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There you go. Maybe escalating to counseling is a waste of time.
I've been there man, and I feel for you. I was married for 12 years, and the whole time she barely worked, and when she did, she never contributed to the bills or anything.
I'm my case though, she had been cheating on me, numerous times throughout our marriage, including shortly after we got married, while I was in Iraq in the army. So, I speak from my own experience, but perhaps there's a reason she doesn't put much effort into your relationship. Maybe she hasn't been feeling it either, but stays with you out of security, while considering, and possibly even pursuing, other men or women.
2019 was a huge break for me though. I was working as an over the road truck driver after being medically discharged from the army. Not the ideal career field, but it pays well, and I could easily support my family. She moved a guy into our home while I was away at work, and although I was furious, I felt a deep sense of relief to know that I had no choice but to divorce her and move on with my life. Maybe this sounds harsh, but my life has been so much better since then, in almost every way imaginable. I now own a nice home, nice car, and live quite comfortably with my two daughters.
In the end, if you're feeling like it's time to end it, it probably is. Holding on for no other reason than to maintain the relationship will be extremely draining and damaging to your mental well being and will eventually affect every aspect of your life. The opposite can be said about letting go. It's scary, it's uncharted territory, but letting go of what your soul doesn't desire opens up the way for you to achieve what you truly desire, and moreso, what you truly NEED AND DESERVE in life.
Just don't. I'm a smoker, have been smoking since I was 18, and would never ever light inside a house. That shit stinks up the place really quickly, seeps into walls, and takes aaaages to get rid off completely – even if it's just one cigarette.
Why couldn't you just go outside of the apartment building if you needed to smoke so much? That's what my neighbours without a balcony do.
You're seeing as a nuisance, or your gf blowing it out of proportion – but from her POV you: broke a rule that you both had, which was a compromise to keep both of you happy; couldn't bother walking down a few stairs (or whatever) to smoke outside so she doesn't have to smell it when she gets home. Smoke inside your own home, not a place you share with someone who hates smoking.
The fact that you're not seeing the context of it, and only view it as your gf nagging and ovwrreacting, is the main issue here.
Keep working on it since it's clearly not working. Maybe take a step back from dating if you aren't able to get a handle on your brain to mouth filter. Because it's honestly going to be damaging to others if you keep it up at this rate.
Am I understanding you correctly that you think the photographer should refund OP because he allegedly slept with OP's wife in high school???