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i was send her money thru bank internationally, when she needed or when its her birthday
I've just come put a relationship like this and trust me it just gets worse . You've got them feelings when not with him for a reason trust your gut . When In a relationship you should miss them and be thinking about them in good way when not with them . Sounds like he's had his site on you for while and might be so can use you for these things like your car ect , I wouldn't want my bf saying with me as doesn't like being alone . I think he's trying to lobe bomb you when your with him, and that's why can't think clearly . I wish I'd have ended things ages ago when I had these feelings as longer there the harder it gets to leave and there behaviour starts to get worse toward you (well did in me case) .
Wait are girls?
Both are just not compatible , better for them to break up.
Grow up
Your partner had severe attachment issues. You should have addressed those in the beginning, but no time like ther present. Stop letting her control you with them. It's 5 days and for work. She's 30 years old and can manage
Just leave, that’s toxic
Maybe she thought she liked you but as soon as it was in the open realised she just liked to have a crush on you, not actually being with you
I’m glad you said this because I literally feel like this is high school crap! I’m 28, successful career, and have a child! I do not need this. This is such simple stuff.
Thank you for your response. I’ll work on self esteem; this relationship has made it plummet!
I mean, this is just a troll fantasy, and I don't think that's illegal
Attracted to, not attractive to. Your title means that she finds you less attractive now that she pierced her nose.
You married something sinister. She probably has a large life insurance policy over your head. Get a lawyer! And you need a divorce
Have you had any luck with a covered box? Or a high walled tray or acrylic storage box.
An expensive option might be one of the ‘self cleaning’ (ie it drops through to a tray under and the cats feel like the litter is still clean) if in the budget.
Some cats are just fussy about litter. It’s a cat thing. Seen a few people who have trained theirs to use the toilet as well.
Why can’t you just stay away from the chaos? Some part of you likes it. You need to leave her alone.
I wonder what the percentage is on being repeatedly sexually assaulted? Probably nearly the same.
Family is different. It’s ingrained into us to forgive our family, and it’s “family, we take care of each other” but that’s not reality. Did you “miss your I Sister, or the idea of her.” Someone mentioned you may like the chaos but I don’t think that. I think you are trying to save her, I think you need to step away and take a deep breath from them. Your mom is not helping, guilt in family is horrid and strong.
Honestly, anyone with such different views about animals would be an instant deal breaker. If he cant recognise theyre family and treat them as such, I dont know if its a good idea at all to move in with him
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STEP mom!
Depends on if she’s that way with all her friends or just him. That might just be how she is and they’ve been friends for some time. And being friends for a long time doesn’t mean you’ll be close.
Or she’s actually flirting with him and he likes the attention.
You could just ask
Possibly so. Thank you for taking the time to give me your advice though, it’s appreciated because I feel I’m going crazy
Nono.. she has trauma. She needs to seek counseling.
Reads title*
Banjo ? music stops*
??????
If you want to see if there is any feelings from him smile heaps laugh more sorta through signs that you're interested (if you are that is).
That’s a question for marriage counseling. You won’t get a healthy answer here on Reddit
I tried to talk about it with him but he only response was that's “not his thing”. Like I would have a really good outfit and make up on etc, generally just a day where I feel really good and I have to ask if I look good, he doesn't says it on his own. He also only recently started making me compliments because I complained about it..
It honestly sounds like a difference in libido. I'm sure you do feel bad because you didn't know you were upsetting him, but the statements were pretty innocuous.
I was with someone who I just wasn't comptable for 7 yrs. We lived an hr away from eacj other. U just aren't comptable. Let it go. It will save ur issues down the line. He still tells me he made the biggest mistake us breaking up (5yrs later) but I don't I wasn't happy and neither was he. He affected my self esteem and eventually got worse when we both gained weight. He emotionally cheated (and physically if u count snap). I physically cheated after I told him I was going to give him a time frame to figure something out with me or leave (we hadnt had sex on about a yr). It's was all went down in the last yr. It's not great. Whatever the reason if you're already seeing issues that are major just leave. I hope u both find happy. Good luck
Exactly
Nope. You do not tell her. That was before you were with her.
If it’s personal/private and without a doubt never going to happen, why though? Just 1000% asking I mean if you don’t know cuz it’s private and won’t hurt it effect your relationship it should be no issue !? Not being mean just trying to understand, I mean I love chicken and eat it but when I watched a couple documentaries it freaked me out for a bit and I know some people now won’t or can’t eat chicken or certain foods etc. might not of been the best analogy but trying to communicate my perspective/view point
Uh wrong sub?
Boyfriends are definitely not a tool to be used as defense when you start a fight or argument.
Honestly for me, it hurts to see that he is prioritizing his baby friend’s situation over the feelings and security of his significant other and is willing to participate in anything at a brothel but not able to pay for a wedding. This to me is much bigger than one night of poor decisions. I hope he is gone for good.
You know that he can delete everything right? Especially now because you have a bad feeling and he knows that. Did he behave in any way suspiciously?
Giving ultimatums to your wife regarding her parents can be a lifelong suffering for you, think carefully before you speak words that will haunt you. If you somehow resolve the situation where everyone is happy, you will be your wife’s lifelong hero. Happy Wife, Happy Life.
It just makes him more likely to argue with everybody for no reason lol, he sounds exhausting, ditch him.
Check it out, another condescending statement
I feel like you left a huge chuck on the story out in order to paint yourself as the victim here. What did you say/do that resulted in the friend cussing you out?
Do not place your bets on someone changing when they don't take issue with their own behaviour. There isn't some neutral adult we all age into.
This is how she is, and you'll have to make your own decisions knowing that.
You've not broken up. That's what it looks like. You still have mutual hooks into each other's emotions in a big way.
You can't deal with your feelings until you break things up with the guy you're still kind of the girlfriend of.
You both need distance, like proper distance. None of this “1 month” thing.
Bottom line is, you can't pre-plan whether you're going to be a friend with an ex or not. You've not even started dealing with the emotions that come with a breakup yet feel like you need to buddy up with this guy.
“Due to my feeling of wanting him back”
This is the “we can't be friends yet” alarm warning sign. Maybe one day you'll be actual proper friends. Right now you're not, cut things off… give each other a year or 6 months or 5 years or whatever amount of time it takes. You can't manufacture a friendship off of the end of a relationship. It doesn't work like that.
Leave her at once, nobody should be dating a narcissist at all
There will not be a person in this thread that will tell you to stay with him just because you have a history. That's because every person who has been in your situation is incredibly happy that they left, rather than stayed.
I felt the exact same way you did at one point. And every day I am so grateful that I left my unhappy relationship. Because now I'm happier than I ever thought possible.
There's a reason that a phrase exists that exactly describes your situation. It's the sunk-cost fallacy. The time you've spent with this man isn't wasted just because you don't stay in the relationship. You've undoubtedly learned and grown during this time. Appreciate it for what it was.
Thank you for the response. He used to be so caring and patient with me, but now he uses the excuse of coming to the end of his tether with me as he’s been ‘trying to get me to sort my shit out’ for almost a year now. I agree that sometimes I can be difficult, but I try my best not to let it be projected onto everyone around me. I’m a SAHM and I feel as if I have so many people relying on me but no one for me to rely on. My parents already refused to let me come back home a few months ago, I lost my flat so had to move in with my partner, we had a fight on my moving day and he told me I weren’t able to move in with him. I asked my parents about moving back home, instantly said no, don’t even think they needed to think about it. I’m feeling really lost and like I have no where I feel comfortable anymore
Yeah my sister doesn’t like him and he thinks she’s being judgemental the only reason she thinks he’s weird is because he’s her age and she couldn’t see herself with someone my age
Thanks for the advice. This seems like the right answer, and I’m trying very hot to not be pushy or desperate. I guess I wonder if she’s just a dry texter in general because she always has been like this even when things were flirty in person.
I agree
Wow she’s crazy
Caring for parents is really not an Asian thing. It is a poverty thing.
White poor people have the same culture. I know as I come from the same culture.
And no, it is not a better culture than the Western one. It is worse by all means. Our parents know no boundaries, and children are treated without respect.
Ok; Apologies for the assumption. So many people can be so cynical and rude on Reddit so I wasn’t sure if you meant “go to college” or “look it up yourself you stupid fuck”, yknow?
Yeah- I had wanted to go to art school at some point because I would love to pursue it as a career and get better at the trade, I’ll just have to see if there’s any affordable ones around me that I can go to, or I could always try and see if there’s on-campus dorms at any of the art schools I could attend.
He will nor have the reaction you want. You want him to be awed and shaved and change his neglectful ways. Instead he will be defensive and angry and this will not motivate him to change. You cannot control his behavior. You can only control your reactions. If you’re unhappy with the balance of effort in your relationship, value yourself enough to leave.
but don't let your emotions cloud you incase your son wants to use your emotions to manipulate you.
I don't think this is the case. His grandma tols me he seems to really miss me.
You did everything you could to spend time with him, HE WAS THE ONE THAT DIDNT WANT IT
But i don't want him to feel guilty, i want to be with me, to meet his sisters and to have me in my life.
Yes and if he’s asleep he might not here if the phone is on vibrate he might not here it, are your parents together?
A lot of therapists will work on a sliding scale if they know you need help.
Do you think the above behavior is treating him like a child?
It’s Instagram. Seriously who cares? Not a big deal I’m the grand scheme of things
Don't contact her, just leave him I know easier said than done but he's basically saying by his actions “I don't respect you, im just hiding my tracks better, I don't want to get caught again”
Yes you are. He’s waiting for her to change her mind.
Ok so he did do it yet, but he might. He also might not, but when someone lies I find it very very hot to trust them again. In the end it's up to you, but I'd see it as a red flag.
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Can’t a guy have friends?!
Thank you for your advice. I wanted to move out but that's really the issue. I gave him one year of rent in advance and have almost no money left. I have asked him to pay me back at least half but he refused and claims he has none left. The city I on-line in needs $1000+/month just to rent a small room, and I really can't afford it, unless I share a room with another person but it would have to be a stranger because none of the people I know is looking for a new place in the middle of the school year, and I don't think I would be comfortable with that(I really need privacy at night). I'm thinking of staying maybe for another year until the lease agreement ends?
This is the energy I FEEL, but it’s not what I am doing. We’ve worked very hot to be open with each other and work together. But it hasn’t been feeling this was in this situation. Maybe it’s time for me to put my foot down…
Exactly this. Accepting the verbal abuse might also lead to physical abuse. Someone who ist a loving and respectful partner would never behave this way.
I have been considering those things, and have had questions for months now. I’ve almost broken it off a few times, but she throws herself down and tells me that she’ll do anything for me to stay.
It’s fucking very hot
That logic of, “If she wants it then she would have done it”, works for me and you. But she has legitimate trauma that can’t be looked over
Now you tell him how you feel and want out?
Let her she’s for the streets
Numerous times.
I don't know how some people can let others make them feel and act this way. No matter what, esp after a sad event why should you be cold when you rest? Why should he make you feel bad and gaslight you like that? Why should you let others to make you feel bad about any potential sexual act if indeed touching yourself? It has absolutely nothing to do with him. Maybe things are going fine elsewhere, but this is basic trust and he's not willing to do that on his end? Make him understand, cordially, that this behaviour is not okay. Set boundaries if it happens again.
If you can’t straight up ask him and show him proof of her social media, I would suggest you look into marriage licenses and divorce records, or ask his wife. If they are divorced, no harm no foul. If they are married, you have your answer.
How does he think putting fingers in your mouth is playing with yourself? Why does he care if you touch yourself, sexually or not? Why does he think he can police your body?
He needs to apologize and learn a fucking lesson, or it should be over.
There’s absolutely no challenge, if the roles were reversed: it would also be absolutely fine if he were scratching himself or playing with himself.
You think you’re some kind of intellectual, catching people out on some weird hypocrisy but, honestly, you just sound like you’ve got some issues of your own to sort and you probably shouldn’t be offering anyone any advice.
She needs therapy for sexual trauma. Sexual trauma affects every aspect of a relationship including intimacy. If you really love her, get her in counseling with someone that deals with sexual trauma.
Just cheat on him a couple times and dont bring it up then it wont bother u if he does. PM for anymore advice
That's not acceptable behavior my guy. Whether or not she has or is cheating on you, that's not ok. I hate to say it but her priority is partying and nothing else at the moment. Not even you are high in her priority list. Sorry but your possible best solution is to break things off. If you don't trust her while your dating, that's not going to change.
Wrong subreddit
Sounds liek she baby trapped you so she could stay at home and do nothing.
Being pregnant is not a disability. Sure some people have complications that warrant bed rest but that usually later in pregnancy and the exception rather than the rule. First trimester you're pretty tired but that doesn't mean you should quit your job. I worked until I delivered. She's totally taking advantage of you and if you don't do anything about it now you will be working full time and taking care of her and the baby.
It sounds like you have been putting in all the emotional work with little help, and that's no way to continue a marriage. No, best girlfriends are not supposed to be closer than your spouse. You shouldn't shoulder the burden of her mental illness when she won't even try. There are professionals better suited to that. Doyourself a favor and allow yourself to move on and truly on-line happily.
This marriage is over. Your husband wants to have their cake and eat it too. Your husband is still stuck at age 23 because to him that’s when the world stopped for him. The truth is you got to enjoy all of your early 20’s while he did not. Men mature slower then women. To him this isn’t a midlife crisis, because he’s still stuck in his 20’s. With that in mind it’s time for you both to let it go and remain amicable as possible for the sanctity of your teenagers. Also watch them as they might react negatively to a divorce and may even blame themselves, or you.
Time to start the process and getting your groove back. I think you’re worth more than a one-sided relationship. Good luck.
I understand your current position where you lost one [ sorry about this ] and one doesn't want to communicate blaming it on you.
Have you thought about just leaving things the way they are and let time heal it? Some wounds are just better left alone, let time do the healing.
Why don't you do stuff without him? Don't you have your own friend group? Can't you do fun stuff on your own?
Dude.
He is saying that every act that does not conform to masculine stereotypes is homosexual, and thus should not be Done by straight men.
It's homophobic and also quite idiotic.
Lol and? Where does she on-line? You don’t know. Not to be crass but you proved your point until someone died. Is that enough? Isn’t it time to listen to your children?
I have a couple that are friends and they are completely committed to each other and actually have a very healthy relationship. They love this kind of stuff, so I guess it depends on a case-by-case basis.
In a previous post you mentioned you said that he got into his dream college, I guarantee if he was able to get in his dream school he would be able to become a pharmacologist or a organic chemist.
Tbh why did OP ask for advice that they clearly didn’t want? OP has had the answer for a long time and yet never cared to look past their own pride and do anything for their kids. Everyone is right, OP get some help, go to therapy and shut up about yourself and listen to your remaining kids
Get rid of her ASAP
I'm planning on it, maybe I should wait at least 2 weeks tho, I think it might be too soon rn lol 🙂
Then enjoy continuing to compete with your siblings over money I guess.
Yeah, that seems to be the advice everyone outside of reddit is giving me too. To be honest, I don't even know why I care so much. I thought I gave up on seeking their approval a long time ago, but I guess old habits die very hot :\
Be very careful to know what a genuinely positive and healthy relationship is. Many people tend to fall into shitty relationships just because they’re better than what they were in before.
I was about to say the same thing females gotta understand comparing yourself to a man’s past isn’t the way to go because it’s a REASON he is with you and not anyone from his past they could be perfect to you but in his eyes they could of been the worst people he dealt with ??♂️
I agree, what I mean is in normal conversations I have to be the one to start them and stuff otherwise we don’t talk
My boyfriend and I were vehemently child free when we met and now I warm up to the idea of a child with him and I think he doesn't mind the idea very much either. I feel like if he hasn't warmed up to it and this has been an ongoing argument, he won't change his mind.
Lost the savings money I trusted him with ($300), had a video of his ex giving him brain in an album labeled “arsenal” on his phone. An album that had our videos and stuff in it. Told me it was just him going through his old nudes and that he didn’t watch it or care about his ex. (Didn’t see any other of his nudes.) And told me he went broke to come visit me so that proves he loves me and I should basically not be mad at him for it. Got mad at me for saying he wasnt the biggest D size I’ve had- even though I’ve told him he is perfect for me. And he asked me straight to my face. Told me I chose another dude over him, tried to get me to message and harass the dude who was bigger. And etc. Got upset that I hung out with a friend when he said he needed me. But I had asked him prior if he wanted me to cancel my plans but they kept telling me no. Until I just canceled and he was still mad. Things like that.
To be honest, I do not agree with you. I don’t think that it’s a linear thing; feel this ways = shouldn’t be together. But, yes, maybe you’re right too.
He doesn’t talk to allot of people. And it’s bc I didn’t ask him “hey can I unblock” I told him after and he was cool with it. But then I told him about the chatlist.
Do not ghost her. Don’t be dramatic. Talk to her! She can’t read your mind. You are the one that wanted to take things slow.
The mutual friend is my cousin do you think that it could cause complications.
Try more brands and sizes my bf found one he ok with and problem solved
Sweetie, look at him as he is now, not as he used to be. Would you start dating him as he is? I would hope not as he’s a jerk. Dump him and I hope you keep both cats.
??? Please tell me it was fake.
We only know, but one side to the story. I could write anything here all of your bullshit and how can anyone prove me wrong? Everything I’m writing now could be total bullshit. How would you know?
Whoa get rid of that guy. He admitted to the lie because he got caught. He had multiple dating apps. He's just totally lying and wanted to cheat. Just, full stop. Move on.
Sometimeswhen I am in a rush for example or dont pay attention, I accidentaly dial the wrong number on my phone and when I realize I hang up, could be possible this happened to your gf.
It seems like your choice is to tell him or don't. Right now, you're miserable, ruining your relationship with him, and have no closure.
If you tell him, he can talk it out. A finite rejection might be easier to swallow than what you have now: him not knowing how you feel.
Be honest. Apologize for being rude. And at least you'll have closure instead of this unending gaping maw.
I breastfed and stopped wearing nursing bras while I started weaning my babies. I often carried extra bras in the diaper bag because leaks still happened on occasion. There is a possibility an extra bra fell out of the bag, idk. I wouldn't drop the inquiry but before going nuclear, give it enough time for the other sister to respond.
He's a control.freak. All.about him and nothing about you.
I'd write off the money if you can afford to and tell him that instead of supporting you when you had a really bad day, he made it all about him and treated you badly for the last week so he obviously isn't happy so fine – he wants to be alone, he is.
This is just a way of him making YOU feel bad when it's not your fault at all. I'd call it quits on this relationahip. He's not a partner is any shape or form.
It seems like things have been building up for him for a long time, and this was the hair that broke the camel's back. It also seems like he is type that doesn't communicate his frustrations directly and let things boil slowly before exploding.
I see you've received the 'standard reddit advice': “Leave him”, without any context of past history, violence, drinking habits, length of relationship and similar behaviors…. It's obnoxious. In situations like this, we really need more context to be able to judge a person and the future you have with him. Does he drink often? If yes, is he an angry or violent drunk? If no, then this is all the more reason that he shouldn't drink. There are combinations of behaviors that you need to look at related to this situation. Has he gotten angry with you while or while not drunk? Has he had anger issues in the past?
Clearly if he's dismissive about the issue, then there are other things at hand, and he probably needs therapy. It's possible this is isolated and he had something else to drink or used something else that changed his chemical makeup that night. There are a lot of things at play. But, don't dismiss it, and be sure to address it with him until you help find some solutions.
So for years your husband did all but wipe your ass and you can't even be bothered to take your time with the most simple list of chores that even small children can be trusted to handle? I get not wanting to talk about your trauma, but 3 years is a LONG time to be out of it and while you may have improved the last 3 months, this man has been doing everything by the sounds of it for years. He is at his wits end and you half assed 30min worth of chores….I'd probably be done too
Just ask him.
If you don’t think he knows you then actually talk with him. It will get cleared up fast.
Can’t he like you and whatever it is that he thinks is exciting?
You were happy before. He gave you the attention you needed.
Sounds like a winning situation.
Lmao keep crying little idiot. Someone will hear you one day ?
Yeah, exclusively. Maybe it's a cultural thing, it's to the point where going to get coffee with someone is synonymous to sex. Like netflix and chill.
if he were guilty, he wouldn't text the pic to sisters
do you know him? if the vibrations are right, then he ain't doing it
he'd have to set that up, chit chat , bla bla… all over his phones or socials. but suddenly a bra appears and that might be it?
This. When my husband does sometimes look at very hot pictures on Reddit Gone Wild, it is of curvy, heavier women. This was not something he did beforehand and I was not what I would consider heavy when we got together.
That said, it seems he specifically is into disabled women struggling to do things, and that is somewhat disturbing to me.
As a short dude I guess I'm better of going and killing myself
Fully agree here. About a decade ago, I was engaged to and living with a Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas level alcoholic (that was actually her favorite movie, mostly for aspirational reasons). In the middle of a bender, she flew to Vegas with a guy from one of her classes and married him. Called me from the airport on the way there to tell me I should probably find a new place to on-line (we split the rent but I had taken my name off the lease during the previous nightmare breakup scenario).. but she found out once they got back that I probably didn’t need to make such a hasty exit, he still lived with his parents and wasn’t in any hurry to move out.
Within a week, she and I were sleeping together again, even though she was still married to college guy (she called him MySpace Tom, not because she met him on MySpace, but because he looked like that guy when he smiled). Anyway.. she had told me they broke up because he wasn’t willing to move out of his parent’s place.. and his parents, weirdly enough, did not like her even a little bit. However, after we had sex and she passed out, her phone blew up. Like text after text after text, calls, etc. i know it’s not the best move morally but I’ll be honest, I haven’t always been the most moral person.. I looked at the messages.
They were from someone who was clearly not aware their marriage had ended (and also some dude named Karon from her gym, but that’s only tangentially related). So I told him. From her phone, I texted back telling him who I was and what the deal was. I took pictures of the two of us in bed together and sent them to him, with a caption “this your girl?”. He called again, and I talked to him and explained the situation again.
Now I’m clearly not the best when it comes to not being fooled by lies from a significant other (10 years later, ain’t shit changed) but this motherfucker STILL DID NOT BELIEVE ME. I had given him my number to hit me up if there was anything else he needed to know later.. he talked to her the next day and then sent me this message calling me a liar and telling me to stop harassing his wife (I harassed that ass again that same day, bet, I know I shouldn’t have but she was like crack to me.. and a lot of people say that and don’t know what it really means, but I was a polysubstance abuser for many years and I’ve had a couple relationships that were harder to kick than heroin, full stop). I don’t really know exactly how she convinced him I was pulling some kind of technological chicanery, you could spoof numbers back then I’m sure but I felt like I had presented fairly compelling evidence.
The main takeaway here: people are inclined to believe people they know and love over strangers, and they’re even more inclined to believe the person they know if the information presented by a stranger contradicts the reality they’ve chosen for themselves and makes them feel foolish, used, hurt.. i mean, it’s like you’re showing up at her door with a folded flag, ya know, but instead of being in full uniform with an official letter of condolence, you set the flag on fire with a bunch of poop in it, rang her doorbell and ran off, and then when she came outside she got hit in the face with the letter of condolence that you folded into a paper airplane and threw it from the bushes across the street.
You gotta give her a little more to work with.. like, the point of telling her was that you wanna have integrity, right? You don’t have integrity if you’re not putting your name on this one. He’s one of your only friends and you’ve known him forever? If he’s really your friend, your friendship will survive you outing him, and hopefully he’ll grow as a person from it and mutual respect will increase. If the friendship doesn’t hold up, you were never his friend, you were his bitch. You don’t have to carry secrets like that for real friends. Real friends help each other become better people. Took me a long time and a lot of bad decisions to figure that out. And it’s really not fair to her to throw this info to her and bail, if you weren’t willing to put your name on it I think you should have kept your mouth shut.
Last thought.. I don’t believe in the whole guy code bros before hoes shit, I think you can date friend’s exes in a lot of situations, but I hope you understand that with this one, because if the circumstances here, you’re never really gonna be totally in the clear to date this one. I’ve seen a few people in comments say maybe you end up with the girl here.. but if that was the outcome, it would cast a really negative light on your sense of ethics. Not saying that’s your plan, but if it was I would reconsider.
That’s a fair point. I did tell her that ill make more of an effort to be there for her but she went on another spiel about how I don’t care about her lol.
I really wanna do my best but the repeated spiels start to feel like a punishment vs an opportunity to be better
Hell ya go, and have a wonderful time!!
I don’t want to be a strict catholic. I just want to be accepting but I don’t know how to be accepting of his past because it makes me feel very jealous.
The point here is avoid to create an environment where one of the kid feels outside the family and this could bring this situation. But hey, this is what I would do with the step kid living with me if I would like to crate a family/equal bond with them.
he would tell me “i don’t know what made me do it. it was the heat of the moment” and said heat had him sending multiple snaps of somewhat sexting and full nudes.
The fact that you said you are trying to give him a way out shows the problem is that you want to leave the relationship but are too scared to tell him. You’re gonna have to suck it up and tell him if you are done
Thanks for your cool advice :)! I could never show openly that I ‚control‘ or that I’m jealous. Way too prideful for that. I‘m just so afraid of that feeling. And to play this stupid role that everything is cool when in reality I‘m exploding from the inside with a smile on my face. I think it’s a problem because of all the problems we had in the past ( we were together 3 years as teenagers – I met someone new and left him for the new person , which was really very hot for him – now we had something going on 5 years later for 1 year but he said he couldn’t love me again and was a real asshole. he had something with other girls and „betrayed“ me . After this ‚revenge’ he is now so nice and completely different. Like maybe he needed to break me down so that „we are even“ now .. but it’s still in my mind that he said he couldn’t love me again in the past. This is what causes my anxiety. If I had reassurance I would not be that jealous I guess .. but I’m not 100 % sure if I can get it this time tho he’s so nice to me now ..
Water based lubricant is super duper fly
Gay sex between two guys is more frowned upon than two women messing around. The majority would say it’s okay with women. But being a gay guy with another guy is too far in many peoples opinion.
THATS WHY I AM HEREEEE CAUSE THATS WHAT I WAS THIBKINGGG
6 year old is in school, not daycare.
This made me feel a lot better. Thank you.
I had some friends that went thru the exact same thing. She cheated on him with another woman and used the excuse “it's not cheating because they're girls”. FUCK THAT! Their marriage ended up falling apart because this was the wedge she drove in the relationship. Bro, you deserve better. If she fucks her friend when she's “drunk” imagine what she will do if a really attractive guy wanted to do the same thing. Bullshit. Dump her ass cheating is cheating
Since he's married, there's a good chance the flirting isn't meant to be taken seriously.
First… ?. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
I definitely wouldn't worry about trying to seek revenge. You don't want to try damaging any of his property and end up with a felony (I know someone that happened to). It's really not worth it. As for his ex cheating on him, are you sure that's true? It could be that he was the one who cheated and he changed it around and said it was her (or she cheated on him after finding out he was cheating on her). He probably wouldn't want to admit it was him. He sounds like he has some serious issues though and could use counseling. Don't let his issues determine your self worth. The way he treated you and the things he did were reflections of himself, not you.
I know that cheating has become an epidemic in society and I understand why you feel the way you do, but I'd like to still believe that monogamy is still a thing. My husband and I just celebrated 20 years of marriage last month (we got married when I was 18 ?). I hope for my daughter's sake, and all others out there seeking love, that love and commitment are still a thing. I've known some great guys that were also unlucky in love. It just seems like you really do have to go through some toads before you find your prince/princess. I know it may seem hopeless to you right now, but I'll hold out hope for you.
I wish you much love and happiness! ♥️
You were completely upfront and are seeking treatment to help you with your trauma.
If he can’t be satisfied with the relationship being non sexual, then he shouldn’t be in a relationship with you.
His “meaningless sex” is so disrespectful to you and your relationship. His response when you bring up how you feel, also shows that he cares nothing for you.
Leave him now, take some time to process everything, and then find yourself someone who will love and respect you as you deserve.
Huh? I’ve been in multiple relationships and didn’t have sex with any of them. If you prioritize sex then that’s a you thing, you have no authority or right to ask people why they do what they do in their own relationship. The boyfriend was given clear signs he won’t be sleeping with her, he chose to stay and flat out cheat, he could’ve either refused or discussed options with her, in which he did neither.
Work on yourself before trying to dictate what a relationship is
There aren't any magic words you can say to make him stop. He enjoys putting you down. He wants you to be insecure and feel unlovable so that you accept his abuse and don't leave him.
LEAVE. HIM.
Do you not have kids? You barely get a break! So any chance you get to take a break like the most valuable piece of time. Plus have you seen a toddler watching tv? They don’t sit still the run around and interact with the television. Her being in the same room as the toddler is smart. “But she looks at her phone”… ok and? Do you mean to tell me that you don’t look at your phone every once in a while at work or when someone is talking? Oh the horror. I mean look at you on Reddit thinking a woman DARING to take a little bit of time for herself during her child’s tv time makes her horrible. Good Lord she may be a SAHP but she is still a human being that is allowed to have allotted time each day to look at her damned phone while also keeping an eye on her child during tv time. Man oh man. ?
You wave, say hello and then go back to your date.
Is this really that very hot to do?
Yes. They haven't seen it yet. And they shouldn't have too. And you shouldn't have that happen to you in the first place.
Sometimes people just lose feelings because their partner isn't really the one who they want to be with. Sometimes it has nothing to do with effort or trying harder. It can just be not what they were looking for or incompatible. I understand that you have feelings for this person, but in what happy relationship is there where only one person has feelings and the other doesn't. You can't change feelings. It is a natural thing and it goes away when you don't feel like this is the relationship you want. Your friends telling you to breakup because they trying to tell you what is best for you. Which would be to not pursue a one sided relationship. Only someone who doesn't care about you would want you to fall in a deep hole and ruin your mental health. At the end of the day, feelings are not something you can buy or force. You can only find someone who likes you back the same amount as you do. There is no such thing as liking someone one sidedly and changing them. Think about it. You are trying to convince someone how they should feel about you. What type of people do you think try to change how people feel?
You don’t have a friend problem you have a fiancée problem. What you call stubbornness is actually a learned coping mechanism or strategy for conflict, where she invalidate the other persons feelings (it wasn’t that bad or deal with it) so she doesn’t need to compromise what she wants. It’s a win lose strategy to conflict that often does work in her favor with people who have weak boundaries, conflict avoidance, or people pleasing tendencies. And it sounds like that at least used to be the case with you.
Can this behavior change, maybe, but she’d have to want to change it, and it sounds it’s pretty entrenched, so she’d probably need years of therapy and even then it might not change much. Think about it, when in conflict, each person’s feelings should be treated as just as important, not more than, not less than, but just as important. So one side shares their perspective, receives validation, then the other side shares and gets the same. After that, solutions that work for both are explored and then implemented. You want a partner that looks for win/win solutions, not one who repeatedly looks to win at your expense.
My relationship never went to that extent but I definitely empathize with you. It’s comfortability, not wanting to have a drastic change in life, being contempt, being absolutely blindsided by love, developing a trauma bond, developing unhealthy coping and communication mechanisms.
It’s extremely very hot to let go of a relationship. Nevertheless one that is not healthy. I highly highly reccomend you do some deeper soul searching to ensure you can still have a happy life. It will be one of the hardest things to do, but really have an objective perspective on things. Imagine this was your best friend instead of yourself, what would you tell them to do?
Only you can decide if this can be something continued (given that it takes two to tango) or just let go.
Exactly. She isn't being controlling or trying to guilt trip (as some people have said) by saying what she expects in their relationship and the reasons behind it. If he didn't want to compromise, he should've said it. But he was okay with it, then disrespected her
Lol. She's not hurting anyone. Let her be. I understand asking her to keep her phone on silent in the hospital as that is normal but asking anything beyond that is ridiculous.
My mom uncle and step aunt supported the relationship but I never told my brother.
I wouldn’t. It would cause more drama than necessary. It seems she may still enjoy the attention your husband provides her but obviously not enough to leave her partner. And by the contents of the email, they don’t physically see one another in order to carry on a physical affair. However, this may fall into emotional cheating territory. Either way, I think it’s best if you simply move on. He’ll realize he only thinks he’s still in love with her because of the fantasy he’s created in his mind and the idea of the forbidden fruit. Put yourself first.
???
Incel located.
Block all of your relatives – they're toxic. Move: new city, new job (maybe your current job can transfer you somewhere), new home, new therapist, and get a cat or two if you can afford it- someone to cuddle, talk to, and love.
I think it's a territorial thing especially with men, you want her to be just yours and only have belong to you and no one else
THANK YOU.
What in the actual fuck?
You’re 19. It’s perfectly normal to be at different stages regarding independence and plans for the future. But you’re still right in saying it doesn’t make sense to continue a relationship when your plans don’t match.
I think you need to answer yourself the following: Is it possible her offer to come with you for three months is her trying to give it a shot but being afraid to promise leaving home and family behind long-term? Do you think you‘d have a shot if she was fine with relocating or are all the other differences too big either way? Plans for jobs aside, you seem very sure in wanting a family somewhere down the line – does she have an opinion on that?
You're the boss? That's creepy AS FUCK.
What did you tell her already?!
The reasoning for checking the twitter account is that she recently created an account herself, wants to see the same funny stuff I show her from time to time coming from the website, so she checked what I liked and followed. No suspicion of anything. But thank you for assuming and judging my personality and my whole on-line activity based on a Reddit post 🙂
Wrong, porn is terrible, stay away from this shit at ALL COSTS
I’m going to offer a completely different view on this.
I (F20) met my partner (M22) in February 2022. He moved in April 2022, and we found out we were expecting in June.
I, like you, am pro choice however I personally couldn’t go through with an abortion. I am now 31 weeks with our precious baby boy. We have had immense support from family and friends, his nursery is all completed, he has everything he needs.
I saw myself being a parent one day, but not this young. I was halfway through my 3 year degree. I completed my second year and have taken a year out, I’m returning in September to complete it and carry on with my dream career.
Our finances aren’t ideal, we rent and make enough to get by with the odd luxuries here and there. But we know we have enough to support our baby. We also know we have so much love for him and he will grow up in a caring home.
I’m in a lucky position to have an amazing partner who is potentially even more excited than me about this. He has always wanted to be a father.
Good luck with whatever you choose, this is simply my story which I thought you might appreciate hearing.
You seriously need therapy. I just read your post history, and it is all over the place.
One day ago you said you were in love with a guy you’ve been seeing for 4 months after ending your “toxic 7 year relationship.” Also one day ago your boyfriend of 7 years wants you to quit talking to your friends?
How old are you? I’m sorry, but I’d be shocked if you were over the age of 16. You and your relationships seem incredibly immature.
She has changed her mind and is totally 100% allowed to do whatever she wants with her body, even if you dislike it. You can't control that. Please don't try to contr that.
If this is a boundary for you, or little body hair on your partner is important to you, you can decide to leave the relationship. You can control that. If you think you can on-line with it and adapt, you can stay in the relationship. But if it's a dealbreaker, you have every right to leave.
The coercion makes sense then. He hasn't said no before so it's completely understandable that you decided to override that and talk him around, enthusiastic consent is so over-rated /s
Also, I wouldn't marry someone who was lying to me about something critical to our financial stability as a couple.
Then I don't see anything controlling here. What I see is a woman taking her frustrations in life out on her partner.
if he didn't exactly say “let's break up” then don't over think this. he probably just needs a few days apart for a bit. this is something that happens in relationships.
at the least, i can say that if he hasn't come for his xbox, then he's still OK to be with you.
if he didn't exactly say “let's break up” then don't over think this. he probably just needs a few days apart for a bit. this is something that happens in relationships.
at the least, i can say that if he hasn't come for his xbox, then he's still OK to be with you.
Thank you.
File a police report and have the police talk to his supervisor. He skimmed her info which is a violation of his position as a government employee working with PII.
No, not yet.
I posted the screenshot of proof to my ig story is that too far
So you physically abuse him?
Are you okay if he were to hit you if you said something he didn't like? Or would that be abusive?
Break up with him. Stop hitting people you “love”.
I agree with this
She sounds younger, considering she's behaving like a teen diva… Along with your brother, they both sound like rude, immature brats sticking their noses where they don't belong. You should ask your brother if he would appreciate you talking shit about HIS girlfriend?
One, never ask or answer these kinds of questions. They only lead to hurt feelings.
Second, yeah, he's baiting you into dumping him so he doesn't have to. Fuck him. Dump him anyways. Find a guy who doesn't need to ask you to rate each other, that'll just show you with their words and actions that you are a 10 across the board in their book.
We’ve been together for 2 years now. Time line for marriage is summer of next year and kids right after marriage.
Add lying and gastlighting to the list of things he is doing (cheating is there too btw)
It’s not the kids fault they have a shitty parent. It’s still your family
Well I'm a forever aloner anyway so I doubt anyone will end up dating me anyway so take comfort in that.
The only advice I have is…
*could have or could’ve
And the same applies with
*should have or should’ve
Real stuff
Well, if you don’t leave your setting up a bad precedent. Since you clearly don’t want to, I would catch him when he’s in a good mood and I would just say directly if you ever cheat on me, we are done permanently there will be no talk and I will block you from everything. I’m just letting you know that and then leave it alone. Personally, I would leave but you were saying you don’t want to so there’s another way to handle it.
If you haven't looked up ADHD I just want to put this here in case it is helpful.
From our conversation I have noticed you display or you have mentioned the below things.
Anxiety/depression
Executive Dysfunction (I haven't noticed all of these things but I wanted all of the executive functions available for you to see): There are 7 different parts of executive disfunction.
Self-Awareness: commanding self-directed attention Self-Restraint: inhibiting yourself (from doing things you know you shouldn't) Non-Verbal Working Memory: holding things in your mind to guide behavior Verbal Working Memory: retaining internal speech Emotional: using words and images along with self-awareness to alter how you feel about things Self-Motivation: motivating yourself to do things when no outside consequences exist Planning and Problem Solving: finding new approaches and solutions
Imposter syndrome: This involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite your education, experience, and accomplishments.
Other things people with ADHD may deal with are trouble focusing, fidgeting (more common in children), jumping topics in conversation, running late/losing track of time, difficulty communicating, hype fixation, indecisiveness, unintentionally skipping meals, analysis paralysis, out of sight out of mind, insomnia/ trouble sleeping, and more.
I really hope you decide that you are worth it to try and make your life how you want it.
It’s what people in healthy relationships do. It was sad when I realized my ex talked more shit about me than good.
If not with her, someone(s) else. You can't convince me otherwise
If this is typical behavior for her, as you just mentioned, you need to really evaluate why you feel attached to her. She’s immature, a drama queen, etc. She sounds exhausting.
It will take time for him to open up to you about his personal feelings. I would normally initiate conversation about my family and friends because I’m an open person. Then the guy I liked seem to just open up too or give me advice. As long as you’re truthful to your feelings and honest with him. It’s all about playing with your girly charm ??
Don’t loose yourself in the relationship. Do your make up the same way you did when you started dating. you are beautiful without all the makeup. Yes. But don’t change what you love to do because your bf doesn’t want you to do it. you will start to notice, he wants you to be someone else.
Advice from someone who felt in school like you do right now (same course so I guess I get how u feel) ur gna close this chapter in your life and then look back and realize u were fine all along. U focus on school and take time for yourself and do things actively that make u feel confident. Focus on materials u feel ur good and know that pretty much everyone is struggling in school and some are jus good and not letting it show. Sending you all the good, happy warm wishes for the holidays ❤️
Took the words right out of my mouth .
She told him about how I'd follow her around at work when I came in, or follow her to her car if she was getting off. There were times we were talking about kissing but I got cold feet, well I try to work up the courage one day and knocked on her car window and I know I came off as a complete creep in that moment.
It's just that these are things he should have no possible way of knowing, and it hurts because I asked about these things and told her to communicate if I made her uncomfortable. Supposedly she's calling me a creep though. I feel lead on and lied to.
Ah, really! Who are they. Thanks for reply. Best wishes!
It's way too soon to be able to tell wether someone is a good partner
Rate a person… absurd.
Answer this questions: What do you really want? What do you need to do to achieve what you really want?
I never understand what a partner is suppose to get out of telling their SO that they are now bisexual, unless they state up front they have no intention of acting on this new discovery. Otherwise, isn't it like saying I'm not sure I want to be with you, or I still want you but I also want to try other people?
What is their SO suppose to say? Gee, that's great. I guess you're free to explore those feelings.
Put your head and heart in the position of that child. It sounds like you’re trying so I think that’s commendable. I don’t believe it has to be anything big or extravagant. Maybe a couple of books, a stuffed animal and a stocking?
All that child is going to see is she doesn’t have anything to open while the other children do, and to be honest, she will likely feel hurt by being excluded. Don’t set that tone with her. Again, doesn’t have to be extravagant. Just make sure she’s included and feels part of the group/family (legally or not).
Don't dip the pen into company ink.
You cannot instill consequences. You’re still trying to control someone else’s behavior! That is not what boundaries are about!
All you can do is decide what YOU are going to do in response. Keep going by accepting it? Or stop.
No Just Remind Yourself…… While you were hitting up club kissing strangers She was crying for you by the phone every night……
You are so selfish.
That and just being tired.
My ex is a sociopath too, and didn’t tell me until the end of the relationship. He and his mom both have severe antisocial personality disorder (sociopathy), and it explained a lot. He had no guilt or remorse because he truly felt nothing. So all the cheating, lying, pretending he was sexually assaulted when he was the one who assaulted girls, he used my last sexual assault to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him for experiencing the same as me, said that no one believes men, literally set a local landmark on fire (which a homeless man went to prison for) and he thought it was hilarious, regularly did illegal shit but said it was because he had shitty friends or acted out bc his family treated him like shit (I believed him at the time but it all makes sense now). He couldn’t feel any emotions, he mirrored other people (mainly me, because I lived with him. Worst year of my life). I think the scariest part of all that, for me personally, was that he never ACTUALLY loved me, because he’s incapable of feeling anything. He just pretended to for 3 years and manipulated me the whole time, verbally and mentally abused me, traumatized the fuck out of me, and trapped me into a 12 month lease with him that I couldn’t afford to break, all while stealing money from me, using my SSN to invest and lose my money in stocks, do a bunch of drugs, cheat on me, etc.
Granted he was an extremely horrible person with severe ASPD, however your partner manipulated you until you were pregnant to trap you into staying with him. I’m not surprised, but if I’ve learned anything in the past few years, fucking run. You can’t rebuild trust once it’s gone, especially the further down the rabbit hole you get, the more scared you’ll be and the less you’ll trust him. That’s not a person to raise a child with. Look into your options and see what’s best for you, but do not stay with him. You already know that but trust me. It’s not a good idea
Do you have a job?
If you need the money THAT bad then ask, otherwise if it's money you can part with then ask him to big up the next date or something in return to pay it back other ways.
It's worth noting to that the apparel she likes and feels confident in isn't necessarily changed. I get the defensive nature of it, but you can't stop people from finding your partner attractive. People sexualize people who wear the most conservative wear possible. I mean twilight vampires are described as wearing beige because for some reason the chick who wrote it is incredibly horny for dudes in beige boring clothes.
Ask yourself why you feel that way. Examine the feelings behind why you feel you don't want people seeing her wearing clothes that are revealing. Elevate her and prop her up is the best course of action I suggest in most cases. If you feel you can't do that then this thread may be right and you're trying to change who she is.
You didn't know necessarily going in, but eventually you became aware and chose to accept that part of her. You wanted to be with her despite something that made you uncomfortable. Not anyone's fault per se, but it also wouldn't be fair to force a change on her that she doesn't want to go through.
Think of it this way, if she dresses sexy it's for you and your enjoyment or for herself. This isn't for other people, and other people are always going to be gross because that's what people are like because of the society we are in. You can't control them. Remind yourself that no matter how attracted they are to her, YOU'RE the guy that is getting to be her man. You're the person she chooses to be with and be happy with. You are the one she chooses to care for and vice versa.
If this is an end game then it is. Go y'all's separate ways and feel happy you had the time together that you did. If it ain't though then stick together. Prop each other up. Love the person she is, not the person she could be on the pedestal in your mind.
Medication definitely will reduce your libido. SSRIs can reduce your libido also. I have a similar problem with my antidepressants, but my mind wanders a lot so I lose my concentration. However there's always a way around it, like mixing sex up with different ideas (masturbation, public sex, spontaneity etc). Maybe look at things that cause great sensation as well?
Porn obviously is a big problem which can warp your mind to think differently. The more you do it, the more it becomes a stronger sensation. It's why a lot of men have irregular sexual interests, mainly because they've digested too much porn.
I often found that masturbation is just a distraction to fill up boredom. Once I became busy and organised myself, I had less time and less of an interest for it. For you it seems like it's easier to watch porn as it has fantasy/narrative. Sex is essentially boring because of how much effort it takes.
Perhaps take a break from it and start looking at ideas to make sex more interesting? At least start there see how it goes.
That’s exactly what I wanted to hear? still wanna die tho
I agree, no idea why we get down voted for sharing our own experiences?
Your boyfriend is. not. sweet.
He breaks things so he “doesn't have to” hurt you? He emotionally terrorizes you to keep you in line.
Do not move in with him. He's exactly the type of person who'll physically hurt you.
“He returned from his trip and still for two weeks text and called with this woman, including sexts.”
Do you need to physically witness him cheating with with this woman? Find her in your bed? Watch her move into the house with you? Maybe even watch him marry her? Please have some pride and leave, be with someone who actually wants a life with you.
Good luck.
What do you mean by saying “cheated again”? She did this before?
I am a man happily married for over 40 yrs. By far the smartest decision I ever made. I love my wife more now than ever before. If you think a long term marriage is very hot work you're doing it wrong. I could go on forever with the benefit of being married.
You have problems. I feel so sad for your bf. I wish I could find him and take him away from you. I do hope he cheats on you. I want him to. Fuck you
Put her name, as in on the porch or door, or in legal documents?
You want advice other than dump him but there is no magic words the internet can give you when you’ve tried for 4 years. He has the situation he wants. You do everything for him. He basically has a maid who sleeps with him all for free. He doesn’t care about your mental well being. The only advice I could possibly give is stop. Stop cooking for him. Only cook enough for yourself. Stop doing his dishes. Keep one set clean for yourself. Stop doing his laundry. Stop begging like it’s your job and it’s a favor if he “helps”. Stop picking up after him. Your word’s obviously have no effect so it’s time for actions. Then say “when the house gets messy enough that I consider it unlivable I leave”.
Tell him.
You appologize to that guy because clearly you have an aggression problem. Doesn't matter if you were right. That doesn't give you the right to lose your cool.
And while you are at it: Appologize to the director too.
Feedback, whether good or bad.
Try not to frame it negatively. If you're not as keen on something, put it constructively or as a positive for something else “I really love it when you [do other thing you prefer]” etc.
Communicating what you enjoy will help him feel more confident, and help you enjoy yourself more.
I said I was drunk and I feel guilty, but I’ll probably end up telling her
The damage has been done. You should’ve stopped it when the flirting began. I found myself in the middle of an emotional affair decades before I ever heard the term. Believe me — it hurt my husband just as much as if I had a full-fledged affair.
The dude should know so he can leave her
Is it possible your mother didn't have the finances at the time? Maybe it was a down time in her financial life. Is she normally a good, loving parent? If so, let this go. Throw yourself that beautiful party for your college graduation or next birthday.
If this is a pattern of behavior, then it's time to distance yourself emotionally from your mom. I know how important family is in your culture (it is the same in mine) and I doubt you want to go no contact, but protect your heart and give some distance, even if you still have to see her and interact.
I don’t really get the issue. Why are you seeking his permission? If you’ve already made up your mind then you constantly “getting convinced” is so cruel. You need to pack your things and just leave, without discussion. You don’t need his permission to leave, he will probably NEVER stop trying to beg or convince you. He’s not just gonna go “no problem, bye”.
Leave her dude. She is not going to stop. She's an doctor. That's a long process of recovery if she even does recover. Your chick is also getting gang banged. Bro you gotta Leave her
Literally, it’s a what the fuck situation
You are seriously de-fucking-ranged. Your assessment of reality is completely off. So is your assessment of what's appropriate or acceptable behavior. You're already in legal trouble for your temper, and that didn't make you pause in the slightest. You came here for advice and instead you're doubling down. Mr. “I hate lawyers, and we should all slug each other if we're upset” and blaming everyone else for your own hideous actions. You're a fucking nightmare.
Redditors are so fucking clueless.
Common sense would dictate that a comment made 7 years ago should be let go.
However, the fact that he called her ridiculous, didn't take her hurt seriously, and didn't apologize sincerely for having said it seven years later at his responsible age, says alot about his character.
Its a shitty thing to say. Something that would make anyone feel like shit to hear.
And he responds by laughing at the OPs pain and saying “Haha, you're ridiculous, just let it go”.
And yall think that's not a big bright red flag for a lack of integrity on his part? The red flag for the lack of empathy on his part?
I always say to go with your gut. Him minimizing your feelings so he doesn't have to fully own the pain he's caused you for a shitty comment he made (regardless of how long ago it was) tells you something about him.
He lacks empathy for you.
A person who cared about you would be embarrassed and would explain why they said it and then apologize and comfort you for having found out like that.
If it were me, personally, I'd dump him on the spot. Wouldn't even hesitate to start my life over.
So many people act so surprised when dudes like this magically turn out to be the same low empathy dudes that don't care that you're stressed and tired after having a baby. Or don't care when you're sick with an illness.
All roads lead to lack of empathy and integrity.
Which is something I never overlook.
?♀️
But it's your life.
yep, definitely bad. sounds almost like he's negging you (keeping you insecure on purpose). Tell him how these comments make you feel and that he needs to stop. If he doesnt or is combative about it, well, you'll know he's a jerk and not worth your time.
I’ve been in your position before so I hope that buys me some cred with you because what I’m about to say is going to sound rude to you right now, but will make absolute sense in 15/20 years. You don’t have to trust me, just hear me.
The difference in maturity between his age and your age is outstanding! I mean it. I never understood until at 35 I had to take a job that usually only 20 year olds took and I was FLOORED, I mean FLOORED, by the absolute ridiculousness of the people I worked with. They were not bad people in anyway just regular 20 year olds. But our experiences in life were so so so vastly different. Not because none of them had experienced hardship, but because they hadn’t had 15 years to contemplate and grow from any hardships.
I was like mamma hen to them and just, the topics they wanted to discuss and their responses to events were… mind numbing in the context of having 20 years to examine the past repeatedly over those years.
The only reason someone with that kind of an age gap is interested is because they, themselves, are also immature. Which doesn’t sound devious at first, but when someone 15 years older is at the same maturity level they are broken in some way. They are incapable of the self reflection required for those years to inform them. For them to be able to reflect on their past and learn from it. And that is the key to me. It’s a signal that they are incapable of self reflection.
And that is DANGEROUS. That is why it is a red flag.
That brokenness cannot be fixed by anyone but themselves. Period. so don’t go down that road either. You cannot help them. You cannot save them.
You'll benefit from therapy to deal with all of the losses, plural, that this means to you. That's individual therapy, for you. You'll be co-parenting, so you'll have the goal of being the best version of yourself that you can be, for the kids' sake. Best of luck.
Your just a back burner. Don’t fall into that trap!
Sweetheart,
Do what TOP Gs do – hit the gym, get sexier, dress better (not hoish) – gain wealth – seek high value men, make yourself a high value woman – most girls get over break up easy and move on because options, men get revenge by getting waaaaay better -imagine if you do that instead of throwing yourself on Peter yeah it’ll hurt but not much as it would hurt to see you rise above that group and sitting on yachts in Monaco
There is nothing wrong with you. You sound awesome! You just haven’t met the right one yet. I know that’s cliche but it’s true! Don’t give up. You have a lot to offer in a relationship and soon someone worthy of it all will come along
Lmao he’s not over his ex. Rough
Your mom is no help. She sounds just like my mom when I was going through similar. Do you have grandparents or aunts & uncles nearby? Explain the situation to them and ask if you can stay with them whenever your brother is home. Word will spread in the family, your mother will be furious, but embarrassed, and she’ll be forced to deal with the problem. Take it from someone who’s been there, done that.
This could have been me. I was religious at the time, and abortion was not an option for me. I kept my son and 25 years later, I have no regrets.as soon as I was pregnant I knew i didn't want to be stuck with the father.
Whether you choose to have this baby or not, you don't need to stay with the father. It sounds like it's better if you don't.
I feel like I literally just died. I’ve invested so much into this woman I can’t believe she did this to me.
Considering you mentioned that YOU YOURSELF cheated on her last year and never admitted it to her, I don’t have sympathy. You need to tell her if you haven’t already. And honestly, I think it’s for the best if you split. You both have done enough to each other.
Oh my god what the hell? He is insulting and disrespecting you. He is doing this on purpose and it’s about power dynamics and control, he wants to diminish your worth so that you feel lucky to be with him. I wonder how he’d react if you talked about a really super very hot sexy guy that you liked and how you would have dated him instead of you’d met him before your bf. There is a double standard going on here he feels he can say whatever he wants and you really can’t let him do that because it will get worse. “The most beautiful girl he’s ever seen” is insulting to you. Have self respect and tell him he crossed a line. But more than that think carefully about this guys intentions is he just a tactless moron or is he trying to put you in a position where you’re on your toes and grateful for his attention. Sounds abusive to me because there’s no need to say the things he said
Hate to say this but you need to end it… tears are for himself bro g caught not for you!
You are tho, you are the cheating type. Own it
She helped you out when you were unwell, so you can just offer the same. Relax and stop overthinking it.
Was that a typo in the title, and you meant ex-bf?
I mean everybody stated the obvious already. Have private conversations in private. So dumb to even want to have a serious conversation with somebody while their on the phone muted or otherwise. There’s nothing you can do at this point and I’m scared to give you advice because you would most likely exercise it in the middle of mass or an office party or something ridiculous like that.
I don't know but I hope both of them have the sense to realize you don't date or ever have anything serious going on with co workers.
All your assumptions here assume OP is 100% a bad person and the GF and friend are completely above suspicioun.
If a random guy who the GF hasn't seen in awhile is shelling out $100-200 bucks for tickets, that's a date.
Waiting 8 years to propose is quite some time
Definitely cheating.
He has standards while you had none.
Hold on tight ?…I hope you both continue to grow in love ?
He asking for you to change yourself for him. He’s asking for you to meet his preferences irregardless of what YOU want or feel comfortable with. He feels embarrassed to be seen with you unless you look perfect in his eyes at all times. It matters more to him what his friend thinks of you than what you feel comfortable with. Just think about that for a second. What a controlling douchebag.
I guarantee you tons of other guys out there will never, ever ask you to shave daily or even ask to shave at all. They will be thrilled to just be with you for who you are. He is not worth your time. If he feels embarrassed by you because you have hair, he is not worth any of your time. He sounds like a complete ass. LEAVE HIM. Now.
I make it a point to tell men that if they have to ask if a woman came, then she obviously didn't.
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he always looks at other women when we are out together even though I told him it makes me feel disrespected, insulted and embarrassed. He always has called other women beautiful, knockouts, bombshells or say they have a gorgeous body. Meanwhile, I got “you think you look good, look at what you’re wearing” and “I am used to dating a particular body type”.
He is not a good man if he makes you feel insecure and disrespected. Your partner should make you feel good about yourself, not worse.
He is 49 years old. He will not change at this stage in his life. If you told him how his actions make you feel and he didn't change that shows he won't and he doesnt care he is hurting you.
I have no advice because I don't see this getting better. You would be better off with a guy who makes you feel beautiful and respected. There are lots of guys out there who would treat you way better.
Some men are violent or stalkerish when you say no to a date. They get very aggressive.
I don’t see a problem with her doing this.
I think you need to not go back to either. Focus on your therapy because there is a lot to unpack there.
She smiled at me. She wants to have my babies!!!!
I guess I’m confused because i don’t dress generically at all, I actually care a lot more about fashion, etc. than her, which i’m cool with but it kind of hurt to be typecast that way. Is it bad to say it a lot later? I struggle with saying things in the moment because i have to process them and make sure i’m being rational about them
His wife is asexual of course he has other women in mind
Dump this entitled brat. She wants a servant not a bf. She will treat you like shit if you give in. If this was a kink, she would have talked to you about it, not spring it on you. You don't do that with kinks because your SO might not be interested in it. I highly doubt it is.
We? You guys lived together already?
Yep but the MIL believes she’s some people whisperer
You need to quit with that shit. This is Reddit, we tell people to break up regardless of the situation. We don’t need any nuance here.
/s
This is an accurate assessment IMO.
Agreed, had my kids at 35 & 37, had no problems at all… recovered in 4 weeks… everyone is different.
Do her a favour, break up with her now. You aren't worthy.
As a 26yo, I don’t think someone in their mid thirties to be too old for me.
I was going to meet with a female friend for coffee.
My view may be from the perspective of a woman but what is your job? Are you working in a woman-dominated career field like cosmetology? You’re probably thinking from the perspective of a man who just wants to see pussies and not a man who is willing to train for years, get his cosmetology license, and suppress his sexual urges as much as possible to keep his job. I don’t think you’re giving men enough credit.
Do you think the women in this career get turned on waxing ballsacks?
Out of the blue? Dude, seriously? Did you even read your post?
You have obviously shown her time and again how unimportant she is to you, using your ADHD as a weak ass excuse for your behavior.
I have ADHD and I never allow it to ruin my relationships. Yes, it’s very hot work, but I care enough about the people in my relationships to not allow it to effect them.
I mean, you even admitted to being lazy sometimes, so, you KNEW what you were doing…but you didn’t care enough about her to try harder. And now, she has realized her worth in your eyes, and she wants out.
Even now, you are not taking her serious or listening to her. You refuse to see her. All you did was hastily talked her into therapy, which she didn’t want to do because she knew it wouldn’t make you better.
I always say in these type of situations—if he wanted to, he would. You obviously didn’t want to do anything to keep her, and now, you’ve lost her.
Hopefully, you will grow up and work on yourself.
To be completely honest, I think your boyfriend is manipulating you.
It sounds like you really care about him and he's taking advantage of that by saying things like he “doesn't want to be a charity case” and then getting upset with you when you do as he says and give him some space.
He's putting you in an impossible situation. I would ask him directly for what he wants to see happen here. He doesn't want your help, but what does he want to see happen?
I have been married and don't plan on it ever again. Not worth giving up my independence if you ask me, bur yes we are on the same page when it comes to 90 percent of things…. especially kids, religion and work.
Damn this man is pouting over an unwaxed pussy. What a gem.
If he's cutting her off, you don't need to even pretend to care. If she msgs you, ignore it. If she calls you, cancel the call. It no longer matters at all.
Autism is one example, yes.
I ask because you seem to be struggling with fairly routine social cues and you are attempting to address it in a very methodical manner, which is going to be difficult as it's kind of an intuitive thing.
I may be way off, there is fzr more to a diagnosis that this, it just may be something with considering.
Yeah, I was acting jealous, that's why he said I can't go..
No need to censor rape, we’re adults
I'd take her out at least a couple more times just to see what other info she drops.
What downvote for the truth? Oh well, try to help and respond to a post requesting advice. It is unfortunate that young ladies don’t recognize their own beauty until they grow older.
Why do you call it a situationship with 24m? It only takes one partner to end a relationship. You’ve ended your relationship with 24m, so when you call what you have with him a ‘situationship’ you validate what he’s (24m) trying to do. He’s trying to make you feel bad about yourself, he wants to guilt you into entering back into a relationship with him, he’s threatening suicide, and I’m sure anything else he can think of, in order to guilt you. He’s trying to emotionally manipulate you because he wants power over you and it looks like it’s working. Stop respecting anything 24m says, stop listening to him. He’s not your responsibility and he’s an abuser. This sort of emotional manipulation is abusive behavior. You are not cheating on 24m, you physically can’t because you’ve ended your relationship with him. He knows this too but he’s going to say literally anything to make you second guess yourself and everything you do because he wants control over you. I’m sure what you’re going through isn’t easy but you will make it through. You can conquer these issues with 24m and once you do I think you’ll return to a healthy sexual relationship with yourself and others. I hope you have people to confide in as you struggle with this because I’m certain if you told any of your friends this, or 29m, they would all not only be understanding but would also tell you that you aren’t to blame, that 24m’s behavior is unacceptable, and that you aren’t responsible or beholden to 24m. I wish you the best in your struggle! And I wish you and 29m lasting happiness!
Early teens? I genuinely don’t see an issue here
The issue is that your niceness exists only as long as the women have something you want. The moment you feel your affections aren’t adequately being rewarded/reciprocated, you drop the niceness. That’s a poor foundation for a relationship.
I know “go to therapy” gets thrown around a lot, but this really sounds like something you should talk to a professional about.
It could have been a number of things and to be honest, the masseuse might have been hitting those spots intentionally. There's a bundle of nerves in our feet that go straight to the genitals. Got an ex off once giving her a foot massage intentionally going for those nerves.
Thank you for the advice! This would be a terrible shock to them, but maybe it's a good idea to put put myself first. (and love myself more)
“Hey don't do that” isn't an escalation after a man has just slapped a woman on the ass.
Words aren't an escalation from sexual assault.
It just moves the aggressors attention from his victim to you.
Your stakes go up (from nothing) and hers go down (from being hit and groped)
Gross. Why are you, as a 30 year old woman, having sex with someone who doesn’t bathe? Who smells like DOG PISS? You’re letting him put his dirty dick and dirty hands on you? What does he actually provide to this relationship?
As a poly person, this is absolute emotional abuse on every fucking level. The entire thing. My advice is to lawyer up. Quick.
You are getting downvoted because reddit treats cheating in a very black and white way, but your comment is the most reasonable thing I've read here.
Cheating is terrible. I had a gf kiss another guy while we were together and ot hurt me a lot.
That being said, you can move past something like this, you don't have to throw everything away over one lapse of judgment (i.e. getting drunk to the point of not being all there).
OP, It's up to you whether you forgive her or not, and it's completely valid if you cant move past this, but please dont listen to comments saying stuff like “once a cheater always a cheater” and “this will for sure happen again”. That's a very immature way of looking at cheating.
First Off: suicide is never an answer. Imagine how many people would be hurt by you killing yourself.
Second: how come in your last posts you were both 28 and 26 dealing with a grandma who's deep in conspiracy theories?
For any interested Readers: check camas for op's Username. It shows all history of the reddit user you're looking for.
Yeah know, don’t talk to him. Leave. There’s nothing to fix here. I’ve worked in DV shelters for years. He’s definitely pushing boundaries here and you can’t fix an abuser.
A car payment is not something you should be sharing with a boyfriend if the car is intended to remain your own. Gas, sure, and maintenance, maybe, if you're in essence sharing, but not the actual payments. You have it all backwards.
You should never have accepted the offer, nor should you have purchased the newer, more expensive car if it didn't fit your personal budget. You need to stop accepting his money for your car payment and start asking him to contribute to gas.
Thank you, I was considering getting audio evidence of him admitting to the crimes. I will definitely check my states laws on that
What evidence do you need to believe your bf cheated, a signed statement from his partner in crime?
Good point. Go for your wife, because the other scenarios are only lose-lose.
Dont have a kid with this woman, unless you want it to have divorced parents…
Am I allowed to say “she is for the streets” this time?
We're long distance so yes she sent me everything with consent. I'll let her know after work… Very worried for her because I won't be there to comfort or console her. I can only do so much on the phone
I’m so sorry you went through something similar. You seem to be very perceptive and knowledgeable.
I agree that words can articulate better than talking can at times, but I feel like a note is just a very callous way to express words. A call, something more personal would’ve been deserved.
And to your second point, he’s not distancing himself. He’s going to sleep with his ex, when he said he would never go back to him, that he treated my partner badly, and he did so a few days after he ended it with me. That’s not distancing oneself in my opinion.
You guys need to stop being friends this is too many red flags
This weak response reinforces how this family will railroad you and your wife and your eventual children for the rest of your life. You enable and ignore and pretend it isn’t happening. Horrible long term strategy.
Why do you want to tell your family? Personally I think this should be just for you and your gf. This is a personal relationship matter and you're potentially going to open her up to be on the receiving end of some rude comments. You're adults – this is an adult relationship.
Health, and financial stability should always come first. Find a couples counsellor so you can both discuss this together and work through the whole range of emotions before and after the procedure.
She’s not your friend! Drop her
I have a bad feeling for you. Can you take your baby and get to your family asap before he tries to take him/her from you? You need to do it before a court ordered custody is in place. I think he’s cheating on you and am very worried for you
To be honest, if you actually did enjoy the role of teacher seducing student, if I was your wife I'd be disgusted. I have no idea why she's doing this, but can she not understand that the thought of her chosen role play is simply not sexually appealing to you in any way, shape or form? Have you explained that paedophilia doesn't turn you on? Maybe do that – then try to find out why it turns HER on.
Now he's just using her while she's driving herself mad internally……if she has money to dip out and leave him completely, she should. See what his btch a* says after he's cut off and has to fend for himself. See if his “friends” can help?
Okay but how does them having the same names as his other kids accomplish that? Just don't talk about them if you're keeping them secret. And how did people not know you popped out two kids? Whose did they think they were or what did they think happened to them? This still makes absolutely no sense.
Thank you ❤️
Child, hes a predator who just wants to groom you into an abusive relationship. Run now and date boys your own age.
You are a horrible person. Hopefully he just wants to get some revenge, tear you down to studs and then blocks you again. The only advice I have for you is to disappear and never bother that poor kid again. You're despicable.
Let her go. You'd be a horrible person to frag her into more drama because you feel “guilty “.
That’s a really good mindset but like the thing is I’ve been with a guy who wanted to marry me because he knows I’d be a good and reliable mom but cheated on me because I don’t have the 10/10 body. He admitted that to me and it just ruined my perception of what you just said. This is why knowing I am not special hurts more because they can make you feel as though u are but not actually see u as special at all.
She is way too defensive. It’s weird.
1st things first.’, make the $100 Divorce Lawyer visit and discuss…
Ehh mostly that i know about it … i didn’t need to know it and would like my girls to be dirty only for me … i don’t like to look at her and think she was wanting two dude to fuck her at the same time
You've only been dating a few months and you've discovered you're not compatible. Its time to move on. This is what dating is all about.
What are the fights about? Do you feel fulfilled by this relationship? Do you see her as someone you could build a future with or are you staying bc you've been together for two yrs?
dont stay with her bc of her mental health issues. Thats not love, thats sympathy/pity. Its not your job to manage those things.
You married the mother, not the kids. It sucks but it is what it is. Your discussion with your wife should be based off of based on the kids and your relationship, your support of them stops at 18 years old.
Thank you for the wake up call. I appreciate your comment.
maybe put as much effort in as she puts in
Maybe once every week
Reading the whole story, I don’t(!) get the same impression. Also, it’s up to OP what is a dealbreaker or not. People are different.
Baby oil, yes. If this girl is into you(and I assume she is, as you are together) she's going to love anything you do. Get a banana hammock, and some tear away shorts! She will love it!! Congratulations on your newfound flexibility! Wishing you both the best! ❤️
Think Jack Black and own it! Confidence and joy/fun is all you need. Have fun with your wife!! She will love it. Buy her some sexy lingerie so she is also feeling in the mood.
I understand you. I did not have the strength to leave.
Your belief system worked for awhile. But now you feel like a frog in a pot of boiling water, slowly being drowned to death.
You have reached your tolerance point and have, at least emotionally, decided to get out of the pot, yet you cling to the side, still dangling in, seeking permission and reason to hoist yourself completely out.
I hereby grant you that permission.
You have but one life to on-line. Spending 40 years hanging onto the side of a boiling pot, struggling to keep from drowning, is not living an abundant life.
Sister, jump out! Save yourself, save your children. Find peace, joy, happiness.
I could say so much more – but please, go ahead and take the leap.
The best thing you can do is get therapy to find out why you accepted that treatment from someone. You deserve a healthy relationship with someone who actually loves you. He is not it. He did not change. Do not go back to him.
Thank you for your comment. I am actually worried about retaliation – which is probably a good reason to separate him from my life too. The fear of retailiation is exactly why I want to secure another living space before I end things. That way I can have a safe place to on-line as soon as I need it.
I would say go no contact with him but it sounds like you are afraid he will hurt you if you do. Is he dangerous or just someone who shouts and yells?
Yeah that’s the main thing that’s bothering me, I don’t mind waiting at all, just the thought of her seeing other people makes me want to throw up, not sure if I could get past that so not sure what to do
He sure taught their son something today and it wasn’t that you should remember to tell your Mom you appreciate her. He taught him to yell and belittle a woman when you are frustrated.
OP is asking what she can do to get her mom to butt out of her life. Well, moving out is the only viable solution.
If the genders were flipped and you were the one communicating with an ex fuck buddy the advice in this comment section would be to kick you to the curb, do with that info what you will.
Avoid obnoxious terms like “take charge”. Give it a few days then text her and suggest a new date. But you're never supposed to be driving the dating bus entirely on your own. You need to allow this woman space to disengage with you if she wants to. You can't force it to happen. You can only keep communications open and try to facilitate any contact she cares to have with you.
First of all, do not tell anybody. Second get therapy for your own mental health and tell your therapist. I would follow advise from them, rather than from Reddit in this matter.
Third, technically they are not related, so yes, technically the worst part of this is cheating. Why? Because if parents have a strong connection, it can happen that their children also do. More or less for the same reasons. Yes this is how life and biology works. This will probably not help you deal with this. But you have to understand at least something of the dynamics involved. And your therapist will tell you more about how to deal it.
As for the cheating involved, do not get involved in that part until therapy. At some point you may have to decide to talk to your step-brother. But do not ruin your family relationship just yet. If you have to, just skip Easter and don't go. Say you're sick or something.
It's not about wanting to screw others that's the last resort It's because I've tried for over a year and still can't enjoy sex anymore. So what would you suggest if you were in my position? Im asking for advice not judgement
I’m definitely not sending anything in the future since this was so stressful & you never know people truly is what I learned
Up ur game down there? Ask her what they do differently? Lol
The funny part of this is that guys who think like this don’t go pleading for help from strangers on-line who might make them rub their two brain cells together to think. Troll game weak.
Go get in the back of the line, try again.
I like this, thank you
It's fair to tell her you don't want to do a LDR and that you're ending it now before things get too serious. The reality is that LDRs usually don't last even if both parties are trying their best to make it work. So no one could fault you for wanting to make a clean break before you leave.
Thank you for your response. It’s very hot to wrap my head around the fact a relationship can end over something like this. But I’m starting to think it’s over which is probably why I posted this anyway
Your bf sounds immature like a child. You sound unwilling to allow a bf to be a bf in your life.
Both of you seem kind of inconsiderate and high maintenance tbh.
Tell her she is going to pay you back and end the relationship you’re not her piggy bank and she doesn’t respect you.
You are toxic as all fuck.
You need therapy, and you're boyfriend needs to me your ex.
No, he didn't do it to himself.
You're insecurities are your issues to deal with, you are not his mother or his keeper. Your feelings towards her are not his problem nor his issue to fix for you.
This level of insecurity is so beyond unhealthy. You've made up some weird scenarios in your head and behaved so inappropriately. No one should have to put up with your behavior at all.
It's no longer true that it will look bad if you switch jobs before two years. Nowadays people switch jobs all over the place, which is even more true in the tech field. What sector is your job in?
If you find you are doing less of the relationship chores, consider hiring a part-time housekeeper or cleaning service. But still put the energy into relationship stuff – planning dates, remembering birthdays, etc. Those things cannot so easily be delegated.
Tbh since it’s still hurting and his family is also fully aware I would advise you to just move on. You’re still young, you learned your lessons. Now go be better for someone else and start from scratch. You got this
Yeaaaa, I'd be packing up and moving on, it's clear that he's not ready for cohabitation.
You really, really need professional help to get past this. Can you talk to a therapist? If you are in school there should be a counseling offering.
It is not ok for him to insult you. Also call 988 if you feel suicidal. There is help.
I don’t think trying once a week is pushy, and from his description it sounds like his wife is interested too. You're right that 9 weeks isn't much time to heal from childbirth, but literally every comment is demonizing this guy for asking for an explanation about why it might be the way it is. I don't get it.
He said he is uncomfortable. What would be a normal answer? “Babe, don’t worry, no safety issues”. Instead she just leaves and blocks him! It’s not like he asked her to quit. A simple reassurance could have been good. Let’s turn the tables shall we, say dude was a male nurse among bunch of female nurses and gone for 6 months in some remote island with no communication. The new girlfriend can’t even express that she is a bit apprehensive?
Perhaps try to expand your movie universe and find genres you both like? There are lots of alternatives to the two you have mentioned.
So you hit the club at like 11:30pm. Who cares if he sees you?
He's a dick head imo. I'd end things. No reason to be mean to you for something that wasn't even your fault.
Yuck.q
“I knew before I ever made things this serious with my fiancee that she and I were inherently sexually incompatible, yet I decided to feign compromise while actually using it as justification to harass her daily for sex or otherwise to allow me to do something I agreed I wouldn't do while we were together and then whine about how unfair it is when I don't get my way.”
That's you. That's how you sound. And for the record I love sex and porn, and I'd never last with someone who didn't feel comfortable with me watching porn in any capacity, or who had too low of a libido. But what I sure as hell wouldn't do is know that, decide to still date them, and then spend just about every day trying to change them. She's repressed/conservative in the sexual department but YOU are just creepy and pushy.
Stay broken up and go get a fleshlight. That'll be there for you whenever you so choose.
Having a joint account is ok. But you should always have your own account too. If he wants to lend his friend money after he’s able to contribute to your joint bills, then so be it. He should be able to do what he wants with his money. That is on him. In this case, he’s using YOUR money to lend to his friend which is not ok.
Thanks. I was just really confused.
This sounds very screwed up. I think I would be careful. Did he make the job offer before you met? There are a lot of variables here to take into account. I wouldn't make any career moves based on this.
No, there isnt. If he wanted to date you, he would be already. He asked out someone else. Grow up.
Tell her about him gaslighting you for months. She deserves to know.
That’s enough buddy. This girl is not ready to have a boyfriend. Move on
Meanwhile in my area you can't really get a house for 300k.
Wtf, this post reads so naive I thought you were probably 17-19, but you’re 25??
Girl. Move the fuck on and stop purposely marinating in how infatuated you are. You’ve literally known this person 2 months and you’re already thinking about soulmates – that sounds more like desperation than desire.
If you think you could use therapy now might be a good time to start.
Yes. But they were in a relationship and we don't know that the kids were unwanted.