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Sorry but there isnt anything more you can do. As a straight woman myself, I really dont like getting oral. I love giving oral to My partners, but I just dont like it the other way around. I tried it with multiple partners and it doesnt change for me, sometimes I let My partners do it, but I will stop after like 5 mins. Oral isnt for everyone, maybe she will change her mind, but please dont take it personal. Give her time and support, if oral is something you think is important, you could disguess it with her asking what she wants you to do. Start slowly. I once read, that once you get an orgasm from it, you'll never stop wanting oral, sooo im crossing fingers for the future ?
Neah.. you are overthinking. Be a better person from now on.
Screams early 20s toxic imo. My SO has guys from her past that circle back around… just ignore and block.
No good will ever come of communication again.
This made me aught out loud, thank you ?
I personally don't think you crossed the line but your joke really triggered her. It's possibly due to an event she experienced that scarred her or an aspect of herself that she still needs to work on. Whatever the reason is, I suggest you learn from this experience and move on.
Girl run.
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Turn it around you say you don’t want to know about his hookups which is fine however if he was moving in with a hookup from the past would you want to no? Whatever your answer is is what you need to do.
All of the above, and also consider the health problems that such a late in life pregnancy could lead to her her and your baby. Not worth the risk.
I don’t see how standing up for a child who is having a much harder time in this situation is a bad thing. As a parent she should be able to step back and not project her issues into her child, as someone with autism I can’t imagine anything worse than a parent projecting their anxieties into me when I’m mid meltdown.
You've given me a serious insight here, as I've been trying to organize and declutter and realizing that I literally have fifteen jars of my favorite nut butter and a cabinet packed with canned goods and pasta packages that I never touch. I remember my grandparents on one side, both from families heavily impacted by the great depression, had a garage full of cabinets of snacks and candies, and very rarely we'd be allowed some, but it was always stale because they'd but it on discount already nearly expired and they never got rid of anything. My mom didn't go to that extent but having “special” food sit untouched until it was either bad or just not as tasty was normal. I never remotely approached food insecurity as a kid so it didn't occur to me the two could be related, but when I step back they so clearly are…
Of course. Maybe early on she can say she couldn't have known but after years I think she should have noticed something to end it and not rely on him disclosing a disorder you can see yourself.
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I can see and understand both sides of this. Nothing good ever comes out of these arguments. I see this relationship failing because there isn't any respect or trust on either side. Neither one of you have trust or respect for each other.
don't forgive him when he gets sick. you can care for the fact that he's sick while maintaining your position
So you have another post that was deleted which said I have a pretty good life and I hate it. What’s that about? Was it related to this relationship?
Totally. In my imagination this is how it went down: Wife wakes up slightly hung over. OP immediately confronts her, “How did you get home? You SAID you took a cab but I checked your bank statements and there was no taxi charge!” Upon hearing that she shared a cab with a friend he ratchets up the suspicion, “WHAT, you shared a cab with a MAN who lives near us and… (double checks the bank statement again) PAID YOUR SHARE OF THE RIDE?!” Dude definitely needs to chill.
He’s doing coke more often than he wants you to know. This is a huge red flag and I would consider getting out.
I'm sorry you went through that, looks like it ended up stunting your ability to make decisions.
I encourage you to work on that, not for your relationship (although it will help!) but for yourself. People usually recommend therapy but even if you're not in a position to get any, there are articles, blogs, books and workbooks that can help you get to know yourself better, so you'll feel more confident.
One that I recommend is “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, Or Self-Involved Parents” by Lindsay Gibson. I'm not saying your parents are bad people, but that their way of parenting has caused some problems for you now. There is a part of the book with exercises that help you get back in touch with who you really are.
I hope you check it out and good luck with the dates!
Info: so he is not in contact with his late wife’s family?
In this day in age, a person can’t expect to keep this a secret forever.
You should together with your bf block and cut her out of your lifes.
Normal people do. But insecure manipulators use it as a new safety net to push boundaries and manufacture power struggles knowing that.
You need to get a camera and don’t tell ANYONE about it. Once you record something go straight to the police because your mom is clearly another POS.
Sounds like your wife might be struggling with mental health issues. Do you still love your wife? Because if you do, and I may get downvoted, then I think you both should have couples counselling. She obviously needs to see someone, a mental health practitioner ideally, and hopefully remove those nasty reviews about the babysitter.
I don't think leaving your wife is the right thing to do right now, I think explore other ways of resolving before you do something you regret. Remember you have a family.
There's always two sides to the story we are only listening to one side. There may be more that OPs wife hasn't mentioned.
Good luck OP.
I think that’s what’s bothering me about it too, sure, we were on a break, but looking back through those texts, I’m wondering if he kissed her the same day that he mentioned wanting to marry me, or if it was the day that he said he’s never connected with anyone so well etc.
Having a naked time accepting someone that can lie so easily.
You are being quite reasonable. You are clearly #2 in his life, after his video games. This is not something you should tolerate.
Alright, there is a chance of incompatibility here.
However, an introvert and extrovert can maintain a reletionship.
What is critical, is the participation.
What is also critical, is understanding your differences.
You may need constant conversation, and he may not always be able to provide you with that. There needs to be a middle ground for you two to stand on. You have to come down a bit and he needs to step up a bit. A compromise. Structuring the reletionship in a way that fits for the two of you.
Can't have the participation on his end? Then, as you stated, you're likely going to run into the same issues of your past reletionship.
Saying “Meh, I am just not the talkative type”… is not an excuse. All relationships require a level of depth to operate.
I am also trying to interpret what you mean by deep meaning conversations? Are these convos geared towards reletionship honesty? Or is it more so of the romantic lovey dovey conversations (if that, might be a compatible thing).
This was a tool we introduced into ours a while back. We call it 'team meetings'. We found that our communication needed work because we weren't always upfront with our feelings. We brushed things off.
What we did is every so often, we would sit down and be open. Gave ourselves a platform to train communication. Open door conversation type thing. We talked about what we liked since last talk, things we didn't like, etc… basically reviewed our reletionship since the last time we spoke.
This helped us immensely. We're more open in our day-to-day and much more aware of the other person an their emotions.
Its a simple thing to introduce, might benefit you two.
1) Get yourself on unemployment.
2) Get your resumé out and get hunting for new employment.
3) Next time she calls tell her, “I got laid off. However, I'm eligible for unemployment and my first check should arrive in X days. I've also got my resumé updated and have an appointment with a headhunter/have sent out X resumés/have done XYZ to look for new employment.”
Tell her the bad news, but follow it up IMMEDIATELY with steps you've proactively taken to ameliorate the financial burden of your unemployment.
Do they still work for the same company?
And she's been begging for a baby since month 2! OP, she didn't really know you at all at that point. The level of disregard for her children here is a serious issue. As others have said, get confirmation of her pregnancy and paternity before you make any further decisions.
he insisted it was too early and not the right time or place but im just not sure about that? he still seems very much into me but i dont know how to feel now
You have the wrong mindset. You don’t try to make a marriage work with someone that doesn’t want you or use you for a placeholder. You move on and get the divorce. He lied, cheated, and discarded you for another. Why would you trust your life to someone like that? They broke up because they were no longer ex’s and old habits came back. So now he’s chasing you because you’re an ex and someone he’s familiar with to recharge his ego. He also doesn’t want to fork out any money. Once you are not an ex he will do it again. Get a lawyer and move on.
Sweetheart this is abuse! She’s outright bullying you. PLEASE leave her
Weird. I wonder if he said yes, then started thinking it through, and decided he had to do something to make the whole thing blow up? For something this specific, he should have given it some thought and he should be able to provide a rationale for requiring this. If he can't discuss this with you, I'd rescind the proposal.
Been together 9 months , 5 have been long distance and he’s supposed to Move back to where I am in 1 month. We share the same culture and it’s true we’re all connected. But still, guys from my culture have added me and I haven’t accepted. It’s really weird to me and I don’t know even if it is a 1 off it’s just so strange to me. If this was you would you break up? Our relationship was great otherwise
It doesn’t discredit his experiences but changes how he views them.
Why not just sit down and have a chat? Go out for coffee with him. Ask him questions.
I haven’t seen one good reason to stay with this jerk…
This behaviour is a learned behaviour and is very manipulative (even abusive). Life is not black & black and good people can have bad sides to them. Your GF might have experienced some toxic relationships but perhaps you should also consider that she is also quite a toxic individual herself.
Stop being an enabler. If you don't like this behaviour then don't keep on taking her back everytime she does it. Only take her back after she agrees to go to therapy. Because if you keep on taking her back when she has evidenced no actual change, then you're just asking for another repeat of the same cycle.
And consider drawing up a boundary and quitting the relationship for good. As you say, you deserve better. Perhaps this lady shouldn't be in a relationship in general right now. Her behaviour is very immature and abnormal for someone of her years.
I tell my kid that mummy and daddy love her a lot, thank you for the concern. I would never poison my child's mind.
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Another open relationship question but with a twist.
I (42F), in a moment of horrendous stupidity, suggested that it might be okay for my husband (50M) to sleep with another woman if I wasn’t meeting his needs.
He messaged everyone he could live and within a week had arranged to meet someone. I begged him not to go ahead with it as I realised I wasn’t emotionally able for it but he did it anyway.
Now I’m angry and feel not good enough and he feels the only future for him is to sleep with other women as I’m too “same-y” in bed. It excites him for me to sleep with other men but I have no interest in doing so.
I’m devastated and can’t see a future for us. He thinks I’m over-reacting. Is this the greatest self-sabotage you’ve ever heard? I’m distraught and wish I could go back in time but clearly that’s not an option.
Do you think there’s a way back from here?
Your wife is still freaking young. WTF! This is sociopathic
Hey- this is tough! I’ve been in a similar situation when I was around your age. Ultimately we broke up and are both better for it now. You can’t fix someone’s mental health if they’re not willing to put an effort in. It sounds like you’ve had many conversations, but ultimately both of your values are not aligning and that is now coming to light. If you know your values and his are now showing (not a bad thing, they’re just different), it will not change down the line. You can help someone cope if they’re willing to accept help, but if he is rooted in returning and you’re committed to staying, this will continue to come up.
I can’t find any evidence in this post that you like your husband, and your husband DEFINITELY doesn’t like you because you’re way out of his league and he knows it and is trying to sabotage your self esteem over it.
Please don’t let him.
Nah, that’s what you are telling yourself and her to feel like you are a good person and made a mistake but you have learned and blah blah blah. I think you need to take some time to clear your mind, be honest with yourself, and find the real reason. You were fixing things, maybe you don’t want to.
Get a better boyfriend.
Ah I remember that! Still do not recommend 😉
Wow. What a weird thing to lie about. Are you sure he is lying and not trying to backtrack?
I would have left him a long time ago
I think you should break up with her if you're looking for someone serious. She only calls him to make you jealous when you fight. That's pretty manipulative and immature and she's only going to escalated that kind of behavior the longer you stay with her. You're only two months in you guys should be in the honeymoon stage
Also I'm pretty sure you're her rebound guy.
Abusive behaviour at the start of a relationship can be subtle and nude to notice, but when it is established and becomes a pattern of incidents, it can often be harder to leave.
Thank you, it's nice to not feel like im overreacting or being whiny.?
Yesh, though, I kinda think that this alone should be a gigantic red flag and a sign to get out.
“Co-parenting” a dog is just a cherry on top.
Thank you for your views ???
You are allowed to feel vulnerable about it, but freaking out would be a little strong. It doesn't matter if they dated at 12 or never dated at all. His feelings for her may be completely platonic, or he may be crushing. You don't have enough information to render judgment from this one time. You keep an eye on it and see what happens. If this same thing happened a dozen times, it's time to have a talk about it, but still do not freak out.