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Your parents are rude judgmental people.
I think you need to tell them, in plain words, that you love him and are committed to having a future with him. That you demand they stop saying mean things about him and stop trying to get you to end the relationship.
Thank you for your added information.
Was really thinking it through what you are saying. It is not a good situation you are in. Under normal circumstances I would have said divorce. Sadly I think that might still be a possibility.
I noted some additional issues. It is great that you stopped being a doormat and have started being clear on what you want. It is though worth remembering that this might be the reason why your wife might have added to her current mental status towards you. If she is used to having you say yes to everything – people can take this negatively and a sign of lost feelings.
So it is possible that there is an explanation for the trigger. She gets upset and runs to her brother for confirmation and support. I think her behaviour towards her brother smells like she is trying to punish you for having changed. Lack of sex is a classic way of punishments as well.
This said. Start getting support. Check with a lawyer/ what is the best way to get rid of your BIL. It sounds a bit like he has a room in your garage. Find the legal situation and get him out!
Otherwise you are just going to sit with him forever. You are not your BIL keeper.
If she tries to kick you out – do NOT move. You have the right to stay – he has not. Remember it is in his interest to stay as long as he can – and so long as he is there – your relationship with your wife will never improve.
Second – check the rules for divorce – I know you might not like it – still it is better to be prepared as she will for sure threaten this.
Communication. I agree it is good that you have started standing up for yourself. Communication is not just about making things clear – it is also a negotiation.
I would say that if one can get your partner to set rules for how to talk (open, honest, tolerant, respectful and KIND) and start having regular meetings (or dates) and start talking about small issues that need to be solved – one can start building trust and a clarity towards each others expectations to each other, to one self and to the relationship.
The problem you have is your BIL. With him around you can not solve things.
I had to scroll down way to far to find this comment. The lack of her to be able to communicate to her partner it a massive red flag.
The silence treatment and with holding affection it a worry.
Lost. There are no more marbles.
he is extremely jealous and territorial and is the only adult that's ever alone with my phone.
They are roommates then, but I would keep an eye on this because this could get complicated. People are a lot more fluid with their sexuality than the media would have you think. Most people according to the Kinsey scale and what I’ve witnessed in my own life, or somewhere in the middle and fluidly move back-and-forth.
I have a friend who swore he was gay, now has been married to the same woman for over 20 years and he doesn’t cheat They found a kink to work out what he needs. My point is just stay aware of the situation. If you’re friends with benefits, though, then you really don’t have an intimate relationship with him either you have a sexual relationship. He may be wanting more substance and not even realize it so I can see what your concerned now. I was missing part of the story.
A group text is not appropriate for that. Send out an email invite and just break everything down. “Here's what you'll need: (x,y,z). Please check the weather before coming to dress and sleep appropriately. Sat night we'll be having a potluck so please bring something, otherwise all meals are on your own. Please also bring your own alcohol. If you can carpool, please do.”
I hate camping, esp in tents. My dad has a sleeping bag thats a nice super warm one, but we don't have a tent. I would imagine the inexperienced people may only come for maybe the day one day or stay for one night. I certainly wouldn't stay overnight but I might come for a full day and leave after dinner, depending on how far away it is.
I agree you're making this a bigger thing than it needs to be. An email is fine, nobody wants to be in a group chat of you planning every detail with different people.
How many posts you make? The 2.7 years together is a unique detail…
In the vanishingly unlikely scenario that there is some identifying mark and they notice, just say you bought it on Facebook marketplace for like $5. Its not a stretch for someone to have picked up the rug off the street, cleaned it and then sold it through FB marketplace, just a funny coincidence that they sold it to you
Like others said: Lawyer up first.
First person you tell is a lawyer your wife doesn't know about.
Second person you tell is who your lawyer tells you to tell.
Third thing you do, and this is key, is whatever your lawyer tells you to do.
At no point do you “confront” your wife before you've talked to a lawyer. At no point do you talk to your parents before you've talked to a lawyer.
Depending on where you on-line, as I understand it (NAL), how you handle this could be the difference between you splitting assets 50/50 or you splitting assets heavily in your favour.
It´s good that you do not have children with this unstable man.
nah you're splitting hairs. OP asked an apparently harmless question, harmless only if the true answer was “yes this was a convo between me and my Dad”. Since the true answer was “no actually I saw this joke as a tiktok video”, the seemingly innocent question was a gentle way of letting him admit the truth. In other words, OP was calling him out, albeit in a roundabout way.
Looks like there are 12 people upvoting you who are also incapable of understanding this nuance. Faith in humanity dwindling rapidly here.
sometimes its as simple as “she likes the attention”
If you have addressed it and there is no change than she does not want to change
You sure know how to pick them…
So why is OP's boyfriend some special type of man who can't go without porn? All the things I said still apply to him just as much as any other man. A
Men do often seek “validation' on line with zero intentions of cheating. It's super common. BUT it leads to temptation to actually cheat. He was away for the weekend so if he wanted to actually cheat presumably he would have unless the girls turned him down. Did they?
I would leave him and consult a lawyer ( tell him you ARE divorcing him) but be open to reconciliation in a month or so if he puts the work in. You cannot let him get away with this, he must believe its over or he WILL do it again. Good Luck 🙂
First, decide what you want from this relationship.
Then, find out if he's interested in having that with you.
Actually wait first first stop checking other people's snap scores get a grip how old are you?
I got really sick and developed tinnitus so bad last year after getting horribly sick with a bunch of other things but point is I lost my entire hearing for a few weeks all I could hear was noise. Nothing over it. Couldnt tell anything apart. Im 23f and this was about 8mo ago and i just remember sobbing around others telling them i couldn't understand what they were saying. I was hospitalized at the time which just frustrated the doctors and me because I couldn't hear over the machines or hall noises. It was a nightmare I didnt think I'd recover from. I have so much respect for anyone with any kind of hearing issues. Its very hot and frustrating for everyone. I still have a lot of issues ear and health wise and understand where you're coming from.
Personally I invested in a few varieties of ear plugs for people with hearing sensitivities. I still can't hear straight or focus if more than one thing is going on. (Never an issue before). The ear plugs have helped. Its like one for complete notice control, one is for helping tune out things to have a conversation (which I use in lecture since im finally in my first semester of grad school), and one I use for more public settings (like grocery shopping) that help me tune out a better variety of unwanted noise. Im sorry your wife is getting frustrated. You two can't swap shoes to know how the other is dealing with this.
Id get checked for tinnitus and other hearing issues with an ENT at least. Ive been told mine may or may not get better and may or may not go away but they may be able to help with a game plan and treat your infection.
I think either you have a serious conversation with him or you give him a taste of his own medicine.
I feel so shitty right now
LMAO. This is what people like you always do. Someone has a different opinion from you and you call them crazy. That's speaking volumes about you, not me.
I've been in a relationship for 4 years. And no, I don't fantasize about people other than my SO because I don't need to. I already have what I want. If I lived in Hawaii I wouldn't be dreaming about living in Greenland if Hawaii is the place I want to on-line.
Anyway, that's besides the point. Everyone is different. But if I found out my husband was still fantasizing about his ex who dimpedyhim decades ago? Hell no, hard pass.
You may actually want to get psychiatric help yourself. Running around calling people crazy for no reason is not healthy.
Leave. Even if things work out again, you'll never completely trust her or look at her the same way ever again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
My other half has recently gotten back into playing FPS games on the Xbox and it really helps him switch off from the stress of work and other shit going on. He doesn’t play a ton but I wanted to try it to see why he likes it and even though I’m crap I can 100% see how anyone could get so into it. It’s one thing if you’re not pulling your weight in a relationship due to gaming but if it’s just what you do in free down time then I don’t understand why it’s an issue.
You’re probably not completely very hot.
Please don't go back to jer she seems to see herself as above you and your ex and that's not kool. Just because she looks good doesn't mean her heart is good she seems kinda shallow.
You should work on you and be who you are happy being nothing more and definitely nothing less.
Good luck! I hope whatever you do you are happy.
I think the biggest thing here, if you plan to date someone in their early twenties, is that you need to be prepared for them to change, potentially a lot. I personally am in a relationship with an age gap of 20 years (I'm 30sF, he's 50sM) and I know he's my person, so I'm never going to be outright opposed to an age gap. We've been together for six years. That said, I think it is very different for people in their early twenties, simply because change is quite dramatic between 20 and 30, possibly more so than any change you'll experience later in life. I think you're right to be a little wary.
Women always know ?? I knew immediately after 5 years. He kept denying also so I had to check his phone behind his back.
I made a statement and offered my advice, you criticised me. There is a difference.
Yes, I do believe there is value in my statement, even if you don’t see it. I’m not talking one to one with the OP, others read it too. Many men are more likely to empathize with his story, and then think it over.
OP like I said there is only so much you can do.
Your partner also has to put in the effort to to be better at communicating.
I have a saying.
The bar is so low it's in a sub-basement of hell. And men still be bringing shovels to dig under it.