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This may sound stupid but you can trt Put a camera at night in ur bedroom to see what’s going on definitely take his permission or you can sleep on different room or something. Lets see if he is intentionally doing it or not.
I’m so sorry, but the paragraph describing them as swines and how misogynistic they are before saying “now the dilemma” made me laugh.
People are the company they keep. The people you are close to are a reflection of parts of you. If he really didn’t like those men he wouldn’t be friends with them. If he didn’t like those men he wouldn’t want to go on a trip with them. Your boyfriend is one of them. Your boyfriend allows them to talk trash about you.
You don’t have to be a controlling girlfriend and say he can’t go. I don’t know why you want to be with this boy but fine. You can just be the girlfriend who is absolutely miserable and treated like shit instead.
“I can’t afford this trip in general. You should have told me how expensive these plans would have been a lot earlier, then perhaps I could have done something. But I am unable to afford this now or anytime soon. “ I feel like this is a polite way of telling him you done fucked up.
If he really wants you to go why does he not pay and you do a payment plan to him if like $15-30 a month. Which I know in some cases people cannot afford, but I don’t know true situation here. Either way he or his family should have told you the cost initially so you could give a straight up answer whether you could attend or not.
I generally think it’s rude to invite somebody on an outing and not tell them the price initially. Not everyone has deeps pockets and it seems your S/O knows that. Which makes it all the more infuriating.
Your post and replies are throwing up all kinds of red flags about this guy. He sounds like a twat.
2.5 dates is barely anything. You’re still getting to know each other. So, yes…needy. You don’t need to break anything off because this isn’t “anything” yet. Let her un-busy herself and get back to you. In the meantime, work on your self a bit. Regain some confidence and value yourself. If she reconnects, great. If not, her loss.
yea i think youre right. plus i feel like it will just eat away at me if i dont tell him. we arent even back together yet and i already feel bad about not having told him yet. do u think i should tell him now or wait until we are certain that we are ready to start dating again?
I'm sorry! I know her for 3 years, but we weren't that close or talked until we started dating 2 months ago. She was the one who told me that she was looking for a relationship after we talked about us and i had a crush on her back then, so i told myself why not.
Earlier our text gap was like 2hr at the maximum. Now it's mostly 6hr at the minimum. We both have jobs and used to text in between but everything changed now.. From my perspective it seems like she's not taking an effort, but I'm too scared to ask her this. I had already asked her what she was looking for when we started..we were both pretty serious back then. I called her over the phone today and she says she's not sure how I'm keeping up with all of these.
Ok yes I did sleep with her and yes it was disrespectful and yes she wanted me to to prove a point so I’m still in the middle of all of this and yes her family can be homophobic like I said before her mum can be weird around us and her.gran wants her in conversion therapy because she believes she is mentally I’ll for loving me and don’t understand in what world it’s not homophobic .
It's good to analyze yourself and work on your issues. Ultimately it's up to your boyfriend whether he is ok with your behavior. if you truly think it's negatively affecting your relationship that is valid too.
Your therapist doesn't think you have an anger problem. Why do they think you react that way?
Because God himself will not do that and a born again Chridtisn has his spirit. Not by a “law”, but a nature. That said, a person who is not born again can not understand these things because they are spiritually discerned….as the Bible teaches.
As for the day or night issue, people can and still do clubbing in the day. There's even clubs with the words advertising it.
I feel you man. Take a break from this situation and both of you can get back at it a bit more levelheaded. Just let your girl know you are there for her and hopefully both of you can find a way to resolve the cleanliness issue. Good luck!!
Fixing a broken human being is never easy. Your wife is broken and It just depends on you if you want to on that task. I'd opt for treatment that fixes your wife.
Someone is influencing your wife. Find out who is it. Is it her mother. Is it her friends. If it's her friends, start praising your wife's friend infront of your wife. Make her think you like her, without ever saying it. She's likely to naturally start feeling competitive and develop a dislike of her friend.
If it's her mother, switch up and start talking to her more and try to convince your wife that you guys need a loan from her parents. If the parents live! close by, start hanging out at their house ALL THE TIME. Ask them for every kind of help. Start using their groceries. Start asking them for money. They will pull back from your wife.
Lastly deny your wife the right to your company. Stay out, start working out. Find a hobby. Join BJJ classes. Do whatever, as long as you are denying her your company. Don't take her out anywhere. Make it known to her that you don't find her personality or her appearance attractive. Whatever little time you do spend with her, if she mouths off, walk away after making a comment about “cant even find some peace in this god forsaken house”. Behaviors can be changed with the right push. So you have to start being assertive, if she has grand expectations of you? flip the script start acting like a leader and delegate. Tell her to fix the house right. Start demanding better cooking and cleaning. You have to be more toxic than her if you want to affect her behavior. Don't act like a feminist, insist that she's an adult and as an adult she has responsibilities and you be the one to dictate and delegate those responsibilities. She'll give you push back but you don't want to let up. The worst thing that could happen is what you are already thinking about, ie divorce. So be toxic and treat her kindly when she does things right. Make her feel shitty about her self so, when you give praise it has an impact. This sounds evil and harsh, but remember… ur willing to walk away from this relationship. If going this route can ensure your wife starts respecting you. Then so be it. Else she's the one who will run for divorce. But atleast then you'd know, there wasn't much else you could have done to save the marriage:
Forgetting something doesn’t mean it’s not sentimental.
Yeah exactly that, it’s a complicated issue but I wish she would stop entertaining them
You're right, in that context the jealous part doesn't really matter here. He's already shown you that he cant be trusted. He left you for someone else, changed his mind and then came back to you and wont stop talking to this other girl.
Honestly, I'm not even sure why you'd want to be with someone like this. He clearly doesn't respect you as a person or a partner. He's trying to win you back acting like this, how do you think he's going to be if you get married or have kids?
I see what you mean. This does feel like a deal b breaker to me, that's one reason I spent 3 months processing it the last time.
But I guess I just don't want to be rash. I meant it when I said it, and at this point I'm pretty hurt that he didn't take out as seriously as I meant it.
So really it's a pretty confusing time for me and I just want to jump in any direction.
I see what you mean. This does feel like a deal b breaker to me, that's one reason I spent 3 months processing it the last time.
But I guess I just don't want to be rash. I meant it when I said it, and at this point I'm pretty hurt that he didn't take out as seriously as I meant it.
So really it's a pretty confusing time for me and I just want to jump in any direction.
I see what you mean. This does feel like a deal b breaker to me, that's one reason I spent 3 months processing it the last time.
But I guess I just don't want to be rash. I meant it when I said it, and at this point I'm pretty hurt that he didn't take out as seriously as I meant it.
So really it's a pretty confusing time for me and I just want to jump in any direction.
I think you need to understand the power imbalance in your relationship and why that’s problematic. As an 18 year old dating a 24 year old, you have very little agency in the relationship. This is doubly so considering you’ve known him since you were 15. He’s emotionally manipulated you, and I think the best thing you can do is go to therapy so that you can unlearn the psychological issues you have which he’s taking advantage of.
Would you have considered not inviting your mom to your wedding because of how attractive she is? Your story is of a girl worried her mom is going to go away, while OP's story is of a girl that WANTS her mom to go away during her wedding.
People aren't irked because OP sees herself as attractive, but because the daughter's behavior doesn't align well with “my mom is beatiful”
I mean…. was he wrong? If someone really wants to identify that way, that's a really simplified way to put it. But he obv said it with a negative implication. Setup the next date for a private conversation and see how he really feels when given a chance to comment on how he thinks this group of people should really be treated. Society divides ourselves into groups and it can seem to be teambuilding to shit on other groups sometimes. I bet he's never really had a chance to explore the issue further than the youtube algorithm pumping click bait videos to him. Flesh it out and see if either of you want the opportunity to expand his world view positively.
Is anyone else concerned about the fact that wife is discussing marital issues with a male colleague? Even worse, this colleague seems to be pouring fuel on the fire? OP needs to keep a wary eye on that situation and probably discuss THAT with his wife.
I'd like to know why you can't have a few minutes to finish up your visit and say goodbyes.
To be whistled to like a dog is not something I would accept.
Yep, sounds like this relationship is over for her and therefore also for you. I can see where she's coming from and would've done the same in her situation, no point in stringing someone along
Take this one and the chin and don't forget, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Holy shit, you sound like a complete tool.
You obviously don't listen to a single word she says.
I don't care how long I've been dating you. You ruin my mattress like that and we're done. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
I'm not a caseworker nor do I intend to do be one.
I'd wish him luck and move on.
But you're the only one with all the context.
With hiw toxic your family is can you just seek jobs somewhere else far from them? Yes this means you will have to change jobs.
Unfortunately her husband showed weakness right from the start by agreeing with hurt feelings. Society has told him to be. pussy in these situations. No doubt what happens next.
It's a terrible idea. Sounds like you have closure. You are happily married . . You don't owe your ex closure
It’s not just guys. Most people in general find sex to be an important part of a relationship. He was right to do what he did.
Not all men have a high sex drive, but you’re going to have to be very honest from the get go, because that’s a dealbreaker for most.
OP, I hope you get better, that would be the ultimate slap in the face for this kinds of people ???
What was obituary for?
More than half are battered wives. 40% of cops SELF REPORT being domestic abusers. Plenty more actually do it.
Why would you put up with 2 abusive people? Move out, dump them both and block them.
You are both adults, and you are both responsible for your own decisions and actions and boundaries you enforce with family.
If you break up, it’s not because of your family it’s because you guys decided to break up instead of standing up to your family. I know that abuse complicates all these things but I’m saying this so you feel empowered to make your own decisions.
Abusive people want you to feel like they are in control and you have no power over your own life but that’s not true.
As a child, you have no choice but to please your parents to survive. but now you are an adult and you can do what you need to do to be independent and if you need to, you can completely cut off contact.
I’m really proud of you for getting your stuff together and moving out. I’m sure that was incredibly difficult.
Lol, nope I’m the husband posting as myself
Somehow cultural, she says why doesn’t he come and see you? One of the reasons she’s not okay with this is because she doesn’t believe in girls making the move
And your implications that women are too stupid to be trusted when they say they consent? That's definitely not misogyny, amirite?
yeah. that's bad.
my bf and me used to play wrestle occasionally. I knew he wrestled in college but I'd never actually seen him do it for real. one time we'd been drinking and he started play wrestling me, so I pinned him down. and suddenly with a force I hadn't imagined, I was completely incapacitated and couldn't draw a deep breath. couldn't budge an inch. I know rationally that he'd never really hurt me, but fight or flight kicked in and I was absolutely terrified. I said stop, and he was laughing and didn't realize I was serious and scared, so he didn't let up until I screamed stop again. he felt awful about it, had just taken it too far and hadn't realized, but he's never tried to play wrestle me again.
it scared the hell out of me, and that was even with him stopping as soon as he realized I was freaked out. I cannot imagine how I'd have felt if he'd held me down for a further 3 minutes while I cried. that would have been the end of it right there. that is abuse plain and simple. you wanted her to know you were powerful and that any time she thinks she's in control, you can take it from her in an instant. the only thing between her and helplessness is your benevolence, so she better toe the line
I doubt she'll ever trust you the same again, whether she breaks up with you or not. you're a threat now
Sorry but he is not into you, you don't leave your gf at home like that.
Please put yourself First.
This man child is not not fully baked yet..
Why are you even with him?
we can't be friendly anymore
I did. He says that, yes he misses me and he’ll make promises like ‘tonight it’s just gonna be you and me’. But then we just sit on the couch, watching a serie and that’s about it. I tried a couple of times to iniate a conversation but there is a 50/50 chance he is too tired. Even if we have a conversation, it is still for me so weird that i feel the need to explicitly tell him to talk to me. Doesn’t he feel the same need? Am i too needy? That’s why I’m finding it confusing
Yeah I hope that is not caused by myself. If it’s just a him thing then okay maybe we just work through it.. (not sure next steps)
Ok, you are throwing all the bad in front of you so you cannot walk past it. Moms and dads are giving you great advice. There is a tomorrow. If someone falls in love with you, they will take your baggage and kids too. Make dad tell the kids about the divorce, why should you have the crap of this responsibility? Make sure you are lawyered up and will be comfortable at least money-wise. The children will be at school a lot of the day and in a few years, you will be able to leave them at home if you want to go out. Do not forget to set aside one night for you, so that you get a break from being a mom and enjoy being young. Think about joining an activity so you meet new people out of your usual circle. Your children need you more than ever. This is life changing for them and you will have to steer a steady course. You can do this and have a life. Don’t think about what you cannot do but the positives in your life that will not change. Yes your husband walks away, that is because he is who he is. He’s not a keeper and be glad that you don’t have to live! with a liar and cheat for the rest. As one answer says, it isn’t forever. There is someone out there for you. Try not to get bitter. Just move on, that is tte best revenge.
Yep 23 and dated for 4+ years gotta love the +
Haha, angrily scrubbing a floor! ? My ex was a big acts-of-service guy. When I got home from work trips he’d have the whole house cleaned, which I appreciated but didn’t perhaps acknowledge enough. Then because my love language is not acts of service, when he got home from trips I wouldn’t necessarily have the place spotless (not messy, just not spotless) and he’d be so upset with me.
In that example and many others he thought his way of viewing things was best, so I had to adapt to his love language and he didn’t really give me the same grace in return. He’d just do stuff for me that I didn’t ask for then expect fawning praise. One of the many reasons we didn’t last!