I dated a 25-year-old woman at 19 and it was easily one of the worst decisions that either of us made. Not saying it will be the same but there are definitely going to be differences that you will have to overcome or the relationship will succumb to.
op is 33 and edited her post to take out a line where she said “if i” report him. at that age, i think this should all be super clear what she needs to do, yet she's getting antagonistic
He got you in his clutches. You live! with him you have no job and it seems like no way to buy yourself anything. That is the exact position abusers like. Don't ever let anyone control your life. I'm genuinely surprised he was able to convince you to not have a job. I hope you find someone who treats you better
This is why you A) Don’t ask for details of previous sex life of a partner. And B) Don’t go back to an old relationship or do the off/on thing. You get nothing but baggage from “taking a break”.
Your bf takes you for granted. Whether you can work it out depends on whether he is willing to put as much effort in your relationship as you. Care about you as much as you do about him. Treat you as an equal partner in life.
Obviously this require serious conversation to be had. Problem is you can't force him even to have this conversation. Unfortunately if he refuses to work on his issues you need to leave him. It will be much healthier to you in long term.
Okay besides making a drunk fool of yourself- your boyfriend doesn’t have your back about how your roommates/his friends treat you all’s property or you/him. Have a come to jesus meeting with them/apartment meeting. It’s better to get it all out and address your concerns in a sober civil manner.
He blew up about something and punched my mirror and broke it. I left to go to my moms. That same day he got on snap and was doing all kinds of stuff. That next afternoon my cousin sent me a screenshot of him trying to get with her. Sorry for the confusion. I feel like my thoughts are all over the place.
He’s of course “ a new man” & love bombing the hell out of me. He brought me lunch today and tried to talk to me again. I blew him off.
She’s pushing for a ring to lock in YOUR loyalty and commitment
That’s manipulative
She shuts down conversations with “that’s the past! Get over it! Your so mean!”
That’s manipulative
She blames her mental health diagnosis to avoid personal responsibility
That’s manipulative
This is a pattern that has occurred in past relationships that she continues to do.
She’s showing you who she is with her actions, believe her.
All the pretty words and declarations of love and guilt and promises of future fidelity are worthless when held up and compared to her actual actions
Her actions?
She lies
She’s sneaky
She’s self serving to the detriment of those she professes to love
She’s selfish
She’s disloyal
She’s manipulative
She blames her conscious choices on her diagnosis so she can absolve herself of responsibility
I’m guessing passing the blame is a regular occurrence also
SO what does she have going for her?
You are chemically attracted to her and have feelings for her
Sorry OP, but you can get over that. Don’t tie you life to someone who will bring untold suffering until you finally wake up, potentially after wasting years of your life.
or they finally do something completely unforgivable that blows up in both of your faces, and that’s after you’ve already tolerated more than you ever thought you would thanks to being completely desensitised to their ongoing manipulation and gaslighting
She’s not worth it. Don’t sacrifice your sense of worth for anyone.
And OP, as gently as I can say it, raise your standards for what you’ll tolerate.
He would be ok with not circumcising your kids if you do convert? That’s a very odd combination. Circumcision is an essential religious and cultural thing, and a pretty standard American thing as far as I know. While it can be done later, it’s almost like wanting kids yet wanting them to be disabled. He’s really not being honest with you or himself; you’re not compatible.
Let go. Seriously? Do you really believe she’s be with you if you didn’t buy her stuff? There are a lot of pretty humans. The really beautiful people are those who don’t think that their superficial beauty gives them the right to treat others badly. She is treating you like her own personal ATM. Run.
Wow she thinks you are dumb enough to be on the back burner while she tests out other relationships. Kick her cheating ass to the curb, STAT. Emotionally cheating is fucked up and now she wants you to just wait. Stop trying to kiss her, she is a horrible person. Those 7 years literally mean NOTHING to her. She is a selfish person, clearly, she doesnt understand because she doesnt give a flying fuck. Move on from her. Do not support her financially at all, dont buy her food, cut her off. Hell dont even talk to her unless completely necessary.
On way out so quick one here, but had to drop a comment. He's seen you have a major glow up and he's afraid that you'll think you're better than him and leave him. Everything else in your life has been found dissatisfactory and upgraded so it's natural that he'd feel this way.
Sadly he's not spoken to you about that fear and has instead thrown a lot of accusations so that one of two things will happen. The first is that you immediately backlash against those things and cling closer to him because you need to prove you're not a cheat. The second is that you leave him over them and he's less hurt because he pushed you away and also gets to look for sympathy because he was “right all along” about you leaving him. Which one of those is true is something only you can really know.
Either way he needs to grow up and accept this is you and what you're doing now and stop being threatened if he wants the relationship to continue.
Is it? I used to rent a room out of my house. Had several grad students roll through over the few years I had that house. I wasn’t friends with any of them. We’d sometimes eat meals or watch TV together but it wasn’t particularly intimate.
It's not silly, trust me. I don't have the same kind of anxiety as you do, but I do have issues with socializing. Your exact situation wouldn't bother me too much, but if my anxiety was like yours, I can definitely see myself coming to dread these events, and eventually feeling trapped and, frankly, unloved and unimportant. I know my fiance would never do something twice once I told him it hurt me. And these events are hurting you, albeit not in a physical way.
You do what you feel safe doing, but please don't excuse your issues as silly or selfish. They are valid and important to you, and they should be valid and important to your fiance.
Thank you for all of your comments so far! Though I can only read a small portion of some as ig the moderators or something is deleting them. I have no idea I never use reddit! I'm most likely going to end it though. Hopefully I can heal from all this insecurity soon.
So you're just his time void fill until someone come up to ask him..great catch
I dated a 25-year-old woman at 19 and it was easily one of the worst decisions that either of us made. Not saying it will be the same but there are definitely going to be differences that you will have to overcome or the relationship will succumb to.
Oof. That I didn't know.
op is 33 and edited her post to take out a line where she said “if i” report him. at that age, i think this should all be super clear what she needs to do, yet she's getting antagonistic
He got you in his clutches. You live! with him you have no job and it seems like no way to buy yourself anything. That is the exact position abusers like. Don't ever let anyone control your life. I'm genuinely surprised he was able to convince you to not have a job. I hope you find someone who treats you better
Oh, she knows of the dangers already but i still prefer to stay close
This is why you A) Don’t ask for details of previous sex life of a partner. And B) Don’t go back to an old relationship or do the off/on thing. You get nothing but baggage from “taking a break”.
Advice; break up and move on.
Your bf takes you for granted. Whether you can work it out depends on whether he is willing to put as much effort in your relationship as you. Care about you as much as you do about him. Treat you as an equal partner in life.
Obviously this require serious conversation to be had. Problem is you can't force him even to have this conversation. Unfortunately if he refuses to work on his issues you need to leave him. It will be much healthier to you in long term.
For doing the same thing she did? Crazy
Does she cheat or just thinks it would be fun. I think anal would be fun. Wife doesn’t but I didn’t leave her.
Don’t go to therapy with someone you suspect is manipulating.
Okay besides making a drunk fool of yourself- your boyfriend doesn’t have your back about how your roommates/his friends treat you all’s property or you/him. Have a come to jesus meeting with them/apartment meeting. It’s better to get it all out and address your concerns in a sober civil manner.
He blew up about something and punched my mirror and broke it. I left to go to my moms. That same day he got on snap and was doing all kinds of stuff. That next afternoon my cousin sent me a screenshot of him trying to get with her. Sorry for the confusion. I feel like my thoughts are all over the place.
He’s of course “ a new man” & love bombing the hell out of me. He brought me lunch today and tried to talk to me again. I blew him off.
This is a big reason.
She’s pushing for a ring to lock in YOUR loyalty and commitment
That’s manipulative
She shuts down conversations with “that’s the past! Get over it! Your so mean!”
That’s manipulative
She blames her mental health diagnosis to avoid personal responsibility
That’s manipulative
This is a pattern that has occurred in past relationships that she continues to do.
She’s showing you who she is with her actions, believe her.
All the pretty words and declarations of love and guilt and promises of future fidelity are worthless when held up and compared to her actual actions
Her actions?
She lies
She’s sneaky
She’s self serving to the detriment of those she professes to love
She’s selfish
She’s disloyal
She’s manipulative
She blames her conscious choices on her diagnosis so she can absolve herself of responsibility
I’m guessing passing the blame is a regular occurrence also
SO what does she have going for her?
You are chemically attracted to her and have feelings for her
Sorry OP, but you can get over that. Don’t tie you life to someone who will bring untold suffering until you finally wake up, potentially after wasting years of your life.
or they finally do something completely unforgivable that blows up in both of your faces, and that’s after you’ve already tolerated more than you ever thought you would thanks to being completely desensitised to their ongoing manipulation and gaslighting
She’s not worth it. Don’t sacrifice your sense of worth for anyone.
And OP, as gently as I can say it, raise your standards for what you’ll tolerate.
No one could hear anything and we were confined to seats, so it’s not like I could talk to those outside of who was sitting next to me
You are shaming me and not him for taking advantage of an open relationship
He would be ok with not circumcising your kids if you do convert? That’s a very odd combination. Circumcision is an essential religious and cultural thing, and a pretty standard American thing as far as I know. While it can be done later, it’s almost like wanting kids yet wanting them to be disabled. He’s really not being honest with you or himself; you’re not compatible.
Let go. Seriously? Do you really believe she’s be with you if you didn’t buy her stuff? There are a lot of pretty humans. The really beautiful people are those who don’t think that their superficial beauty gives them the right to treat others badly. She is treating you like her own personal ATM. Run.
Wow she thinks you are dumb enough to be on the back burner while she tests out other relationships. Kick her cheating ass to the curb, STAT. Emotionally cheating is fucked up and now she wants you to just wait. Stop trying to kiss her, she is a horrible person. Those 7 years literally mean NOTHING to her. She is a selfish person, clearly, she doesnt understand because she doesnt give a flying fuck. Move on from her. Do not support her financially at all, dont buy her food, cut her off. Hell dont even talk to her unless completely necessary.
There will be no answer that makes you feel better. Just leave and close that door.
On way out so quick one here, but had to drop a comment. He's seen you have a major glow up and he's afraid that you'll think you're better than him and leave him. Everything else in your life has been found dissatisfactory and upgraded so it's natural that he'd feel this way.
Sadly he's not spoken to you about that fear and has instead thrown a lot of accusations so that one of two things will happen. The first is that you immediately backlash against those things and cling closer to him because you need to prove you're not a cheat. The second is that you leave him over them and he's less hurt because he pushed you away and also gets to look for sympathy because he was “right all along” about you leaving him. Which one of those is true is something only you can really know.
Either way he needs to grow up and accept this is you and what you're doing now and stop being threatened if he wants the relationship to continue.
Why would this not be an instant deal breaker?
Is it? I used to rent a room out of my house. Had several grad students roll through over the few years I had that house. I wasn’t friends with any of them. We’d sometimes eat meals or watch TV together but it wasn’t particularly intimate.
?♀️
That’s true. Thank you
It's not silly, trust me. I don't have the same kind of anxiety as you do, but I do have issues with socializing. Your exact situation wouldn't bother me too much, but if my anxiety was like yours, I can definitely see myself coming to dread these events, and eventually feeling trapped and, frankly, unloved and unimportant. I know my fiance would never do something twice once I told him it hurt me. And these events are hurting you, albeit not in a physical way.
You do what you feel safe doing, but please don't excuse your issues as silly or selfish. They are valid and important to you, and they should be valid and important to your fiance.
Thank you for all of your comments so far! Though I can only read a small portion of some as ig the moderators or something is deleting them. I have no idea I never use reddit! I'm most likely going to end it though. Hopefully I can heal from all this insecurity soon.
What's the boyfriend's stand on this?
I made the mistake of going to a flyers game while in my sharks jersey ONCE…
Do you know if she has social anxiety or depression? Sometimes I act just like this usually when I am in a bad mental bout.