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Glad to hear that you aren't going to help her. In your divorce make very clear you want full and sole custody since she seems more interested in being a U.S. citizen than being a mom.
You pointed out that he might’ve been abusive as well. I guess that’s a possibility but where in this post do you say any reason to believe that? By that logic, he could’ve been lying about the child ever existing so your point about the child mattering is invalid. See, not a good point in any way.
When did I say he doesn’t fight back? Your type of comment is exactly the type that discourages him from fighting back so he won’t in the future. Ever heard of victim-blaming?
The way he mentions her physically abusing him makes me think it happened before she got pregnant or maybe in the early stages of pregnancy which doesn’t really matter anyway since it would never be okay to do what she did. I’m only mentioning this since you used it as an excuse for her in your rebuttal to my roles reversed comment but then just after you say the assault wasn’t enough to keep them from having a baby which makes me think you knew your other point was probably invalid but still made it anyways. By the way, this is some more victim-blaming if you didn’t realise.
How does this child existing change the situation in any way that makes you right? If anything, it proves that he should defend himself and his baby by getting them away from this woman. How does he do that? That’s right, divorce.
“It’s convenient to mention now because of the treatment he is currently receiving” What the hell did I just read? You’re a victim-blaming machine. I don’t think I have to write anything for this one.
I am sensing a profound lack of respect for you on his part.
The thing is, a long-distance relationship is not much of a relationship. You don't get enough one-on-one connection that allows you to bond with one another in a healthy way. And the fact he's on bumble talking to other girls, not meeting your needs, not respecting your time, not allowing your weaknesses (if you'd call mild memory issues a weakness), man, that's a lot of disrespect to tolerate for a long-distance relationship.
You don't really talk about the positives other than having a lot in common, whatever that means. From my perspective, being similar people is not a requirement for a healthy relationship. My wife and I are pretty different and we've been married for 21 years.
Basically, you haven't indicated here why you should remain together. Think about your mental health and your happiness. And act accordingly. Best wishes to you!
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I’m sorry to say but it did not change her, and any attempts to get her to stop lying and sleeping around will probably not work until you know the root cause. Is she unhappy? Is she unfulfilled with your marriage? I personally wouldn’t stay with a cheater but if this is the route you want to go down again you both need to have open, honest conversations with each other maybe with a marriage councilor present. Does she want to fix the marriage genuinely or is she saying that to placate you while she continues to seek comfort in someone else?
I'm so glad you now see the issue where it truly is and that it's not in your physical self. I imagine it's been a bit of an emotional whirlwind. Take a moment for yourself to gather your thoughts and feelings. Maybe go for a walk or buy yourself a tea or something. There's no rush. The conversation might go better if if you can stay centered on your goal of feeling self worth and wanting to find a supportive partner who helps boost your esteem, rather than playing an emotionally charged blame game. If you have a therapist available, it would be good to work with them through this.
You make it sound like it Seems like they're doing it.
The thought of losing him was too much for me , I’m not an abuser, he’s my everything
Unless they blocked me or something, they went through and deleted all of their comments. They must be following this post to know we were talking about their comment history.
Hey plum pudding! You've been spamming since last year from multiple accounts. Your pathetic need for attention is sad. Please seek help from a therapist.