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How do you gather the strength?
Write down the progression time line.
When did it start, how was it, when did it start getting worse, what is the times looking like?
Are the good times getting shorter and the crap getting longer.
None of this is really anything to do with you, it is all internal to his own insecurity. And you know this needs help but he won't address it, so there is nothing you can do.
Well, nothing you can do to fix him, he has to fix himself. So what you can do is look at you. You have already decided that you cannot keep sacrificing yourself and your dignity.
You know it will continue to get more reactive, more controlling, more abusive.
So where and what is your line in the sand?
You are not helping him by staying, you are not helping yourself by staying. Pain is a natural consequence of his behaviour, he is in pain already by constantly obsessing over things he has no control over. So realistically you are causing him pain by staying.
It has only been 4 months and he has shown you who he is and that his dual personality has polar opposite areas. Much like abusers, they are charming and nice and wonderful until they are not and the other side is appallingly awful, but since they approached you as Mr Nice guy you keep wondering when that one who you think of as the real him will come back. But the real him is both sides, or often the real side is the abuser with a carefully constucted mask to hid the anxiety and insecurity or they would never be able to be in society at all.
So look deeply into yourself and ask yourself why you are willing to put up with Mr Nasty for Mr Nice. That answer may also give you the strength to say enough is enough.
Look. You’re clearly hurting and it seems like your family is too. But what you’re looking for isn’t going to help that pain. Your little brother is still going to be treated poorly, your older brother is still gonna be a dick to him. Individual therapy to deal with your crappy parents and group therapy to deal with the relationships between you has a chance to actually help.
You’re angry and trying to find a solution but you don’t need more proof your parents are jerks. It’s clear from everything they do. Another example in a list of examples won’t make it hurt less and it won’t make them act right. It sucks and it isn’t fair but that’s your family. Adding to the list of crappiness doesn’t fix it, you’ve gotta focus on how to move forward
I felt that way. Like I know he was like a little messed up and probably didn’t mean it, but I’m kind of done making excuses for the guy..
A 33-year-old is a woman, not a girl.
Time for you to post a ring history to them to read. make it a copy paste reply to everyone
You have postpartum depression and he asks you why you’re sad… What’s up with this guy? You’re better off without him. As long as you have a supportive family, you can raise your child yourself and go out to work once you feel fit enough to do so. He wasn’t right for you. Life’s too short to waste it with someone who doesn’t love or respect you.
Just walk. Without trust there is no relationship. She betrayed you and lied to you and over a decade later you still don't know the full truth.
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If he is cheating, he knows you know, and you are staying, you basically have given him the green light to cheat forever.
Your baby will be okay. Of course it’s not good this happened, but the brain is a fascinating organ. A one-off incident will not ruin him.
I am glad you’re getting yourself and your son out. Get yourselves BOTH tested for THC (so you can counter his claim that Michael got into your drugs) and then get to a Woman’s Shelter. They will have the resources you need to navigate through this situation.
Good luck. I sincerely wish you well.
I’m sorry, what is this “allow”? Unless you agreed to some sort of dom/sub arrangement, he does not get a say in what you buy.
This sub is too used to people jumping into open relationships with no proper prep and then regretting and hating it for you to get much sensible advice here. You might want to try a sub who focuses on poly/open relationships.
It sounds like he was thinking of convincing him to let him move in with her.
You don’t owe him a justification. He doesn’t have to agree- you have right to unilaterally end the relationship at any time, for any reason or no reason at all.
“I don’t think you are right for me” is all you need to say. Then I’d block him, and make sure all mutuals know that you’ve ended it, and ask them not to give him any information about you, and block him.
Why would you stay? You're practically a single mother already. Dump him and open yourself to the possibility of an actual partner who you can have that baby with. Let your husband try figuring out how to travel on his crappy income.
He didn’t really lose parental rights? He has to petition the court for a DNA test if he wants rights. Having been through this, I don’t think she’s in hot water at all. She told him, he reacted badly and she blocked him. It’s not the mom’s job to inform him the babies arrived, he could have hired a lawyer back then and followed up.
A lot of parties
He said he didnt wanna know your past yet you told him anyway. It's not a good idea to force your “truth” on someone else. It's not universal.
bluff her tell her you've talked to the ex friend and you know what's been going on and she needs to come clean and see what she says
Thanks these days the standards are low. I don’t see someone else being like him. Social media was a big thing before and he doesn’t use it. So I’m happy with him as long as he doesn’t cheat. I’ve talked to myself about this many times. Thank uu
Never let your desperation for a relationship talk you out of your common sense. LEAVE.
That seems like a reasonable take. That’s why I think my friends and family are all over the place on it. My family really likes her so I think they think I can stick it out.
Yeah but you're making them pick losing you.
One can definitely feel burned out while caring for someone… especially when that someone keeps repeating the pattern over and over and over again. It gets tiring. Then it just feels numb.
seems reasonable to me, based on what you wrote.
your friend's idea of “he's bad for you” comes down to “you don't go out with me as much anymore and when you do, you don't stay out with me as long anymore and drink as much anymore”