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1. Some things to think about and talk about

   how would having a new baby affect the relationship with your son?

   I have a relative with a grand kid 1 year older than their youngest child and they basically have no grandparent relationship with their grandchild because of it – they are too busy with their own child. Their adult child really resents this and is very disappointed.

   Also, if something happens to you – is your adult child willing and able to step in and take custody of their sibling. You will be at least 60/61 if she had a baby right now and not that 60 is incredibly old – but – average life span is for a man is 72 years worldwide. If you have no one to take the kid the new kid will be in the system.

   If you are in the USA – you cannot cover your minor children on Medicare. So, when you turn 65 if you have a minor child or up to 26 years of age – it is private insurance for them.

   Having a child in your 40's is not bad – lots of people do it – the risks for birth defects are higher sure but that does not mean it is a guarantee. But I would test for everything. And you have to decide what you will do if there is something wrong. Once again who takes care of the new kid if they can't take care of themselves. Your son – who basically will have zero familial bond with his sibling may not want to or be willing to care take for his sibling into adulthood and beyond.

   Are you ok with your son and the new kid not viewing each other as siblings. Because they won't – it winds up being more of a niece or nephew kind of relationship. They will never be peers.

   If you having another child requires long term commitments from other people to care for this child that are not directly involved in the baby making- then you need their consent before you get pregnant – you cannot make that commitment for others.

   Side note – your wife is at the age where perimenopause is going on and – she is at an age where she is in the last throes of her fertile window – it can do weird things to your head- because hormones and biology.

   I think if you guys sit down and really run the numbers and scenarios and actual talk to other people in your family, her thoughts might change.

   And then there is the fact if you both don't want kids – don't have more kids. You don't want to have them. Don't have them.

   Good Luck

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