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There are people with whom it's very difficult to communicate because of how they respond or don't respond in relation to how you yourself communicate. You can work yourself into a really bad place by continuing to demand of them what they can't or won't give, or by justifying your own inaction with the fact that the “necessary conversation” hasn't happened.
You can keep waiting for this fish to learn to ride a bike so he can ride the straight line you really want to see, and hope he does. I wouldn't expect you to be happier than you are now.
You're not going to get the conversation you want or need with this man, at least partly because you're not willing to say what you want to say, and I can only guess why that is and there are many possible reasons, so I won't even try.
But you've already seen what he does in life. Now you understand the context in which you found him–too late. Turns out that ex- never was just a crazy bitch; at least not just. Because now you understand the ways in which her ex (your bf) is crazy making.
So the question is what do you do? Which hard thing do you want to do, on-line with this current situation (and more) indefinitely, or until he breaks up with you (imagine being dumped by this guy), or end the relationship and see if you can create happiness for yourself.
What I'm saying is, how compatible you are might be somewhat a different question from whether or not you're happy, and I'm not suggesting you chase happiness, because that doesn't work. I'm asking you to consider the sources of unhappiness in your life and whether this relationship is one of them, and if so, what you're going to do about it.
It's possible you'd be unhappy anywhere, or that you're amenable but shit happens and who knows, maybe breaking up with him leads to a series of unforeseeable and unfortunate events, and you'll be unhappy anyway. No one can answer that, but if you think you have it in you to be happy but for this guy in your way, get away from him.
I believe it, I have several stupid ass ex friends who would do exactly this and act like they deserve metal for 'trying'. Guy, after, guy, in and out of their life, abuse after abuse, those poor kids never stood a chance cause 'mommy' is too busy jumping any D that pays attention to her. (I have some anger over the bs my exfriends put their kids through, yes i called CPS several times). Many of those kids go NC once they get older.
The funny one was the one where all of her kids made a speech on moms wedding about how many men passed through their lives. How they just thought this guy was just another in the rotating door of men mom brought home. They ended the speech by all congratulating him for 'being the one that stuck around'.
He's trying to figure out who he is. He can't do that within your relationship. Cut him loose so he can.
You can't stay in a relationship with someone who isn't completely honest with you about what they are going through and who they are having sex with. Cut him loose so you can find someone like that.
This may be a late-breaking orientation or kink, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's a lot of shame and stigma attached to it. He shouldn't be beat up for that. But he should be criticized for going about it the wrong way – dishonesty and violation of monogamy without consent.
I don't buy the 'once a cheater, always a cheater garbage'. It's simply not demonstrably true in real life. I also think people freak out over cheating much more than they need to. People on-line messy lives. Many people cheat. It's not right, but it's very human. But people who are cheated on have three basic options:
break up with cheater. forgive cheater for one time cheating and break up if it ever happens again. open up relationship.
Under your circumstances, No. 1 is the best option for you, because his cheating is exploratory and likely to continue and may be what he really wants in life; and because this really isn't what you signed up for- its a fundamental incompatability, and an irreversible loss of trust. His exploration of sexuality or kink isn't about you. But his dishonest mishandling is. Go your separate ways.
I agree with you. I should have been better and I want to be. I agree that it’s definitely something I needed to work on. I accept my role in it I just want to try to fix it and try to start a healing process. I know I made mistakes and I want to be better and I know I can be.
That's true, but the way the post is written by OP is completely dismissive of the little girls existence, when she was a part of OP's extended family. That's more cruel, imo.
At the very least, you'd think OP would mention some semblance of concern for the girl while also addressing her own concerns (reason for the post), and the post reeks of “I couldn't care less about this kid, don't fuck up my vibe”.
You can stand your ground while also having a little contrition for a little girl that seemingly no one wants.
i really wish people would stop recommending the love languages book, it's been thoroughly discredited as a science and is full of some pretty bad advice
None of this is romantic. Your bf is manipulative. A bf who manipulates will use nudes against your. If you send him nudes your next posting will be wondering how to handle your bf forwarding and posting nudes. Also if you VPR Scandival – Tom allegedly recorded Raquel on FaceTime W/o her consent so be careful with that as well.
None of this is romantic. Your bf is manipulative. A bf who manipulates will use nudes against your. If you send him nudes your next posting will be wondering how to handle your bf forwarding and posting nudes. Also if you VPR Scandival – Tom allegedly recorded Raquel on FaceTime W/o her consent so be careful with that as well.
I am torn between heartily agreeing and throwing up.
I think your bf is mean to you. The things that he is telling are “rules” are not rules. He doesn’t like it when you ask questions because he doesn’t like answering them – probably because he’s lying to you – like yesterday.
Really think about whether you want to be with someone who excludes you from a lot of his life for no reason.
Jeezuz, thats the size of an arm FFS! What the hell is she doing to her insides? And whyyy!? Is she broken or something?
What a wonderful comment. 🙂 Your gratitude puts you on our list for the most grateful users this week on Reddit! You can view the full list on r/TheGratitudeBot.
YTA. Yes, you are tripping. She’s not trying to rekindle shit bro, she wants to see an old friend while y’all are in the same city after almost a decade of not speaking. If you’re that insecure that you’re expending all this time and energy on making her into some villain who is going to 100% cheat on you when all she’s asked is to invite an old friend to hang out with your group, then you should really redirect all of that energy to getting into therapy and work on why you can’t imagine a woman having a platonic male friend.
Anyway, any advice?
Well, it seems like you're already dating or in an “unofficial” relationship with the things that you do. Ask her on a date!
Or you could do something else to test the waters. Do you have a smartwatch?
You: “Hmm, it's so odd.”
Her: “What is odd?”
You: “Whenever you're around me, my heartrate seems to go up.”
And then see how she responds.
(I know, terminally tacky….)
This too… eh.. not even really older but 29..
I'm very confused.
Nope. If he was flexible enough to reach so far down he wouldn't have to scratch n sniff.
You can only control you so make sure your civil during this nude transition. Pick a date for the first step and stick to it. Make it happen stop wasting her time and yours.