workplace is not your space to overlord over your partner and his coworkers.
You can take care of POA and All other legal marriage benefits via contract, except for tax and health insurance benefits.
Also, if you live in a common law marriage state, his opinion is kind of irrelevant.
No it’s not. You aren’t just common law married by default after a certain time. You have to agree to be married in common law (which is no different from traditional marriage, which he doesn’t want), present yourself as married socially, file joint taxes, etc.
If he’s saying he doesn’t want traditional marriage because of asset allocation in the event of a divorce (however idiotic his reasoning is), then he is, by default, not agreeing to common law marriage.
Yes it would hurt after 10 minutes. You can’t just jack hammer pussy for 10 minutes and expect the girl to just be okay. You need a break or something inbetween. Also, everybody’s body is different. Some women could probably last during penetration more than 10 minutes.. others wouldn’t. Also 10 minutes feels like an eternity when your having sex it’s a long ass time for consistent PnV.
You can have sex for hours.. but nobody is doing PnV contact for hours. There is no issue with her. There is no medical condition. It’s absolutely normal for her to hurt/be sore after 10 constant minutes of PnV. Also that’s just OP’s time estimate it could be even longer than 10 minutes.
Yes… you can?
I'd ask her why she's so against believing women.
As her if a real Christian would be kissing a woman other than his wife. All you can do is calmly present the facts to her in a non confrontational manner. If she chooses to ignore you then that is going to be a big life lesson she will learn in a very nude manner.
Yeah, this sounds like an abusive relationship waiting to happen. This is how they feel you in. I’m not saying he’s PLANNING on being abusive, but his obsession sounds like something that could turn bad very quickly.
I don't think it's that she isn't fully matured. She is fully free to make her own decisions. I think it may have something to do with the fact that she is also their only child, and being as it is a daughter as well, they are being very cautious
These are all red flags ?Major red flags ? Don’t waste your life chasing after someone who is literally telling you and showing you who they are.
It’s time invested that unfortunately didn’t seem to go anywhere but why invest more that you also can’t get back. Know yourself and be okay with things not working at times. Sometimes things are beyond your ability to control or understand.