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Disagree with 1 but agree with 3.
I was in a similar position a few years ago. I was living in another state and got into a terrible car accident, my car was totaled and I walked away with minor injuries. My long-term gf at the time (we were together since high school, so about 5 years at that point ) didn't believe that I got into an accident and never called to ask how I was doing let alone ask if she should come to see me. She gaslighted me claiming that I was using the accident to try to get her attention. Granted I should have ended things right there but I was young, dumb, and scared. Things, of course, did not get better and somehow I manage to get to the point of almost getting married 4 years later before her behavior became too much and I had to walk away a month before the wedding.
Heed my warning, it will not get better! I know it is nude and a lot is going through your mind with this traumatic incident that you had but I advise you to walk away now before you get in too deep as I did. It will only become harder in the long run.
Yea agreed. He’s been with me and part of every post on this forum with the exception of this post. It’s time I take my life back and get some help and be my own person.
Im 21 and even i wouldnt date a 19yr old especially one im the boss of at work.
You think?
Leave that ahole. He has no respect for you as the mother of his child nor does he care about your needs if he can go pay for someone to try to run one out for him.
You should’ve told told her she shot her chance 3 times already. Three!!! So she doesn’t get to have another.
Dang it, foolish one. Treat yourself better. Do better! Because now you have someone other than yourself to protect. You have a whole new life to build and she has zero place in it. If you can’t do it for you, do it so that your future wife and your future family have the best chance at success.
Okay, maybe I missed something, but from what I read he didn't guilt her. He wrote it in his journal, which is private. He supported her in the clinic, although that didn't go well seeing as how she decided to postpone last minute, and he seemed to keep most of his negative emotions to himself.
I agree with what you said, no one should be forced or coerced to carry to term if they don't want to, but I fail to see where he was the one who guilted her.
Perhaps, but what's worrying is this
Also she does none of the things mentioned and says that its the mans job to be romantic and stuff and that those things are what she wants from a man.
If she wants a traditional man, she then needs to be a traditional woman.
That’s exactly me fear, if I give in and let the girl have a friendship I’m afraid my bf will think it’s okay for her and him to be “friends” again too
At this point, it’s legal in more places than not. For most people, it’s no different than drinking alcohol. But it’s a problem if he’s using it all the time
Duly noted after I posted this. Thanks ??
I was 20 once and I would have said yes without realising all the power dynamics that play into these types of relationships. As an individual, maybe this will be okay now and you'll never regret it. But I need you to understand the consequences of it as a whole.
This is a disservice you're doing to yourself. You'll never be an equal in this relationship. A relationship you're not an equal in is not a healthy relationship. This will skew your view of relationships. This man is significantly older than you and has established himself as an adult. You're just out of high school. This man is a predator for even approaching you with this proposition.
Healthy relationships build healthy selves and identities. This one is going to negatively impact you. No good comes from prostitution. And this is prostitution. I'm not going to sugar coat it. Neither am I taking some moral high ground. I just hate to see women fall into this scam. This is damaging. If your consent can be bought, it's not consent.
By today's standards, EVERYBODY is poor lol. She doesn't want to be poor but doesn't care if you are. You need to start putting your foot down and standing your ground because one day (if you're not already moved out) you're gonna want to move out, start a family etc and you're not going to be able to do that or live! your own life if you're constantly being her piggy bank. She has a bf with money, he can handle the financial burden she's been putting on you.
Yes I think so but also the effort, I’m not sure I want to bring it up because it doesn’t feel authentic if it has to be prompted 3 days after Valentines
You don't know what to do? You do nothing. Pause your affair and pull your head right out of your ass.
Sto trying to assuage your guilt by coming clean when your wife is DYING. Let her go to the grave in peace. You put your stupid affair of 5 years that absolutely doesn't “involve feelings or love” and was just for some poontang on pause and you spend the next few weeks with your wife. Because apparently you “love her”, just not enough to stay faithful.
So let her die believing you were faithful. Let her die believing you were a good man. And then, you can break down on her grave and tell her dead body. And you can go to therapy because you're definitely going to need it you selfish jackoff.
Oh as a footnote….when this comes to a head , protect your sister .. there’s no evidence you’ve provided he is violent but straight out telling him she told you might leave her open to abuse .
Being that you don't live! together I think it's a bit much that she expects it.
If it's a random occasion to help her out I think it's OK but not regularly.
I do think you have to think about where the relationship is going, because if you do move in together you'll need to set clear boundaries about finances.
It seems like its a sign for her that you completely accept the role of being a family father and step father for her child.
I totally understand why you're uncomfortable with it. I mean her ex basically told you: “It bothers me, but i dont want to risk any arguments that could cost me seeing my son this regular”. Besides that i can totally imagine that i doesnt feel great for his ex to marry another man and his son getting this mans last name. I'd personally feel like I'm getting replaced in definite.
In the end you shouldn't do it if you and her ex dont feel comfortable with it. In the end the only way to get out of this situation in a good way, is to convince your fiancée that you love her and her son and accept your role as his step father, otherwise i think she'll insist on this gesture of him getting your last name
What did you say to that? Do you want him to “hold back”?
You're not the police, you don't need 'evidence'. Not only did you snoop through his computer but now you have taken intimate pictures without the consent of those in them. There's a creep here but I don't think it's your boyfriend!
Man, have you looked into if she qualifies for relief? Is adding more debt really her best plan? Ask someone on financial advise about what measures could be taken to financially quarantine her from you, maybe there’s some tricks. good luck.
Sir, your daughter is an adult if she’s still not willing to have a relationship then you need to step back and focus on the child and the wife let her know you love her and you’re always there. But life needs to change.
First of all, this would make me consider separation. Second of all, you mean he's totally disregarding the fact that having a baby is a traumatic body and life changing experience? Cool, he sounds great.
Here's what I would say (please note I am a petty bitch and you probably shouldn't actually do this) first I'd tell him “I don't want him in the delivery room with me because he's made me feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, I won't feel like I can do what I need to (ya know push his child out of my body) in the room without feeling judged and like I'm not pretty enough for him while actively giving birth to a human.” Second, if he says that shit again, I would say something along the lines of “oh, I didn't realize you only loved and married me for my physical appearance, I thought you loved me as a whole person who carried and birthed two of your children.”
I agree with everyone who says “dump him, this is insane,” but if you want to have a conversation beforehand, you can ask him why he doesn't want you to trust him anymore.
Has she had an STI screening since you two became exclusive?
Have you two had a discussion about what you’d do in the event of a pregnancy?
Has she been on BC for 2 months already?
These are important things to discuss and be aligned on before having sex.
I’d advise you not to have sex without a condom and to take responsibility for your own birth control vs trusting someone else with it. Not that she’d necessarily sabotage her BC on purpose but taking it incorrectly—missing a pill, taking them off schedule, etc can allow ovulation.
This makes me concerned about the family dynamic. I mean, she seriously thinks this is normal behavior? What else does she consider 'normal' that isn't?
Is mom aware that her husband and daughter sleep nude together? Does mom sleep hard, too? Are they some sort of hard hippie group?
Leave. Get out of there and block him on everything. He's manipulative, he gaslights you, and he is immature.
of course i wish the best suggestion could be different, but i do think you’re right. i think the idea of shortening it to only a couple of months feels more settling to me. i’m still going to take a day or two to think on my own before reaching out, but if we are still experiencing the tornado in our brains which i’m sure we will, i think it would be a good idea for the both of us to take some time and reconnect later.
100% this
It says there’s 5 comments but I can only see one?
She’s obviously trying to drive a wedge between you two. If you haven’t, alert your boyfriend that she has the video and has sent it to you. Don’t delete her messages/the video incase he wants to pursue it legally (depending on where you live) the best course of action is to just block her honestly.
DEPENDATHOTAMUS! I'm dead. This is amazing. Clearly my first time seeing this version.
Comparing someone eating meat to literal rape is a gross sign of immaturity and is honestly pathetic. Smh. I'm sorry that you're in this position and he's being completely unreasonable. It isn't fair to you at all.
Yes get a divorce. You are sexually incompatible and should not be married.
Yuck. He’s using your mouth as a masturbation tool. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to not be ok with that and him refusing to put his damn phone down shows even more lack of respect for you as an autonomous human rather than a convenient mouth.
Thinking that they're not related to each other is your first problem.
Girl…this is shaping up to be disastrous! You need to slam the breaks…the number of red flags in this post is terrifying.
I 19F am marrying my husband 31M soon
my mental health wasn’t great
I’m worried that I’m going to feel really low after the wedding is over now that I’ll have nothing to look forward to or plan.
I’ll be alone for 12 hours 5 days a week.
I have no friends and my family work.
I’m just lost really
You don't seem like you're in a good enough mental space to get married, first of all. Second, you're incredibly young…you won't even know who you are for 5-10 more years. How can you commit to someone for life with any confidence? Third, no healthy, well-adjusted 30-year-old in their right mind wants to marry a 19-year-old. MASSIVE red flag for age gap, especially considering that you're effectively dependent on him right now. Fourth, you don't have good social connections and a healthy life independent of your parther.
This is all disastrous. Please don't do this.
What's there to respect? You brag about chasing a married man, stay with him despite multiple lies, call your immature, ridiculous ass an “old soul.” Your responses to the comments are even more pathetic than your initial post. Continue to make excuses for your perv partner and jam your head further up your ass, honey. Good luck!
You should be alarmed. You’re not a housewife. You work and contribute to the bills. You both should be contributing to the cleaning and the food in the home. It’s not going to get better if you marry him. He does not see you as a equal. Also showing your closet to friends is a major violation of your privacy.
That's what I hate about these trolls. If they stopped incorporating abuse into their stories to get people upset, I wouldn't care if there were troll posts. Sometimes they honestly seem like emotional vampires, sometimes the same as the antagonist they write about. They literally get off on upsetting and triggering people.
I've actually always wondered what they are like IRL, do they do the same to their friends and family? Or in other ways? How do they feel about falsely assuming the role of an abuse victim? (Personally, that would eat at my soul.) Specifically, people who make up stories about CSA or other forms of childhood abuse, how they go about their day after writing those detailed and graphic depictions? Is it like a fetish? Do they realize they could be feeding into someone's fetish? I've unfortunately come across other fetish posts, which now makes me question every troll post.
If he can't talk about, acknowledge and put in the work to address these problems then it's a lost cause. It'll stay one sided, and you'll eventually grow more burnt out and resentful, all the while wasting months if not years of your life.
Cut your losses at 6 months.
Abusive, unfaithful, narcissistic and controlling
I'm impressed by how out all women you managed to find this lady and go as far as marrying her.
Dayum!!
And for a lot of people, you would not be ideal to date because of it.
There are Billions of people in this world, what bloody need to people have to always try be friends with exes..
Yes, I’ve known him for 7 years and got the tattoo two years ago.
We’re still close.
Just wait it out and see if they are being used before you go asking questions.
Leave your bf OP, period. His dad who he loves, is a pedophile incest rapist. Honestly that whole family (besides the daughter) can go rot in hell. Fucking disgusting monsters and OP your bf is part of that family / isn’t going to change either. You can do better and you deserve better. Fuck those pieces of shit, I’m disgusted for you.
I have never before had an edit swing me so fast from wanting to rage downvote to an impromptu TED talk that I wholly agree with, haha. Well done.
Thank you, this makes a lot of sense.
Is it Jesus?
They were totally wrong choices especially when you lost time. Really…..how old are you? How are you now as a character, do you have a stable character or a feeble one that goes with the wind? There was no consequence then the relationships ended. How much time is this man dragging you? Yes cool is overrated but you act like you are. Work to become someone people can trust. Does the new guy know that you went to strip clubs? Maybe he wants to go too.
I've tried but she keeps telling me she's not into him he's only a friend and i honestly dont want to drive her to a point where she starts lying to me or stops telling me things. I am frustrated and the easy option is to leave her but we're very intimate with me which makes me hesitate availing that option. I know I'm not helping my own case here but if it wasn't complicated i wouldnt be posting it here for sure.
Let her know you are aware of everything n get her out of your house n life . She's nasty . Not even making wear a Condom shows she has no regard or respect for you
Expose this cheating to the fiance..
The poor bastard deserves to know.
These women are too old for this BS.
Blow up this group of women that normalize infidelity. They need to see that there's consequences
And do not warn your partner.