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…..go to the club then? She’s trying to spend time with her friends. You asking her to cut this guy off doesn’t just mean him – it means her entire friend group. That isn’t a fair request. It doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong at all, she’s openly communicating with you and is not accepting anyone else’s advances. You don’t need to complain about her going somewhere when you yourself were invited. Either go or don’t complain. Or break up.
Oh okay well yeah thanks!!?
exactly this
Yes, but it was his money. How would he want to use it? And this money is now the money she will use for her inheritance to pass on.
Regarding you “Question”: That is exactly what is going to happen when OP’s ex dies. The wife’s biological children will not get any money. Why would they?
And you totally ignored the last paragraph of my comment which explains the wife’s reasoning.
Another reason, inheritance is not marital property. If OP and wife split, will he return her inheritance that she put into her step child that as 2 bio parents in the picture? Probably not.
I think you are correct that going has to be your wife's choice.
She needs to know you rely on the individual visits to focus on your issues alone. In fact it seems her participation in your visit caused issues for both of you.
That being said you could tell your wife you love her a lot and you see she is suffering, and in your opinion, individual therapy might help ease her pain. You would like to encourage her to make a more visits on her own and see what happens. You know it helps you and that experience tells you she would benefit from these individual visits.
Good luck.
I know it's nothing bad but you gotta remember she is a Birqa clad woman. She is really conservative and I don't wanna turn her away by giving her any sexual vibes.
I don't think there is a law preventing us but you are right about the neighbors, seeing me have a woman over might cause gossip but honestly I don't care.
i would personally never cheat on him and deny and reject many men on a regular basis (i am a bartender). don’t assume it will lead to cheating i genuinely want to change this want in me.
Why the fk are you still talking to her? Back off!! Don't be a fkn loser. Find a woman thats single! What an idiot!!
I'd hope so cuz uncalled for if not lol can never be too sure though some serious weirdos comment on this stuff
You need to tell your partner that you will give them one chance and only one and at the FIRST sign of trouble u will take whatever action is needed and tell them this as well
I hope you find someone that puts in comparable efforts. You’re clearly way more into her than she is into her.
YTA. Just because you broke up with your gf since you weren't allowed to hang out doesn't mean he has those same goals
It sounds very much like she knew the entire time and hid it because of fear her family would reject her.
You’re mad because he waited until the third time to tell you? The third? Not thirtieth?!
troll post.
I had the exact same problem with my previous girlfriend, and it won't get better unless she fixes her own addiction and confront her narcissistic ways.
Unfortunately for you, this will most likely be a deal breaker, and If you do break up I strongly encourage you to tell her this is a large factor. It might help her, but from my experience, people obsessed with social media are pretty nude to convince otherwise.
Think of it this way, you should still get your own house for security and equity. Don't pay his bills for him to build a life and you get nothing… he won't ever put you on the deed or mortgage if you move in… he threatened to break up with you if you dont… which means you should just break up and look for someone who respects you and your financial well being.
Don't be a pushover. You know he's not into giving you what you're earning. He wants it easy and to all be his..
Next!
I agree. I would consider it a massive red flag if I was pregnant by a man who blows off a child he just found out existed. That same man would blow off our kids too. I completed understand OP being shocked, but when the dust settles I think she should look at this from another perspective.
i mean we broke up month 3 he was like drunk crying to me and we started school together and he kept popping up. when i asked to talk again with the “im busy i have a lot to do”
No, they just have to find suitable partners that are okay with their life choices.
He does know about the stuff I had remembered previously, but I haven’t talked about the more recent stuff yet. I know what caused the resurfacing but I don’t want him to think it’s his fault.. He always says I’m the cutest when I’m sleepy. And ig that’s been a common theme in my life because all the trauma flashbacks are when I was trying to sleep. I feel so terrible for even feeling this way tbh.
Might wanna halve the dose on that for awhile.
My advice is buy a hidden camera and install it in your room and only tell your sister about it.
But the kid won’t even play with OP anymore because of it. Failure is also the quickest way to have someone lose interest.
And we never used a stroller, even though we had a child that was very big for her age (she still is very tall). My husband had her in a carrier from birth until 6 years old. If you have a good carrier, that is very possible.
I think you have a much bigger problem than just his coke use. The entire story about how, and when he began to use it should be a huge deal-breaker. This is really, really strange. He's been with you for five years, and has lived with you for eight months. I assume he already knew your feelings on the subject.
So why in the actual F did he suddenly decide to begin using an addictive drug now?
I think he's been lying to you all along, and I think this is only the first few drops of a trickle truth that is going to get a lot worse. Do you two share finances? Because cocaine addiction is expensive. And addicts do impulsive shit. Expensive shit. And they lie like rugs.
Yes, you should break up with him. He's not the man you thought.
Depends on him. Some people can’t admit it because that would be admitting to themselves they are in the wrong or they are afraid of what others will say or think. If he has hope you will move on from this he will never admit it. Especially if it what you need for closure . Without closure, you’re still on the hook.
Nah. You need a new boyfriend.
You have zero recourse but to deeply apologize. It might not be repairable as your BF’s self esteem has been hurt. Never mind the fact that your bestie has also opened her big mouth to everyone in your world….you maybe can learn something for your next relationship
His name is Doogie !
There’s a chance, but you could also be the backup plan.
Not like a 35 year old has that much more in common with a college senior. But hey they can now legally drink together so that’s something to build a relationship on.
This dude is an abuser, you need to bail
I never plan to get pregnant again and still take prenatal vitamins. I’ve been taking them over seven years now, since before we started trying for our now 5yo. They do amazing things for my hair and nails!
Damn you are an idiot.
I think this is therapy territory now or things will get worse as time goes on. He is acting from a place of avoidance and fear. He clearly has trauma and it is affecting his decision making process. I come from neglectful and abusive home so I understand how these things impact us as we move through life.
Stick to your guns. I gave up my job when I got married and had our first. 17 years on I am single after a very abusive relationship, have been unemployed all this time and in intensive therapy. I wish I had not given up my autonomy and dreams. I am clawing my way back but it is damn nude.
I agree that this sounds oddly obsessive of him
I see so many responses that literally give NO info or answers that don’t actually answer the question. Let me ask this so I can understand the situation more clearly: What happened in your marriage prior to this event? It seems unlikely that someone would ask their spouse for a divorce given only the fact that your were gone for a while and wouldn’t let her go through your phone. Did you cheat? Did she cheat? Why was there no trust before this?
That’s a really good point about them breaking the mold
Loud
Kinky
Sex.
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If you can make this work, she should be so uncomfortable that she won't let you move in there.
This could also totally backfire in one of several horrible ways, but I'm all out of ideas.
No this has nothing to do with what other people are doing. I asked if you did any work internally on your trust issues or on treating your wife coldly, not if you felt you were justified in treating her coldly.
Based on your responses, you’re living in an absolute fantasy world where problems get worked out without communication or self reflection. You seem to lack both.
The rule for a good present is “something they but wouldn’t buy for themselves.” If she likes flowers but doesn’t often buy them for herself, then get flowers. But if you actually nail this standard it’ll be a really good gift.
So if she likes sweets, get her a couple of really nice truffles. If she likes to take a long bath, get her a couple little bath bombs or salts.
When are you planning to stop being in a LDR?
He’s a proper plum!
The purpose of dating is to find someone you’re compatible with long term. You’ve only been together 8 months. He’s not your person. Don’t waste any more of yours or his time.
scared to blow it all up
She clearly isn't.
As much as Reddit loves (and I abhor) the “straight-to-nuclear-option” divorce/NC/whatever approach, I think the crowd may be right on this one.
I wish it was that easy.
So do I. Sincerely. It seems like you tried to build a life, and she didn't. That being said, it seems like she has still not grasped the impact of her choices and the damage she has done/is doing. That alone is worth reconsidering your relationship, but the simple fact that she insists on repeatedly going back to a poisoned well – let alone for reasons as idiotically shallow as “fashion” and “you're not the boss of me!” – shows any objective observer that she has no understanding of or respect for your feelings, loyalty, or faithfulness in a relationship.
I feel like either you’re insane or there’s some very important information missing. Because what.
For me it depends on the age and stage of life of the young person, a 30 year old dating a 45 year old is whatever, but a 30 year old dating a 15 year old would be fucked up, even when the age gap is 15 years in both cases.
At 25 years old I think you have a bit more experience and know yourself enough to pursue a relationship with an older person if that’s what you want. Of course it depends on the dynamic of the relationship and other things if it’ll work out or not. People will still judge you of course, so you have to be ready for that.
It has helped me but no amount of therapy for me can make up for the work he needs to do for himself.