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  1. u/Equal_Republic4349, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  2. Hello /u/lostsoul538,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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  3. Nothing good happens after midnight.

    Letting your friend share with you is great but you shouldn't be sharing all that much with her that's how affairs/cheating start. You should be sharing with your partner not the friend.

  4. Kicking your partner out isn't a healthy way to handle any disagreements. We don't play with our partner's sense of security and safety like that. Ever.

    Based on your description of how these disagreements usually go, it sounds like you are responsible for following up with him after he asks you for space. That's not great. If he needs space and asks for it, then you give it. When he is ready to talk, he needs to come find you and resume the conversation. You aren't responsible for guessing when he is “over it” enough to move on. Because there is no way to know for sure, and apparently he doesn't respond in a mature and healthy way if your guess is incorrect.

    Last, “dependent, attached, and anxious” aren't great ways to feel about your partner. And feelings like that open you up to accepting toxic, abusive, or unhealthy actions from them, because you are too [see above} to end the relationship, leave, or even just set and enforce healthy boundaries. If you have access to therapy, this might be a great thing to address. If not, I'd look into books and/or resources about boundaries, healthy communication, and attachment styles.

  5. Bring it up gently, I gained 100 pounds in 10 months when I was 18 and when I came out of it I wanted to kick myself in the face and have struggled with my weight since then. Maybe don't bring up the weight gain and bring up the fast food addiction and say it's unhealthy or expensive etc. When I was in the middle of my weight gain if someone said something to me it made me just eat more or binge eat in private and just become more reclusive. Something may have happened to her to trigger this

  6. In addition to lying he didn't offer to go no contact with her. That's evidence they are more than just friends. Doesn't matter if they are currently having .

    He chose her over you. You deserve better. Just ghost and block this guy. He is not fully committed to you.

  7. That's a disgusting mindset that speaks volumes to how immature your husband is. He cares SIGNIFICANTLY more that this crew, that you're mostly paying for mind you, hate you than think of you as a loving partner. You also just happened to tune in this time, how many other times were there that you didn't hear

  8. You are simply the worst friend I’ve seen on here. And that’s saying something. You are selfish and entitled. And none of your friends want you there. It’s clear they are over your nonsense. Grow up.

  9. I know. It breaks my heart.

    We have such a good time together and after it happened -I had coffee with my ex- we seemed to have a really good talk about communication. Maybe revenge? I honestly don’t see why he would not be comfortable sharing he was going to see her twice because at the end of the day he told me about it anyway.

    I did ask about why he wanted to see more than once and he did it was just because he knew she would be around the area he was.

    We talked about it and let him know that the situation made me feel uncomfortable. Just don’t know what to do. I’m so tired of immature relationships, I know nothing is perfect but also if it’s a red flag for me to get out.

  10. Your intentions are somewhat irrelevant here. He doesn't want to talk about porn with his girlfriend. Very few guys do. Stop trying to make him discuss something he's not comfortable discussing with you, and don't' go looking through his phone/computer to find out. You–hopefully with his help–will have to find other ways to work on improving your sex life together.

  11. Why are you accepting this as what you deserve?

    Honey, if your best friend told you they wait in their car for an hour and a half every time they pick him up, what would your advice be?

    You deserve so much better than this. A good therapist can help you get to the root of why you would stay with a partner who doesn't treat you with respect.

  12. Why the fuck would you want to stay friends with a liar that could basically turn round and accuse you of grooming her?

    You realise if she did that she’d be the one who was believed and you’d end up with a prison sentence and be on the sex offenders register.

    Block the bitch and move on with your life. Dont be so naive.

    And learn from this. Ask the questions and don’t trust anyone on the internet. Get yourself a real life girlfriend not some internet fake.

  13. Having grown up very Catholic, I understand the sentiment of this lady: in a small town setting, people would have been treating the children as pariah.

  14. He wants kids (May I add he wants them to have HIS family name). But doesn't care about marriage, but knows its a non-negotiable from me.

  15. OP, what is he actually bringing to your life? Does he add any value? I would like you to seriously consider whether being a single mom with day care would improve your quality of life.

  16. A messed up early childhood, my father had “adventurous hands”, yet it got better very quickly and my mother held the ship afloat afterwards. I know I'm messed up, but I really don't want his son to get back to where he was previously, and I'm pretty certain that I can do a better job than a violent alcoholic grand-father.

  17. I understand that it would be best to just ask him directly, but personally, I am quite shy and non-confrontational. I find it difficult asking such questions – especially when it might make things awkward between the 2 of us and we will still have to see each other around the school for the next 2 years.

  18. If cooking is so relaxing why don't you do it more often, i think it's pretty telling that you thinking her 45 min of cooking is relaxing but you washing the dishes for 15 min is a chore. I think she also would rather be chilling for those 45 min as well.

  19. You're contradicting yourself. If she has male friends, she's going to have emotional intimacy, or they aren't friends, they're friendly acquaintances.

    Make up your mind.

  20. I’ve been in a bad relationship like this, and thought this way. What my therapist told me was the work needs to be done on my end. I also didn’t feel as mad as the situations I was out in warranted. That’s a red flag. For yourself. Look up trauma bonding. This isn’t love. It’s not even close. Figure out why you think this is worth pursuing after all of the hardship. Why being with a lying cheater in ignorance would feel better than leaving. It’ll be painful. Very. But you will get through it. And you will come out the otherwise. You just can’t see it now. Don’t waste your life. I’ll tell you people like him don’t get better. And why would they? People like you and me are always there to work it out and minimize the major issues that are right in our face. He told you who he was, so believe him.

  21. You are (one of) his side chicks. He'll deny it. It's not even worth hearing the lies he'll throw at you to convince you otherwise. He's playing you 100%.

  22. I have been in both of your shoes. In my family, arguments were horrible and abusive, so I would either shut down, blow up, or both. My ex boyfriend would shut down during disagreements and it would cause arguements because I would get upset that he wasn't responding/listening. Now, I've learned better communication skills, and if I feel myself about to blow up and/or say things to upset the other person, I purposefully shut down so I can take some space and clear my head.

    Your boyfriend most likely has some trauma and/or problems surrounding arguements. It's hard to deal with without therapy, but there's lots of resources on-line that he could use to help the problem. On the other hand, if you'd like to help him, try to learn the signs of him being overwhelmed and voluntarily give him the space he needs to deal with it to get back to baseline. I've just started DBT, but resources for distress tolerance might be helpful (or just DBT in general).

    When you say that most discussions turn into arguements because he's easily overwhelmed, what does that look like? If you're having a discussion and he gets overwhelmed and starts to shut down, what escalates it into an arguement? I understand that having someone shut down/not respond when you're trying to convey an issue can be frustrating, but escalating it doesn't help and causes him to shut down more. If a disagreement happens and he starts to shut down (5/10 on the overwhelmed scale) then an argument can raise it to 10/10, which will take longer to recover from. If either of you can recognize the signs of being at 5/10 and give him space to recover, you will be able to discuss the issue in a better state. That down time will be good for you too, if you use to to think about the issues and possibly reframe it in a way that is easier to deal with and cause less arguements. This can also train his subconscious to get less overwhelmed, as if these discussions settle without arguements they'll stop triggering that distress response.

    With my ex boyfriend, we would have issues that I would try and discuss, he'd get overwhelmed (which I interpreted as not caring/listening), then I'd get more upset and continue on about the issue, berating him until he “listened” and agreed with me. However valid the issues were, communicating like that just made things worse. He wouldn't want to work on the issues for fear of me getting upset, but then I'd get upset because he wasn't working on them. I learned better communication skills, but he wasn't willing to work on it, so it was one of the reasons that eventually led to our breakup.

    One thing that my current partner and I do is if either of us feels overwhelmed, we stop arguing and instead write long texts (or letters in google docs if it exceeds the character limit). It really helps to use I statements (I feel…) so the other person doesn't feel attacked. Definitely look up resources to communicate better as well.

  23. He was kidding. He actually adored my husband, as my husband is in the same line of business my dad was, so he loved having someone to 'talk shop' with.

  24. You are spot on on the not everyone is geared towards being a SAHM, yet most the times my husband sexted, he was sober. The last time we had had a minor disagreement about Mother’s Day and I was out walking our baby. When I was making good money and was ready to leave, I discovered I was pregnant (we tried for months) I will work on eventually getting back to being independent and make a smart decision then.

  25. This is a dumb argument. This guy and you are not compatible, and do not have the same goals. He does not respect or value you appropriately, it’s in his entitlement not in the discussion. And the fact that it seems he would be happier if you were paying for everything and also he seems fine not having a job. I don’t see this working out.

  26. I’ll probably do that. I don’t want to be selfish. He mentioned seeing if they could start earlier, but he’s not sure that they would

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