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He is NOT religious… I should point that out
It doesnt make sense why u cant be there.. does she not know about u?
it sounds like he is just to overwhelmed at the moment and really truly needs to be alone. two full time jobs is to much, he is working 16 hours a day!! he doesn't have time to pee let alone give you any time. he is mentally and physically exhausted. give him the space he needs I know it hurts because you love him, but if you really think about it you will discover that the relationship was over a long time ago, and both of you had been going through the motions. I know your entire body hurts right now and I am so sorry about that. take time to greave the loss of this relationship be sad, angry, depressed. you will slowly start to feel better it will take time.
He’s been honest with you which is always the best way. I’d rather people be brutally honest with me than lie to me. Make the effort to loose some weight and everything will be all good.
You have trust issues and rightfully so and your GF is waving the red flags. Talking to a lot of guys all the time. Acts secretive about her phone.
That is not normal. If you did the reverse to her she would be 100% on you about it.
Things have not worked out for me with past partners due to mismatched sex drives. I could go without for a very long time. My current bf says when we move in together, he will want it multiple times a day. We have not been in a situation to test that out, but I know it is not a realistic expectation for me. We are two years in. Better to talk to her now than later.
Run
I'm very much like you in the regards. But I would be willing to bet we don't even make up half the dating/marriage population in our way of viewing things with our partners physical appearance.
Sorry I should have cleared this up. It’s complicated to explain, but I’m not suicidal and apart from this I am happy and stable. I know how it looks from what I wrote but haven’t touched drugs since my attempt. Which has been a year. This relationship is the only problem I’m facing in my life at the moment and I just don’t know what to do regarding it. Didn’t mean for it to make me sound unstable and drug addicted. If that makes sense. I would just like to hear people’s advice regarding this situation.
These words means a lot…truly thankful form the core
I’m more so concerned they’ll talk to each other about it you know? But maybe I’m overthinking
Why does her behavior have to malicious to be unacceptable? Her behavior is selfish. It isn't how someone ready for a serious relationship behaves. She is not being a partner to you. She needs to go to therapy and work on her trauma. Her trauma doesn't make it okay for her to hurt you.
UGH, my man you should never have married her. Dating is an audition for marriage and your wife clearly didn't pass the test and you still married her.
Divorce her and find someone who matches you. Most of the comments here are shaming you and suggesting counselling but I disagree. You sound like you are truly done and over with this relationship.
Make a swift, clean break. DO NOT have sex with her after you break up, not even if she wants it then (especially not if she wants it).
Get a divorce and go be happy. Life is WAY too short to spend even a moment in a joyless, sexless relationship.
Ryan this you?
He kinda did belittle me tho.. I left it out of the post because I didn’t think to put it, but when I told him I want him to lust over me like he used to, he told me I would have to “work for it.” Aka I have to change to get that back.
You said it “physically” not mentally, just because “the age of consent” exists doesn’t make this right
I never believed it was likely she could be talking to other guys till last month. Since then, she just gets easily mad or upset when something she does upsets me. I’m tired of all this but I also don’t want to lose her.
Lots of comments about male vs female and how this is abuse, but if you’ve been together this long and it’s only happened once, I see it as horrible emotional regulation on a particularly trying day. How she follows up with you after is what will be most telling – did she apologize? Did she show remorse? Understand that it was not a healthy reaction? Does she have plans to stop it from happening again? Those I think are what you should be looking at more than just your initial reaction.
Thank you, we are focusing on that!
First, why is it a poor decision? He’s cheating. He’s also lying about it because he’s cheating, I don’t care why he’s cheating, but if he was “making up scenarios for fun” he would have been discussing them with you as part of plot points and laughing over absurd language. (“Oh, Mr Amazon Man – can you help me, please? I can’t get my package out of bush!” Or something like that.)
Next, you are so unhappy you are crying every day and getting therapy. Stop crying and get a lawyer.
Would it be strange if I (we) switch the gym and loosen contact with her?
Try this: you know I love you, your family, your sister, and the lake, but it’s very important to me to spend my birthday with my friends and family too. How’s about we alternate years?
If it’s (do not add the word ‘more’) important to you to be with your sister and family on every birthday, how’s about I meet you at the lake the morning after I spend time celebrating with my friends and family?
You aren’t compatible.
Her desire to wait is fine and valid. Your desire to not wait is fine and valid. What’s not fine is staying together so early when you’re not in alignment.
Since you’ve just left a dead bedroom relationship, it seems too risky to start a relationship with someone who may also not share your values about sex when you can’t actually explore and assess that compatibility due to their boundaries.
Tell him, “Bye, Felicia”…and step….I wouldn't doubt he'll come running back…. DON'T give in. Sometimes these dogs NEED to Know who's the Leader of the Pack ?
My problem is that she’s always kept her phone close and is kind of weird about it. She keeps a mental health journal in there so I respected that but its weird.
We have each others phone passwords thiugh
Hell, I fantasize about people other than my partner myself so clearly I'm not judging the act itself, but it's beyond stupid to TELL your partner that. What purpose is that supposed to serve? Being “honest” when there's literally no benefit to it and all it does is make the other person feel bad is not a virtue.
Maybe you should ask your mom? Only an idiot would do that.
I really hope it’s a surprise party for you and this is part of an ill thought plan.
How much more of him being that way will you take?
Did it ever occur to you that maybe this is who and how he really is?
Or that he wants you gone? For whatever reason?
Yeah, from the first bullet point. Controlling and abusive. Might wanna talk to a therapist and get some supportive friends/secretive ways to talk to them and see them that he doesnt know about, jic. And I mean methods of talking to them, if you dont feel comfortable lying about whether or not you have friends/who is your friend, don’t, might make you safer or less safe depending on the situation.
And above all else, be ready to leave when you need.
Oh…. That sucks. You should probably move on
Focus on your Mother. Period. You are going to have a very rough road in front of you. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
See, your partner most probably tried to test and see if he'd prefer sleeping with someone else, or letting one last nut go before committing to you. Which to some people is 'reasonable'. But it's not. So come to terms with it first. Talk to him separately, do it at a time where you won't be in shambles if you have to see your mom.
Cut it when you can do it clean and cold even if you have to detach emotionally.
Tell him you need a month away from him to focus on your mom or something. Have a friend you can confide in who can keep your secret.
I love the blunt honesty i actually appreciate it 20x more than real life ppl who dance around all the shit trying to comfort me
you're not required to help your girlfriend as her full time caretaker. It's clearly taking a huge toll on your health and mental health and it's not fair her family forces everything on you. You're very young and should be enjoying dating in your mid 20's. If you love her and she loves you, she'll understand. You stated at the end you cannot continue so toughing it out is not an option. Again, you're not obligated to take care of her but to be her boyfriend.
Yup, most people will. If it’s a boundary for you that’s fine, but this appears to be born out of a breach of trust. Therefore this isn’t really about the porn it’s about your broken trust in your relationship. Your partner isn’t saying anything to make you feel better and I’d suggest finding a new partner is the best outcome here, but you need to appreciate you now need to work on building your confidence and trust in others, otherwise you’ll feel like this again and it won’t be your new partners fault.
Yeah. When I think rationally, I tell myself that is she is not interested in me then that’s it. I should not be wasting my time crying everyday for someone who is doing just fine. But then I remember all those good days.. the memories in which we really had spent really good times together. She was really caring and thoughtful about me. All those small gestures that I still remember vividly. But yes, the past is past.
Debating whether to pull the card, there is no going back after that if I’m wrong.