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He has shown you who he is, believe him. He is a child, no mature adult acts like he acts. Unless you want to be in this situation for the rest of your life, you need to leave him.
Terminate the lease in your flat and move elsewhere, JUST you to a different flat, terminate your relationship along with it. Resist all his attempts to convince you that he is changed etc., you know it’s all lies, the proof of that he’s already shown you.
You know what you need to do, you are probably already thinking it, you probably made the post you did to get assurance that what you want to do here is the right thing to do. Well, you have it. You can do way better than him, and you will. Be strong, you can do this.
she thinks the child should live with me first and she “comes” after our situation is fixed.
She's right.
Your girlfriend understands that your relationship with your daughter must take priority, and that is a very good thing.
what can I do?
Start taking responsibility for your daughter. You need to take time to get your life with her sorted out because she is the one who will always be there. This includes arrangements for things like school or childcare that do not rely on your girlfriend in any way.(This is for your daughter's sake, so her life does not become disrupted if your relationship with your girlfriend doesn't work out.)
Once you have that figured out, then you and your girlfriend will have a better idea of how she fits into the picture.
where I on-line nobody has a kid this young and people usually wait until their 30s so I feel a bit like the odd one out, and I’m scared people won’t accept my kid
My friend, I hope this isn't the reason you have for not bringing your daughter with you, because you may be young but you are certainly old enough to know better than that.
Hate to tell ya….but heard of similar. And its still going on! I think were at 8 years hahah. Luckily it's “harmless” as in I don't see her doing anything harmful to anyone…but yes of course it's nuts.
Hopefully it stops one day lol
You're not the girlfriend. Sorry.
Oh buddy, they're dating and you're just paying the bills.
I think you’re focusing on words when you should do that on how he thinks and his lack of empathy
Hence why I mentioned him not giving you attention , you loosing weight etc I get that but in all of that it still all about you!!!!! You wanted something or somebody to make you feel good! In the end you accepted antention from a random. It was never about him just you wanted to feel good. Learn to make yourself happy!
Well the only thing that helps me is I ask myself “Is this feeling linked to reality? Does my fear have anything to do with real possibilities? My feelings are real but are they about things that are really happening ?” It’s a nice tool I learned along the way!
Ask yourself “I know my man and I know how he treats me. Is the anxiety based on what will probably happen or based on fearing the unthinkable?” If he’s more likely than not to simply pull out his planner and check is availability to drop you off, then this tool might be for you!!
It’s not a fun way to be but it gets better with time. Being the “anxious one” has also gotten me out of jams where I was the only on to spot bad situations.
Another tip; do the things ASAP as anxiety gets worse the more you think, and tends to vanish when you complete the tasks causing it.
You mean her cheatimg on someone she barely met, and does not love? Who cares. This marriage is done out of cultural pressure not love, and trust anyway.
It is possible they could build those things, but that is a story for the future.
OP answered most of these questions in their first or second posts.
Can you say more about that? I mean i don’t know who he’s actually playing at the moment because there’s nothing going on with us other than professionally…but i can’t imagine his new wife being ok with that if she knew.
Go kiss her right now! Tell her how important she is to you.
Holy shit, that is insane. Holding an infant is necessary for their healthy development. It’s not “spoiling” him.
Your boyfriend is throwing red flags left and right. You are not benefitting from this man, and neither will your child.
Please, get out of this relationship.
I do try to lead by example, I never try to get her to order to salad I try to get her to go on walks with me all the time. I cook low carb meals all the time that she won’t even try, she will just run up to a drive through. Also a lot of this stems from us wanting kids soon but she has PCOS and the likely hood of her getting pregnant is incredibly low being overweight. But question am I trying to dictate someone’s life when expectations were set prior to marriage as far sleeping. I have issues with people that sleep all day because of my mother who slept all day and never took care of her kids, I know this is not her fault but I still ask her to sleep less. 8-10 hours a day is acceptable , 12-14 is just unhealthy.
And then as far as friends and hobbies go I have plenty of both but my wife also gets upset with me because I want to be on the go all the time.
You got the wrong post friend ?
I agree with you, Purrminator. He no longer feels safe in his own home. OP took that safety net away from him. Not sure if he'll ever trust her or forgive her. I really can't think of any scenarios that'd go in OP's favor aside from giving him space to cool off and think clearly. Respect his space, y'know?
It’s also impossible for me to tell, however, if she wanted confirmation she was still attractive after that night or wanted some type of validation – if asked directly, most people would deny that that was the reason while, while that actually being the reason why.
Our chemistry was great leading up until I was driving her back to her car and she went, “is this it for tonight?” Lol.
I think my interpretation is more likely, I don’t think she would ask that then 4 minutes later respond the way she did.
Is there anything else he lied about?
They are probably in different professions. A teacher is never going to make as much as a software engineer, for example.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
We’ve been together for 2 years.
UPDATE: thank you guys, I have enough to help me address this more confidently. Gonna talk to him today after work.
Starting off by saying I'm so grateful he took the initiative to plan something. That being said I had already told him recently
an idea I had of something I thought I would like to do on my birthday weekend that I didn't think I wanted to go to the lake
And that's exactly what he has planned. A lake trip. Granted, it's with a few extra activities planned, that I have wanted to do, which makes it nicer. But it's at his family's lake house, all of his family will be there and there's no room to invite any of my family or friends to come with us. And I want to celebrate with my people too. Also his sister and I have the same birthday so that kinda takes away from it feeling like my birthday as well. Coupled with everything else….. I love his family dearly, and I enjoy going to the lake with them, it's one of my favorite summer things. But it's just not how I want to spend my birthday at all. I'm a gross mess the whole time we're at the lake for obvious dirty-lake-water reasons, and I want to do something where I can dress cute and feel good, even if it's just dinner with friends. I’m kinda frustrated because I felt like I was being adequately vocal about my wishes it’s like he didn’t hear me. He’s a really great partner and is usually really good about this type of thing so idk what went wrong this time.
I don't want him to feel like he did a bad job of planning or anything, and I don't want to discourage him from planning things in the future but I just don't know how to handle this.
This is incredibly difficult and the fact that you are so willing to be this forgiving shows your great compassion and love for your wife. What you’ve done is biblical love whether you know it or not. I’m sure the immense love you’ve shown her will keep her incredibly loyal to you. Im sorry you guys went through this. It sucks to be human sometimes. Glad y’all are working through it and not taking the easy way out.
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This looks a like a good reason, just tell her what you said here maybe you could work on this maybe you will break up. I know it's not easy and the best thing you can do is be kind and respectful to her.
I honestly had to come to the comments to make any sense of what OP was saying. I could not read wtf ever that was.
But i agree with the general consensus OPs family sucks and he fucking sucks for letting them do this to someone he supposedly loves so goddamn much.
My husband would never let anyone speak to or about me the way OPs just glossing over his family's shitty behavior but he is no better for not growing a pair and telling them to fuck off.
And i hope he doesn't bring that but family is important bullshit… then he should break up with this poor girl because jesus I'd hate having these aweful people as in-laws.
yeah, that makes so much sense! Major life decisions will need more “discussions”.
Wow, what an asshole. “You’re being too sensitive” is the battle cry people who never want to take accountability for their actions. This could have all been cleared up with a good apology and a promise to never say that to you again…but that’s the route he avoiding like the plague, because it would mean he would have to admit he was wrong.
Keep an eye on this behavior, if it’s often (sounds like it has been around this issue) really think about what example you want your kiddos to have. Are you okay with teaching your kid that it is okay to speak to their partner this way, and avoid accountability?