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Why does she know how your brothers sleep/bed routines are?
Did you tried already to go to the toilet right before going to bed? I realized this and it helped me. Even though I don't have the feeling like I need to pee before bed, I will always get rid of a bit which helps me tk survive until morning.
Well, she’s right…
Yes. If someone doesn't show care or interest in me, even after I've asked them about it, I will move on. She has to show me she cares and is interested or I'm gonna move on and find someone who does. That's the entire point of being in a relationship
Saying “I love you” is also deferring to what I want. Saying that is technically true but it's a little dramatic, y'know
don’t ask dumbass questions. she gave you the step by step guide on how to do it, most of the stuff she listed is stuff you can do
Outside of the argument, why is he not saving for his own place instead of a car?
I understand what you mean but it's kind of hot when we live in two different states to date that way. I was going to make sure I found a job immediately so that I can have my own finances (even though he said I didn't have to work) in case this doesn't work out. I've also asked a friend to be my back up in case I needed to return home because it is a risk to move in with someone that you've been dating long distance but were not getting but so far with each other in two different states. By the time I move in with him would be a year and 9 months. But your right it is a risk but I'll make sure my family at home and my best friend shoot I might even post on here exactly where I am lol..for added security. I'd never put my address out live! but yea I'll prepare myself as much as I can. Thanks
Very few people are 30kg up in a year. Especially without childbirth. Very different scenarios, mate. This is a pretty legitimate health concern.
I know it hurts but just let it go. No amount of messages will change how he feels about you. Best of luck to you.
It's easier to identify this situations when you use different emotions to picture what's going on.
I don't get angry often, I pride myself on it, but there have been times where I should have used anger in a healthy communicative manner. Instead of denying the fact I was angry. Another time, and this is the important part OP; I got angry during a conversation. I knew I was furious, but in the discussion I could have before I had to isolate, I realized I was not in the right, and no matter how upset I was about the situation being the way it was, I just had to ride my anger out. The most important part for me, after recognizing the emotion, and finding a healthy way to deal with it- was NOT ACTING ON THAT EMOTION UNTIL IT PASSED. For me that was just not doing something dumb.
What looks like happened in your husband's case is he did a healthy thing in response to his fuckup: he apologized because he felt shame. Great. Problem is, he still felt that shame even after apologizing to you. It was his job NOT TO ACT ON HIS SHAME until the emotion passed. You apologized, but just because you did so doesn't make you feel immediately better (aa was evident in your post) or him. But you guys knew the right steps to take. The healthy way to do things. But neither of you could admit that you needed a little more time to let the emotion in you pass, even if you've recognized what it is and know what steps to take.
I might be so bold as to say you two went through the motions of what you thought was right. But that wouldn't be giving you guys the credit you deserve. You immediately identified your emotions and took the correct steps. The problem is that your husband continued to act on his shame. And even though you forgave him earlier, you didn't tell him that you were feeling hurt even though you forgive him, and that you need to not feel obligated to make him feel comfortable, but at the same time the best thing he could do for you is not try to get you to emotionally react with him or for him.
Anyways I repeated myself enough. The problem was even though you guys are emotionally mature, you seem to have gotten too comfortable on routine in these situations instead of actually figuring out if the emotions your feeling require more than just going through the correct, healthy, motion.
Take it slow. Chat with him more and more and see where things go
I’m confused. You wrote in your post
“A year and a half ago, we had a conversation. If I gor pregnant, I would get an abortion.”
It sounds like you did come to a conclusion when that conversation was had. I’m not surprised you’re changing your mind now because, well, that’s what hormones do. However, I think it’s completely unfair and manipulative of you to decide now that you’re going to continue this pregnancy. If I were him, I honestly would not come back. I would move and not contact you again. Sincerely. And this is coming from a 30 year old woman.
So, basically what you are saying is that she wanted a wedding – not a marriage.
In that case, I'm wondering if you can get an annulment for fraud.
Thank you for your advice and compassion. You’re right I need to be more aware of the delicate balance between being encouraging and not seeming pushy. I agree with you that character traits may never change and I need to live my life without somehow assuming I can change him/making him change for me. For now, I’m fine with this trait of his. I may not be fine about it in the future, in which case I’ll leave then.
This isn't because he has ADHD its because he doesn't actually care if you finish or not. This is not a problem that's going to get better because he's selfish and DOES NOT CARE IF YOU CUM!!!! He plan doesn't care. Your pleasure doesn't matter to him. Either give him consequences or learn to live with it.
Personally, I'd tell him you don't want to have sex with him anymore because you're tired of being disappointed. I'd also do it in front of his friends.
I'm leaning towards no on this one, given how you describe it.
It's a bit… Unordinary in a few circumstance, but I'd approach with caution any jumping to conclusions.
It's all the same. Any major city is Vegas without the casinos.
She's not a three year old. You don't give gifts hinging on that.
I would lawyer up, but considering your age and situation, I wonder how much you would really be getting out of this house. If it's less than 100k I am wondering how much it would be really worth it to keep that money or rather just walk away.
The dogs on the other hand, I would absolutely look into keeping. Maybe foster them while you find a suitable place?
You gave her boundaries and she crossed them. You have her an inch and she took the mile. If you look past this, then you risk it happening again.
If that's her story, I'd say she's trickling you with the truth to alleviate her conscious. It is very likely she's holding out on some info and that they slept together. No reasonable person would willingly turn down someone who made advances and then sleep in the same area. She couldn't call this guy an Uber? That question should be moot, because she shouldn't have even invited this guy over in the first place. Next time, she won't tell you.
At the end of the day, she crossed a boundary. You have to decide what to do with that.
I definitely do want a committed relationship, I hate that I keep fizzling when I find good people. I guess I just want things to be the right fit and when they don’t seem attainably so, it’s over in my head. As far as being comfortably alone, I’ve never done that before and don’t really know how, but it does seem like sound advice. I’m not really sure how to meet new people as an adult, but I suppose I need to just put myself out there.
Never stay with someone who pressures you into doing things you’re not into. That’s not love, it’s manipulation.
Your message helps so much more than you will ever know. Thank you for taking the time. I needed this