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What would happen if you set up a bank account and started having your wages paid into it, and told him to tell you how much he needs for bills and you’ll transfer that to him? Because he actually cannot stop you doing that. He doesn’t have to “allow” it. He doesn’t get a say. If he objects, look at him blankly and say “I realised how weird it was to be asking you for my own money, so I’m not doing that anymore.” It’s not a request, it’s a decision. What would he do?
What would happen if, when he stonewalls or ignores or eye rolls or tells you to shut up, you said “wow, that’s disgustingly rude. I think you should come and apologise to me when you’re done acting like a sulky teenager and are ready to explain yourself”. What would happen, if you told him “you are not to tell me to shut up. You can say you need some quiet and could we please talk later, but you are to ask, politely, not instruct. I will not be spoken to like that.” What do you think he would do?
When he doesn’t cook for you, what would happen if you said “hey, I don’t like it that you don’t make me food when it’s your turn to cook. From now on, if you’re cooking, you need to make enough for all of us. If you’ve decided the rule is that the adult who isn’t cooking doesn’t eat, then I won’t be cooking for you either.”
I have a feeling his reaction to you doing any of those things might be really quite bad. Can you articulate what you think he would do? Are you scared of what you think he would do?
I’m going to be straight with you – this dynamic is financially and emotionally abusive and extremely controlling. This is not how normal relationships work – not just not all but not most or even many. This is incredibly weird and really alarming.
I think if you were going to test any of those ways of standing up for yourself, you should make sure your relative who pointed that out knows to expect a text from you that evening and to come over or call the cops if you don’t get in touch. I think you should have bags packed for you and your kids, with everything you’d need (ID, medications, anything you’d be tempted to go back for) and a plan for where to stay.
Put it like this: your husband is supposed to love you. That means you are his favourite person; he should want to treat you better than he treats anyone else, but it sounds like he treats you worse than he’d treat a stranger. That’s not right and it’s not healthy.
From your explanation of everything, I'd not mention your theory but, at the same time, make yourself scarce the times he's around. There's no reason you need to be available for him. Leave. Take a nap. Or just not engage with him. When he smooches close, scooch further away/get up, etc. And don't feel bad whatsoever if he picks up on your avoidance. You are not who he's committed to; you are an acquaintance of his through his gf. You don't owe him your time nor flattery.
Man, I’m sorry, it’s not a fun place to be 🙁
How old are y’all two
He doesn’t fancy u enuf to bother with a second date. + love the word barcade…
“I buy everything for my kids” ….
I've been a family lawyer for nearly 2 decades, do you know how many times I've heard that statement…. More than I can count and it's always said by deadbeat parents who don't pay meaningful child support.
The mums should not need to call you to ask for necessities for your children you should be paying them minimum 1k a month to cover those expenses so they never have to ask. FYI I say minimum because really a child cost more than 1k a month.
I'm so glad you mum humiliated you. You need to grow up, if I could I'd award your mum a gold star and shinny sash for her efforts to knock some sense into you.
Yes, don’t waste your time… i have the same problem and he will never understand your feelings even if you will talk about for years
Yeah but how. I can’t move on from her idk why she’s always in my thoughts and Ik I can’t get her back but I wanted to let her know just in case she felt like shit or whatever or thought my feelings were fake. Ik I shouldn’t and I won’t but I always end up making the worst decisions. Anyways thanks tho mate I will try my best not to text her
Ah. So this is what that type of rhetoric usually signals? It’s truly breaking my heart. I hope OP gets to your post because the majority of the judgement she’s getting is vitriol. Unjustly at that. And if she heeds the majority, she’s likely to put herself in more danger.
I hope she can leave and be in a safer environment where she can best look after herself and her child.
Also BMI is slowly being phased out because it is not accurate at all. I was underweight at one point because I struggled with an eating disorder, when I finally put some weight on and felt good about it, according to my BMI I was still underweight. My doctor reassured me that I wasn't.
OP do not let your wife win this one, it's completely unfair to your mum who has achieved so much and got a healthy lifestyle back
If she somehow finds out you have been on dating apps, she will rightly think you are considering ending the relationship – or cheating. Don't do that.
Use other ways of making friends.
This seems like appropriate gym attire to me. Your BF is insecure and fears losing you to a gym Chad. I don't know if that is fixable or you are likely to move on.
I had an ex-boyfriend that did this exact same thing, and I got a call from his frantic mother because it was “all my fault.” I was stupid and told him we'd get back together for support, and he continued to cheat on me while threatening suicide.
One day I finally had enough, and I talked in person to a police officer. He took copies of the texts I had, so I wouldn't be held responsible if he killed himself and I wiped myself clean of him. It was the most freeing feeling to not have his life hanging over my head.
My therapist even told me that he was manipulative, and if I left and he decided to kill himself it wouldn't be my fault. She said it wasn't my job to be a “savior,” and for him to say such awful things to me he had a lot more going on than just losing a girlfriend. She made me realize how much he used and manipulated me into thinking I was his lifeline.
My advice is to never go back for “support,” because I went through the cycle more times than I'd like to admit, and it always ended up the same way. The second time I left was way worse than the first time, and it wasn't worth the drama it created. I loved him dearly because we were best friends for years, but I had to realize that the best thing for him was me leaving. Don't trade your mental health and happiness, because he's trying to manipulate you into coming back. Cut the ties and move on with the life you deserve.
It's been pretty split for.me. Some guys don't care at all and some get upset
& then you had 2 broken arms…..
Sorry, but you’re the dumb one here. Not your wife. LMAO.
Run. On the way out the door, Take his gun downstairs to his parents. Tell them that he isn't safe with it right now & he needs professional help. Then Leave.
This situation is beyond your pay grade and your own health and safety are at risk. He's admitted to abusing his ex deliberately. Run.
Did you read the post?
When people tell you who they are, believe them. It’s part of his character to yell and be cruel and abusive. Are cruel and abusive character traits you want in your long-term partner? If not, leave him.
School first. Always. You are going to be an entirely different amazing person in these three years coming up and even after. Your heart might still be aligned with his, and if it is then he will help and support your dedication to your career. Being a doctor is a badge of honor, service and hot earned commitment, he should be proud of you not diminish you for his own gain.
Mate…you are 19 FFS. You will not recognise yourself at 25, 35, 45 etc.
Do NOT sacrifice your potential career on the alter of young infatuation.
I met the Barenaked ladies once. However, I don't own yoga pants or drink wine.
I'm having an identity crisis.
She never told you about the trip until you told her you had plans that weekend, then she invited you after she found out you had other plans already? Tell you you can now go and see how she reacts.
You can meal prep on weekends. Freeze foods. Defrost and heat up. And don't forget to bill him the grocery. He's old enough to know that food costs money.
Please report these trooll posts so the mods can ban them.
What’s your BMI? How fast are you losing weight?
The fact that he tried using the whole “it'll bring us closer” bullshit is a huge red flag. It tells me he's manipulative and will twist feelings to get what he wants which is to just bang other women.
The concerning thing is her treatment of you and unwillingness to broach the problem. And you wanting to wait another week to ask what’s really going on.
What will you two do when a real disagreement or problem shows up?
This is not 35 yr old’s serious problem. It should be a discussion to learn if any changes or healing are needed.
ok so..
41 and 26? that’s squicky..
wait- 38 and 23 was your ages when you met‽
and he doesn’t acknowledge your concerns?
and you do all the work in the home‽
and you pay for stuff for him for his kids that he has responsibility for and you don’t‽
please don’t tell me his baby momma is under 30…
this screams abuse on many vectors.
unless you can share something that i’m missing since i know i’m a bloody fool that misses things, this looks like DTMFA territory.
i think most of sexual problem comes from men. premature ejaculation, unable to get an erection, unable to orgasm mostly linked to death grip, etc.
even if women unable to orgasm sometimes it's still the men's responsibility to skill up.
you don't specify what's the issue is, but if it's come from his side, he probably talk about himself most of the time. i know it doesn't justify his action especially when you're uncomfortable, but probably it can give you a little bit peace of mind cos probably he won't talk anything bad about you.
You did. Literally in your last comment.You said happy people don't gain a lot of weight suddenly (which she did). Followed by, she sounds unhappy with you.
Insinuating he is the cause. That's the only rational way to interpret that.
Now you're claiming he doesn't care about her mental state, which is obviously false if you've read any of his comments.
I’d find better friends. Hanging out with sociopaths who only interact with others as an attempt to get what they want out of them isn’t healthy or productive. Even if he makes you feel good now, in the end he can and will hurt you carelessly and without a second thought.
What a huge piece of absolute trash.
He's literally head over heels for her and she does this. How can people do such evil things to other people, I don't understand.
How can one be that enraged and demanding towards a totally overworked man, coming home at 2 am in the morning?
He clearly wasn't tired enough to go sleep immediately, instead went gaming the rest of the night.
Exactly. OP, at least stop lying to yourself here. You care sooo much.
Btw watching his screen like a hawk and physically trying to take his phone out of his hand, only to go all “i don't care” when he finally gives it, is also a stupid power move. Neither of you are ready for marriage.