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Move on. Be more understanding in the future. Control your emotions and have rational conversations about your feelings before you let them overwhelm you.
You made this bed for yourself when you decided to date a guy who travels when you know you don’t like to date guys who travel.
Luckily it was only 2 months not to years. I suggest getting over your fear of significant others traveling orrr actually stick to your rule. Maybe date someone who works from home with no traveling.
Personally I lived with a stepmother who was like this. Very militant about cleaning and extremely particular, the house had to be model home clean at all times. It’s exhausting and just not the standard of clean I care to keep (and I am a clean person but I don’t wipe every surface every single day). She’s allowed to have her standards, but she shouldn’t impose something others would generally view as unreasonable on you, if she wants something particularly sparkling that should be on her to upkeep. If she can’t compromise on that I don’t think you guys are compatible.
The verbal abuse on the other hand is a whole other issue. That’s a hard no. And for that you should absolutely leave.
You have described an emotional affair. It’s wrong. Your husband is experiencing emotional intimacy with another woman AND not with you. This is cheating.
It’s okay if it means more to him than it does to you.
?who told her to go through your Snapchat memories? That’s what she gets. She’ll be alright, nothing you can do but reassure her and give time
if she hasn’t already she’s about to cheat. from what you’ve said i’m leaning to she has. i would go see her (only because she not reading your messages) tell her it’s over. tell her unlike her you have respect then tell her when he dumps her again to not come looking to you.
Funny, she just told me we need to take things slower
Stay strong. Tell everyone you know, people will show up to support you more than you think.
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honestly, i hate shaving I just wax every two months .but he doesn't like any hair in my body even though he has hair on his body like a gorilla .
he says that he is a men and it's normal for him but not for me
he ask me to shave every day and i don't and today he freaked out he says you don't take care of yoour yourself even though i do , i always take care of my hair and my clothes
he said that i only ask you one thing in our relationship and you don't do that. even do I did many things for him in our relationship
he says stuff like why don't you respect my preferences i'm asking you this for months and you don't respect me
he said i'm gonna introduce you to my friend and he asked me please don't make feel embarrassed infront of them .I don’t even have that much hair It’s winter so he can see a little bit of my arms . I don’t know why he makes a big deal out of it.
i told him i didn't do it because i don't like shaving i don't like ingrown hairs and at the end of the day this is my body and he calls me lazy and he said don't act like strong women now
i don't know what to do in this situation
Call the police and get out of there as fast as you can. Don’t be as fiancé anymore. These things can accidentally ended death one pushes it too far and doesn’t realize until it’s over never let anybody hit you.
You sound like a complete idiot.
Trust gone move on
This could be an unpopular opinion, but I feel as though very religious people live in a constant state of denial. Most likely your relationship is going to end, even if she does come to the conclusion and agree with you that what she’s been doing is masturbating. In order to ease her own conscience, I feel like she’s most likely going to blame you for making her come to the realization she has been “sinning”. Hopefully, you guys are strong enough to work through this, and she’ll realize that what she’s doing is completely natural and there’s nothing wrong with it, but I would prepare for the worst. Sorry bro.
Haha nice
Oh yeah. You’re the side piece in this relationship. It’s him and mama forever.
Is she asleep? She could not be aware …
So only Black people can cosplay as this Asian character and that’s not appropriation? How?
Your fiancé is fine not inviting his dad who can’t behave like an adult for a day. Stay out of it.
Examine why you want his dad – who has made it clear he does not care about your/your fiancé’s comfort – there. Is this about avoiding uncomfortable questions about his dad’s absence? A general sense of “family should be there?” Something else? These aren’t bad feelings or worries! But maybe worth examining and then talking them out with your fiancé would be a good idea.
I’m sorry his dad is being so awful during what should be an exciting time. If he comes around and is able to pull it together you and your fiancé can discuss how (if?) to include him. But I’m willing to bet this is the last straw in a string of events that has led your fiancé to being fine going NC with his dad. The best you can do is support him.
Before the game it's all about strategy and getting amped up, after it's all about celebrating together.
We do the same for coed soccer. Men in sports gear smell so fucking bad there's nothing sexy about it at all. My BIL's hockey gear smells so bad it is not allowed in the house.
You’d be surprised
If you feel you’re walking on eggshells now imagine it in 10 years
Like everyone else, yes, do your own thing.
I think you already know what you want to do, but you want others to confirm your instinct.
For those who are shaming your boyfriend being 030+ years old and still lives with his parents, just know there this is very normal in a lot of culture.
My main concern is you have a lot of potential ahead of you, so focus on yourself. Be the best you!
Congrats on accepting into nursing school!
Your response to your friend being vulnerable with you was to brag & one up her while betraying your boyfriend (who was also vulnerable with you.) Might want to look at why you have this pattern.
Dismiss it as good intentions gone wrong & blame everyone else all you want, but you are untrustworthy & trying to manipulate him into talking you back is not what a kind or trustworthy partner does.
Maybe a 26 year old man should not date an 18 year old girl.
If it's a 'secret, shameful, secondary part of her life' I'd wager it is because the relationship presents as creepy and socially unacceptable. And that is on HIM, not HER.
She wants him to recognize all her work sneaking around and he wants a gf he can date for freaking ice cream.
Maybe date someone his own age? Who doesn't have to sneak around?
Yeah, she's no good for him because SHE IS WAY TOO YOUNG FOR HIM.
Because as men we have this sense of internal animal pride when we have conquered more women than men have conquered our women. It's an animal thing.
But I've got good news for you: either you will stop caring eventually, or you two will progress sexually and you'll start wanting to hear about her history. “No I won't! Gross!” you say, and to that I tell you: you have not advanced very far yet sexually in life.
So…give it time. One way or another this will no longer be an issue about 1-2 years from now. Trust me.
No STDs, no pregnancy, obviously, but also no gaslighting, no bullshit, no pushing for a bang maid or mommy. Making it crystal clear, where it applies, that there is no happy ever after with you, the older person. Generally, doing right by someone who has less money, savvy, and life experience than you.
Yeah, everyone has agency, but relationships with age gaps, especially those where the older person has already reached a significant life milestone (ie finished HS, finished college, has a secure career(-track job), lives alone, owns property), have an inherent power differential in favor of the person with more life experience. The campsite rule, as I understand it, aims to make sure that no harm is done to the person whose first rodeo it is.
In turn, the younger person is obligated to be kind about a relationship with an older person in which no harm was done to them.
TL;DR: if you get into a relationship with anyone, you are mostly obligated to do right by them. How you do that is what differs based on the relationship.
That’s a good idea, and it wouldn’t hurt to schedule an appointment for him and just bring it up. Don’t know what his reaction would be but he’s not an idiot and knows he’s unhealthy, however he strongly dislikes other people telling him he’s unhealthy. Therapy is obviously the best route, but as you might have guessed for someone his age, he doesn’t believe in therapy.
I don’t expect to be believed I just know I messed up and have been honest about it. What I want is to rebuild my foundation with the woman I am in love with.
First, it’s almost unfair to say “recently” and then say “threeish years.” In the big picture, could it be considered recent? Sure. In the perspective of your relationship, you’re calling talking about nearly half your relationship and 60% of your marriage “recent.”
The reason I’m harping on it is because it’s not a new issue. It’s an issue you’ve had for a significant portion of your relationship, and it’s certainly concerning that in three years nothing has been fixed.
You’ve taken some steps, or at the very least have attempted therapy but clearly haven’t committed to the process. Either way, neither of you have actively worked towards any sort of sustainable solution. Besides what you mention next (which I’ll get into), what are the primary issues you’re fighting about?
As for not dating anymore, have you talked about it? If so, what’s come of it? You then say you can’t even look at each other. Again, we need more context as to how we got to this point, but as it stands, the problems exist, and one or both of you aren’t willing to actually address the problems. Knowing that, you’ve learned that nothing’s ever going to change.
Of course you don’t want to go through a divorce. Ideally we can find a way to avoid that. But at some point, that might unfortunately be the right decision. Good luck.
Why have you been downvoted? This is totally true!
You are going through a lot of turmoil, to not let it fester you threw it onto a page and it probably provided some release. It's completely normal. What isn't normal is your husbands insistance on Basically You apologising to His Sister over being hurt by Her Atrocious Manners. It's obvious they both blame you and you are kindergarten getting ganged up on and they are hammering it in until something gives. They expect YOU to give in! Don't let them do this to you! You want out because you literally have noone on your side here. This is terrible backyard bully behaviour! And one of them is your HUSBAND! No. You are Completely in the right for feeling how you feel. I would go off on them and leave. Gosh
Do NOT run away from your family. Your father wants the best for you and I agree with him. If a guy can’t stand to his parents to wait until you’re ready to get married without ruining your life after 9 years together then he’s the disloyal one. Leave him.
You are being a bit dramatic. All 4 of you are adults in their own consenting relationships. Be happy both of them have found someone after their first relationships ended. Also who cares if your wife would technically become your step sister, it doesn’t actually change anything it’s a title you can just not use?
I have explained to him I have an anxiety disorder and I haven’t had a full blown panic attack in almost a year so I didn’t know what to do for myself, I felt trapped and out right terrified to death over my medical situation. I expressed that his “playing twenty questions” was not helping and I just needed some comfort. Despite me trying my best to communicate my needs and asking for help he would only say things like “that sucks” “I’m sorry”, just very short generalised lacking comfort or reassurance or support type of phrases.
Tell him he is royalty who can expect you walk behind him in submission. If you are not always, even in arguments, and respected as an equal partner, that he needs think about his relationship behavior.
What happened with this in the end?
I might just add something to what WeaselWeaz said, which I think is pretty spot on. Getting married is a big decision. If someone is feeling nagged, pushed cajoled or manipulated into doing something of this magnitude, they are very likely going to resist that pressure.
Constant pushing the issue leaves the other person with no room to decide for themselves if this is something they want to do or feel as though they have to do.
I will point out that if this were a man doing this, it would be regarded by many as coercive behaviour. When women do it, it is often represented as men 'not doing the right thing'.
Let him decide for himself that this is what he wants. Then, if he does pop the question, not only he but you too can be sure that he's made the choice for the right reason
As a woman who had a coworker very interested in me not long ago, I can assure you that “I have a boyfriend” almost never works to make a guy go away. The dude even met my partner and had the audacity to ask me out a day after meeting him. Might also add, he has a girlfriend.
So yes, you're tripping lol, but you're excused, you'll learn one day that women often have to “find excuses” for the unsolicited interest they might receive from men, because a lot of the time, being honest as “I'm not interested” or “I have a boyfriend”, just doesn't work out in most of those cases.
Hell what university or college that gives matters degrees also does associates degrees?
I've only ever heard of people getting associates degrees from community/junior colleges or trade schools
Well you better start talking to your male best friend for her 30th…
So… Your husband is an alcoholic who abuses you verbally and psychologically. You teach at a university and you're a director at your company. You also have a 11 mo daughter you have zero help with (your husband refuses to really take care of his daughter), yet you have time and opportunities to do things like jogging and socializing. And you also work at Starbucks when you feel like it. Damn, girl, you're a superhero. You do know people can read your post history, not just what you wrote here?
“So do I get to pick out my new sheets”
I can't blame you for feeling uneasy after he telling you that. All of a sudden you feel less special. I would have felt the same way. But remember he is with you not with her.
He shouldn't have mentioned that since it is not important for the relationship. You already knew they were dating before so sparing details such as those…its best. His mistake. Hopefully he will spare you more unpleasant details in the future. We learn by making mistakes ?
Your boyfriend is a weak loser. Let him go and find a man.
I have no advice other than this because he just leaves to try and control you. You’re paying for everything, and he’s not even a man
Sorry, but even if you are horny as shit, why do you let someone rub bleach on your penis?! Do you do every shit to get laid?
So then why are you on the advice subreddit??? All the comments are giving you advice and you’re ignoring it
Agree. I over correct for my time blindness so I’m always stupidly early. But I have friends with ADHD who are always late (missing trains and flights late).
I also think it explains why OP feels they had to show up having worked for 24 hours. Very people pleaser vibes without thinking of reality, again a typical female ADHD trait.
and him… you should feel manipulated by him because he's talking absolute nonsense
Pro cons list are one of the best ways to make a rational decision. No offense, but I think you're being a bit dramatic in terms of what this list means.
I don't see what's outrageous about it. That's probably the easiest way to organize one's thoughts about something. If he truly is not sure whether the benefits of your relationship outweigh the cons, what better than a list to help you think it out?
With that being said, y'all are only 4 months in. He shouldn't need a pro con list at 4 months with y'all being in your 30s. It sounds like this isn't the right match up and y'all should not be together.
I feel like herpes is a big deal. Like it's not life threatening but life long even though it's very manageable. It's just something I'd prefer not to live with, I'm sure no one does. The trust is the bigger issue that I agree on too.
Your boyfriend is showing warning signs of abuse, if he isnt already abusing you. He’s trying to separate you from people who care about you and see how poorly he treats you.
He is the problem. Not you, not your friends and family.
The frequency of sex is run by her. During ups, it's often and downs seldom.
You're always up for it.
However, she wants an open relationship bc SHE'S NOT HAPPY with sex? You'd think she would say it bc she's worried you're not during low periods.
She's either unhappy with the quality of sex or simply wants to cheat during high times, and this is a way for her to do so without feeling bad.
You need to leave her she she needs treatment.
It must feel weird to have sex with your mom.
I would start by having a conversation about what is making you uncomfortable – callllll her out. You both are grownups. If her behavior changes, girrrrrrrrrrl find another roomy and move out. Life is toooo short to be miserable.
You, young woman, are my freekin hero! Kudos to your parents for doing a great job. So many girls are raised with no assertiveness or self esteem – I wish you could teach all of them how to react exactly like you! Kick ass and take no names!!!
Your feelings are totally valid. I'd be upset if my partner told me he thought about being intimate with my friends. The suggestion of a threesome alone wouldn't be an issue. It's the detail for me.
You should definitely have a conversation with him about why you feel hurt and your own boundaries. It's a totally common fantasy but do not let him push you into anything you don't want to do.
If you did want to act this fantasy out, you need to be clear about who is and isnt acceptable to invite into the act.