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I’m currently in a relationship with my twin flame. We met live! and it was crazy the almost instant connection we felt with each other. TF relationships are definitely challenging in their own right. All I can offer you right now, other than a virtual hug (since your pain is palpable through your words) is to stay committed to your current partner since she’s having your child.
Sometimes we remember things through rose-colored glasses. The fact that you cheated on her tells me you weren’t ready for the commitment to her.
Love your current partner and your precious new life you created and enjoy where you’re at in this current time. Who knows what the future holds.
I can at least agree that breaks are difficult. It was also not ideal for this to happen right around Thanksgiving. Your intuition makes a lot of sense to me, and I honestly think I deserve someone who is not afraid to communicate those complicated feelings to me. If she wants to explore a different path that doesn't include me, it shouldn't matter how much she loves me, because she is wasting my time by not telling me.
Not together. He is still asking to get back together but I really dont think it's good idea. Thank you.
Where should you go from here?
Far, far away. I’m sure other people here can give you some practical tips given your circumstances. Please leave him. He’s only going to continue to try and destroy your self esteem. The things he’s done and said are cruel and he can’t truly love you if he does that.
I’m in the UK or id offer to put you up until you find something permanent. Good luck.
Oof, sounds like some counseling could really help you two straighten some of this out. Either that or you need to stay nice and levelheaded and confront him about how this makes you feel. I personally look back at people from high school all the time and see where they’re at, with some repeats of the ones I crushed on. It’s not in a sexual way, and maybe it isn’t for your husband either. He could be staring at her and realizing the billet he dodged – or reflecting on all he has now that he could’ve missed out on. Or, it could just be sexual and her pics are his personal porn – which sounds gross I know, but if the rest of the relationship is on point, then counseling is likely the best way to go
Perhaps you guys could have an open relationship. Seems like you both enjoy extra folks. In any event, I’d stick around to get the paternity test results.
I got asked that question before. I also wasn't able to describe why I chose and fought for my now wife. Some guys are just stupid when it comes to those types of questions. I feel he loves you. Whatever his reason is, it should be enough.
Where did you got that information ?
don't get married before this all goes down. see how it goes. if this is the final move then you'll know pretty soon if this relationship is for real.
if this was a guy he would be getting told he's a pos and needs to drop out the gene pool.
You were drugged, my love. There was something in one of those drinks.
“I love children so, I’ve never felt it was a burden” implies that people who find being a sahp challenging either do not love children or find sahp-ing a burden. Not the case. Insulting. Either you don’t understand what you’re implying or you are a troll.
Aromantic? Aromatic is about smells and fragrances.
Okay. Than you're narcissistic. Do better. Get some help.
You need to be really clear. No hints, no pretend bfs. Message him something like “I get the sense you may be interested in me as more than a friend, I want to be clear that I’m not interested in you in that way.” He will probably deny any interest but will likely back off.
If he doesn’t then just block him.
I am so sorry this happened to you, but unfortunately, I think you were raped both times. These people are not your friends.
He's not wrong though. When someone from your group jumps in, it drags you in. It does mean he would have to defend her in that case.
If she got attacked he wouldn't run off. He'd need to defend his friend.
So yeah he's right that her jumping in did drag him in.
I think you should leave well enough alone, because in two months she hasn't made the changes she needs to make to be in a relationship and if you go back you're going to want to get back together with her.
You can always try casual friendly contact if neither party has any expectation of zero contact, but you need to watch out that you don't just end up in the same situation as before or worse.
Remind yourself that your current partner and your ex are 2 completely different people. Do you think your current partner is someone who would laugh in your face about this? I understand the fear, I've said it to someone and they were dead silent in return, it's soul crushing, BUT I'm glad I did it because that was how I felt at the time and there was nothing wrong with me expressing my love for another.
I know “above average” isn't the most romantic way to describe a relationship, but I was just trying to concisely say that we were doing pretty well just winging it. So I see the potential for an amazing relationship if we were both putting more conscious effort into it.
I mistakenly assumed that in such a long, committed relationship, if someone was having serious doubts there would be a period of “working on things” before just pulling the plug. We were contemplating signing a new year-long lease (her idea) a month before the breakup, so I didn't exactly get much warning.
I get where she's coming from too, but I also don't think the spark of something new can really be compared to the feelings in a 7 year relationship. She'd have to spend 7 years with the guy to see how well that spark holds up.
Initially I thought that this must have been a well thought out decision, but the more we talk about it the more it seems somewhat ill-informed and irrational, which is why I'm finding it very hot to just accept and move on. I'm fully on board with giving her space. She's been the one reaching out to me more, so that just adds to the confusion.
I suppose my post can sound manipulative, but I'm not trying to be something I'm not. We prioritized different things in the relationship, and under-appreciated each other in certain ways. I think subtle shifts in communication and prioritization would go quite a long way.
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That’s horseshit. No excuse after dating that long to pull that.
My God, I LOVE my bf, I couldn’t imagine asking my bf this let alone wanting to act on it. She doesn’t love you mate. I’m sorry, you deserve so much more than that and you WILL find it! Don’t settle
Your husband is an objectively awful person. A terrible father and a shitty husband.
He is so obsessed with keeping up this façade of archaic propriety that he has alienated your children.
Your husband called your son a slur, he is ableist and homophobic. He values obedience above all else, including the happiness of his children. Is that a good man?
Why on earth would you not actively want to disobey him? Divorce this absolute bag of wet mould and go build an actual relationship with your children.
yeah thats sus. Is this a real confirmed relationship between u two?
Why do you think having this conversation will make things better?
They've made it clear you can't even be friends. At this point… I would just act as if they're dead. Nothing to do but move past it.
How did you start? What restrictions were there? Were you insecure?
Keep in mind the redditors here won't carefully consider your relationships as they are so quick to put an end to anything they think is remotely toxic, instead of attempting to repair it.
The name change is well within your right and at the same time is very strange and breaks some level of tradition. The name change likely means something entirely different to FIL than what you intended. If the FIL is this quick to remove you from the family then let him do it. I recommend showing nothing but love in return though in hopes he will change his mind eventually.
Everyone is grilling you about wanting to fuck your friend.
I’ll ask this: why do you want to stay with your wife while fucking your friend? You just found out that you’re incompatible with your wife in a major way. Major enough that you both think its a good idea for you to have sex with other people. Like, you’ll be taking time to seek out sex. And on top of that, your post sort of leads me to believe that you’d prefer to have sex with someone you have a connection with. What happens if you don’t start out like that but do develop a connection with whomever you’re sleeping with? Will you be able to deal with having sex with someone else who actually desires you in the way you want/need to be happy, and going home to someone who doesn’t reciprocate in the way you need? Once you find someone to have sex with and you have the feeling and experience of being desired by a partner, are you going to be able to stop yourself from developing feelings for them? Are you going to be okay with them seeing other people?
Just things to think about. To me, if sex is important enough for you to seek it outside of marriage because your partner is asexual, and you’re already considering someone you’ve got a connection with, then it’s important enough to reconsider being married to someone who is incapable of desiring you.
Then definitely steer clear of trinkets. That's not what she wants from you.
Just be as normal as you can with him. He's probably processing what it all means, just as you are. Things will probably go best if you stay in the moment, enjoying one another responsibly. Avoid creating drama over futures that are merely hypothetical.
Think about this – that money will make you at least 3% every year JUST SITTING THERE. That's 45k earned per year! By doing nothing! That money is going to make more than he does doing a whole year worth of his life. I don't come from money and I don't have a lot now and it's honestly frustrating to know that some people have that much of a leg up on me. I'm sure he's feeling similarly, times a bunch more since his childhood sounds like it was really very hot.
If you're open to it, I'd see if there was a way to use some of the interest made on the inheritance to help out people in need, especially to those who may be currently growing up like your fiance did. I know that would make me feel happy if I was in his position. But of course, it's your money 🙂
The new guy doesn't know about my FWB.
No. Just no. If what you’re saying is true, he is completely lazy and has zero respect for you. And just out of curiosity, if he’s only working 20 hours a week, what is he doing the other 20 hours that most people who work full time are at work? And where is he for those 6 months that he’s not with his family??
I'm going to assume you talk in therapy about this sometimes, right? If so, has your therapist said anything?
People do change and it's usually a painful event that triggers this kind of change, so it's possible. Unlikely, but definitely possible. Trust will never be blind to you for him like when y'all first got together, but if his words and actions stay aligned and genuine, your trust will build automatically. Y'all should have started new line you didn't know each other. Holding onto the events is going to damage your relationship from getting an honest try again. Instead, focus on the warning signs & triggers from before and let time do its thing. Good luck and enjoy yourself for the rest of your lives or until you can't anymore, then find another happy place.
youre right, i seriusly need therapy after this, walking away is very hot because i love him…the hope that he might change his mind and that i might miss out on him is damaging me. i need to fix myself
It’s not your place to tell her what to do with her body, period.
The only constructive and compassionate suggestion I have is to talk to her about how it’s not fair to be upset with you for making choices that are healthier for you. You can explain that you are specifically choosing more nutritious options and avoiding having too much sugar, and if she wants you both to eat the same things you would be happy to share your oatmeal cookies or whatever, but that you’re not comfortable eating 2 pieces of cake for dessert.
Basically, you need to centre yourself and your own feelings. Don’t tell her what she needs to do or not do with her own body, and trust that she will find her balance as she comes out of the hectic time in her life. You’re not going to find a way to communicate to her that you think she needs to adjust her current diet and lifestyle to lose weight without making her feel judged because you are judging her.
Let her health be her business.
I'd give her the proof, then I'd talk it through.
You got cheated on, dumped, and now she has it looking like you're begging for her back. How much more are you willing to go through? Just cut ties, cancel her membership and move on.
The picture she liked was an old one from last year so it would’ve meant she went on my profile and liked it in my opinion but who knows you might be right, I do still think I have feelings for her though, but in 3 years of me focusing on myself I’m fine with being alone now & i don’t really think about her much anymore unless if I see her name pop up or pictures on my feed or her look at my stories, the first year of the breakup I was a mess, I thought I wasn’t good enough for anyone and was just depressed and didn’t open up to anyone. & reaching out to her would make my day because I still care about her honestly, I’d love to hear about what she’s done or accomplished while we were apart and just exchange what we’ve both experienced. I used to have hope that we’d get back together because she told me when we were older we could try again but then time past and I’ve heard nothing from her except her following me so I focused on myself and starting trying to complete my goals. I’d be very sad if she didn’t want to talk to me if I reached out to her though, which is why I think it’s probably best to ask about how she’s been to her bestfriend, because I used to be close to her too but since I broke up with my ex I went MIA for awhile, I moved away, and really went ghost on everyone I knew from the city I’m from. I used to be pretty popular but I think that gave me a big ego and when we broke up it really humbled me as a person. I really am a whole different person than I was back then, sometimes when I think about it, I think that was maybe the reason why god made us not be together was to humble me.
I’m not on the spectrum. Actually, maybe I misjudged how close my friendships were cause of the pandemic. I was the type of person that stayed at home till some months ago, so my relationships were super damaged by it. It is like the time for me has not passed, but for them it did.
I came for the comments and I wasn’t disappointed. I’m literally squealing with laughter
This is like reading my own story from the other point of view. I was that depressed guy. I refused to get help, I didn’t want to go out and I was emotionally about as distant as a toilet roll.
I was forced out of my job, and subsequently chose to change careers, which seems to have sorted out my depression.
My girlfriend was and still is in your position. While she doesn’t resent me, there is no longer a spark for her and we are starting couples counselling in about two weeks. It might be too late, though.
Either way, his situation needs to change. He is probably sticking to his job out of comfort/habit/financial security, as I was. A job change and/or grief counselling might help loads. Maybe he would be more open to going to therapy together? The main goal would be to help you two understand each other’s emotions and behaviours.
If he cannot accept this, and if your energy is just about gone, you may need to make a painful decision. I am witnessing first-hand the consequences of just waiting out a partner’s depression, it’s not pretty.
This is why talking about sexual history is important. Had you told him about this threesome when you first started dating you would have known what a fucking tool he was.
We have fooled around, yes. Mostly kissing and making out, but some other things as well. I understand that intimacy is an important part of a relationship. I've been clear to him about what I'm comfortable doing and what I'm not. He's expressed understanding of this completely. We did this years ago, and I have over time let him know if I'm comfortable with other acts of intimacy.
According to your other post, your gf is using an app to track ovulation. Apps are not accurate to determine ovulation they only provide guesses. This is known as the calendar/rythm method and has a very low success rate.
Many people are not that knowledgeable about fertility awareness methods and think that ALL FAM methods are the rythm/calendar method. The most effective fertility awareness methods require months of daily extensive charting basal body temperature and examining cervical mucus and position to determine the fertile window, and complete abstinence during the fertile window. Apps are NOT effective shortcuts.
If you actually want more input on legitimate fertility tracking, inquire on r/FAMnNFP or r/birthcontrol. But in the meantime do not finish inside this woman she will very likely get pregnant.
He is literally hinting at the fact he wants you to give up your clothes, your car, and anything else you had before him. Tell him to get the fuck out already. Break up with him and stick to it! He is an abuser!
Kick this insecure idiot to the curb. He's not an amazing and understanding, caring, loving boyfriend. He's making himself the victim here and trying to control what you can and can't do with a chair and your car. Tell him he obviously can't deal with what happened and it is best you both go your separate ways.
Okay, so that’s the way to bring it up, you love her but don’t want to be with her anymore.
I wish I could block age-gap posts.
I'm so tired off seeing this toxic shit in my feed.
This is tough. I will say that if you're struggling this much with it, maybe take some time to figure yourself out. It's not fair to her anymore. I think you would have absolutely justified to not move further with it when she told you, but she did at least tell you before you committed to a relationship. It's either that or maybe you should try therapy for yourself. You can't go back in time and change it.
Have you thought about taking some space to get some perspective? You would be taking a chance that she wouldn't want to get back together with you, but I think if you got some space, you could really see if it's worth it to continue to harbor this anger or resentment you feel. It might help put into perspective how much your relationship means to you or you'd decide you're happier without her. Again, if you ask for space, there is no guarantee she'd want to take you back if you decided you couldn't live! without her. It's a huge gamble, but I don't think it's fair to continue to hang this over her head.
Super helpful! Thank you!
But most people haven’t said anything anti semitic they are just not understanding the difference between Judaism and Christianity
Will you please stop defending her? She can’t be trusted. If she truly cared about you, she wouldn’t have even returned the first text. She would have had him blocked and never unblocked him.
It’s also plainly obvious that she deleted messages because she didn’t want you to see them. There is no good reason for her to do that. You should assume every word out of her mouth about this guy and those messages are lies.
So just end the relationship already. Get your situation sorted out, block her and walk away. Which you should have done the first time.
You know this is not acceptable in committed relationship so call him out and hear what he has to say so you can take your next decision of ending things with him over this. He is doing everything possible to get into her pants and with time he will be able to have sex with her so no need to wait for that to happen rather break up. It does not matter how you found this out as you had your suspicious and that proved right so all you need to do is prepare yourself to confront him. You can ask him to read this post of yours and comments that this post gest so he can understand how you did not do anything wrong and who he is the one who ruined relationship of years with you.
Honey. I did this when I was 17-23. Dated the same man for six years, and only when I left FOR REAL, he offered to “actually” tell everyone. I went to his soccer games, stayed in his house secretly, wasn’t allowed to post photos with or of him (let alone take pictures WITH him), and joined his family for holidays as his sister’s friend (who didn’t even know). I look back and literally cannot believe I put up with that. My self esteem was low. My trust for him was high. My need for love was extremely high. But my respect for myself was non existent. Love yourself first. Put yourself first. You deserve someone that jumps around to show you off and hype you up.
For what it’s worth, he had a serious girlfriend during our “relationship” that I didn’t know about. He was 7 years older than me so it was easy to hide from me as we did not have the same friends and he blocked me on all social media. He’s now 35, never been in another serious relationship, lives with his divorced 33 year old brother, and just got his first real job a few years ago. I did better. And so can you.
Well, you can either get over it, or you can break up. It's not like he can un-have the sex, and you weren't together when he slept with someone else. So you either learn to accept that it happened and move on, or recognize that you can't move past it and break up.
Check for devices under car
This is bizarre, even more so considering the ages
I dunno, coming home to your wife and a friend and the first thing you say is “I'm sorry, I have a headache” could be misinterpreted badly….
She saying that’s you setting boundaries is a manipulation IS a manipulation on her part.
Stick to your guns. I don’t know what she wants from you but if it wasn’t relationship then why acting like a couple building a family.
Although I want to ask, what if she found someone who she can hook up with, will that be okay with you?
You're right, I'd say but I am biased. My spouse habitually leaves chapstick in his pockets and I do all the laundry. Ruined more than a few clothes with lip balm stains after they melted in the dryer.
Say you are at work and out AirTag at his best friends house.
I don’t have funds for help. Friends are not an option. If he knew I was even reaching out to strangers he would threaten to throw me out. He’s got the upper hand. He can hire lawyers. I’ve got nothing. The idea of him trying to take my baby sounds like death to me. She’s my while purpose.
We have been together since we were teens I wish it was easy for me to just let it go
Honestly, wearing shoes in the house would be a dealbreaker for me, hardwood floors or not. But that's just the way I was raised, and my strong concerns about hygiene.
If you've been living together for 5 years, and only 'now' bring it up, I can understand his frustration too. How long have you guys been living in the new appartement? Is getting different, easily cleanable floors an option? Or maybe you wearing some sort of (soft) slippers to keep your feet clean? But yeah, the fact that the floors get dirty is a problem as well. Can he at least sweep his shoes thoroughly at the front door mat? Would that help some?
She might be asexual, pretending to be into sex, until they feel secure in relationship. Regardless sexual incompability is a good reason to break up. Lying about her libido, and pretending to be into sex earlier is also a good reason.
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My boyfriend knows I struggle with my body image a ton. I’ve been working out a lot and he never bothers to encourage or compliment me on my body or how I’ve been working on it. He also makes “jokes” about my body as well.
I decided to get some lingerie and I was excited to try it on for him. When I walked into the room he barely even looked and then he started laughing. I kept asking if he liked it and he said he did.
I was hoping he would seem surprised. Maybe touch me. Compliment me. But he only said something after laughing when I asked if he liked it. And he didn’t say much more.
That very much upset me. I’m not a huge girl but I struggle with my body a lot and he doesn’t ever really make me feel attractive with all his little “remarks” he makes and then him laughing when I showed him my lingerie really tanked my self worth even more. Made me feel like a joke.
So I need advice on how to handle this. I did talk to him about it and all he said was “I said you looked good” but he never said it in a sincere way. He doesn’t seem to know why Im upset. What else can I do to communicate why It upsets me because he doesn’t get it.
TLDR; Boyfriend made me feel bad when I tried on lingerie and I dont know how to make him see the issue after communicating.
I'm the only one who utilizes the tools that the therapist gives us, and I'm the only one in individual therapy working on myself.
Im sorry yall are going through this. Just sit him down and tell him honestly how u feel. That u are fine with how things are. It's not the end of the world u didnt get married on some set plan. Life happens man.
I hope things get better. But you guys need to communicate properly. He probably thinks ur just saying something u dont mean. Men can be very very hot on themselves sometimes.
You clearly can’t handle rejection. He clearly knows you can’t handle rejection. He clearly tried to reject you in the least triggering way he could think of.
If you go to his parents you’d better be prepared to be openly, possibly hostilely, rejected. You think a 15 year friendship is more important than a 9yr old marriage and sharing a child. It’s isn’t. The fact that you can’t and won’t accept it that is more than enough for him to phase you out of his life. Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if he goes completely no contact with you should you go to his parents.
What makes you think his parents would side with you over their literal family anyway? You think they want less contact with their grandchild? I mean let’s face it, when parent divorce and split custody it impacts how much the extended family see them. They’d go from every Christmas with their grandchild to every other Christmas – and that the best case scenario.
You clearly struggle with understanding the importance of family, so I say all this to you because I’m betting his parents, and him, do not value your friendship over all the other bonds I’ve mentioned. Moreover, I say all this because you clearly think that there is only one possible outcome if you talk to his parents: that they take your side, intervene and things go back to suiting you. In reality you’re likely to be met with open rejection, because in reality you aren’t as important to that family as you think you are.
Unless you want to be cut off completely and permanently I would suggest you say nothing, and start building a life without your best friend. You sound lonely and desperate, you’re motivation seems to be about your own sense of importance – not any altruistic wish to help you friend with an “abusive” marriage.
Move on. Everyone else has.
Takin it slow is the right step here.
Keep with therapy and if you are not ready and its causing you anxiety then its not time for a relationship yet.
The self confidence problem will come out in ugly ways if not dampened.
The thing is, those other 3 weddings? They already happened. Your wedding can’t change the past.
And the tradition of gift giving at weddings in general? That’s a mountain, not a hill, and using your own wedding to “take a stand” against the entire institution of marital tradition— as though it will make a single drop of difference in summiting that mountain?— is like… idek…
Is it possible you’re not as ok as you think you are with the big wedding, and this morality thing is just a safer way to say you’re scared/not ready?
I personally agree, in terms of genuinely valuing people/time together above all else, and that expectation around gifts makes me profoundly uncomfortable (personally), and troubles my heart (for anyone I care about to feel as though I could possibly require some thing ‘more’ than… them, the “obligation on my behalf” part truly sucks!!)… but. This day isn’t just about you. Or even your wife. It’s also about the people who love you guys, all coming together to celebrate your love, and if it makes some of those people happy to bring or give a gift, then maybe just consider that your gift to them!!?
Bc really, as it stands, the point I hear you trying to make (that of normalizing people vs things) is likely to get completely lost in the discomfort/awkwardness around those who want to and can give not being able to, and those who can’t being told they’ve created enough fuss to derail your whole wedding!?
If you’re meaning what I think you are, then being gracious really IS the biggest stand you can possibly make… By saying in truly respectful terms and with the warmest of affection “I love you, and if it’s a burden or an obstacle for you to wrangle up a gift, or even simply to attend, I’d move heaven and earth to have you with me, and I’m angry at the world in which you might ever question that. So please, be alongside me/us, and feel no shame or guilt for anything at all, unless you secretly hate me and have never had the guts to say so. In which case, I might not move quite as many heavens nor quiiite as much earth to have you by my side on this one special day. Maybe if you secretly hate me, you could do me the favor of talking to me (but not until after the wedding, ok?), and if you don’t, and you spend your whole life hating me while pretending to like me, then maybe it’d be ok for you to feel a little bit of guilt, only for having made yourself endure the intolerable just to spare my feelings. Otherwise, we’re all good, come and party! Even if you can’t afford it! Because I CAN, and I WANT to spend this time and this money to be with you so badly I considered torpedoing my literal wedding in a misguided but totally sincere attempt to make the world a fairer place for you! Yeah? Yes? Ok!!”
no?? why would it be
Why is it different because she slept with a woman? I've always hated that line of reasoning
What? You can't accept someone stating facts? You bullied, coerced your husband into an open relationship. I only hope that he wakes up soon and dumps your selfish arse!
Is it? Women don’t tend to watch exploited men get broken and used by sex work to cum. This tends to be a male activity.
Men don’t say shit about is when they can’t have sex with us…. They kill us. They literally kill women and put us in literal garbage cans. It’s not women who are mass shooters because they are virgins.
Men created this economy, they fought for the right to create and sell porn and make money off the bodies of the women THEY USE. And then they CRY because watching the woman so much they can’t cum without it.
I don’t feel bad. This is on you. It’s all your (mens) fault. And it can be fixed but men are usually too weak to fix it. Ironic
You guys are not compatible and I can't see that changing.
Sorry you went through this. Sorry you're still that your family are behaving in such a bizarre fashion. Could it possibly be that your family has a bit of misogyny about it? Are there any religious fundamentalist issues at play here? Because otherwise I can't see how anybody would take the side of somebody who's hurt their child over their child. That's just not okay. It would be tough but I would distance myself from anybody who puts this guy's feelings above yours.
Tell them that if they don't cut contact with him, you will simply have to cut contact with them, because it hurts too much to see him with them.
Yea it’s challenging for me to not see the situation as sexual.
They met less than 10 times. They are strangers. Now you force your kid to live! with him and like him? That's horrible parenting.
How do I approach this? I took pictures of the message chain on my phone so I have them as proof, but I have no idea how to go about this honestly.
Has it always been this way or has it been this way since you guys got into a distance relationship?
It doesn’t matter what’s going on with him. He didn’t respond to you, and you need to respect that and do whatever you have to do to get him out of your head! I wish you luck!
I'm trying to focus on my family,
You have your head on straight, and you've done so well through very difficult issues. Proud of you!
There's nothing good in that letter. Nothing that will heal you or say what you need to hear. Stick it in a box in storage and some day when you're 80 years old and it's a rainy boring day, pull it out so you can say, “Thank God I never bothered when it mattered!”, then drink some tea and forget about it.
This should be all you need to decide.
I know you’re right, I’m gonna have a conversation with her tomorrow. Fuck man.
Well said, sound advice. Easier said than done but I think I agree 100%. I guess I'm just much different than her, and wouldn't ever consider doing something so wrong. However if I had I know I would certainly be remorseful, ridden with guilt and more than apologetic. My biggest issue is that it seems to not even feel bad about what she has done, the background between my friend and sister is a story in itself, yet she still had no issue doing it. If she was never caught I don't think she'd even care about how gross it is, and how badly it hurt more than one person. It's as if she didnt do anything wrong, let alone even care how much she hurt me by doing it. I guess I just saw her differently than she really is, and now that I'm out and about with her she is calling me out for hearing I'm flirtacious with other girls when I'm just having fun trying to not think about how hurt i am.
My body got the ick about having sex with my exhusrband waaaaaaaay before I realized I didn’t love him anymore.
That’s not what they’re insinuating at all ? don’t twist it the wrong way. They’re just saying that having excess fat can put more compression on the vaginal walls and change its shape/sensation slightly. Also excess fat can be stored in the pudendum/labia majora, which might cause a tighter sensation/extra stimulation.
Saying that is definitely not insinuating that smaller women are “looser” ?
Actions speak louder than words. It’s not a small thing. If he was really interested then he would make an effort to come to you. What would happen if you quit going to him? Never settle.
You have over two decades to find someone. Go focus on building yourself up. Your work, health and hobbies. When you are ready again. You will know.
Once you are more able to create a life for yourself, you will also be more attractive and have better options.
and question why he isn't dating someone closer to his age
That's probably just another lie.
Well if he’s coming at you accusing you of texting all of your past lovers, that’s just his mind playing tricks on him. He’s probably triggered by this and having a tough time expressing himself, or he’s really insecure about it (and to be honest, I don’t blame him).
You keep saying as time passes, your reason for doing it makes less and less sense. That tells me you just wanted to open that door with this guy again, but now logic has kicked in and you can’t understand why you did it. I think you should try working on that but for yourself, but don’t tell your Bf that. Just promise yourself you’re going to get this guy out of your head for good, and then I think you’ll have a bit more sympathy for your BFs position.
All you can really do is apologize, make it clear you didn’t text all your past lovers, just this one guy. Tell him you just didn’t fully think it through and you’re sorry, and then give him time.
Right and then you should understand it makes 0 sense to do that to a situation, that's described in less than 5 lines. Obviously the clearly abusive relationship you went through is horrible, but it does not seem rational to compare.
Wanting transparency when it comes to exes is not the same as abuse.
Is she serious? If she wants another ring then she should pay for it. You will get bugger all for pawning the ring. She chose her current ring, does she think she can keep changing it when she decides she doesn’t like it anymore? It’s absurd. She wants 3 rings before you are even married. I’m about to upgrade my ring to my second for my 20th anniversary. You need to evaluate if you want to marry someone that can’t stick to a decision because this has red flags all over it.
I was married last August, 31st. Earlier that month, two of my friends went into labor and delivered healthy babies. I am happy for them and ofc I knew they were pregnant (and the due date) when I planned my wedding. But since the date did fit us perfectly, we didn't change it. I told my friends about it and wished they could've come but in the end, it was okay. I respected their wish to get used to their new family situation and they respected my wish to have the wedding as my husband and I please. Lots of other family members could make it. Nobody was hurt and my friends and I plan on meeting soon (they live! in a different country). Funny tho, now I am pregnant 😀
Meh… like I said
Please go back on your birth control
Woman here, same age as your wife. I'm about to be brutally honest here.
Sounds like there's an emotional disconnect that's impacting your sex life. Emotional intelligence is HUGE, and I think you're projecting your insecurities onto her. She's gaining independence and you're basically jealous. You likely know you've been falling short in some capacity, and seeing someone else treating her with care in a way that you haven't been threatened you.
How's your task balance at home? Are you taking notice of her interests? Are you still expecting her to do the same amount of load after work or is there balance? There's a lot at play here, and after literally years of being home you're going to have to give it more time for adjustment. Focus on the emotional side and physical intimacy will follow. But I can tell you that nagging about lack of it will get you even less of it.
She is adorable thank you for posting
Speaking as someone going through a divorce because of ENM/Polyamory, I recommend ending the relationship for good. You’ll only be doing this for her, which is what my husband did and lied about what he wanted for almost 3 years.
I personally wish we had broken up two years before he had the courage to tell me the truth about how he felt so neither of us wasted that time and continued to hurt each other, because now I have resentment for him due to his lying about what he wanted, and he resents me for “forcing him” to do things he acted like he wanted to do but in reality he didn’t.
Good point. Stay cordial with her but at a distance. Thank you man, I just have to stop slipping and be loyal realistically
That is my assumption because I don’t know why else his ex gf would have such a big problem with it, for her to jank him away by his arm. And he kinda made a gesture that I understood as grinding, but that could be misunderstood by me.
I would deff handle that situation very differently. But since i have not experienced a situation with him like that, there has not been a direct cause to have a conversation about boundaries when it comes to fysical contact with others.
I absolutely want to get to know her better. We where actually supposed to hang out in a group of 5 last week, but she ended up canceling.
I guess i do want to know if they where grinding, and if he thinks that is oke to do with other girls (infront of your gf). How would you start a conversation like that?
Hun don't get back with her, she's not the one and she's not worth it. And I'm pretty sure she got the abortion because the baby wasn't yours and she didn't want you to figure it out now she wants the baby because she wants to trap you and it's not because she regrets it
Looks like you are the third wheel. Don’t be the third wheel.
He don’t really care about others and don’t really like people but still he loves you so it’s kinda nice
Adoption is not always a great answer. So many childless couples are desperate to fill their empty wombs and the trauma associated with adoption isn’t discussed but it’s extremely important.
Reading your post made me sick. I can imagine how real it is for you. That would 100% be a turn off for me too. Reminded me of a time this girl tried to kiss me to we can do something sexual but after the kiss I was not aroused bec her breath was funky AF. She ended up crying bec I turned her down. And I felt horrible. Of course, I never explained why but never spoke to her again after that.