I am sorry for what you are going through. It's very alarming too that your children are witnessing this. This hurts them deeply in so many ways. Do not stay in this situation because you think it benefits them, it really doesn't. Many children who are now adults on this forum alone can speak to the damage it caused them and how it took many years of counseling as an adult to finally feel healthy.
As for couple counseling I do not recommend this at all. Not only are abusers excellent at manipulating the counselors, but they often go there and find more tones and tools to use as abuse. This also implies a mutual problem which inadvertently validates the abusers twisted thinking that you are as much of the abuse problem as they are, or even more so. If she really wants treatment there are domestic violence programs she can look into where they are more specialized at working with abusers and more privy to their typical behavior and traits. She is responsible for her own abusive behavior and is at fault for it and needs to attend this alone. But there is no guarantee of change, and it's often more on the rare side that change occurs. You might benefit having your very own counselor to help you, especially in regards for as safe of separation as possible. I wish you the best.
Of corse he cheating again, no one is that enthusiastic over a women they just met at bowling ?.
Don't let him in the house. Tell him he can stay out until finances are sorted in the divorce.
Don't let him down play your feelings, who the hell asks a women while out for there number while you have a wife.
Something happened that night.
Keep strong and block his number so you don't have to deal with him, say all talks will now be through my lawyer and so will arrangements about him seeing the kids and make drop off picks ups by third party I.e your mom/sister/friend
Im confused by the paragraph. But the end kinda got me. I was dating another girl. Just because the sane girl showed up doesn't mean anything. Idk what the crazy girl texted the other girl. The sane girl knows I don't cheat, I would never.
Precheating? Well that is a new one. You are 30 the odds are likely there was someone before her and she knew that. She is picking a fight. Way too early for this nonsense or in my opinion it is always too early. Therapy after months of dating? Unless you have a kid together then the therapy needs to be a breakup
Heavy with the dodging. Let’s put it into perspective since you’re being deliberately narrow sighted about it.
Say you’re dating someone, same situation as the guy posting, except it’s something stronger than herpes, let’s say HIV, or Hepatitis C, something much more severe than genital herpes. Would you be alright with your partner only disclosing that information after you’ve tested positive for it? Would you be alright being deceived and having that decision of contracting the disease taken away from you?
Yeah if you know about it. If my friend told me he was a rapist, I’d drop him so fast. If I continue being his friend I’m basically telling him being a rapist is cool with me, I don’t care.
Why does any of this actually surprise you? His age difference with her was 12 years and with you it’s 9 years. It’s clear he prefers younger women. At some point I feel you will be too old for him and he might start looking to replace you just for that. Regardless when there’s such an imbalance in income and/or assets it’s always a good idea to have a prenup in place. Also he proposed to her and he proposed to you. You say you didn’t win but if you’re still in contact with your pageant circle he could “trade you in” for the winner or first runner-up. If you have any doubts at all, either don’t marry him or insist on a prenup.
Sounds like she belongs to the streets my friend. Tell her that if she cheats she might as well start a relationship with the man she cheats with because she will no longer be welcome in your house or in a relationship with you again.
Unless he's suddenly started taking meds, he's just doing this through willpower, and it won't last. That or he doesn't actually have OCD. The only thing that ever switched my OCD off was Paxil 🙂
Consider couples counseling. Him being unilateral and moving the goalposts isn’t healthy. You coping with drinking isn’t healthy (though it’s relatable).
I would be unilateral back. ‘Yes? We agree to disagree. I will be sleeping in until 10 every Sunday. Then we have family time and breakfast. This is not open for discussion.’
It kinda sounds like he wants you to get up and cook for him, but knows it’s shitty so he’s obfuscating.
That's a really sweet story, and I'm so glad you guys got to finish it for her. Thanks for this, it definitely gives me some needed confidence to keep plugging away!
I am sorry for what you are going through. It's very alarming too that your children are witnessing this. This hurts them deeply in so many ways. Do not stay in this situation because you think it benefits them, it really doesn't. Many children who are now adults on this forum alone can speak to the damage it caused them and how it took many years of counseling as an adult to finally feel healthy.
As for couple counseling I do not recommend this at all. Not only are abusers excellent at manipulating the counselors, but they often go there and find more tones and tools to use as abuse. This also implies a mutual problem which inadvertently validates the abusers twisted thinking that you are as much of the abuse problem as they are, or even more so. If she really wants treatment there are domestic violence programs she can look into where they are more specialized at working with abusers and more privy to their typical behavior and traits. She is responsible for her own abusive behavior and is at fault for it and needs to attend this alone. But there is no guarantee of change, and it's often more on the rare side that change occurs. You might benefit having your very own counselor to help you, especially in regards for as safe of separation as possible. I wish you the best.
Block his number and talk to your lawyer.
Of corse he cheating again, no one is that enthusiastic over a women they just met at bowling ?.
Don't let him in the house. Tell him he can stay out until finances are sorted in the divorce.
Don't let him down play your feelings, who the hell asks a women while out for there number while you have a wife.
Something happened that night.
Keep strong and block his number so you don't have to deal with him, say all talks will now be through my lawyer and so will arrangements about him seeing the kids and make drop off picks ups by third party I.e your mom/sister/friend
Im confused by the paragraph. But the end kinda got me. I was dating another girl. Just because the sane girl showed up doesn't mean anything. Idk what the crazy girl texted the other girl. The sane girl knows I don't cheat, I would never.
Precheating? Well that is a new one. You are 30 the odds are likely there was someone before her and she knew that. She is picking a fight. Way too early for this nonsense or in my opinion it is always too early. Therapy after months of dating? Unless you have a kid together then the therapy needs to be a breakup
Next, lol. You really wanna spend time with someone who invalidates you at the very start when he's probably on his best behaviour?
Heavy with the dodging. Let’s put it into perspective since you’re being deliberately narrow sighted about it.
Say you’re dating someone, same situation as the guy posting, except it’s something stronger than herpes, let’s say HIV, or Hepatitis C, something much more severe than genital herpes. Would you be alright with your partner only disclosing that information after you’ve tested positive for it? Would you be alright being deceived and having that decision of contracting the disease taken away from you?
“This can work not matter what”
You can’t prove a thing that is not true.
Kick her out?
The girl is in your house, already said you can have the daughter, she is chatting up guys, using common interests that you had to impress other guys?
Fuck that, get her to leave.
May be worth getting it in writing that she is letting you have your daughter, it seems that she will be more focused on horse riding anyway.
Well you sound pleasant
Yeah if you know about it. If my friend told me he was a rapist, I’d drop him so fast. If I continue being his friend I’m basically telling him being a rapist is cool with me, I don’t care.
Why does any of this actually surprise you? His age difference with her was 12 years and with you it’s 9 years. It’s clear he prefers younger women. At some point I feel you will be too old for him and he might start looking to replace you just for that. Regardless when there’s such an imbalance in income and/or assets it’s always a good idea to have a prenup in place. Also he proposed to her and he proposed to you. You say you didn’t win but if you’re still in contact with your pageant circle he could “trade you in” for the winner or first runner-up. If you have any doubts at all, either don’t marry him or insist on a prenup.
Sounds like she belongs to the streets my friend. Tell her that if she cheats she might as well start a relationship with the man she cheats with because she will no longer be welcome in your house or in a relationship with you again.
This is ridiculous. Have some self respect and find a dude who likes vagina, cause clearly this guy doesn’t like you or your parts.
They aren't even aligned now, she doesn't even have a career and he's years into his.
Unless he's suddenly started taking meds, he's just doing this through willpower, and it won't last. That or he doesn't actually have OCD. The only thing that ever switched my OCD off was Paxil 🙂
So he’s bringing people over?
What the actual fuck is wrong with these people.
Consider couples counseling. Him being unilateral and moving the goalposts isn’t healthy. You coping with drinking isn’t healthy (though it’s relatable).
I would be unilateral back. ‘Yes? We agree to disagree. I will be sleeping in until 10 every Sunday. Then we have family time and breakfast. This is not open for discussion.’
It kinda sounds like he wants you to get up and cook for him, but knows it’s shitty so he’s obfuscating.
That's a really sweet story, and I'm so glad you guys got to finish it for her. Thanks for this, it definitely gives me some needed confidence to keep plugging away!
I agree. He’s open to therapy now. We will see how it goes the next few weeks. Thanks for your time.