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Yeah i've tried it before but he just doesn't really try i think and he always says he wouldn't care at all. I also think that might be because i don't have a straight male friend who i even could meet up with so it's not a realistic thought of me to him.
Just wanted to chime in on this whole thing of “ask him if he was in your shoes” thing. Maybe you're right and this;
I also think that might be because i don't have a straight male friend who i even could meet up with
is true, OR, your bf might just trust you.
Tell your friends the truth. Even though they might not believe it – you have started the process of being honest. Then if it ever shows up with your future wife you tell her the truth as well.
Dam look at all your downvotes. These people are miserable if they can’t understand a healthy relationship like deciding one parent will stay home.
How is that totally fine? She’s 18 and constantly thinking about other people while being intimate with her boyfriend. She’s not attracted to him
It probably just means he's sick and doesn't know when he'll be better and feeling up to doing something. Maybe next week, maybe not. Give him some time to recover and then check in if you're still interested in seeing him.
Nah, she should have acknowledged and apologized as he wanted, bc it is her fuck up.
But also it's not 'hiding' anything to end up on a trip with someone you once slept with and…just not think anything of it. It'd be different if it was an ex boyfriend or something, or if she was just going on a trip with the guy. Sounds like the situation was incidental.
That’s great. I just don’t understand why she didn’t want to meet up when I tried to explain I was going through a hard time to discuss. My main dilemma now is whether to delete her on social media or keep her. I feel I will move on quicker if I unfollow her but don’t want to be petty and also would it remove all possibility of reconnecting in the future?
here’s advice- break up with her and let her have a happy life without your perverted ass
It’s not your business. She didn’t groom him or manipulate him.
At the risk of Reddit backlash, the current extreme attitude against age gap relationships is the same black and white attitude that used to prevail against mixed race relationships.
Leave them alone, it’s none of your business. Maybe they’ll stay together until she’s 60, and he will still be young enough to leave and have another fulfilling relationship.
It's not part of a hobby she is young and said she needs new friends I'm 35 and she's 30 they just met a couple months ago we have been married for 5 years.
I feel like it’s super common to meet your spouses friends???
Trying to convince her to have sex is a shitty thing. It’s called coerced sex and isn’t consent.
Either keep dating her while you unresentfully accept no sex or breakup with her.
It seems like she is trying to have a relationship where she can say and do anything she wants and you aren't allowed to voice your opinion.
That's exactly how I read this:
She says it makes her feel ashamed and she needs me to accept her completely without any gripes or complaints.
You’re right. If he really wanted to he’s take steps. He doesnt want to.
I said if the roles were reversed it would be different and she said if I found a team of women that didn't mind getting changed with me in there, she wouldn't care.
It takes a while after the relationship starts to get to the “love phase”. However only one month for the “infatuation phase” to be over is worrying. I guess just reflect on what you wanna do here. It's not wrong to call it off to figure out what you actually want out of the dating scene, if you even desire it. Just don't stretch this out for too long and end up leading him on, that's what my first ex did to me ?
It’s not the pillow. He is super angry about something, but it’s not the pillow. That he said over and over that he paid for could be a clue, but you should talk to him. Ask him why he got so upset.
Or, you know, there’s always Reddit’s go to solution: therapy and/or break up.
Please listen OP. I don’t mean this to be disrespectful AT ALL but in the grand scheme of things, you’re still so so young. You’ve just come out of your teens, you have a good career ahead of you, the world is literally your oyster. Don’t settle down with someone who does not deserve you. He’s shown you what kind of person he is, you can’t teach someone to respect you.
You deserve someone who will understand all of your boundaries before you even have to voice them/write them down. He’s not worth it. You have so many people left to meet in your lifetime, breaking up with this loser may hurt at the beginning but I almost guarantee a weight will be lifted off your shoulders when you do. No more paranoia, second guessing, feeling distrustful. It will disappear. You’ll have room to be happy with YOU. You don’t need this guy, I promise. Good luck OP x
Agree! It’s codependent to rely on your partner for fulfilling ever need. It’s dysfunctional and unhealthy.
Real healthy relationships, you have a solid support system outside the relationships where you both have your own friends, a life you keep even after you settle into a relationship. You find hobbies, interests, activities, take a yoga class, something!
Op, wife needs to have a life and be more interdependent, not codependent! This is why she feels unhappy.
Hahaha ikr…. I was waiting for the father and nothing happened
Love that quote! ?
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Your 20’s are like dog years. Eight years might not make as big of a difference in your 30’s/40’s/50’s but there is a huge fundamental difference between a 19 year old and a 28 year old. It’s honestly a good sign that he is weary of the age gap too.
I would say stay friends, see if the crush goes away and give it time. He probably knows that your interested and is trying to do the decent thing by not pursuing anything.
Do you have cashapp? I will send you $20-30 whichever you need to get gas home without him.
What’s the context of her wanting to meet him? Giving the benefit of the doubt here that there’s some sort of other reason to meet outside of having matched on tinder two years ago….?
Man shit this is so fucked. She already told me to never mention this to mark and I already though that confronting him would only make it worse right now.
He’s also manipulative talking about your supposed shortcomings when you were disgusted. Sorry but an eating disorder isn’t the same thing as criminal actions and thoughts. Wtf. There’s your other red flag. As if you needed one.
Probably a hundred people on this post can chat with you daily if you need some friends in the meantime while you leave this absolute shit.
Sounds like your dad wants you out of the house and independent. Time to get an apartment and a car and stop living with your parents and bumming rides from others.
Sorry if this is harsh. Screw up once ok but he keeps repeating his mistakes and you keep allowing it. YOU have the problem here. Walk away. He isn't mature enough to respect your boundaries. Grow a spine.
I’d be curious to hear her side of the story. I LOVE spas and yet I wouldn’t like a last minute spa surprise on a workday. Not everyone can switch gears that fast. It sounds like you wanted to go to the spa and last minute pulled her out of work. Ew. That’s not a good surprise. You couldn’t tell her in advance to take a day off, because you have a fun surprise, and let her be prepared? Look forward to it?
Also, did you forget to get her something for her birthday? If you did, an apology and acknowledgement that you missed her birthday might have improved things.
Third guess: was she expecting a ring? All the planning and secrecy on your part….maybe she thought you were going to propose?
Just break up with him. You clearly have trauma you can't discuss with him and that's not healthy.
Dude…she’s right. Man you’re about to be a dad, GROW THE FUCK UP. Ugh poor kid’s going to grow up with a dead beat dad
Most r trolls
Keep the medication, ditch the, “Todd.”
Spontaneity and fun can come into your life from other directions, you know. Stability is important to your mental health. Take that into account before you make a change.
On the other hand, if this is the only person you ever dated, you might be wondering what you missed out on. Lots of confusion and heartache, most likely.
she makes it soound like a bad dog LOL def a kink
This is VERY IMPORTANT. Addiction or not, any father who is ok with paedo in any way – especially towards his own child – should never be around children again. This guy needs to rot.
If you really want to find a compromise, then I'd recommend CBD. Its basically does everything cannabis does without you getting high from it.
That being said, its your decision and maybe you guys are just not that compatible. He has legitimate reasons to be uncomfortable, and you have legitimate reasons to use cannabis.
Such a troll! Why would a real person with this problem be asking Reddit?
You both are talking around in circles. You aren't listening to each other. Your love language is touch. His love language is sex. It is how he feels he best shows you his love.
There is a show in the US called Everybody Loves Raymond. The main focus is on the MIL/DIL dynamic. However, there are also insights in the Wife/Husband relationship. Practically every time the wife touches the husband, he turns it sexual without fail. The wife rightly gets offended because isn't always about sex. This is the situation you are in.
Couples counseling is in order because you both need to learn how to hear each other. If not, you are dooming the relationship.
it’s been so long after the same bulL$it i start to catch myself not caring anymore because i know he’ll do it again.
Ask him directly is the best policy. Even if you decide to stay with him, once you know there will be no more reason for blackmail, if that’s what she is doing.
Great suggestion, they could get proof to help OP
These things don't really have set definitions. It sounds like you want to have emotional relationships with multiple people.
I’m partly assuming that. But I plan to ask him soon. His other friends (who do know about me) always invite me to any plans they make with him, and include me in everything. But the person in question never does.
He is also an alcoholic.
That's… the looniest thing I've ever heard?
He's a guard. His job is safety. Telling her that some creepy dude is asking questions is absolutely important to her safety. If there were a “security guard code of conduct,” it would definitely include promising (a) not to answer creepy guys' questions and (b) always telling people when creepy guys are asking about them.
I'm honestly wondering if you're team Creepy Guy?
Hey at least he uses TP….there have been a few posts lately about guys who revel in their skid marks.
I guess figure out which cat you’re taking with you?
You don’t believe people can be committed without marriage?
The only way a situation like this works is if there is open and honest communication. You guys should be able to sit down and discuss your concerns.
Think of the good parts of being single. How your time is your own to manage as you want. No more ugly discussions of issues that are never resolved. No more having to deal with some of the stupid habits of you stbx-bf. All the guys you can meet and enjoy. Spending your money the way you want. The drama of meeting the wrong guy, and finding a good one….
All the things both ups and downs that makes life interesting and an adventure. You'll be fine. Just take a breathe and do it. And then you're FREE! Best to you.
What would have convinced you? Humbling himself to do karaoke with her? Asking for her number? Asking her out? Whatever could he have done to persuade you?
Any and all advice accepted, other people’s perspectives would be nice. Please be kind ?
Exactly! I think these are the crutch of the issue here. Not saying it can’t happen but I have never heard of company parties of this magnitude and held locally not allowing spouses or SOs. Of course wife’s over reactions do not help ease any discomfort about all this. I can understand she wants to fit in with the colleagues at her new job and all, but shutting down and getting defensive with a spouse is not the way to handle this. The only way this makes sense is if there is something strange going on, OR OP is omitting a chunk of info about how he is handling things might bring on this kind of reaction from her.
Just fyi, this is extremely common in the legal field. Our holiday parties are quite extravagant, and doubling the number of guests would be expensive. It would also eliminate the fun of just being able to relax and celebrate with your colleagues, make it a lot harder to schmooze, and introduce the variable of guests.
Ngl I'm a bit too tired to read the whole post but you left for a reason and now you're just getting cold feet because you're in an unfamiliar situation. This feeling of uneasiness will pass and you'll feel better off for sticking with your gut. Going back will most likely cause you more internal turmoil in the future. Keep looking ahead king, you got this.
Simply out, anyone who wants you to feel pain doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
Well, I heard you out. And it's just cheating. Your cheating isn't special. Anyway, tell the fiance. Let her decide what happens next.
Yeah, checks out.
Gf driving around the neighborhood with a male co-worker around midnight “checking out the neighborhood”. Sounds like something 20-somethings do after a night of drinking at the bar.
I guess I forgot to explain that, but she isn't going for other guys. We spent most of our days together, and when we aren't, we are constantly sending snaps, so I pretty much know what she's up to at all times. She doesn't really have the capacity to feel romantic things right now I guess. If she was getting with someone else, trust me I would know.
It’s not a productive convo because what’s gonna be said doesn’t need to be said as it’s not necessary to share and won’t make a difference to say it and you won’t change his mind. And it is okay, it’s just a rejection if you asked him on a date. And if you didn’t ask him on a date and you’re just having this hypothetical conversation then it’s pointless because it’s hypothetical. Maybe you can say if it’s something I need to work on I would like to know. If it is something you cannot accept then I don’t need to know. You can request constructive criticism but you cannot request an explanation.
If you were straightforward with him and told him that you wanted more hugs, kisses, cuddles, rubbing on your back (etc.) and he's just not doing it, I think it's more than he doesn't quite care.
But what you can do is try talking to him again. Tell him you feel unloved. You want more kisses, cuddles, etc and see how he takes it. His response to that will be quite telling. If he gets it then and starts improving the relationship then great.
But if he still doesn't understand and doesn't do anything to help you, but instead withdraw even more from you then sorry, I don't think he's the one for you.