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Your mom should want to meet her if she means anything. To you- the fact that she diminishes your relationship is a red flag and your gf is right to pick up on that. What you allow is what will continue- if it means anything to you, your parents need to recognize and respond to that. And if your gf and her feelings don’t matter to you, why are you even together, especially for this long now? After a year I’d say it’s normal to want to meet your partners family.
This does seem kind of weird, it would be a “no” for me. The one place I might be willing to go with it is to say this: If I pay rent to be here, then you’re my landlord; I’m not doing your yard work, I’m not shoveling snow, I’m not paying for household repairs, and I’m not cleaning up after you. I don’t cook for my landlord now and I don’t do his laundry or do his dishes, and that’s not going to change.
i don’t know why this is downvoted. wanting to go through your partners text messages out of the blue for no reason is weird. maybe if she had a specific reason like “i saw a text message notification pop up that looked like sexting” but to just say someone is ‘acting weird’ with their phone is not it.
i don’t even chat with people in text and i would find this kind of request offputting.