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No.
It doesn't matter what he is feeling. He broke up with you and doesn't want to be connected with you. What he does with anyone else is none of your business. How is it any of your concern if the gal he is dating is awkward or anything else for that matter? Could you image what she would post on reddit if she knew you creeped on his Facebook (that he 'deleted' because of you), and including your ex in your therapy sessions out of the blue? Huh? You should speak to your therapist alone about ways to cope with your ex who has moved on.
I hate to be that Reddit stereotype lol but you said y’all have been dead bedroom for awhile, and he relatively recently changed tune … could it be there’s someone he’s interested in or already involved with? Is he always on his phone, having reasons to be at work or doing work later?
Why would you waste your time on anyone who obviously isn’t on the same page as you? Move on, you deserve better than what that turd is giving you. It’s only been 3 months and you’re already having issues that you don’t like. Seems like he got what he wanted and is done with you.
This is obviously some lame ass attempt at testing you. The only correct answer is to bang the sister and call gf while doing so. (J/K DON'T PERSECUTE ME REDDIT)
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Because there are almost always unintended consequences to such a big issue. It’s just my opinion. An opinion to consider.
I'm wondering where this 35 year old man is realistically going to find a woman to have children with.
The top of the bell curve for age differences in marriage is 2 years. So lets be gracious and say this man meets a 31 year old today that wants kids. Let's then give them two years to develop a relationship and marry. She's going to be 33 and although many 33 year olds get pregnant just fine, many don't.
He's throwing away a great relationship for a what if? And believe me, any woman he meets who learns how badly he wasted your time is probably not going to want anything to do with him anyway.
So I would seriously question if he actually wants kids or if this is just a topic he knew was a total deal breaker and ran with it instead whatever the actual issue is.
No problem but do talk to him before to close it even if temporarily.
Say you saw it and feel hurt for him hiding something from you. Explain that from what you saw it seemed more than just sex and him hiding information made you hurt. Especially since an open relationship is about communication and openness I think a (even if temporary) close is necessary because your relationship should be the priority and you need to work on that before. Also, since your trust is broken it needs to be built back up and your issues talked about, being open to other people during this seems counterproductive.
Did I miss something or are you just assuming op is a female?
A duck who repeatedly points out that we are only casual. Talks to other people on dating apps etc…
Surgery is extremely daunting and scary. Just give her the time she needs.
Never move into a woman's house. Just never.
Wow! Not a comment, just this post, 4 year club? How?!
I even deleted my comment to see if it disappeared. Still shows on my list.
No response is a response, to leave her alone.
Shit it’s not how many months is it then
it sounds like she's moved on completely, and while it won't be easy, you need to as well.
So your wife voluntarily posed in lingerie and hot to a friend of yours who is an amateur photographer, who made her sign a legal form giving him full rights and ownership of her very hot photos, and neither of them told you or even asked if you were cool with it until after it was all said and done?
You should confront your wife and cut off all contact with this “friend”. Idk about you, but I’d want to break the guy’s jaw. But I don’t necessarily condone violence. Your wife either had a grave lapse in judgement thinking it was a gift for you, or she just decided to go through with it for her own reasons and didn’t care about your feelings on the matter at all. I could forgive a lapse in judgement. But not a deliberate crossing of a boundary with no regard to my feelings.
Tell your wife exactly how that made you feel and be firm about. Make it clear you’re not comfortable with that at all and if it happens again there’s going to be some major problems. I don’t know your wife’s intent with the boudoir shoot. And you might not either so it may be wise not to accuse her of anything malicious off the rip. But like I said, be firm and communicate clearly how you’re not cool with it. You might have some words with your “friend”, but I’d advise against violence or the threat of violence just so things don’t go sideways legally.
For about the first half of it she said she would only go to him AFTER she had already gone to me and I didn't give her attention. For the last few months of it she said she stopped coming to me first because she felt it was a waste of time. Around this time is when I noticed her behavior was off and I started to re evaluate how I was acting and treating her. I think I could eventually purely because I understand I have a large role in to blame as to how it happened. It was clear she wasn't replacing me in how she handled it. I wasn't meeting her needs. The only reason I feel it necessary to cut him off is because it's beyond clear he wants to sleep with her and I no longer trust her to say no like I did before.
Maybe she forget to uninstall it and its been automatically logging her on.
Just ask her.
That’s not a marriage or healthy relationship. It’s a siege against you and abusive AF. Someone that speaks so freely & horribly of you to others does not love, trust or respect you, they are not loyal to you. It’s also likely they would gaslight any behavioral criticism or suggestions for personal growth/relationship healing and absolutely reject therapy and cutting contact with those who would do you wrong over SO’s choice words/badmouthing. You should seek some therapy to get your mental health in check because you do not deserve this treatment and also seek counsel for legal advice on how to proceed with whatever situation you feel best for your future.
I’m just going to point out. He is an engineer. (I am one too). We have a hot time being human sometimes.
Literally, I have my husband, and a friend from childhood that lives on the other side of the country. Last time I made a friend, she turned into a stalker.
For your BIL, ego and pride can really get in the way when someone seems overly competent. From his POV, your husband is a high earner, does charity work, is a DIY master, and the list goes on. Your BIL probably won’t ask for help to get off of a sinking boat if he has to ask your husband.
And your parents might be picking up on BIL’s insecurity and are trying to speak kindly of him. Often we give attention to the squeaky wheel and ignore the people who quietly just get the job done. Never realizing that they need appreciation and acknowledgement as well.
Because we tend to have our heads in the clouds or hyper focus on a topic, engineers are well known for lacking social skills. Sometimes we see more of a friendship than is actually there, and we miss red flags all of the time.
Things you can do. Speak positively of your husband to your parents. Tell them of the cool things he does. If they hear about it, they will repeat it.
Otherwise, just love him. You and the kids will do more to give him a sense of community than anything else. He will always be overly passionate about some topics, and that will put some people off.
My only caution is that you both should work on open and clear communication. More often than not, engineers don’t seem to understand the importance of communication. I like to recommend “crucial conversations” as a great starting resource for improving communication. Especially for us engineers. It breaks down a lot of social situations into helpful step by step equations that are easier for an analytical mind to digest.
The two of you are in a sexual and romantic relationship, despite you both protesting it. The denial is clearly eating him alive. It sounds like he either has serious feelings for you, or is feeling extremely guilty over his sexual orientation. You both need to have a conversation. Get some counseling. It's okay, and you're both going to be okay. Being gay or bisexual isn't a bad thing, it's just another thing that is.
You better move on sis
she sounds very unstable and potentially dangerous. you’re better off ending this relationship.