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The best advice I can give is realize your fiancé is the best chance of information. Create an environment that is open for him to talk.
It sounds like there is a possibility that you are going to lose one of them using the same logic that justifies you being told. It was their fight and their decision. The likelihood you keep both is extremely small. Be prepared for that. There is also a chance you lose both, which might not be a bad thing.
I am sorry you are in this position. It is tough. My take away is getting information is the most important thing. Once you get it reflect how you should move forward on the way they presented themselves not the way you feel.
Well thats the thing i forgot to say but its a long distance relationship
You're being naive. You're smarter than this
Can you add paragraphs or a TLDR so we can read easier?
Yeah, that’s something you don’t do without permission. I’ve had GFs ask to be choked, slapped, and called names. Sometimes I just couldn’t do it. I needed to talk things through outside of sex so I had the boundaries in my mind. The fact that he did it when you said “no” is completely wrong.
Clearly he thinks it’s something he needs during sex. If that’s the case he should find a woman who likes it. Not force it on you.
I really have to wonder if you really are the age you claim to be.
No one will ever force me to go to à côté very I am not interested in at 36 and I certainly wouldn’t expect for anyone to come to a concert they are not interested in with me.
I agree
Do you what we call people who socialize and hang out with Nazis and just don’t bring up their sick and disgusting views? We call them nazis too, or nazi sympathizers.
Do you want to be associated with a white supremacist Nazi?
Also I’d phone CPS about the kind of material those kids are being exposed to. I’d also expose their beliefs to any employer to have too. We should never tolerate or be kind to Nazis because THEYRE FUCKING NAZIS
I think you missed the fact that OP is a he not she. This is 2 men in a relationship.
It’s called a healthy boundary.
He can choose to sleep at his ex’s. You can then choose to break up with him and get a new bf. You both have choices to make. Oh and when he gives you the line about not trusting him and thinking he’ll cheat. Correct him, tell him it’s about RESPECT and his failure to respect you and your relationship. Cheating has nothing to do with the conversation.
Cheating comes into the conversation AFTER he spends the night with the ex. But then you still won’t have to talk about it because he’ll be the EX then.
Worrying about you and caring about you can take a lot of different forms. What specific behaviors and actions can he do to show that he does worry and care about you? Do you just want to talk more about your plans/day, or is it more than that?
Thanks for your advice. I will definitely consider this, but the costs here are so high.. hopefully in the near future I will get to schedule an appointment with one. Appreciate you
Naw thats creepy, instead leave her a big pile of flowers, teddy bears, candy, balloons, banners, leave a cryptic note, and do it all at 3 am.
Just kidding.
bro leave her alone,
Sometimes people change after big milestones like marriage or moving in. I don’t see anything salvageable here.
Nope. Dating someone is not a promise to be responder their happiness and safety for the rest of yourlife. Get a grip! It's absolutely fine to date someone and decide they are not right for you. It happens every day, everywhere. Can you imagine if everyone who ever got dumped or hurt killed themselves? I'd be dead ten times over lol.
He's manipulating you. It's emotional abuse. It's also not your problem.
When I found myself forgetting to floss at night, I put a post-it on my bathroom mirror: “don’t forget to floss”. It’ll work, but he might find it patronizing.
If that situation isn't cool with you, which frankly I don't imagine a lot of women would be cool with, then you should end up.
Well…. there are two possible reasons for this.
A) He had suffered some sort of abuse as a child, and resulted in anger towards the whole world(Go ahead and ask me how I know. It's not a pretty story.)
Or
B) His brain is predispositioned to have some odd wiring, resulting in aggression he cannot explain.
Either way, therapy and a doctor are both needed. And unfortunately the only way he will get better, is if he actually WANTS to get better. If he doesn't, all your effort will be wasted.
Ask him if he wants to continue living a life of hate, because if he does, you can't live! like that anymore. And If he wants you in his life, then he's gonna have to put in the work to be better. Put the ball in his court.
The world is full of nazis, fascists and various other kinds of disgusting people that have hateful views to different degrees. Some of them sometimes end up being somehow connected to you, how you deal with that is up to you. You can't force adults to do much, at least not in the current political climate. Stop contacting them and make sure you vote on the right people in the elections, then carry on with your life.
Yeah…
My fiancée is an extrovert. I'm an introvert. I've definitely left early from things because she wanted to stay out with friends and I just wanted to go home and watch Netflix alone cuddled up in bed.
It's never been an issue. Sometimes I'll feel bad but I just hit a limit of how much I can interact with people. She's always understanding.
20lbs is nothing and if she has a small frame, she could have probably used the 20lbs. You should tell her so she can leave you and find someone else who finds her attractive.
If buzzword is the buzzword you used I am impressed. Very meta.
Yeah so I guess this whole thing is two parts. The first being him not supporting me on the race which has nothing to do with him running.
And the second part which is I feel he’s making my hobby about him. I guess because he comes on my runs but then runs just a bit ahead of me or a ways a head. Which makes me feel bad about my pace which in turns makes I’m not enjoyable. And I feel like if he was just running to spend time with me he would actually run with me. And if he wants to train nude, he could run by himself. Which would be fine! I think it’s just the disconnect that bothers me. Like he makes in seem like he’s doing me a favour my running with me but actually I never asked him to and he’s the one who’s taken my training plan and decided after I’ve been training for my planned race for months, that he would do something the same day. Like I’d be fine if we had said “hey let’s both train for separate big things that we will do on the same day”. But that is not what happened. Anyway, I appreciate you commenting on my post! It’s helpful to have to explain it and I value the points you are bringing up. ?
Cheaply plate it and donate to homeless shelters nearby. Convence him itll build more insta followers if thats the kick he needs.
Dude this sounds just like my ex with the hygiene double standards, never paying for anything and cheating. To a tee.
This isn’t a man. That’s a big man baby. You can find better out there. You’ll be happier over time when not with this troll weighing you down.
Tell her she stays home and takes care of her cat or you will leave the window open and the cat will go bye-bye ( don't do this, but rehome it). The cat deserves better than your shitty roomate.
There is also a market for feel-good stories about donating good food.
Yeah, sounds pretty much like borderline disorder.
You are ridiculously controlling and I hope your boyfriend away from you soon.
She has BV
This would be a relationship ender. Positive or not, you should leave him.
This might be completely ignorant of me, but is it possible this could due to a hormonal imbalance like postpartum depression or something?
If not, then she’s being incredibly cruel and rude to you. Either way, I would back off from talking to her until & unless she apologized profusely for what she said to you.
It’s not your fault if you have more charisma than she does, and if she’s jealous she needs to grow up and work on being more interesting instead of asking you to be less of a draw. Boring people are a dime a dozen, and it’s on her to not be one, not on you to join her if her own friends find her mediocre.
Fr.
“Did y'all really raise your son to cut and run if his wife gets sick? Because I just had a health scare and he told me straight up that he'll leave me if I have an autoimmune disease. Oh and apparently MIL, if FIL left YOU bc you got ill, that's somehow different than if I am ill. Just curious where he picked up how to conditionally love people in such a hateful and disgisting way.”
By the gods, that was a satisfying read!
OP, take note; this is definitely what’s going on and this child needs to be your ex!
I would have a serious sit down conversation, and tell her if you guys can not resume sex, and affection for each other, by counseling or other means you are gone.
There's a difference between actions taken before a relationship began and during the relationship. That being said, it's healthy to have discussions about these things early on so each person knows how the other feels.
I just don’t want to think about other things
Speak with the landlord and see if he would be willing to allow you guys to make some cosmetic changes that would suit your boyfriend and yourself better? Some landlords are willing to do this especially if it improves the quality of the places that they own. But quite honestly if this is going to be better for you and you're still going to be paying the brunt of the bills, then while it's nice if he would want to do it but I think in the end it's going to be your decision one way or another. And if he's going to sulk like a two-year-old, what else is he going to hold against you in resentment
I had a gf like this for 4 years. It was 24/7 me keeping her in a good mood. It was exhausting. It ended when she cheated because some random at a party showed interest in her.
In my experience, women like this, don’t give a lot of weight to a compliment from a bf. Because bfs are EXPECTED to compliment them. So your 1,000 compliments are worth one guy hitting on her. But if you don’t compliment them enough they get really insecure, depressed, or just mean.
Suggest she get into some therapy and then make her your ex-gf.
Naw, it's one thing to be coming off an addiction, but it's a real injury to steal someone else's meds. Of course, that's what addicts do, if they need to, so it's not surprising. What also isn't surprising is he may well do it again.
So I think you're right to break it off. Go stay with your mom, rest up, start life anew.
You need grief counseling and individualI therapy. Stop trying to control your girlfriends life.
Thank you! I’m actually mystified by these comments suggesting that there needs to be some type of “boundary” regarding masturbation. What?!! It’s his body! If he wants to touch himself he should be able to do so. It doesn’t sound like he’s whacking it every chance he gets or regularly neglecting their sex life so wtf is the problem? It’s actually controlling to expect your partner not to masturbate. She sounds emotionally immature.
I would be very concerned that the love of my life would keep something like that from me. I too would feel blind sided, and would want to find out her reasoning for keeping it secret all these years.
This isn't some random guy she had a relationship with, it's your brother.
I see some people justifying her cheating and saying it's because she's young. You guys are weird.
You are never too old. I would look into counseling since you said you have trauma. You may find that resolving your issues from the past helps you in your present.
How have you not talked about porn with your partner in 5 years?! That’s nuts. If I were you I’d seek premarital counseling so you can make sure you hit all the other big topics you’ve probably missed
Why do you think you have to talk to this young man several times a day? What’s the point? Aren’t you busy? Don’t you have stuff to do?
She's had a long time to deal with issues before divorce was threatened, you both did. Nice out, get custody and child support soeted, and stop this bullshit. Are either of you even thinking of how this is going to affect your kid?
Bloody hell, all of you need therapy.
Same here.
Does your coworker reciprocate this in any way? It sounds like you’re pining for her and give no information on her knowing or feeling similarly. But outside of that, relationships take work after so long to stay tuned in and excited. It’s easy to get complacent and lose track of excitement, and it takes active effort to get it back and maintain it. Ultimately do what’s best for you, take the gamble or don’t but staying with your girlfriend won’t solve the issues you’re having if you’re actively thinking about being with someone else and how much better it’ll be with them. The grass is always greener on the other side, so consider watering the grass where you are and then make a decision based on that.
How did she lie? He never asked the question. She withheld information that was technically none of his business.
I’d put the odds at an 80% chance that she’s “talking” to other men.
I’d put the odds at an 80% chance that she’s “talking” to other men.
Today i sat down with her, explained how i felt and showed her the conversation, and the comments. I went with the angle of i don't want you to cut your best friend out of your life I just don't want to be around this person at all thinking it would be diplomatic.
You gave this the best shot that you could. Unfortunately your ex revealed themselves to be a really crappy partner.
She is choosing John, not only over you, but also over some of her friends who've also had negative experiences with him. That's her choice, and her loss. I understand it doesn't feel like that right now, but you have absolutely dodged a bullet.
Try to take some control over the situation, is it practical for you to pack up her stuff and send it to her parents?
Now you've told him the first story its going to be so much harder to believe the second story
Regardless of his thoughts though it's best to get some therapy if you think it will help you
OP, you dodged a bullet. She put her relationship with this toxic sludge ahead of you during a crisis in that exact relationship. This tells you everything you need to know about her. Move on.
She's an askhole. She asks for advice but when given she ignores it. She's made her bed, let her lay in it.
Even if you (now) say “it's mine, no matter what”, without test there will be a subconscious doubt, slowly poisening your relationship.
My comment on her yesterday's post was:, either you're an aspiring bad rom-com author or you are surrounded by emotionally immature people. Now I read your points and I am thinking the rom-com.
No, I won't spend my life worrying about what strangers do on the internet.
She has already cheated or had a specific guy in her sights. She wants you to stick around just in case he doesn’t want her.
The diagnosis was atrial fibrillation.
The worst part is like I said in the post that I got so happy when she tried to reach out and I rejected her letting karma take it´s course. I don´t know why I congratulated her and sent her the message. I can´t make sense of why I did it. I somehow felt bad. And it got spit right back in in my face. I keep getting calls from hidden numbers and it´s most likely her from what I can tell.
It seems from how I interpret it, she still has not learned and will probably continue to do this with other patients and people. This was the first time I have ever cried in front of any girl. And it was two girls. I have not talked about this with anyone. You know, because being a ´´man´´ you´re not allowed to complain or show weakness.
When I said it´s affecting my life, some of my friends have noticed it. About two weeks ago in grappling class I went a little too nude in training and injured a friend of mine. I immediately apologized and took the rest of the class off. (These things are normal and I have also been injured by my friends) but I have known these people for years and they can easily tell when something is off and vice versa I can tell when they are feeling down.
I feel so emasculated and have little to no confidence anymore. I have revenge thoughts and I´m full of anger and rage every single day and I know it´s not healthy.
That is a MASSIVE lie. No way I could look my partner in the eyes and make my vows knowing I’m deceiving them by hiding the fact I slept with their brother. There’s no way a good and honest person could do that. OP, what else is she hiding from you?
I guess that’s the problem, I don’t feel secure bringing it up. I feel like she could leave or the relationship could get rocky if I did.
And I just didn’t want to go, I’m not a big fan of going out that often, and we’re semi long distance so it would’ve been that extra effort to do something I’m already not a fan of. She knows that since I’ve always been this way.
She started stating that she wasn’t really happy with our sex life as it was right now, and she was avoiding hanging out and talking to other guys fearing cheating on me. Then she rumbled on how she’s been thinking about this for a while, and wanted to talk to me about what would be my thoughts about opening the relationship.
You get to do the emotional lifting in the relationship and other guys get to have sex with her no strings attached. Sounds like a great relationship for you.
Wait a minute there. Having any friend over your house and drinking wine with them, NEVER ever entitles them to force themselves onto you, regardless of whether or nude you had a sexual history with them. Women get sexually assaulted by boyfriends and husbands all the time. Most women don’t assume their lady friends are there to try to fuck them or rape them either, with or without a past.
Yes I will have a serious conversation with her and hear her out, I’m glad this is not normal. Such a shame if she is still attached.
Thank you, I’ll check it out
Thank you, I’ll check it out
Then you call the police and move to another country.
You hit the nail on the head with the “too little too late” bit. It she’s decided it’s over and that’s what caused you to suddenly make changes then it makes sense why she’s angry. As it stands your best move is to figure out how to coparent effectively and help your daughter get through the divorce. Your soon to be ex has moved on, whether or not she slept with someone else she has made it clear she wants the relationship to be done and over.
“As a woman” He needs to GTFOH. aS a MaN, he should be building his woman UP not making her self conscious.
It is not your responsibility aS a WoMaN to do anything you don't want to do in a relationship in regards to your body.
I have chronic illnesses, rosacea and very sensitive skin. I can't shower for up to 3 days at a time depending on how bad of a flare I'm having.
My new husband gives zero shits if I smell like a swamp Witch, a pampered princess, or somewhere in between. From day one, he'd love on me, kiss me and initiate intimacy regardless how greasy my hair looks or if my pits are a little ripe under my deodorant. Because he loves ME.
You deserve better than someone that wants you to irritate your medical condition because he has hypocritical hygiene standards for YOU.
Please take some time to reflect if this is the only double standard in your relationship and how you feel about someone imposing their unreasonable standards on you for THEIR comfort, not yours.
Good luck OP
Don't equate his loss reaction to your validity. His ticker may be set to high selfishness setting such that every ending of a relationship, he writes off as the other person's character flaw. People who have that level of self-reflection and true regret for making mistakes are rare. They may muster an apology, but the true work on reparation never comes.
You don't sound defensive to me, and there's no need to apologize.
he has referred to me as being “surprisingly level-headed” for my age
This is basically the same compliment, only slightly less flattering. He might be aware that “mature for your age” is straight out of the predator handbook.
Do you have a therapist? If you wanted to get a therapist, would he encourage that?
I don’t know why grown ass women put up with men like this.
What do you consider an adequate apology?
If he isn't willing to admit thar what he did is unfounded, unhinged, and absolutely made him look psychotic, it isn't a real apology.
If he is unable to give you a good reason why he even suspected, it will happen again.
No I don't know her financial situation but most folks are not equip to pay those kinda fees on short notice.
She should certainly pay rent, maybe not market value but something so that the owner/OP's boyfriend has a financial safety net if something were to go wrong. I've lived in plenty of homes and trust me, eventually they all need repairs and upkeep, some more than others.
No, never assumed she is with the kids while you work.
You wrote that she cooks and listens to podcasts. What I did assume was that you wanted to finish work, start cooking while she spends time with the kids. So when are you spending time with your kids?
Ask him if they gave him a reason they left the date or didn’t go on another one. If he truly wants to know what’s wrong and how to improve himself, he should straight up ask (via text, of course). The ladies will probably give him a fairly honest answer.
What he does with that information is up to him. But he can’t claim ignorance after that point if he’s got some major, undateable flaws.
No, I assure you this isn’t a normal relationship dynamic.
Lots of people talk of “romance” when they think of gifts of flowers or candy, or dressing up to go out to a fancy dinner, or cuddling on a couch. “Romance,” therefore, isn't a vague term; it is something you can define by example.
Generally speaking, something romantic should be something that you willingly do because you know your partner appreciates it. If I cook my wife's favorite dish, that's romantic. If she kisses me the way I like, that's romantic.
The way your boyfriend seems to define it is “things that turn me on regardless of how they make you feel.” That's the problem. He is being entirely selfish in this.
Suppose there was something I really liked, but it was something my wife wasn't comfortable doing. Maybe I really like how she looks with short hair, but she prefers longer hair. Maybe I think tattoos are nude, and she has no desire to get one, ever.
I can ask my wife to do something I'd find arousing and exciting, but she isn't obliged to do it. If I think her getting a tattoo would be amazing, and she's not interested, that doesn't mean she isn't romantic; it just means that she's her own person with her own preferences.
She could show me romance in many ways, but if I focus on the tattoo she's not getting, and tell her she isn't being romantic because she isn't doing what I want, I'm being a selfish and abusive person. Loving someone, or being romantic with them, does not mean “do whatever they want even if you don't like it.” That's more like slavery.
There is a book, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, which talks about how to show someone you love them by showing it in a way that they can receive or “hear.” If someone has Words of Affirmation as their love language, giving them a small gift may not do much, but telling them “I love you, and I really appreciate having you in my life,” could be an incredible lift for them. The author notes that he vacuums the carpets in their home, because his wife's love language is Acts of Service; he doesn't get happy when doing the vacuuming, but he does enjoy how his wife feels when he does it.
It is important to understand, though, that even if you have a loving relationship with someone, where you can each give the other that loving feeling, you still may be fundamentally incompatible. Maybe one craves marriage, while the other has no interest in it. Perhaps one wants children, and the other doesn't. You can have significant differences in such key parts of how you see a happy life, and those differences can mean that a relationship simply will not work out. If one of you wants to have kids and one doesn't, someone is going to be unhappy no matter what happens, for instance.
Your boyfriend's desires are not, by themselves, bad things. But if he demands them, and says you don't love him if you don't do them, then he's being abusive, not loving. Instead, he should find someone who enjoys giving him such things, and saying such words. If that's so important to him, he has to make that a clear need of his up front.
It is wrong for him to demand that you do things you don't like.
Loving him doesn't mean you have to grit your teeth and do them anyway. Loving him means you let him go so he can find someone who can give him what he wants. It isn't a failure of a relationship to recognize such a difference. the failure is in demanding things and not caring how your partner feels about them.
Exactly this. BFF burned that bridge
You need to sit down with her and say hey We need a conversation and we need to find a resolution to this problem we're having before anything is going forward anymore. You need to tell me exactly what you are looking for or wanting and I don't know will also work but we're not going to just end on that I don't know. I am not going to keep doing this stupid childish back and forth of aren't we or are we with you anymore because this is something I would expect from a third grade relationship. I want a relationship with you but if you're not ready at this moment I'm fine taking it slow with you but YOU'RE not going keep saying today I feel like you're my girlfriend so let's kiss and do things and then the next day say you know what I want to step back we're just friends Right now until I find it convenient for me to call you my girlfriend again. If you want to be friends right now and take it slow, we can do that right now and when we both feel like the relationship is at a good point that we can have another sit down conversation and discuss moving forward with this relationship, then we can discuss if we're girlfriend and girlfriend again.
I have a feeling maybe its because were gay and this is her first relationship with a woman?
It's completely fine if she's a little hesitant, but she needs to understand that she doesn't just get to decide when it's convenient for her to call you Her girlfriend. So you can just explain to her like hey I understand this is your first gay relationship but I'm not your toy, I'm not just some NPC waiting for you to finally bestow the title of girlfriend on to me and just take it whenever you feel like it with no consequences. If you're hesitant and you still need some time to work out your thoughts and feelings, that's completely okay and understandable and I will wait for you (if that's what you want) but that doesn't give you the right to play with my feelings and treat this relationship like a piece of clothing in your closet and you're deciding what to wear that day.
Do I tell her I can't date her because we can't kiss?
I wouldn't phrase it like that because from the story it doesn't feel like that's the issue you're having, I just phrase it as her thinking she can just call you her girlfriend whenever she feels like it's convenient to her is not okay.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Hi so me and my Ex have been on and off for the past 4 years which means we've been together since freshman year we ended up moving in together a little after all 3 of us graduated. So now a little backstory leading to this break up I ended up losing my job and they had to cover my portion of rent for 2 months because it was around the end of the year and no one was hiring on but when I got a job Immediately paid them back in full but I guess me stressing over trying to get a job I didn't spend enough time with her which I understand but on the other hand everytime I tried I would just get asked about jobs and when I was gonna be working when I was trying and already constantly stressed about it so I distanced myself so I could try and focus on getting them paid back, well during that time she had developed freinds for our roommate who also happens to be her best freind. So one night while at work I get a text basically telling me I had a month to get out of the apartment and she didn't want to be with me anymore. I spent the month trying to fix things with her and get her back until my mom's house ended up getting damaged in a storm, which is where I was supposed to go stay but they ended up having to go to a hotel so I can't leave and she gets pissed and yells that I better find somewhere to go and that I need to leave HER apartment (both our names are on the lease the roommates is not) when I literally had nowhere to go so I refused to leave and stay a bit longer well he ended up telling her that he didn't want to be with her after all that had went down and now she wants me back and I do kinda want to get back with her but at the same time I just don't know if I can give it another shot especially cause I started talking to a different girl who is way more similar to me than she is but lives an hour and a half away so I don't know if anything would work between us. So now I'm stuck because I love my ex even after all that shit but i don't know if it would ever work out long term.
INFO: Do you feel that you have that support system in Dallas?
Wow, you're a terrible parent – shocking. /s.
What an uncomfortable amount of detail. Congrats tho?
Oh yea that was definitely a mistake on my part, I take full responsibility for that. What I’m trying to forget (or think about in a different light) is her not telling the guy’s girlfriend or not really feeling guilty about it.
This smells fishy to me. Try and recall the time he said he got assaulted. Was he acting differently? Maybe depressed, angry, anything out of the norm? I find it very very hot to believe that your husband just kept this under wraps until you brought up the fact that you may have an STI. Even IF he was maybe too ashamed to bring it up (and that's a big if) it still doesn't make sense for him to not at least get tested before having unprotected sex with you.
This story he conjured up makes zero sense to me.
I would get tested
We are going to the police to file a report on what happened, but I am finding it difficult to accept the fact that he possibly infected me with something without telling me. If anyone has any kind of advice or experience with this kind of thing it would be great to hear your thoughts, because I really don't know how to feel right now.
I think you're feeling the way you are because deep down you can smell that this is bullshit, and that you're being lied to. I would 100% press him on his story. Why didn't he report it to anyone until now? What was he doing at a random person's home ? Why didn't he get tested until now ? Has this happened before? If he gets super defensive/pissed you have your answer.
I'm really sorry about this OP, I wish you a quick recovery if you do end up positive.
Okay you are right! I mean him and I have barely dated for a month now (but have been the closest of friends for about 2 years). I know he is 100% invested in this but every time he mentions things related to her like “Oooh that sexual content game? Yeah I played it with someone” and a few things like these here and there about “someone” is a little frustrating. He even mentioned a few things in bed about it so this character creation thing was just a bit hurtful! I am too afraid to say anything because I know how their relationship went- they dated for a year, never had any concrete reason for breakup, and it took him 2-3 years to get over it. She was truly flawless and they had a very happy relationship until well she just said something about it no working and left.
It’s so uncomfortable. I have a terrible relationship with my dad, too which is ironic.
I go by, ‘If I couldn’t easily tell them every detail with honesty, I shouldn’t do it.’
You obviously do not completely trust her. You said in other comments that you are worried about her safety rather than her cheating. Are you actually afraid this guy is going to grab her in a stairwell??? Did she tell you that she is afraid of him or he makes her uncomfortable?
If she literally just mentioned that a coworker is texting her & trying to coordinate days in but didn’t say “and it makes me uncomfortable” or “and I want him to stop” or “and I’d be nervous to be caught alone in the office with him” then you have nothing to worry about.
This was a lot of overthinking. Your GF is a bridesmaid in her friends wedding so obviously she needs to go to that one. Either you be her date or go to your friends without a date. It’s not rocket science like how you wrote it out
‘Is there a possibility my boss (m50) isn’t a creep and means nothing wrong?….”
When a sentence starts like that the answer is always – they are a creep.
I’m a 45yr old guy. We’re well past the era where the older guys have an excuse of ‘in my day this was fine, what do you mean it’s a problem now?’ …. I saw some of them at the tail end of their career 20+yrs ago when I was mid 20s and they were in their 50s.
A 50yr old now is Gen-X and ALWAYS knows better, and know perfectly well what acceptable behaviour in the corporate environment looks like.
I assume spouses chill at the hotel or go do something and meet up after. Especially for those with kids, it’s a nice treat to spend the night somewhere.
Idk. I wouldn't want to be her in that situation. I know I wouldn't want to be that warm during sex because then all I can think about is how warm I am and can't focus on the task at hand. Honestly, I think you are only thinking about yourself and not about her. Like, I'm trying not to kink shame, but unless you're willing to wear a super warm puffy jacket while having sex to see how warm it will be, then don't put her in that situation. Sorry, but I only see male responses here. So this is my opinion as a female. If you want her to orgasm (and she should be every time) then no matter how much you want it think about how it will affect her ability to finish. It seems like you only care about what she can do for you. But what about her bro.. what about her.
I’m in sales so travel pretty often for company events. My advice is to treat your wife like a fully capable grown woman and let her make the decisions she feels is best for her career. Your job is to be supportive. If you suspect she will cheat then you have bigger problems to deal with.
Reacting to your edits, I'm also one that love to make thing in list and think situation will come down to these. In fact it will fail. You feel like this list will circle any situation that will hurt you, but it won't be. Love is sometime about being hurt. Even those that love each other's so much hurt themselves. What makes love being able to hold is just that any part of life you just make actions to make your GF proud, and your GF to make you proud. And yet, as you said in one of your thoughts, you can't be everything to her. If she feels like speaking of your relationship to some male, well, maybe she just need it. What does it remove to you ? Especially if she does this to solve an issue with you, then you win something at the end. Imagine also that she wants to go beyond some of these boundaries at some point. Well having those in place doesn't remove the fact you'll feel trashed. Those feelings are normal, its just your actions after them that count.
I definitely do notice those things more than her hair, I find her really attractive and tbh I think we’re both probably having a period week. We’re super emotional today, so it became a bigger issue and I think for her, the wounds her ex left are mostly related to not being considered attractive all of the sudden. On the other hand, my issues have to do with getting myself to understand I can’t ruin our relationship from one small argument so easily.
Take time to yourself.
Talk to family and friends, spend time with your child.
Do not go looking for a post breakup hookup, as you are likely to get another waste of space that you should never have gotten with in the first place.
Honestly it sounds a little too familiar as an ADHD person myself. I have meds that help me get stuff done that are impossible otherwise. Might be good to look into that.
Ask yourself this really quickly without thinking. If you have to choose between the two men, who are you choosing? Your gut answer will tell you what you need to know. You and a lot of people seem to think that an exclusive relationship is talking about sex. It’s much more than that. Who are you giving your time to? Who are you giving your affection to? Who comes first in your life? It sounds like you are giving your ex everything but sex and treating your BF second in your life.
You are having an emotional affair if you’re even considering leaving your BF over this. You are literally choosing your ex over him, first emotionally and soon literally. If I were you, I’d talk to your ex and explain what is going on. Set him up with people that can help him besides you, get him in therapy. Tell your BF what you are doing and give him a time frame in which you will step away. My guess is your ex if he’s really a good friend would hate to get in between you two.
It’s really not that big of a gap and what’s important here is you are both adults when everything started. As long as it stays healthy and you watch for any red flags I don’t see why any problems would exist.
I mean, you said it yourself, its been 18 months of hell that started with a traumatic childbirth. Imagine going trough year and a half of hell, and once things finally start taking a turn for the better, your partner goes “hey, lets do it again RIGHT NOW!”
So, sexually speaking, so you can have a better understanding (Aka so you can lie better next time), this isn’t something that would just happen, should physically couldn’t just grab a massive dildo and use it. It would take a lot of time and energy and practice, gradually moving up in sizing to use such a large toy.
I’m case you just didn’t mention this occurring and actually are really in this situation to some degree, ask her if she has any desire to have any other form of sex with you. She may enjoy fisting, perhaps with clitoral stimulation. Or she doesn’t ever want you near her vagina again, in which case, that’s rough buddy. 2 kids at 27 can be a lot. She could just not want whatever happened last time happen again, whether you think it was traumatic for her or not.
I wondered that, but whatever I said at the time was not crossing any boundaries. Whatever I said wasn't half as crazy as some of the things she has. Maybe I should wait a little bit and ask.
What do I do?
Not much, your only options are: stay with him and make peace with having one child, or divorce him and find someone else who is willing to have a second child. Pressuring someone who doesn't want a second child is not the right way to go about this, and will definitely lead to resentment, which is not the right environment to raise children as you don't want them to think a hateful relationship is the way relationships are supposed to be.
I'd suggest making peace with having one kid.
Throughout this thread, you have consistently & repeatedly attempted to put words into people mouths, and to misrepresent what people are saying. You have attempted to twist peoples words to make them appear to be attacks against OP.
No one here has told OP she deserves the comment. No one here has told her that she brought it on herself. No one here has just said “be more supportive”. No one here has given bad advice, or given harmful advice.
In fact, every single comment on this thread has been supportive of OP. Just about every single comment has recommended, at a minimum, that OP seeks professional help for herself.
You need to stop putting words into peoples mouths. You need to stop misrepresenting what people are saying. Because honestly, what you are doing is incredibly disrespectful to OP, and what she has gone through. You are trying to create problems. And THAT is not helpful. THAT is what is harmful here.
And also, I told her I don't mind or care at all if she wants to keep the photos of her ex on her timeline.
If its always you making the contact then it sounds a bit one sided. I would be cutting my losses hes clearly not bothered if you remain friends or not. Sometimes it's nude to accept that some things just aren't meant to be. I recently walked away from an avoidant personality and it's kinda funny because when he breaks up with me we stay linked, just go no contact this time I got blocked im guessing because I did the walking so even though they say “we will always be friends ” it doesn't always work that way chin up time truly does heal and who knows maybe one day he will reconnect to be a friend
I can't upvote or show OP how important this is. Please get a lawyer's advice first! Everything will come out in court if spousal support is on the line. And you don't want to seen as acting childish and mean.
She’s not on the internet or hasn’t set up i message?
This is why NFT's are stupid.
Ehh, I wouldn't go as far as to call you crazy, but it can be quite annoying. Just because he's awake doesn't mean he's free or have no other thing going on. He's probably just busy.
but one thing that’s important to me is to connect before bed and send goodnight/i love you texts.
but this is a necessity for me.
Does your bf knows about this 7/8 months prior dating you?
Damn, every dude beats it to porn. This mother fucker is next level. Should be getting an award for that creativity.
You might not be ready for sex if you can’t even write the word without trying to censor it.
This is why I always caution my kids to avoid an LDR.
I know this sucks for you, but she isn't your problem anymore, and you need to go NC. If you don't go NC and take her back, then any subsequent heartache and pain you suffer at her hands will be on you. You've finally seen what type of trash person she is, and no amount of past hardship in her life can excuse what she's done to you.
Hell you reacted much better than I would have, and I'm a woman XD I love my games and this is just downright rude and disrespectful. Get you a girl who'll fight Malenia, Blade of Miquella with you at her side. Or hunt dinos.
No matter the reason for the break up you should not give into emotional blackmail. If you show up it will signal to her that whatever put her in the hospital worked.
Dramatic. He would never do that. Not like him. He’s not *responsible for what he does while he’s drunk*.
He absolutely is responsible. He is starting a cycle of abuse. He’s trying to gaslight you into thinking its not as bad as it was. He’s belittling your emotions.
Do with it what you will but you know in your heart he doesn’t care about your wellbeing, if he did he would care, he wouldn’t try to sweep it underneath the rug.
I would be gone. Everyone saying “just talk to him” you can’t trust he’ll say the truth. Yeah he might not have meant it but that’s not a gamble i’d take.
Imagine putting the burden of giving your life purpose on a child.
Tell him, but don’t ask for his opinion.
This. Your body is not a democracy and he doesn't get a vote.
Tell him you're terminating the pregnancy but maybe if this works out and you're both in a stable relationship in a few years, you could have kids together and they'll grow up in a happy and stable family to loving parents. That's what you want for your kids and that's where you maybe end up together one day.