Oh fuck… I just commented that I get this as I drift off to sleep, and just assumed it was some kind of hallucination. I also feel my insides shaking all the time, but have to sit still to notice it. I looked it up… apparently it’s a sign of Parkinson’s or MS. Wonderful.
Often around the year mark or when you move in together is when people stop trying to be who they think you want and start being who they are. And he’s showing you who he is, that he thinks his feelings and his needs are right, and your feelings and your needs are wrong. And that’s not a partner you want. Each person’s feelings are just as important, not more than, not less than, but just as important the next persons. Anyone who acts otherwise, is either devaluing others or themselves.
That’s horrible. That poor little girl. And that poor woman who was battling a terrible and relentless disease. I hope I can beat it too, it feels helpless a lot of the time and rehabs are expensive and have a TERRIBLE success rate. It’s easy to say “I have to quit” when I’m high and not sick yet, but it takes more self control than any normal person has at their expense to try not to score your drug of choice when you’re in that kind of pain. Thank you for your well wishes! I truly wish the best for this couple and hope that he’s able to beat it. Relapse is always a risk. And he probably is hiding it also because he knows that she’s also recovering and that she could maybe be tempted to use again too. I hope she is able to touch the right string inside of him. It’s a long ongoing battle and will never ever truly end. There will always be cravings. There will always be the chance someone could offer you something and turning it down is so difficult.
You can disengage from the conversation, even leave the room or house if needed. “I will not be shouted at, so I am ending this discussion. I would like to talk when we can both be calm.” He'll either get the message or he'll continue to stomp on your boundary, and you can decide what to do with that.
A random tip is if someone is raising their voice, you speak more quietly and calmly. I'm not sure it'll work if in a heated argument but worth a try?
By your logic any interaction about you relationship with someone outside said relationship is a betrayal! The betrayal is not wanting to know but asking for help from a friend! Got it, so if you struggle to read or lack good comprehension skills you should suffer alone because help is betrayal! You have taught me so much today again thank you!
You’re having an emotional affair – he is completely right. He’s not being manipulative – he’s calling you out on your appalling behaviour. Stop gas lighting the poor guy.
How do these guys find wives? He doesn’t want dudes to see you? He is trying to force you to do what he wants even if it hurts you. What was it that made you think this is the guy for you?
To be clear, I want no relationship apart from friendship with my ex, so there is no possibility for hookups or anything in our future. That ship sailed and I'm no cheater.
I'm not saying you're a cheater or anything but I can't tell how many times I've seen posts in the sub where people have said this about their SOs in the exact same situation only to update the post with “He cheated during the trip” or “She cheated during the trip”. It's honestly tiresome and overall just a recipe for disaster
we both hate the cousin bcos he’s a nasty guy, but yeah no after we had the argument he immediately jumped into getting offensive bcos he was jealous of a guy friend i hung out with after we broke up. like i get how he might’ve mixed it up after he explained it he said he imagined me in blue eyes and thought it was reality ? so i tried to explain to him why i flipped out but he just couldn’t understand at all until another half an hr of conversation
Sketchy. Condoms expire. Unless he didnt know, he could of said that he simply threw them away. For him to say he masturbated with them is pretty weird.
Not really, like we’ve done a lot of work to build up trust again, but I feel like this whole holiday thing made me uncomfortable from the off and I did express this to him at the time but as I said, I can’t stop him
When my brothers mental health took a dive about a year ago (I actually think this person he had become isn’t leaving ever) he dos this exact same thing to my SIL. Catch it before he can’t come back from whatever is going on. I know that whatever has happened in my brothers brain is now there for, I hope that’s not the case for your family.
I am not a man, but this happened to me years ago with my ex. I definitely got very suspicious, he also said he used it to masturbate. So, since that day I really kept an eye on him and later on found out he was cheating on me. If I were you, I wouldn’t blindly believe his reason why the condoms are gone. Definitely keep an eye on him and his behavior
i can't stress this enough OP. your husband doesn't love you. he loves scaring you. he loves hurting you. he loves controlling you. he will never apologise because in his mind he has nothing to be sorry for. in his mind you're meant to expect this behaviour, and be grateful that he didn't actually kill you or himself.
are you still close with your family? or do you have a friend who you trust? go to them. when your husband is out of the house find somewhere to hide a bag (in case he comes home unexpectedly). gather 2/3 work outfits, 2/3 casual outfits, 2/3 pajamas, more underwear than you think you'll need, your purse (money etc), any important documents (birth certificate, passport, etc). and when he's gone again, or if you have the time then and there; leave. before he actually kills you.
You don't need to really hear him admit it. You know what he's done, you need to leave him. He has done it multiple times and you haven't left yet, so he thinks he will get away with this one too. All you have to do is pack your stuff, find a place to stay (and a divorce lawyer) and send him a text to enjoy his time with her. Because you should know deep down you are worth more than a cheater. There are men out there who would worship the ground you walk on and would never think of entertaining another woman, because he knows who he has. This boy your with, is selfish and doesn't want to make a true commitment. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Know your worth.
Omg.. I'm pregnant currently and i fucking love my red wine and even tho my dr told me i could have a glass every now and then I NEVER EVEN WANT TO TAKE THE CHANCE!
I don't want people smoking around me, ive been sick and basically living off the bare medications i can take that isn't harmful to my daughter. I would never ever want to harm her development at all.
OP listen to this thread. Your wife might not be in her proper mental state rn.. no mom.would willingly want to harm her child!
My cousin got born with that because his stupid mom drank through her whole pregnancy which we only found out afterwards. Her husband didn't even know
He was underdeveloped at birth, he's very short for his age looking more like a 14yo when he's 18, he's had developmental challenges and is generally just a bit slow when reacting. He's still a wonderful kid but God did we feel bad when he was born because he struggled alot more than the other kids his age in our family.
Please please please do what's best for your baby and your wife because i would be hella overcome with guilt if my daughter was born not perfectly healthy because of something i could've avoided!
There is no need to be rude. I haven't given him anything. In the post it says we have had no communication in years. And this issue happened a while ago. I'm simply asking for other people's take on it. If its not something that appeals to you simply scroll past. No one is perfect as I'm sure you aren't either so if you're not going to offer constructive advise, which I'm sure you've also needed at some point in your life, please just keep it moving. Thank you.
Consent is important, always, do not feel like you are asking too much! But imo wanting him to touch you a different way and then move to something else after gauging your reaction is almost like wanting him to read your mind. Simply communicate with your partner if you are open to intimate touches or not! Maybe come up with fun terms like “sweet cuddles” and “spicy cuddles” so you can both communicate in a lighthearted way.
Yea, he just showed you where he is at. It is ok that he wants to just hang with his friends, but if I were you, I would figure out what you want to do with that information. If it was me, my efforts would be pulled way back and I would start treating him accordingly. You guys are both young so it doesn't have to be taken too seriously. People give you information. Just pay attention and adjust your own behavior.
Why not? I love Snapchat. I can send pictures to my close friends without clogging up our text messages. Like social media without the flooding of ads and bots.
No. You can end it for any reason you want
Oh fuck… I just commented that I get this as I drift off to sleep, and just assumed it was some kind of hallucination. I also feel my insides shaking all the time, but have to sit still to notice it. I looked it up… apparently it’s a sign of Parkinson’s or MS. Wonderful.
Does your husband have many friends? If not he may hang out with Simon because in his mind having a shitty friend is better than having no friends.
Getting your husband involved in activities that get him out of the house and in contact with new people would help him a lot.
Often around the year mark or when you move in together is when people stop trying to be who they think you want and start being who they are. And he’s showing you who he is, that he thinks his feelings and his needs are right, and your feelings and your needs are wrong. And that’s not a partner you want. Each person’s feelings are just as important, not more than, not less than, but just as important the next persons. Anyone who acts otherwise, is either devaluing others or themselves.
That’s horrible. That poor little girl. And that poor woman who was battling a terrible and relentless disease. I hope I can beat it too, it feels helpless a lot of the time and rehabs are expensive and have a TERRIBLE success rate. It’s easy to say “I have to quit” when I’m high and not sick yet, but it takes more self control than any normal person has at their expense to try not to score your drug of choice when you’re in that kind of pain. Thank you for your well wishes! I truly wish the best for this couple and hope that he’s able to beat it. Relapse is always a risk. And he probably is hiding it also because he knows that she’s also recovering and that she could maybe be tempted to use again too. I hope she is able to touch the right string inside of him. It’s a long ongoing battle and will never ever truly end. There will always be cravings. There will always be the chance someone could offer you something and turning it down is so difficult.
You can disengage from the conversation, even leave the room or house if needed. “I will not be shouted at, so I am ending this discussion. I would like to talk when we can both be calm.” He'll either get the message or he'll continue to stomp on your boundary, and you can decide what to do with that.
A random tip is if someone is raising their voice, you speak more quietly and calmly. I'm not sure it'll work if in a heated argument but worth a try?
By your logic any interaction about you relationship with someone outside said relationship is a betrayal! The betrayal is not wanting to know but asking for help from a friend! Got it, so if you struggle to read or lack good comprehension skills you should suffer alone because help is betrayal! You have taught me so much today again thank you!
You’re having an emotional affair – he is completely right. He’s not being manipulative – he’s calling you out on your appalling behaviour. Stop gas lighting the poor guy.
How do these guys find wives? He doesn’t want dudes to see you? He is trying to force you to do what he wants even if it hurts you. What was it that made you think this is the guy for you?
He sounds mean and cruel.
File for divorce.
To be clear, I want no relationship apart from friendship with my ex, so there is no possibility for hookups or anything in our future. That ship sailed and I'm no cheater.
I'm not saying you're a cheater or anything but I can't tell how many times I've seen posts in the sub where people have said this about their SOs in the exact same situation only to update the post with “He cheated during the trip” or “She cheated during the trip”. It's honestly tiresome and overall just a recipe for disaster
we both hate the cousin bcos he’s a nasty guy, but yeah no after we had the argument he immediately jumped into getting offensive bcos he was jealous of a guy friend i hung out with after we broke up. like i get how he might’ve mixed it up after he explained it he said he imagined me in blue eyes and thought it was reality ? so i tried to explain to him why i flipped out but he just couldn’t understand at all until another half an hr of conversation
Sketchy. Condoms expire. Unless he didnt know, he could of said that he simply threw them away. For him to say he masturbated with them is pretty weird.
Not really, like we’ve done a lot of work to build up trust again, but I feel like this whole holiday thing made me uncomfortable from the off and I did express this to him at the time but as I said, I can’t stop him
When my brothers mental health took a dive about a year ago (I actually think this person he had become isn’t leaving ever) he dos this exact same thing to my SIL. Catch it before he can’t come back from whatever is going on. I know that whatever has happened in my brothers brain is now there for, I hope that’s not the case for your family.
I am not a man, but this happened to me years ago with my ex. I definitely got very suspicious, he also said he used it to masturbate. So, since that day I really kept an eye on him and later on found out he was cheating on me. If I were you, I wouldn’t blindly believe his reason why the condoms are gone. Definitely keep an eye on him and his behavior
His life challenges are not unique. What you are describing is a man that is failing to cope with everyday life.
I've been where you are. You can't help him. He's past the point where a pep talk and encouragement works. He needs professional help.
I suggest you get out of the way. Encourage him to seek professional help. If he refuses, then you need to reassess being with him.
The world is full of good people without mental health issues and people who are not 'needy'.
Love is not a solid reason to settle for a partner that is not there for you.
His life challenges are not unique. What you are describing is a man that is failing to cope with everyday life.
I've been where you are. You can't help him. He's past the point where a pep talk and encouragement works. He needs professional help.
I suggest you get out of the way. Encourage him to seek professional help. If he refuses, then you need to reassess being with him.
The world is full of good people without mental health issues and people who are not 'needy'.
Love is not a solid reason to settle for a partner that is not there for you.
you. are. being. abused.
i can't stress this enough OP. your husband doesn't love you. he loves scaring you. he loves hurting you. he loves controlling you. he will never apologise because in his mind he has nothing to be sorry for. in his mind you're meant to expect this behaviour, and be grateful that he didn't actually kill you or himself.
are you still close with your family? or do you have a friend who you trust? go to them. when your husband is out of the house find somewhere to hide a bag (in case he comes home unexpectedly). gather 2/3 work outfits, 2/3 casual outfits, 2/3 pajamas, more underwear than you think you'll need, your purse (money etc), any important documents (birth certificate, passport, etc). and when he's gone again, or if you have the time then and there; leave. before he actually kills you.
Ask her if you do the same things to a girl all the things She and that guy did.
What will she do
You don't need to really hear him admit it. You know what he's done, you need to leave him. He has done it multiple times and you haven't left yet, so he thinks he will get away with this one too. All you have to do is pack your stuff, find a place to stay (and a divorce lawyer) and send him a text to enjoy his time with her. Because you should know deep down you are worth more than a cheater. There are men out there who would worship the ground you walk on and would never think of entertaining another woman, because he knows who he has. This boy your with, is selfish and doesn't want to make a true commitment. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Know your worth.
Why do to need him to admit it???
That's the question I would ask.
You KNOW what you see. You just have to believe it and go from there.
Your ex bf is a pussy.
Omg.. I'm pregnant currently and i fucking love my red wine and even tho my dr told me i could have a glass every now and then I NEVER EVEN WANT TO TAKE THE CHANCE!
I don't want people smoking around me, ive been sick and basically living off the bare medications i can take that isn't harmful to my daughter. I would never ever want to harm her development at all.
OP listen to this thread. Your wife might not be in her proper mental state rn.. no mom.would willingly want to harm her child!
My cousin got born with that because his stupid mom drank through her whole pregnancy which we only found out afterwards. Her husband didn't even know
He was underdeveloped at birth, he's very short for his age looking more like a 14yo when he's 18, he's had developmental challenges and is generally just a bit slow when reacting. He's still a wonderful kid but God did we feel bad when he was born because he struggled alot more than the other kids his age in our family.
Please please please do what's best for your baby and your wife because i would be hella overcome with guilt if my daughter was born not perfectly healthy because of something i could've avoided!
There is no need to be rude. I haven't given him anything. In the post it says we have had no communication in years. And this issue happened a while ago. I'm simply asking for other people's take on it. If its not something that appeals to you simply scroll past. No one is perfect as I'm sure you aren't either so if you're not going to offer constructive advise, which I'm sure you've also needed at some point in your life, please just keep it moving. Thank you.
Consent is important, always, do not feel like you are asking too much! But imo wanting him to touch you a different way and then move to something else after gauging your reaction is almost like wanting him to read your mind. Simply communicate with your partner if you are open to intimate touches or not! Maybe come up with fun terms like “sweet cuddles” and “spicy cuddles” so you can both communicate in a lighthearted way.
It’s rough when you realize the really great guy you’re dating is too good for you because of your family
Yea, he just showed you where he is at. It is ok that he wants to just hang with his friends, but if I were you, I would figure out what you want to do with that information. If it was me, my efforts would be pulled way back and I would start treating him accordingly. You guys are both young so it doesn't have to be taken too seriously. People give you information. Just pay attention and adjust your own behavior.
Why not? I love Snapchat. I can send pictures to my close friends without clogging up our text messages. Like social media without the flooding of ads and bots.