However, he gets paid more than I do! This man has a better job than me, and he is not poor whatsoever!!!
So what's exactly your point? Different people have different love languages, different people care differently about gifts, different people have different budgets for gift-giving.
Have you ever sat down together and talked about expectations around gifts? My husband and I earn good money, and most of our Christmas gifts to each other are usually < 20.- We both love handwritten cards though..
. It makes me angry but I’m not sure if I can be mad or I just sound ungrateful. I’m not asking for a Gucci bag or something absurd, and I gave him a list of things I wanted for Christmas and the most expensive thing on there was $50, there were $15 items on my list too. I go out of my way to buy him so many nice things, food, stuff for his new apartment like utensils and soup when he’s sick.
You clearly have very different point of views towards gifts. Why not sit down together and actually talk about it in general? Agree on a budget, see if you can get on the same page.
Your MIL is mentally unwell, and needs to leave. A grandmother who scares her grandkids should not be left alone with them, ever. Your husband needs to get his head out of the sand and protect his children.
Thanks for sharing. Similarly, my “friends” will make time for others and will happily broadcast it on social media. It’s one thing if there was something glaring that I could point to and say, ‘this is where things started to go downhill’, but it’s not like that at all. Super disappointing.
Hahaha no. I didn’t put any pop songs on it. The only real popular song I put on it was planet caravan- black sabbath. But one of the songs was pretty sappy and overly emotional
She is not joking. She said that to test your reaction. When you didn’t reply with something like “oh well if you get pregnant it would t be a massive problem” she tried to backtrack into saying it was a joke.
I’d stop having sex with her until you decide if you want to stay with her.
If you decide to stay then you’re either going to have to keep your condoms on you at all times or accept that she will get pregnant one way or another.
If you are 100% sure you do not want a kid for another 5+ years, you break up now.
I don’t think having her leave work was a smart idea. You already mentioned that she was going through a rough patch at work. Therefore, obviously this could exasperated her work situation. You should have done this surprise on your own private time. Also, maybe she really doesn’t like surprises. Some people just like to plan things ahead.
I guess the fact OP understood what I said and even agreed with me means nothing, but hey since you know OP better than she does herself, just keep on assuming what you want.
She acknowledges that he doesn't like me and I've just been enquiring about why but I haven't confronted her about it because before our trip she was very loving and things seemed to be going well so I didn't want to rock the boat.
You need time just for you in relationship. Ask her to cancel. In fact you should put effort (and ask her for the same) to have more time you can properly spend together, whether it is at the expense of work(if financially feasible), time with friends/family or other things. Otherwise your relation will not survive.
Sounds like that is a boundary for you , you need to share that with your partner and be on the same page. But I would feel like trust was broken and I'd have a naked time moving forward.
Bisexual woman here, currently in a happy committed relationship with a man. It is absolutely not okay to sleep with people of the same sex, just because you're in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It's still cheating, even without emotional involvement. If she thought it was fine, why did she hide it from you? You should talk to her and explain that it's a boundary for you, and if she wants to continue to cross it, you need to leave. But if she really doesn't see a problem, it's unlikely she'll change.
Dude….this sounds like she's already got someone in mind, and plans to turn this around on you right after you conceed. There's absolutely no reason to push this on your partner, despite their clear discomfort, if you dont.
Also, what a stupid suggestion. Obviously counselling is the solution, not whatever the hell this is.
For me nothing breaks through the fact that you said multiple times that you weren’t ready and yet were continually coerced into going along with this plan to get married. You didn’t want to get married and they continually tried to control you. Does anyone care about you and how you’re doing? You went through something extremely traumatic, the focus should be on making sure that your well-being mentally and physically is taken care of. All anybody else seems to care about is that you get married? You deserve so much better.
I don't think he thinks you smell bad. He probably just knows nothing about women's (esp. Black women's) shampoo and thought it looked or smelled good.
Well firstly don’t tell her you don’t need to be the prettiest girl in the world. You can’t do anything to make her stop feeling the way she feels – which isn’t uncommon at her age. I feel like in the year between 30 and 40 my body changed so much that it almost felt like I wasn’t even myself and I really struggled with the way I looked. And I know objectively those changes weren’t even that large and were bigger to me than others but they still really felt like a big deal.
Tell her when you think she’s looking pretty, don’t just think it. If that dress makes the colour of her eyes pop, mention it. If her hair is looking especially soft or shiny or whatever – tell her. Notice the little things. Sometimes those little things quietly chip away at the louder voice telling you you’re not pretty and turn the volume down a little.
Oh put your battleaxe away they clearly weren't talking about situations like yours.
You two are no longer compatible. There are a lot of bible thumpers in the Navy and armed forces in general. Someone got to him. Do not marry him.
No! She’s not interested in you like that and made it pretty clear. Don’t try again, move on.
However, he gets paid more than I do! This man has a better job than me, and he is not poor whatsoever!!!
So what's exactly your point? Different people have different love languages, different people care differently about gifts, different people have different budgets for gift-giving.
Have you ever sat down together and talked about expectations around gifts? My husband and I earn good money, and most of our Christmas gifts to each other are usually < 20.- We both love handwritten cards though..
. It makes me angry but I’m not sure if I can be mad or I just sound ungrateful. I’m not asking for a Gucci bag or something absurd, and I gave him a list of things I wanted for Christmas and the most expensive thing on there was $50, there were $15 items on my list too. I go out of my way to buy him so many nice things, food, stuff for his new apartment like utensils and soup when he’s sick.
You clearly have very different point of views towards gifts. Why not sit down together and actually talk about it in general? Agree on a budget, see if you can get on the same page.
Your MIL is mentally unwell, and needs to leave. A grandmother who scares her grandkids should not be left alone with them, ever. Your husband needs to get his head out of the sand and protect his children.
Thanks for sharing. Similarly, my “friends” will make time for others and will happily broadcast it on social media. It’s one thing if there was something glaring that I could point to and say, ‘this is where things started to go downhill’, but it’s not like that at all. Super disappointing.
Hahaha no. I didn’t put any pop songs on it. The only real popular song I put on it was planet caravan- black sabbath. But one of the songs was pretty sappy and overly emotional
Greg reminds me of that Greg from 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid': bad news who doesn't deserve any apologies.
Nah that was hella suspicious.
Dude at the end of the day you’re a 35 year old woman who stalks the digital behavior of your suitors just to ruin your own day.
Grow up and deal with your insecurities and stop plaguing everyone else with it.
She is not joking. She said that to test your reaction. When you didn’t reply with something like “oh well if you get pregnant it would t be a massive problem” she tried to backtrack into saying it was a joke.
I’d stop having sex with her until you decide if you want to stay with her.
If you decide to stay then you’re either going to have to keep your condoms on you at all times or accept that she will get pregnant one way or another.
If you are 100% sure you do not want a kid for another 5+ years, you break up now.
I don’t think having her leave work was a smart idea. You already mentioned that she was going through a rough patch at work. Therefore, obviously this could exasperated her work situation. You should have done this surprise on your own private time. Also, maybe she really doesn’t like surprises. Some people just like to plan things ahead.
Yes that is exactly what I am implying/s
I guess the fact OP understood what I said and even agreed with me means nothing, but hey since you know OP better than she does herself, just keep on assuming what you want.
She acknowledges that he doesn't like me and I've just been enquiring about why but I haven't confronted her about it because before our trip she was very loving and things seemed to be going well so I didn't want to rock the boat.
You need time just for you in relationship. Ask her to cancel. In fact you should put effort (and ask her for the same) to have more time you can properly spend together, whether it is at the expense of work(if financially feasible), time with friends/family or other things. Otherwise your relation will not survive.
This is weird
Sounds like that is a boundary for you , you need to share that with your partner and be on the same page. But I would feel like trust was broken and I'd have a naked time moving forward.
Living and learning
Bisexual woman here, currently in a happy committed relationship with a man. It is absolutely not okay to sleep with people of the same sex, just because you're in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It's still cheating, even without emotional involvement. If she thought it was fine, why did she hide it from you? You should talk to her and explain that it's a boundary for you, and if she wants to continue to cross it, you need to leave. But if she really doesn't see a problem, it's unlikely she'll change.
Then why lie about it !? What was he hiding?? He is the one to blame not your DIL.
Then why lie about it !? What was he hiding?? He is the one to blame not your DIL.
sex through deceit is definitely still sexual assault, but the specifics of the deceit matters. that’s why stealthing is considered sexual assault
Your boyfriend is a jerk. You deserve better.
Dude….this sounds like she's already got someone in mind, and plans to turn this around on you right after you conceed. There's absolutely no reason to push this on your partner, despite their clear discomfort, if you dont.
Also, what a stupid suggestion. Obviously counselling is the solution, not whatever the hell this is.
I make $65k and would not be able to afford an apartment without my husband. Yikes
I think he would benefit from treatment, although he doesn’t sound like the kind of person to go to therapy.
Use that savings for a good attorney.
For me nothing breaks through the fact that you said multiple times that you weren’t ready and yet were continually coerced into going along with this plan to get married. You didn’t want to get married and they continually tried to control you. Does anyone care about you and how you’re doing? You went through something extremely traumatic, the focus should be on making sure that your well-being mentally and physically is taken care of. All anybody else seems to care about is that you get married? You deserve so much better.
I don't think he thinks you smell bad. He probably just knows nothing about women's (esp. Black women's) shampoo and thought it looked or smelled good.
Well firstly don’t tell her you don’t need to be the prettiest girl in the world. You can’t do anything to make her stop feeling the way she feels – which isn’t uncommon at her age. I feel like in the year between 30 and 40 my body changed so much that it almost felt like I wasn’t even myself and I really struggled with the way I looked. And I know objectively those changes weren’t even that large and were bigger to me than others but they still really felt like a big deal.
Tell her when you think she’s looking pretty, don’t just think it. If that dress makes the colour of her eyes pop, mention it. If her hair is looking especially soft or shiny or whatever – tell her. Notice the little things. Sometimes those little things quietly chip away at the louder voice telling you you’re not pretty and turn the volume down a little.