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Ultimatums don't work. Best case someone 'agrees' against their will.
Either find a compromise, though it sounds like there isnt one between fucking Texas and PNW, or talk through it like adults and figure out if you are truly incompatible and then call it off.
My grandma, before she died, asked me to leave my wife and my two children behind in another country and move in with her. This wasn't a rational request and I never once considered it. I doubt your wife truly considered her father's request either, but it's understandable that people who are older can sometimes feel lonely.
Just let it go, unless you have a clear outcome you want for this conversation. You're right, he's wrong, but be the bigger person.
Depose the ex con during the divorce proceedings. It won’t last with him and she will try to crawl back to you. Get some therapy, an attorney and work out.