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Helen and Cliff <3, 21 y.o.
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I am so sorry that you're going through this.
Do not get a husband switch. My wife's doctor gave her one, without consulting either of us. I had no idea what it was until my wife said something. It gave her so much pain when we had sex afterwards. Then when we had our second, it ripped the skin wide because the opening was too small.
Do not get it, tell him there are horror stories about it, and it's not necessary. My wife is just as tight as she ever was before 3 kids.
Also “people like you” comes across quite rude. I've had many people offer me some really useful and uplifting advice so if you don't like it, keep scrolling and move on. No ones force's you to read it or respond.
Break up completely and move on.
She will continue to see both of you because she’s calling the shots with both of you.
It sounds like she’s the one who wanted the open relationship not her ex.
It’s now the same for you. She wants open with both of you and she doesn’t care what either of you want. Your feelings are not considered. She’s a selfish lover.
Break up and block. You should be able to do this easily as you haven’t had 4 years to get over her like he has to do. You’ve not invested much time so just walk away.
It’s him that has my pity. He’s prepared to have an open relationship just to have her in his life.
Personally, I think if a partner is developing feelings for someone else or emotionally/physically cheats, then they aren't genuinely in love with you. I could never develop feelings for someone else while in a relationship. I just don't view other people in that way when I'm committed to someone.
I would definitely question whether she actually came to you immediately or if she's just saying she did. In that situation, it's more likely that more happened between them and she's choosing to partially disclose it for other reasons. Like her co-worker wanted to end it or started seeing someone else, she got jealous, he threatened to tell on her. Now she wants to get away from him to prevent him from telling you what actually happened. A situation like that would cause her to want to partially come clean to get ahead of anything he might say. And/or to provide justification for transferring/wfh to get distance from him.
This definitely goes beyond a simple crush. And if she doesn't love you enough to avoid emotionally or physically cheating, your relationship is already dead and you just don't know it yet. A lot of people try to “fix” these situations and end up just prolonging the inevitable. I always hear people in your situation saying they wish they had divorced sooner and not drag it out.
Update us when he comes crawling back.
Not even close.
Married couple in their 30s, guy openly lusting after a girl 12 years younger than him, has had a ‘friendship’ with her, hiding it from his wife, and says she’s probably just jealous once she finds out and has a problem with it.
Dating couple in their 20s, woman went to the gym with a guy once. Boyfriend not sure what to do.
You’re either illiterate or so desperate to whine about “what if the gendurrrrrrrrrs wuz reversed” you’re willing to pretend to be illiterate to do it. Either way not a good look, chief.
It’s definitely not always a good idea to stay in a relationship just because you’re scared of being alone. You could be depriving yourself of living life with someone who could actually make you happy. If you meet any other guys that make you feel Ike J did, you’d have to go through this all over again, except with more years invested into T. I don’t think that’s fair to anyone, including yourself!
That said, regarding J, I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone who‘s willing to leave a girlfriend just because someone else showed interest, nor would I want to carry the burden of disrupting someone’s relationship (and having to deal with their potentially vengeful ex) – but that’s your decision to make.
Regardless of the choices you make, I hope you find your happiness!
she's not horrified, her value system involves treating sexual acts and words as special and reserved for specific people and circumstances. that's her prerogative. it's a simple boundary that was not respected so how cna you even trust a guy like that
Why do your younger siblings get to go to college and you have to pimp yourself out? That hardly seems fair. Your sisters and brothers are your parents' responsibility, not yours.
Walking away is the first thing, but think carefully before telling the husband. If I was the husband, I'd want to know, and likely thank you for saying so, but, that's me. Consider whether they have kids, but if she doesn't, I wouldn't hesitate for a second.
She keeps saying that she is “interested in what contributed to him becoming a monster” but some of the stuff she finds out about him just seems like she is taking it too far and it's not relevant to what she needs to learn.
Afraid of telling your partner things sounds unhealthy. This is not normal for someone to get so upset talking about a past relationship. I could see you lied and went last week with an ex on a trip or saw an ex there without telling her, but to just say you did something 5 years ago. You did nothing wrong, she seriously needs to seek therapy and work on letting go of the past.