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Cammin86, 32 y.o.
Location: North Carolina, United States
Room subject: O F in bio [4537 tokens remaining]
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Honest question…have you ever had a healthy sexual relationship? Because it sounds like you date men who use you rather than centering their pleasure in pleasuring you.
Yes you have. But you can change it. And you two can get back on track ☺️ It’s not lost yet.
I dont want to throw away 8 years and everything me and her have accomplished.
I'm sorry that happened. First off it seems promising that you are taking it seriously and being proactive about this. I hope you've apologized to your wife and taken full responsibility for getting physical.
That said domestic abuse is typically characterized by a pattern of behavior rooted in the desire to feel like you have the power and control in a relationship. If you genuinely want to nip this in the bud I think you should do some serious introspection about your relationship – do you feel like your anger was justified? Is there any part of you that feels like she deserved to be shoved? Do you tend to explode verbally if you don't get your way? Do you feel like you know what's good for her better than she does? Etc… Abuse is not necessarily physical and there are typically behavioral signs before it escalates to getting physical.
If this was genuinely a one-time thing that happened in the heat of the moment then it sounds like more likely that therapy with a focus on anger management would help. Also having some empathy and compassion for her – how did this make her feel? I imagine she's pretty rattled. I think it would help to show her that you take this seriously and want to make sure it never happens again by showing her the proactive steps you're taking eg finding a therapist, trying to figure out what provoked such a strong response in you and how to redirect that anger, etc.
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Therapy. 100%. I don’t think this is a compatibility issue.