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thanks for this advice I did this for the last decade. I always listened to what she liked, and wished for and did my best to make it an enjoyable day for her.
But after more than a decade of nothing, saying her exactly what I would like is too much.
Good so from now on, I will do exactly as much as her. This will be so much fun for everybody
There’s other ways to get the juices flowing without receiving oral, talk to her and ask what kind of pleasure she would like to receive and if there’s anything else in particular she doesn’t like.
I was gonna say, I think it’s best to assume he did do something and now she really just should decide if she wants to stay with someone so deceitful
Do you see why it's the boyfriend's problem with processing this, though? According to op, the bf is claiming that this attention is hurtful. Op isn't trying to convince them to want it, they're just asking for more frequent sex. None of what op said suggests that she's pressuring bf to do more.
Yes, I agree that him asking for a breakup is the healthier thing he could do if it bothers him this much. But to claim that her saying that he's good at sex is “hurtful” is ridiculous.
You have your friends and he has his. It's healthy. It's not like you can't come if you want and he even is fine with going to your friends so long as he wouldn't have to abandon his own. Nothing is wrong here.
Familiarize yourself with the revenge porn laws in your state because amicably or not, your images are going to get out there (if they aren't already being shared by him with his friends.)
Get your nights out with your friends. Be honest and tell her that it’s that or you have to consider ending the relationship. Put your foot down. Find all available resources for both of you. The disabled community is huge. She needs to find her place.
You should not stay with someone who is willing to hit you. There is no excuse for it. He doesn't even sound like he admits he was wrong or is sorry.
It's not the same thing. You can't remember it happening – that means you did not consent. Yes he was drunk but he made an active decision that he now feels bad about.
He is wrong for bringing it up as something you did wrong when the truth is you were taken advantage of.
If you are unable to trust him anymore you should end it, the trust is not going to magically come back and he violated it.
Are you having one of your low blood sugar asshole moments?
Your husband sounds like a Narcissistic personality, your value to him is superficial – based on how good he looks standing beside you ?. It’s very hot to discover that the person you married loved you not for who you are deep down, but for something so shallow. I’m glad you got away. If you want to meet other Redditors who had similar situations, check out r/survivinginfidelity .
Your family sounds so toxic. Tbh visiting every other weekend is a ton like I love my partners family but I don’t want to feel obligated to see them every other weekend. It sounds like your wife goes to everything she can, but I’d want to go less and less if I’m being met with disrespect. You need to sit them down and talk, especially if this has been going on for several years.
It's 2022, go get a ring pop and some jerky from the gas station and propose to him.
You know the answer – he’s too toxic – please just move on
what's there to ask, do you take pictures like that with just male friends? how would he feel if you still hung out 1 on 1 with a man you were this close to (and have obviously had something with)?
Your personal way of living can be considered jail by other people standards. My partner can't make me sad, can't disappoint me either so my way of living is good for me
Tell your current wife that if the jealousy keeps up you’ll have a far less cordial relationship with her when you are divorced
But in all seriousness having a good relationship with an ex, with whom you have children, is a really great thing and it’s a very good example for your children. Try to find out where the jealousy is coming from in your current wife and work to address that issue, rather than changing around a bunch of good things to cater to her insecurities.
It could absolutely be that. But let me ask this. Do you think that after 4 months he would or should be aware she does not have interests? That would be important information for this post, as that would likely render them incompatible.
I already found someone I am infatuated with, and I married her.
Usually, religious people who don't believe in sex before marriage don't wait more than 6 months at the most to get married, specifically to avoid situations like this. You've had more than enough time to get to know each other enough to know whether you are compatible, why haven't you gotten married yet?
Usually, religious people who don't believe in sex before marriage don't wait more than 6 months at the most to get married, specifically to avoid situations like this. You've had more than enough time to get to know each other enough to know whether you are compatible, why haven't you gotten married yet?
How long have you been together?
It’s nude to give advice like you probably want here because as a happily married man who has many different short and long term relationships before getting married to my wife after a few years… I wouldn’t have put up with this toddler shit.
Does he have a brain tumor?
Did you just kill his dog on accident?
Because I’m struggling to see how his temper tantrums are excusable while you’re trying to decide who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Just knowing this about him his behavior is already below par.
If your dream man is average, he’s below that in this regard.
Lots of people are lovely aside from when they’re “upset.”
Most assholes you’ve ever met.
Lots of murderers.
Could list awful folks all day long.
Who someone is when they’re in a great mood doesn’t say a lot about them.
Who they are when they’re upset says a lot about them.
Very hot to see how this isn’t him showing you exactly who he is inside his mind when he’s too “upset” to hide it until the day he doesn’t think you’ll just run away from him and he doesn’t have to.
Like I said, we’ve got pretty limited experience. If you wanted to try and convince me he’s wonderful just to talk through the situation, go for it.
But I don’t have a positive impression at all currently.
Jesus.
You’re living with an immature jerk.
It sounds like even before the game, you may have been feeling under-appreciated. And his “leave then” comment has me wondering if he’s not happy in the relationship as a whole.
Moving in together and getting used to someone being in your space 24/7 is a huge thing.
His immaturity is going to really out a strain on things. He’s not talking to you because of a game? Just. No.
I’m the (ex-)boyfriend in this scenario. I know my mistakes but I just can’t help it. I blow up at times (same as described by OP, during one bad argument every 3 months let’s say) and pin it on the person that got me to that state of mind by being pushy or making a big deal out of something that shouldn’t (here, that recently ex gf). I just don’t know what can change that to fix myself. I honestly have no idea. If anyone’s got an advice on that …
Your lucky it’s only a month and you can walk away, stop with the fantasy of what could have been , the reality would be you never get to see your friends again, you have explain everywhere you go and your whole life would be policed.
I’m gonna speak with my parents later today
Absolutely! Especially 20 year old females and especially people here on Reddit. It’s infuriating to me.
I’ll try to keep that in mind, she’s really good at spinning at things
Right ? OP is at the most difficult moment of her life and all her husband thinks about is himself. Yea bodies change and grow old, welcome to reality
6 months he’s been in a relationship with someone else. No remorse no accountability for throwing 6 years away. Just lies about not caring for her & only loving you even brought her around his family too. wow this man is the bottom of the dumpster trash. Please leave this man…
Question, what the fuck?
Cannabis. Not as harmful as alcohol and can probably help with performance anxiety. Low dose viagra is good too.
Such a great guy yet you cheated on him.
He has money to take his friend out but not you? Seems like he is still not prioritizing you or your feelings.
Just leave. In three months she has already lied to you and clearly has shit decision making skills. She cheated on her last boyfriend. If she was actually raped then I feel bad for her of course, but that doesn't change every single other thing she's done. It's not worth it. Don't let this girl be the next partner to cheat on you, assuming she hasn't already.
Solve the debt problem by investing in real estate.
Am I the only one doing the math in my head of a 6 yo and a 10 month pregnancy?
Seconded!!!
If she doesn't bring it up, you should continue to act ignorant. Why rock the boat?
This, Get a lawyer, if you do not have the old texts, text him back or record a phone call, and in conversation remind him that he's the one that denied they were even his, who told you he wanted no part of you or them and then had implied he wanted them aborted. Get him to confirm this and then, remind him it's been over 13-14 years? (you said they were getting ready for high school?) ask what makes him think it is okay to deny his children for that long and suddenly come out of nowhere, and demand a relationship with the children he never wanted and do not know him.
Others are right, your children have a right to know about him if you have not already told them about him. And if he insists remind him, they also have a right to know the truth about why they never knew him. Telling them the truth is not parental alienation. Make sure you know your legal options before anything OP. But honestly you owe him nothing, he lost all rights when he denied they were his from the beginning.
I can't tell you for sure what to do about your father. But here's my advice: imagine a wedding that feels most authentic and loving for you and your SO, including the gender presentation
What part did you not understand? I can explain further
He seems like he’s depressed and angry right now, because a month ago she blocked his number. He said he doesn’t want to even get into relationships with other girls, and I assume its all because of her.
He’s bored. Lol
You aren't being unreasonable or jealous, I can't think of any woman that would be okay with that. You should be his only priority. I never tell my husband what to do, but my husband would never do this. I'd flat out just say no if he suggested something like this.
“We need that $2000 for our baby, I need you here for support and you should not be running around with some woman from Instagram instead of being with your pregnant wife. You wouldn't entertain this suggestion if I made it. Get it together, now.” End of conversation.
Please dump this man.
He's a bum. Find a man who works and provides.
Last year he admitted to being polyamorous
That's what you say at the start of a relationship, not 2.5 years in. At 2.5 years, that's just saying “I want to cheat on you”.
i recently discovered his father repeatedly raped his stepdaughter when she was a little girl. She had drunkingly confessed this to me right before I had to make a decision about moving in with my boyfriend
So, you have high moral standards for yourself except when it comes down to actually exercising those moral standards. With this knowledge, you decided that your morals were flexible enough to go ahead and move into their house. Convenient.
His father is never NOT going to be an abuser.
His mother is will always hide her head in the sand.
Your bf will forever hide his head in the sand and he will continue to try to get you to be more and more flexible with your moral standards.
The bottom line: with knowledge, you chose to move in with a pedophile rapist. Unless you are willing to move out today and refuse to have any contact with these people, you are condoning what the father did, what the mother did (do not think for 1 minute she would protect your child from the father) and you are condoning your bf pretending the sexual abuse of his sister never happened (also do not think he will protect your child either).
DICKMATIZED!
I'm stealing this
This dynamic you have with your family is complicated. It spans decades or maybe even generations resulting in the mistreatment of family members. Even in my own family there are things I wish could be different and know that some situations can be fixed, maybe all of them with the right commitment levels of everyone, but realistically not everyone can change or wants to change.
Seemingly, your dad is at the root of most of this disconnect. The dad who, didn’t walk you down the aisle for your wedding, and almost never mention in this post signals to me how little thought and energy goes into that particular relationship at this time. When your mom and dad are still together, how is the relationship with the daughter going to be perfect for just one of those parents and completely absent for the other parent?
That -hot take- aside, your mother is seemingly nude to convince and resistant of anything positive between you two. She may be blind to how to have a healthy connection to her adult daughter which would be greatly different from who you were, her child daughter. Relationships must evolve as we grow and somewhere along the line you took your own path and your mother stayed behind and is stuck somewhere along that line.
Your brother, an immature brother at that, will hopefully see that continual finances involved with family is irresponsible for two adults to have. Your brother asked for you to be a consultant, but then throws away your thoughts because he has already decided. So what was the point?? Especially when you’re not close, this business venture was not the way to grow a relationship when your brother could not handle what you asked of him. Your ideals are different and him or both of you may be rigid shown from the dog situation. Your brother with the inability to see things from your perspective, and maybe even you for not compromising and thinking “ya maybe there is time to shop at a thrift store or Walmart for 30 min this weekend to get replacement clothes”.
All that said, the you being sick and your brothers business is fairly recent, I would not get too worried about the future based on these two events. Your family has trouble with boundaries and you feel even farther from them if you enforce them. This reality is a very hot one to stomach – Your independence reduces your dependence on them and that makes them think you love them less for it.
I do see your problems, and I apologize if I leaped on some points, but I do still see you. You try hard to cultivate something from these relationships and don’t have much to show for it. I feel for that. My personal philosophy is to stop investing into something that won’t give you returns, but when it’s family that script goes out the window and I don’t know what to tell you. Firstly, take care of you. Keep growing the relationships you have, and find your own ways to deal with the sad feelings. Nothing will replace things like your brother and mother, but there are things that will occupy your mind and body until you gain some mental space to see perspective on these matters. Try to feel good for them when they have wins, like when your brother started taking care of his mental health. You know your family best. Try to explore small ways to make them feel loved on your terms. As quality time has been an issue maybe a fruit basket, a family vacation, an outing among siblings like going to a baseball game or a movie with brunch. There’s lot of ways to cultivate a relationship, even after the damage has been done. Careful considerations of what to do, along with the right nurturing can make even the most difficult flowers bloom.
Don’t give up on them, but also don’t martyr yourself and your ideals fully because of them. Family is a bond that can be abrasive af, but not easily broken.
He’s lying. You deserve better than someone who will tear you down so they don’t feel weak.
He still likes her, he likes the attention she gives him so he’s going to allow her behavior. He also likes that you’re jealous, this is fun for him. She may not even like him like that, but she also likes his attention and flirting with him (the outfit). They both suck and you deserve better.
Is he angry that you didn't ask him to go with you?
He's accusing you of cheating and implying a ton of other awful things. Is this how he regularly acts upset? If so, get rid of him. I'm not sure it would be forgivable as a one time thing, but if its a regular way he acts definitely get rid of him.
I appreciate your response. I think when I have convos with her – it’s a lot of blame and this for that reasoning. But I need to step back and look at the pattern of behavior.
She's saying 90% of the time they have sex everything is great, but 10% of the time he ends it before she finishes, and she wants to find a good way to address that 10% without making him feel bad about the 90%. And somehow everyone thinks her boyfriend is some selfish asshole lol
I’m sorry, you screwed up big time. You allowed this woman to manipulate you. You should have just had the coffee and gone home and had a conversation with your fiancé. That would have been bad enough by itself. Not only did you ambush him you invited her into his safe space. Why would you give this woman any of your time? You knew your fiancé didn’t want contact. Life is NOT a hallmark movie.
You overstepped. Simple. It was NONE of your business. You basically told him you didn't believe him and you wanted her side (which you are not entitled to). You didn't respect him and his choices of cutting contact with a woman that probably put him in some seriously unsafe situations. Cared more for her V getting D than the child she carried and birthed and was supposed to protect. (Sorry to be vulgar, but that's exactly what it was.)
I wouldn't forgive you. You just hurt him as much as she may have and opened wounds he wanted to stay closed.
Your mom and brother sound like judgmental jerks. Your girlfriend sounds like a sweet, non judgmental, levelheaded, generous partner who goes out of her way to try and get along with those jerks for you. Which relationship is worth saving more?
I understand – I just think your reaction is out of proportion for “the crime.” It’s nude to say if he has a drinking problem or not. But taking it at face value, he also enjoyed his solo time while you were gone and fell asleep. You’re a mature, capable, woman. You clearly navigated a long drive by yourself. Enjoy your trip and let this one go.
INFO- do you online together?
If you are already having incompatibility issues now is there a chance at a future?
Some women go through phases where they want sex and where they don't. You cannot turn her sexual desires on like a light switch. Forcing it can only end badly for you in many ways.
You could not be her idea partner or she could just need intimacy in another form other than penetrative means.
Intimacy isn't sex and to pretend so is juvenile. You do not need sex to have a healthy relationship with your partner. You want sex. You want sex with her. She wants to be validated in your relationship for more than just her vagina. I bet that if you asked her what her idea of romance and intimacy is she would explain that sex is bottom on her list of needs and desires
Typing out this post and your comment definitely made me realize he is taking advantage of me in a way. Which is sad, because other than this he is great and very kind