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Ideally you'd recognize it's okay to be confident in your worth separate from your family. But if you can't be confident on your own accord, then lean into his confidence in you. He's likely very smart and capable and he would not be bringing you around his family if he wasn't convinced that you were a great partner for him. See he's been looking at you for a while now trying to figure out if he wants you to be the person by his side in life. So if you can't be confident to stand own your own merit, be confident that he picked you for the value he sees in you.
When you say you can’t break up what is the real reason?
No. At best she’s communicating where she’s genuinely coming from (unlikely), at worst (more likely) she IS being manipulative with an extra dose of guilt tripping on top. Neither of these things is gaslighting.
It sounds like he just doesn’t understand your need for emotional and physical support at this time. He is possibly in the mindset that he’s been best serving his family by doing well at his job, which is a common mindset that men can get into. It is hard for men to understand the emotional damage that can be done to you by a miscarriage. You did say that he is otherwise an amazing person, so I think maybe you should make a very strong request to him to attend counseling with you and provide you with a nanny to help care for your children. It sounds like with your husband’s success you can afford it so maybe you should just go ahead and hire the nanny yourself to start, and maybe set counseling sessions for yourself in which you could later ask him to join. I hope this helps.
In my experience there seems is a brief window after a breakup where there is a good chance of reversal when the feelings seetle, but the actions in the break upstill count and hurts, although they cannot be considered betrayal in the same manner as cheating.
You were the one to break it off and you are the one who dumped her, so it may hurt but I dont think you can claim the high ground in any way.
Go to the hospital and have them document your injuries. They will help you file a police report and press charges. While he's waiting to be bailed out, go home and pack your stuff and file for a restraining order.
I honestly have no idea what you want, because this post seems to be about how you don't want anything serious and yet you're upset when people want to stop seeing you.
Did you two ever talk about what sex means to each of you? Did you ever ask him why he doesn't want to have sex as frequently as you?
Sex means different things to different people. Some people don't need it at all. Some people only want to when it's an expression of love. Some people only do it for pleasure. And there's countless reasons in between.
He could have a problem. OR he could just not care about sex as much as you do. Or maybe you're just not approaching him right. Do you know what turns him on? Have you asked him? Have you specifically asked him, “What can I do to get you in the mood?”
He sounds like he's only doing it to keep you happy and that's just not going to work longterm.
Okay, thank you.
Full blood sibling or not makes no difference when forming a bond. Its just a name, get over it, it doesnt look like it is evil intended.
OP, can you online with this level of distrust and insecurity?
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Love does not mean what you think it means.
If you cared even just a little about your girlfriend, you would break up with her and spare her.
Why does everyone have a braindead take like OPs boundaries don't matter and that it's such an unreasonable thing to be uncomfortable with?
Just because they aren't having sex doesn't mean everyone on earth is comfortable with their SO regularly exposing themselves and being exposed to the opposite gender, much less the same people over and over again.
Two things are red flags here, there's a woman's locker room the other women use, and she didn't tell OP for like a year. If you've been with anyone at all for that long you would 100% know if they'd be alright with that. If you've met any amount of diversity of people you'd know that probably the majority aren't, so it's probably worth bringing up early in the relationship anyways.
“So what if your SO chooses to be hard with other men regularly and didn't tell you about it, there couldn't possibly be anything sexual about it”
I'd be willing to bet my left testicle that not all these guys told their wives this either, because shockingly, a large percentage of people aren't okay with it.
Yeah. The locker rooms aren't like the gym but idk it still makes me uncomfortable.
I'm guessing you don't have many gay friends.
Being married means that if I'm hospitalized my spouse will be able to get medical information about me and make decisions on my behalf. It means that if I pass he inherits our house, our car, my bank accounts. It means he can get my death certificate. It means I can collect his pension and get a widow's benefits from social security. It means I can post his obituary, make his funeral arrangements, bury him in the plot we chose.
Being married gives you privileges that unmarried people just don't have. It's still possible to access some of those protections with the right legal documents but it forces unnecessary risks. Marriage is not just about romance. It's about safety and protection.
The woman you marry is never the same woman that drags you into divorce court. The numbers on divorce, and who files them, is in. I'm just a betting man and playing the odds.
Again, common decency. I feel better not knowing when exactly my partners are masturbating and apparently op’s partner does too. Taking an extra shower every now and then will probably make it a lot easier for the both of them to fall asleep peacefully. Goodluck OP!
Alright, you're starting to make me emotional.
She is very fortunate to have you. And I hope with every fiber of myself, that she makes a full recovery one day and you two can enjoy each-others company to fullest extent without burden.
You two deserve the best, I hope that is your result.
Have you tried asking her?
This is a you decision. This isn’t really one to crowdsource. You can talk to the woman you’ve been dating (I assume you’re dating women, not girls) and tell her that you took her saying xyz as breaking up and that you want to stand by that. Or you cancel with the new woman.
If you date now when you’re in this maaaaaybe agreement with someone it’s kind of crappy to both women. Use your words and be honest and sort it out.
She claimed she wants the arrangement to only be online. She said it would “kinda be like a therapist”. She's thinking she's going to get paid for talking to somebody. I never saw her messages, she claims all they messaged were rules if the relationship were to happen. So I believe no sex was discussed. Either way, I don't know what to do. I feel the relationship going downhill, so it will probably end soon. I love her, but she brings too much on her plate for me to handle.
No he didnt seem awkward at all. The worst part is i wish I recorded it because the way he said it so casually is what hurt me. And he actually isnt “nice” to her usually. So I expected him to be like “hell f-in no!” and we would all laugh. but instead he agreed.
I am going to ignore what you’re looking for (sorry) and instead give your boyfriend proxy advice through you: he needs to go to you, now. No one in startup fintech is hiring. The funding has totally dried up. He can network until he’s blue in the face, id be surprised if he had a job on 6 months. If his salary was cut in half he’s probably not an engineer, which just makes it worse.
I know you don’t want him to give up on himself and I know it can’t be easy telling him to give up but if there were ever a time for him to give up it is now. At the very least, you guys have to have a serious talk about how long he’s willing to stick this out.
There’s plenty of fake posts on here lately. This is pretty tame. I’m inclined to believe it’s real, but you never know.
Lol, I meant to her, my bad. But I can tell you just as easily. It was about 1 A.M. when we decided to go. She was already asleep. I didn't think it would be an issue, because it's just nudity, and she doesn't have a problem with porn. We had talked about that. As long as I didn't take that extra step I figured it wouldn't cause any trouble.
This is why I never got into chess. Getting just absolutely pummeled in short order by my father every single time made it difficult to learn and utterly joyless.
Man go ahead and break up. Youre insecure and she lied. I was literally in your shoes at 20 and instead of leaving i had a 2 year relationship with a fewish good times, and mostly absolutely miserable ones. One thing that never changed was our lack of trust in eachother. Despite our attraction and eventual love, because i did grow to love her and vice versa, a weak foundation will always end in disaster.
I tried to do some research on my own, but you're right. I need to visit a vet.
You are 30. Time to grow up.
And I want to add, I recognize that I should have just hung out with her.
No man, please don't think like this. Sure, it's important to spend time with your partner, but this is something you planned for a week and she knew about it. Please respect your own time, your friends' time, and your own desires and interest.
Your wife was in the wrong. She disrespected your week long plan, and then had the audacity to get upset because you expressed your disappointment.
You stay on top of your responsibilities and it sounds like you actively spend time with your wife and kids. Sure, 1 on 1 time with your wife is important, but you're allowed to have a hobby. It's insane that your wife is so intensely jealous of your hobby that you enjoy once or twice per week. She says that you're obsessed with video games, but it's actually her that's obsessed with you playing video games. She broke your controller like a child because she isn't getting her way.
She needs to get a hobby. It's a bit unhealthy that spending time with you is her only hobby. You're right, it's not unreasonable to enjoy your hobby once or twice per week. Not only that, but this is your main time to spend time with your friends too.
Please be careful, because her behavior is very controlling. She's being abusive. You have to ask permission to watch tv shows in your own house man. Come on. It sounds like she won't be content until spending time with her is your only hobby. It sounds like she could want to break off your friendships. In my opinion, you shouldn't let this happen. She's in the wrong here.
Good luck, and please respect yourself.
I would probably seek out therapy for you to help unpack what's happening here because from what little you've written it sounds like you're in the beginnings of an abusive relationship.
I would also start looking at legal counsel because the minute this behavior turns towards your son you want someone on your side to get you both out immediately.
Couple's counseling isn't going to help you, you both have to see an issue and want to work on things for that to have any impact.
I feel for you. It's awful not knowing what will happen with custody or visitation and to be stuck in limbo. My daughter took her father's side in the divorce, she won't talk to me and I haven't seen her 2 kids for 2.5 years. She doesn't acknowledge that they receive any of the gifts I send. As if the treatment from the ex wasn't bad enough, she took away the two things that brought me joy. I can't do anything about it, there's no grandparents rights in our state. I just pray and hope that when they get old enough they will find me. Good luck and God bless. I hope things work out for you.
I feel like small town people would probably be less likely to care or actively confront people over an age gap though? That’s been my experience at least.
I'm really not continuing to debate this with you. You do what works for you and ill do what works for me. We all do alot of things on a daily basis that could have potential hazards to our health, numbing lube is really the least of any of our problems.
.1-.2% chance of failure means that not only addressing the potential for the vasectomy to be failed, she really should head off any suspicion and resentment by offering up a paternity test immediately.
Most people hear hoofbeats and think of horses, not zebras.
You are dating a man my guy. Time to find yourself a female.
You should leave him, not because he got scammed, that can happen to anyone, but because you don't seem to like him and you probably shouldn't stay married to someone you dislike.
A partner making fun of any part of your body is a big no, full stop for me. Your body should always be respected and cared for by your partner. Not ridiculed or mocked.
Sit your girl down and tell her how shes making you feel. Her reaction will tell you how much she respects you and where you stand with her.
He's jealous and you have outgrown him. He knows it too.
Ma'am you're asking virgin teenagers who online at home with their parents for tips on your midlife marriage crisis.
Plus you’ll have evidence if things go sideways.
This is manipulation 101. He saw an opportunity to cheat while you were asleep and took it. Also, conveniently inviting a girl who would be interested in having sex with him. OP was manipulated from the very start.
Tell him to do it. He’s doing it so you go “omg nooo don’t, I’m so sorry you were right this whole time! I’m so sorry I was arguing with you” yada yada.
So yeah coldly tell him to do it and dump him
OP, this has MURDER SUICIDE written all over it.
Leave him now and don't tell him.
Here is your advice, too late to take it but next time it may help you….It didn't work out the first time it wont work out the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and however many more times you five it a try..You break up, you move on to someone else. Best advice you will never follow
She met someone while out with her friend and she's hiding him from you. Could range from flirting to meeting up and banging to a full-fledged side relationship, but no matter what the magnitude, there's a 99% likelihood she's cheating. More pressing and discussion is needed, and if she refuses to explain herself, give a reasonable explanation, or let you see her phone (which at this point is likely useless; she knows now that you think she's cheating, so she's probably taking extra steps to delete and hide everything in case you do get a hold of her phone), then assume she's cheating and leave her. Cheaters often won't confess until you put your foot down and are going to break up.
My husband is pretty manly, like professional mma fighter. He was helping me try to fix it for a few days until I was like just cut it
How you'd handle such a situation in a third-world country with lax laws and corrupt government is beyond me.
Right, because it's literally impossible. That's what I'm saying.
Honestly, dude…. This isn’t ever going to become the long term relationship that you want it to be. She’s a full grown adult, with a “very close” family. You’re either going to buy in fully, or you’re going to develop (more) resentment.
It doesn’t matter how nice those people really are.
It’s time for him to move out. It’s only going to get worse. He calls you these names and has no respect for you and your time.
I think the difference is ur married n prob older.. i met a dude that completely halted sex when him ramming me caused blood. ?
He is emotionally abusing you and definitely cheating.
Let him have the bloody divorce! But please make sure you file first with screenshots and proof of his absolute cuntiness