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No it’s not. He want’s a threesome with a woman but not with a man and what if she wants one with a man and not with a woman? Why does she have to suck it up just for him? It is hypocritical. If you don’t want to see your girlfriend getting fucked by another man than you can be sure that your gf also don’t want to see how you fuck another woman. So don’t ask that question then
Have you had any meta-conversations about how to most productively raise issues with him? I get where he's coming from in getting to feel things, but I tend to think of it as a death knell for relationships when someone says they avoid trying to raise/solve problems because of their partner's reaction. It's just not sustainable to bottle things up.
I think the suggestion for couples therapy is a good one but I'd add individual therapy, if that's an option.
Some more immediate/cheaper solutions: would he take criticism better or worse if you wrote it down and he could process it solo before talking with you? Would it be valuable to set a 5 min alarm and take a break when he gets upset? Why does he feel angry when you ask him to be accountable? Have you tried the “compliment sandwich” technique? (Normally I wouldn't suggest that you should coddle your partner, but you say that you see the effort he's making so it sounds like some genuine compliments wouldn't be far off.)
This is a “do as I say, not as I do” thing because I'm garbage at journalling, but I've heard really interesting things about gratitude journally. A psychiatrist told me that it can rewire your brain to see the good more. If you did that together it might increase his resiliency as an individual and yours as a couple.