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Alma, 31 y.o.
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I think you need to ask yourself if his good qualities outweigh the fact that he's making you feel worthless and depressed. You guys have been together for almost 9 years. He isn't in any rush to get married to you. I'm not sure if it will ever happen at this rate.
So.. that brings me to my next question. Would you be happy with him even if you never got married? Objectively speaking, everyone has life goals. Things that are important to them, which are deal breakers if their spouse doesn't agree. Marriage and children are usually the top 2 issues.
It's okay if you're tired of waiting. Sometimes we outgrow people. It happens.
Its a tough spot because she needs the medication. I've been through so many antidepressants trying to fix this it's crazy. My last and current psychiatrists both tried and let me keep trying but both got to the point where it's “what's more important” I've picked wrong and gone off of them but then had to go back on. I understand that it's frustrating but try to remember that there's a reason that has nothing to do with you that she has no drive and that reason could be keeping her around.
Has she tried changing medications? There arent any many choices that don't impact labido. If she hasn't already, Welbutrin can help some. When I'm on Welbutrin alone it starts to come back but unfortunately, I need a SSRI or SNRI.
There are things that you guys can do, but if the main source is the medication, it's going to be a challenge to fix. For many it not only decreases the drive, it can make it do you physically can not get aroused or orgasm.
Honestly. If you guys are only at four months, it might be best to part ways. The longer you guys stay together, the harder it is go accept that your sexually incompatible. You're frustrated and frustrated that she gets upset. On the other side, for her, this medication could be what gets her out of bed. She may depend on it to keep her from hurting herself. If that's the case, the medicine is more important and she needs to live without pressure or guilt.